Retail | Bakersfield, CA, USA |
Me: “Alright, and can I have your zip code, please?”
Customer: “Sure.”
Customer: *really, really long pause*
Customer: *customer looks back at cashier, still waiting*
Customer: *still silent*
Customer’s son: “Mom.”
Customer: “What?”
Customer’s son: “She asked for the zip code.”
Customer: “I know. I told her she could have it!”
Customer’s son: *says the zip code*
Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize she wanted me to give it to her!”
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3,776 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “These Christmas trees all look so fake! I want to get one fresh from the Everglades!”
(I chuckle, and then realize he is serious.)
Me: “Sir, the Everglades aren’t exactly known for there Christmas trees.”
Customer: “Oh yeah! I forgot, it’s all frozen.”
Me: “No sir, the Everglades are in the middle of Florida.”
Customer: “Oh, well I was never good at geometry anyway.”
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5,236 Thumbs Up!)
(I’m working in layby (AKA layaways) and dealing with the Christmas shopping rush.)
Customer: “Can I organize delivery for this item?”
Me: “We can, but we can’t guarantee it will arrive before Christmas because you didn’t pay it off by the 1st.”
Customer: “What? Are you trying to ruin Christmas? My grandchildren will cry and find out there is no Santa. Nobody told me I had to pay it off by then!”
Me: “I’m sorry, all the terms and conditions of the layby were printed on your receipt…” *I point it out on the receipt* “See, right here, above where you signed to say that accepted them.”
Customer: “But nobody TOLD me to read them!”
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2,153 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Welcome to [kitchen store]. Can I help you with anything?”
Customer: “Oh! Aren’t you a lovely young thing! I need something that will cut vegetables into slices. You see, I’m quite the chef, I have a very expensive home in New York, and I have a million dollar kitchen!”
Me: “Well, we have a variety of slicers…”
(I bring him to a shelf with vegetable slicers. He proceeds to open a knapsack and takes out a cucumber, a carrot, other assorted vegetables.)
Me: “Sir, what are you doing?”
Customer: “I have to test the slicer! I can’t buy just any old slicer! What will they think?”
(He begins slicing a cucumber with one of the models on display.)
Me: “What will who think?”
Customer: “MY GUESTS! MY GUESTS! THEY’LL JUDGE ME WHEN THEY COME TO VISIT MY MILLION DOLLAR KITCHEN! Ugh! This slicer is horrible! Look at that! I nearly cut my own finger off! This is despicable. I’ll be back tomorrow, dear, and I expect you to have more advanced slicers by then.”
(He begins stroking my arm frantically, so my co-worker politely escorts him out of the store. His cucumber, mind you, stayed behind.)
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2,366 Thumbs Up!)
(I work in a shopping mall. On my lunch break, I visit the pharmacy. A woman runs into me.)
Customer: “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”
Me: “In my cupboard.”
Customer: “How dare you talk to me that way! I want to talk to your manager!”
Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t work here.”
Customer: “Oh, so now you’re going to get into trouble, it’s ‘I don’t work here’, eh?”
Me: *pointing to the company logo on my shirt* “No, I genuinely do not work here. I work in [shop name], see?”
Customer: “So you don’t wear your uniform either? Where’s your manager?” *turns to make-up counter employee* “Are you her manager, missy?”
Make-up Counter Employee: “Yes, yes I am.” *turns to me, winking* “Don’t do that again.”
Customer: “Thank you! See, now I can shop here again!” *to make-up counter employee* “You! Where do you keep your toilet paper?”
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3,415 Thumbs Up!)
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