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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Milking A Complaint For All It Weighs

    | MA, USA | Top

    (I’m checking out an older woman at the register.)

    Customer: “Can you bag these light for me?”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (After several bags worth of items, she has no complaints. I then ring up a gallon of milk for her, and place it in its own bag.)

    Customer: *angrily* “Did you not hear me earlier? I asked for these bags to be light. Do you want me to break my arm?”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is only one item in that bag.”

    Customer: “You’re trying to break my arm! Supervisor! I need a supervisor right now!”

    Supervisor: “Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “He’s trying to kill me! I asked for light bags, and he made this one too heavy. He refuses to redo it!”

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, there is only a gallon of milk in that bag. Would you like him to pour out half of the milk for you? That is the only way I see to make that bag lighter.”

    Customer: “I’m calling your manager and getting both of you fired. You belong in h*** for trying to kill me!”

    A Yearning For Ears That Are Burning

    | Burlington, WA, USA |

    (A recent article regarding our business and the habits of its customers was published in the papers. My fellow employees are discussing some of points that were brought up in passing. They leave the area. A customer comes storming up to me.)

    Customer: “Those workers were saying some very offensive things! I want to report them. Who do I talk to?”

    Me: “Well, if you just–”

    Customer: “They say I just come here to get free stuff! I don’t do that! I ‘actually’ buy stuff here! I want to report them!”

    Me: “Well, if you’d like to report them, then you’ll need to go up front and speak with a manager. I’d like to point out though, that they were only talking about an article that was published.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, the news just released an article that talked about our store and some of the stuff people do. That’s what you heard them talking about.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought they were talking about me!”

    When Kids Break Out On Their Own

    | Denver, CO, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (I am working in the toy section of the retail store. I receive a call around 8pm.)

    Me: “Hello you’re through to [retailer], toys. How can I help you?”

    (A quiet little girl, not much older than 10, answers.)

    Girl: “Hi um…can you help me find something for my mommy?”

    Me: “Sure, honey. What are you looking for?”

    Girl: “Um, I need an exercise thing. It’s like, a bar that you put on the ground and pull on.”

    (I’m not sure what she means. I walk over and scan the exercise section really quick, but see nothing like that.)

    Me: “Sorry, honey. We don’t really have anything like that. I can tell you some stores you might find it at.”

    Girl: “Okay.”

    Me: “If you can put your mom on the phone, I’ll give her the store names.”

    Girl: “My mommy’s not home. It’s just me and my little brother. We accidentally broke my mommy’s thing, and we’re trying to find where to get one so she won’t be mad.”

    His Head’s Up In The Sky, With Diamonds

    | Wall, NJ, USA | Top

    (Our store music system is playing Coldplay’s ‘Viva la Vida’. A customer comes up to me, and start making small talk.)

    Customer: “I love this song!”

    Me: “Yeah, I like it too. Although, there is a Swedish singer who does a cover of this. I happen to like that one better.”

    Customer: “You listen to Swedish music?”

    Me: “Well, not really. I just heard that there was a cover of it. I looked it up and–”

    Customer: “This is America, sweetie! You should only listen to American music!”

    Me: “Sir, you do know that Coldplay, the band who sings this song, is from England?”

    Customer: “No, they’re not! They play this song on the radio! American radio!”

    Me: “I assure you, sir. They are from England.”

    Customer: “Well, I can’t like this song anymore! Unlike you, I only listen to American music–like The Rolling Stones and The Beatles!”

    Related:
    Her Head’s Up In The Sky, With Diamonds

    Credit Car

    | USA |

    (I am finishing ringing up a customer’s purchases.)

    Me: “That’ll be $14.00.”

    Customer: “So, I want to pay with my credit card, but it’s out in the car. Is that okay?”

    Me: “Sure, that’s fine.”

    (There’s an uncomfortable pause as the customer stands there, as if waiting for something else to happen. Finally, the lightbulb goes on.)

    Customer: “Oh, do I have to actually go get it?”


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