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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

    , | Ontario, Canada | Technology

    Customer: “I need help finding a cord to plug my printer into my computer. It’s a [printer] and a Mac computer.”

    Me: “Well, all printer cables are universal these days, so I’ll show you where they are.”

    (We go to the cable aisle.)

    Me: “This is the cable you’ll need. It comes in two different lengths.”

    Customer: “This is the one I need?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Just like that?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You just know this is the cable I need?”

    Me: “Yes, they are all the same.”

    Customer: “How do you know?”

    Me: “Because all the cables are made the same. This square part goes in the printer, and this part goes in your computer.”

    Customer: “And you just know this is the right one?”

    Me: “Yes, there is only one kind.”

    Customer: “And you’re sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How?”

    Me: “Because they are all universal.”

    Customer: “But how do you know that?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Maybe because I work here?”

    Customer: “Well, if this isn’t the right one, I’ll be bringing it back!”

    March Monthly Roundup: Booze, Beaus, Bongs, Bigots, & Bindings

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Bigotry, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Roundups, Rude & Risque, Underaged

    In addition to our weekly roundups, each month we’ll be sharing our most popular reader-voted stories.

    March Monthly Roundup: This month, we share five stories that show that customers can be bad, but at least they’re not boring!

    1. She Fought The Law, And The Law Won, Part 2:
      Think you’re going to buy booze for your underaged, 16-year-old daughter? Not on this liquor store employee’s watch!
    2. When Press Comes To Shove:
      A blustery customer counts on berating an employee to get his way; what he didn’t count on: the employee’s 6’5″, 250-lb. fiance waiting in the back.
    3. The Height Of (Mt.) Misogyny:
      Misogynists really should go jump off a cliff, but this sexist customer probably couldn’t make it to the top anyway.
    4. Weeding Out The Dumb Ones, Part 2:
      Either this guy’s in the wrong shop, or those are the LARGEST. BONGS. EVER.
    5. So Good She Doesn’t Need A Weapon:
      A little girl learns that although diamonds are forever, mommy’s handcuffs are for her eyes only.

    I Forgot To Remember To Forget

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (A customer hears an Elvis song playing and starts the following conversation with me.)

    Customer: “Oh, I love Elvis. He’s the best! Do you know who Elvis is?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, I do.”

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t believe you don’t know who Elvis is!”

    Me: “Uh…I said I do.”

    Customer: “Oh, you kids nowadays…don’t know any good music!”

    Me: *giving up* “Yeah, I guess not.”

    (Two days later, she comes in with a huge Elvis poster and asks for me at the register.)

    Customer: “Hey, where’s that foreign girl who doesn’t know who Elvis is?”

    Of Chemically Unsound Mind

    | West Virginia, USA | Math & Science

    (I am stocking shelves in my store when a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Do you know why Clorox is called Clorox?”

    Me: “Possibly because its active ingredients include chlorine and oxygen atoms?”

    Customer: “There’s no oxygen in Clorox! That’s what we breathe! You kids need to go back to school, cause you ain’t learnin’ nothin’!” *storms away*

    It’ll Take More Than One Bag To Hold All That Anger

    | Quebec, Canada | At The Checkout

    (A customer in his late 50s approaches, so I start ringing him up.)

    Customer: “Can I see your bags?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I show him our store’s bags*

    Customer: “I don’t want any of your bags. Give me another one!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but those are the only one we have. Since you only have one item, maybe you can just carry it with you? We don’t require you to put it in a bag.”

    Customer: “No, no, you don’t understand. I need a bag! I’m walking back home. However, I don’t want to give you guys free advertisement when I’m walking with your bag!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we really don’t have any other bags.”

    Customer: “Just give me that bag over there, then!”

    (He points to another bag, which was accidentally left by another customer from a different store that she had just been to. However, that bag is full of products and also has that store’s name and logo on it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. It belongs to another customer.”

    Customer: “You stupid f***! You won’t even give me a f***ing bag?! You are the worst employee that I have ever seen! I’m never shopping here ever again!” *storms off*

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