July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Not The Sharpest Bigot

| AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m walking around the store seeing if any shoppers need help.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, are you finding everything all right today?”

Customer: *turning* “Oh, what the f*** is this?”

Me: “Um… what is what?”

Customer: “I haven’t been helped by a single American since I got here. Are you people even hiring whites?”

(Our town has a regrettably accurate reputation for being somewhat racist. Customers often ignore non-white employees or refuse their aid. I’m of Indian descent, but was born and raised a few miles away in Phoenix.)

Me: “Sir, all our employees are American citizens. If you don’t need help, though, I’ll just go.”

Customer: “Hang on, where’s your manager’s office?”

(I point.)

Customer: “Good!”

(Without warning, he grabs my arm and drags me forcefully to the office. He pushes it open without knocking.)

Customer: “You need to arrest this man! He’s an illegal!”

(My manager turns in her chair. She’s got light brown skin, and is often mistaken for Hispanic.)

Manager: “Sir, I know for a fact [my name] is a citizen. And you need to take your hands off him right now.”

Customer: *not letting go* “Oh my God! They’ve got a Mexican in charge. No wonder you don’t hire whites!”

Manager: “Sir, more than half of my employees are white. Now let [my name] go or I will call the police.”

Customer: “Are you threatening me? I’m a real American, you can’t threaten me!”

(At this he pulls out a Swiss Army knife and points it at her.)

Manager: “No, I’m not. Would you like me to?”

(Without warning, she draws a knife of her own from nowhere and slams it point-first into the desk.)

Manager: “That’s one. I’m carrying nine. Let him go.”

(The customer goes pale and releases both my arm and the knife.)

Manager: “Thank you.”

(Instead of letting him go, my manager locked him in the office and called the police, who came and arrested him for assault and threatening with a weapon. As they were leading him out, my manager stopped him for a moment.)

Manager: “And by the way, I’m not Hispanic, I’m Romani. If you’re going to be a racist, at least learn the difference.”

The Situation Is Escalating

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(Our down escalator is stopped for repairs, but customers are free to walk down it. There is also a clearly marked elevator near me as well as a staircase.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your escalator has stopped.”

Me: “I am sorry about that. It should be fixed soon.”

Customer: “So, am I stuck up here?”

Me: “…Sorry?”

Customer: “Do I have to wait here until it is fixed?”

Me: “Of course not. You can go anytime. We won’t hold you hostage.”

Customer: “But the escalator is broken.”

Me: “Yes, and we are sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: “How do I get down stairs?”

(At this point, we can both clearly see other customers walking down the broken escalator.)

Me: “Well, you are allowed to walk down the escalator, but if you feel uncomfortable with that, you can take the elevator or stairs behind me.”

Customer: “Well, when do you think it will be fixed?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know. They don’t tell us that much about what is happening in the store.”

Customer: “I want to see a manager!”

Me: “Let me call one down for you.”

Customer: “What is your name?!”

(My coworkers have come to watch, and are trying not to laugh. Other customers have begun to laugh.)

Me: “My name is [name].”

(I call the manager, she comes down, and tells the customer the same thing I said.)

Customer: “Well, this place is trash!”

(Believe it or not, she found a chair and sat there for an hour until the escalator was fixed!)

Currently Cannot See Currency

| ON, Canada | Tourists/Travel

(A customer comes to my till to pay for a fax.)

Customer: “I hate this country!”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “How much for my fax?”

Me: “It comes to $1.68.”

Customer: “Oh, no! I don’t have enough Canadian money left to pay for it. All I have is my American money.”

Me: “That’s okay, we accept American bills.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(He hands me an American 5 dollar bill, and I give him his change is Canadian coins.)

Customer: “What’s this!?”

Me: “Your change.”

Customer: “But it’s Canadian!”

Me: “Yes, we are in Canada, sir.”

Customer: “But I gave you American money!”

Me: “Yes, but I have to give you Canadian money back.”

Customer: “But if I pay you in American, you have to give me American back!”

Me: “No, we don’t have American money.”

Customer: “Why not!?”

Me: “Because we’re in Canada.”

Customer: “Well how do I know you’re not screwing me for the exchange!?”

Me: “The till calculates it for me.”

Customer: “Well what am I supposed to do with this stupid Canadian money?”

Me: “You could buy things with it, or you could exchange it at the bank.”

Customer: “I hate this stupid country! Why would you give me Canadian change!?”

Me: “Like I said. Because we’re in Canada.”

Customer: “But I paid with American money! How can you accept it but not give it back!?”

Me: “We accept it for the convenience of customers. If that’s all they have, then they can still pay for their items. But we don’t stock American money in our tills to give back to them.”

Customer: “Why not!?”

Me: *pause* “Because… we’re in Canada.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t wait to get out of this stupid country!”

Zero Em-Bra-assment

| Denver, CO, USA | Rude & Risque

(I work in an adult-themed store that sells clothing. I am stocking nightwear on racks when a middle-aged customer appears.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you find a [brand of bra] in this size? I looked everywhere and can’t find it.”

Me: “Alright…”

(I disappear into the aisles and return with a bra.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thank you so much!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(The customer wanders off to the changing rooms while I return to putting the clothes on the rack. The customer returns, wearing NOTHING except for the bra he just got for her.)

Customer: “How does it look? Will my boyfriend like it?”

Me: *shocked* “Uh… sure.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(A coworker appears after the woman returns to the dressing rooms.)

Coworker: “Happened again?”

Me: “What is it about these stores that makes people forget their modesty?!”

Why The Long Face

| CA, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer approaches me at the cash desk.)

Customer: “You remind me of my daughter.”

Me: “Oh, thank you.”

Customer: “I call her Pony-Face!”

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