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    Either Way, He’s Talking About Nuts

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Customer: *with a thick accent* “Excuse me, sir?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Which aisle is the penis butter in?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “The penis butter.”

    Me: *blank stare*

    Customer: “Penis butter! You know, penis butter! Penis butter, penis butter!”

    Me: “Oh, peanut butter!”

    Customer: “Yes, pea-nut butter.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. It’s in aisle 5.”

    Customer: “Okay. Thank you, sir!”

    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees, Part 2

    | CA, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like to buy these, please.”

    (The customer is an older gentleman. He has five bottles of lotion.)

    Me: “Okay, let me ring you up.”

    Customer: *smiles* “One for each mistress.”

    Me: *laughing nervously* “Awesome.”

    (The customer winks and licks his lips.)

    Customer: “I can grab a sixth, if you like.”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Lather UpThe Employees
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    Cute But Not Astute

    | Brandon, MB, Canada |

    Me: “How are you guys doing today?”

    Customer: “Do I get a discount?”

    Me: “For what? Do you have a coupon or anything?”

    Customer: “No. I’m just really cute.”

    Now That Is A Wonder Bra

    , | Brighton, UK |

    (The ‘invisible bras’ we advertise talk about the see-through straps.)

    Customer: “I thought this was an invisible bra, but I can see it!”

    (She is pointing angrily at the black bra under her thin white top.)

    Me: *playing along* “No, miss. The invisible bras were the ones next to those ones. I don’t know how you didn’t see them.”

    Attack Of The O’Hooligans

    , | Foley, AL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you the manager?

    Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to complain about your employee in the jewelry department. She’s a hooligan!”

    Me: “Well, what did she do?”

    Customer: “Her hair is green!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s just for St. Patrick’s Day.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! It’s unprofessional and rebellious! It probably means she’s in a gang!”

    Me: “Very well. I’ll talk with her.”

    (The associate and I have a good laugh over it. She comes in the next day with her ordinary brown hair. The customer happens to come in, too.)

    Customer: “Oh, your hair is brown! I’m glad I was able to help you get reformed from your rebellious ways!”


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