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    Rage Before Beauty

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA |

    Customer: “You’re too young to be wearing such nice jewelry.”

    Me: “Um, thank you?”

    Customer: “No. Seriously. You’re in what, college? You should not be allowed to wear or own such nice jewelry.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “This is an utter outrage. I want to see your manager!”

    This Shall Henceforth Be Called Squirrelling

    | Illinois, USA |

    (We had rearranged the store recently so regulars were having trouble finding things. One of our regular customer comes in, looks around confused. I walk up to them.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “So, where did you hide your nuts?”

    (I nearly explode trying not to burst into laughter as I show him where they were moved to.)

    Totally Scentsless

    , | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (I work in a store that sells lotions, soaps, and candles with different scents. Recently, one of the companies we carry had a new line of lotion that was named after fruits: strawberry, apple, and banana scented lotion. To promote the new line, we have a few jars of each scent on a table at the front with a tongue depressor in each jar so that customers could easily scoop out a little lotion to try. I’m stocking a shelf when an angry customer walks up.)

    Me: “Is there anything I can help you with, sir?”

    Customer: “I’m very angry with the product in this store. Are you trying to kill someone?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “That yogurt you have up front is not even cold, and it tastes horrible.”

    Me: “Yogurt? We don’t sell yogurt.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do. It’s on the little table up front with a spoon to taste it. The banana tastes like garbage and the strawberry doesn’t have any taste.”

    Me: “Sir, those are lotions, not yogurt.”

    (The customer gets a little flustered after realizing their mistake.)

    Customer: “You should really label it as lotion. It’s confusing!”

    Me: “It is labeled. See?”

    (I show the customer the huge sign on the table that says “lotion” as well as each individual fragrance saying “lotion” on the jar.)

    Customer: *leaves, mumbling*

    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    | Dewitt, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working an average rush hour at a large grocery store when I approach the end of an elderly woman’s order.)

    Me: “Okay, this will be $46.48.”

    Customer: *starts hitting card reader with signature pen* “Your machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you need to swipe your card before you can sign.”

    Customer: *continues to hit card reader with pen* “Your g**d*** machine isn’t working!”

    Me: “Ma’am, please stop hitting the machine. You need to swipe you card.”

    Customer: *throws pen at me* “Your machine’s broken!”

    Me: “It isn’t broken. You just haven’t swiped your card yet.”

    Customer: “Your machine’s broken! See?!”

    (When she flips the card reader around, it is indeed broken—by her, of course.)

    Related:
    Brains Over Brawn, Part 2

    You’d Need Nine Mouths

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

    (A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

    Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

    Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

    Customer: “A what?”

    Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

    Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

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