Please Don’t Single Me Out

| Albuquerque, NM, USA | Crazy Requests, Love/Romance, Wild & Unruly

(I’m a Caucasian male with very curly hair in my early 20s on a register. A Native American female in her mid to late 40’s comes up behind me.)

Customer: “Oh, I love curly hair!”

(She runs her fingers through my hair with a huge smile on her face.)

Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “Uh…”

Customer: “When do you get off?”

Me: “Um, well I—”

Customer: “I just love curly hair. It’s so cute! I just love it. My ex-boyfriend only had straight hair, but yours is so much better.”

Me: “Ma’am, I really don’t think this is appro—”

Customer: “Are you single?”

(I press a code on my register for manager assistance.)

Me: “I’m flattered and all, but I’m sorry, I’m just not that interested. Sorry. I hope you have a wonderful evening, though.”

(Her smile changes to a scowl and she starts poking me in the shoulder angrily.)

Customer: *pokes me repeatedly* “What!? Why not!? Is it because of my skin color!? What do you have against native chicks, huh!?”

Me: “Not at all, ma’am, really! My first girlfriend was a native woman. I don’t understand why you’re doing this, and I don’t appreciate being treated this way.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s bulls***! You are all alike! You’re just a white, racist, piece of s***! I’m going to get you fired, a**hole! You’ve insulted me and you took my joy away!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve called for a manager.”

(She continues this profanity-laden tirade while the manager walks up.)

Manager: “What’s the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “Your cashier insulted me!”

Manager: “Alright, ma’am, what did he say to you?”

(I’m a bit nervous, to be honest. I’ve never received a customer complaint before.)

Customer: “He won’t go out with me! You’re the manager! Tell him to go out with me, or he’s fired! Can’t you understand?!”

Manager: “If you come in here and hit on our employees or customers one more time, you will be banned from the store. Get out, now, or I will call the police!”

Customer: *glares at me as she storms off*

Manager: *to me, jokingly* “So, how do you like your new girlfriend?”

(Apparently, this woman had come in several times and would aggressively flirt with white male customers and employees. So much so, that the manager staff were notified to be on the lookout for her!)

He Has An Alco-huh Problem

| Canberra, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(A man in his 40s walks in to the store. He’s carrying an empty 750ml bottle of bourbon, and places it on the counter.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this bottle of bourbon. It was off.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t refund that one as the bottle is empty.”

Customer: “But I even brought the receipt back.” *waves receipt*

Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry, sir. As the bottle is empty, we cannot refund it. If I may, sir, what made you think the bottle of bourbon was off?”

Customer: “I drank it last night and it made me throw up.”

Coworker: “I am terribly sorry for that, but what happened to the rest of the bottle?”

Customer: “I told you! I drank the whole bottle last night, and it made me feel dizzy and throw up! It was clearly off!”

Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet, Part 2

| Jacksonville, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I’m outside gathering shopping carts as it is raining. As I am headed back towards the store with the carts, I notice a woman walking towards the entrance on the sidewalk. The woman slips and lands on her butt.)

Me: “Are you okay?”

Customer: “Are you serious? You don’t have a wet sign out here! Let me speak to your manager!”

(We head inside, and my manager approaches us.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

Customer: “There are no wet signs outside this store. How am I supposed to know if it is slippery?” *storms into the store*

Me: *to my manager* “I didn’t know that I was supposed to put wet signs outside when it was raining.”

Manager: “You’re not.”

Related:
Caution: Wet Weather May Be Wet

Respect Your Zombie Elders

| Delaware, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a customer at a very popular superstore in my town. I have my five-year-old daughter in line with me. An elderly customer is in front of me talking to the cashier.)

Cashier: “Hello, how can I help—”

Customer: “How dare you.”

Cashier: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “How dare you wear that keychain!”

Cashier: “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “That!”

(The customer points at the cashier’s keychain, which has a zombie on it.)

Customer: “How could you support that man in Florida? He ate another man’s face while he was naked! How dare you!”

(The cashier is completely stunned, but my daughter suddenly steps up to the aggravated woman.)

My Daughter: “Lady, that man wasn’t a zombie. He was just crazy. Zombie’s aren’t real! You should know that. You’re about a hundred!”

Must Have Taken A Napa In Geography Class

| Canberra, Australia | Food & Drink, Geography, Top

(A new customer walks into our liquor store. Note that I am the store manager and have been there a number of years, and have a significant appreciation for wine.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m going to a dinner party this evening and want to bring a bottle of wine. I don’t know anything about wines, though, and I would like to show off a bit.”

Me: “Certainly, I can help you with that. Do you know what food they will be serving at this party?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Roast beef or lamb, I think.”

Me: “In that case, you would want a red wine. If you’re not sure of the meal, then I would suggest one of the blends as they are good all rounders and a safer bet if you’re unsure. As for showing off, we have some very nice wines from Chile that we have just got in. Chile has been producing some very nice wines that are winning a number of awards at the moment, and they’re very new to the Australian market so they would be the perfect thing for showing off wine appreciation.”

Customer: “No, I said we we’re having a roast, not a curry! I don’t want anything spicy!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am…I meant the country, not the spice. These are not spicy wines. They’re just from Chile.”

Customer: “No, I said I don’t want a spicy wine. Can’t you just show me a wine that will make me look like I’m smart in front of my friends?!”

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