October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Water Is A Force(Field) Of Nature

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work in a small outdoors store. Most of our customers are total gear-heads and know almost as much about the product as we do. A well-dressed man who looks to be in his sixties walks in, stansd in front of the cash register, and announces loudly that he needs a new coat as “the rain kept getting in” his old one. I proceed to speak to him for about an hour. Despite English appearing to be his first language, he doesn’t seem to understand the term ‘waterproof’.”

Me: “This is another good option over here, totally waterproof and seam-sealed. It’s from [brand]. I guarantee the rain won’t get in it.”

Customer: “So, the rain won’t get in this one?”

Me: “Not at all.”

Customer: “It won’t get in? Not even a little bit?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Even through the top?”

Me: “Well… not if you put the hood up.”

Customer: *nods curtly and smiles* “I see. So you’re sure the rain won’t go through this one?”

Me: “No, it’s waterproof. The rain won’t go through.”

Customer: “So…” *looks as if a light bulb just went off* “Does the rain touch the jacket at all?”

Coworker: *who has heard the whole exchange* “Sir, it’s a rain jacket, not a force field.”

Going From Bad To Warsaw

| West Sussex, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Language & Words, Top

(I am half Polish, and fluent in the language, but have lived in England all my life so speak without an accent. Between my degree and my masters, I get a job in a pound shop—everything costs £1—to earn some money. I am on tills and call two young women forward.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

(The customer dumps her items on the counter without acknowledging me, and then turns to her friend and speaks in Polish.)

Customer #1: “Look at this dumb b****! How bad must your life get to work here?!”

Customer #2: *in Polish* “I know! And she judges us for being Polish! All English people are so racist!”

Me: *in Polish* “That will be £7, please.”

Customers #1 & #2: *both turn red and hurry out of the shop*

A Clean Break From Customers

| Newcastle, NSW, Australia | Awesome Customers, Theme Of The Month

(I work as a sales person. It’s about ten minutes until and I am vacuuming the back of the store. I can’t do the front because of a customer.)

Customer: “Vacuum.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Go ahead, vacuum. I don’t mind.”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yeah. I’m the owner of a shop. I know what it’s like when idiots like me come in right on closing and you’re trying to clean.”

From The Mouth Of Babes

| MI, USA | Family & Kids

(I work at a major retail store in the deli. Two children aged 8 and 5 come up to order food. The 5 year old is close to touching the lower part of the hot case.)

Me: “Careful sweetie, this is kept very hot and you could burn yourself.” *to the 8 year old* “You’d be surprised how many people burn themselves on this thing.”

8 year old: “Well, they all obviously need glasses, because there’s a warning that says ‘Caution: Hot!’ right in front of their faces.”

Me: “You’re more intelligent than most adults who come up here!”

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 3

| CO, USA | Liars & Scammers

(I am working at the guest service desk at a big box store. It is customary when a box is returned that we open the box and check that all the content are inside.)

Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to return this vacuum. It doesn’t work very well. I have my receipt.”

Me: “Okay, let me see what I can do for you…”

(I take the opened box and as I’m trained to do, look inside. Instead of the vacuum picture on the size, there is a different vacuum inside. In fact, this vacuum is a different size and brand, and is very much used.)

Me: “Ma’am, it seems that you have placed the wrong vacuum inside this box. It looks like you are trying to return your old, used vacuum and keep the new one.”

Customer: *picks up box and runs out of the store*

Intelligence Abhors A Vacuum, Part 2

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