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    Woman Waits For No Time

    | San Francisco, CA, USA |

    (As the only opening manager of a large department store, I am in a rush when I have two no shows and one late arrival. While I’m in the office trying to call some workers in, I notice a customer waiting in line at the returns counter. I hang up the phone and run over to where she’s standing.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, it’s been a hectic morning.”

    Customer: “You’d better be. I’ve been waiting here for over half an hour!”

    Me: *puzzled* “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s possible.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is. I’ve been waiting here!”

    Me: “It’s only 8:07 am. We opened at 8:00 am.”

    Customer: “Over ten minutes, then!”

    When Push Comes To Shove

    | Christiana, DE, USA | Extra Stupid, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work as a security guard at a major retailer in the mall. One of my duties is to pre-lock our store at the end of the night. We leave the middle door unlocked for customers to exit while locking the side doors. While finishing my lock up, a customer runs up and tries to exit the store.)

    Customer: “You’re not locking me in here! You’re not even closed yet!”

    Me: “Sir, we only pre-lock. If you just—”

    Customer: “No, you are a worthless, fake mall cop. Did you even graduate high school? Now, let me out!” *keeps pulling on the door*

    Me: “Sir, you just need to—”

    Customer: “I said, open the door! I want your manager!”

    Me: “No problem, sir.” *calls store manager*

    Manager: *comes up on the scene* “What seems to be the issue?”

    Customer: “He won’t let me out of the building. I am a paying customer and I demand to be let out.”

    Manager: *turns to me* “What is the problem?”

    Me: “He was trying to pull open a push door.”

    Customer: *pushes open the door* “Oh, I erm, uh…” *leaves sheepishly*

    It Also Stands For Due Diligence

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (I work in the intimates department of a well-known clothing store.)

    Customer: “Are the D-D bras smaller than the D bras?”

    Me: “Actually, double-Ds are a size bigger than regular D-cups.”

    Customer: “How was I supposed to know D-D means double-D?!”

    Positively Pissed Off

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (A woman had bought a pregnancy test earlier and has come back into the store a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “I want a refund for this pregnancy test!”

    Me: “Sure, ma’am. What seems to be wrong with it? Do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: *yelling* “It says I am pregnant! I did not buy this to tell me I am pregnant!”

    Me: “Oh…well, we cannot accept it since it has been used, for sanitary reasons. Also, that is what the test is for, ma’am: it tells you whether you are pregnant or not.”

    (The woman grows angry and starts cussing at me, so I call my supervisor to the front. They tell her the same thing I’ve told her.)

    Customer: “Fine! If I can’t get a refund, you can take it back!” *throws the wet test at me and storms out*

    Paint Me A Misogynist

    | Mesa, AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I work in the hardware department of a large retail store. Part of my duties entail mixing paint. A customer approaches my male coworker, who doesn’t know how to use the paint machine. He points the customer in my direction and the following conversation ensues.)

    Customer: “What? Her? But she’s a woman!”

    Me: “I can help you, sir. Don’t worry. I have lots of experience in tinting paint.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? Who taught you how to do that? How on Earth did you get this job?”

    (The paint machine requires that we use a specific base for each color depending on the amount of tint that needs to be used. I need light base, but the customer hands me a can of medium base. I go to replace it.)

    Customer: “What are you doing? I gave you medium base. It’s a medium color. I don’t think you know what you’re doing.”

    Me: “I assure you, I do. The process is all computerized. I need a light base.”

    Customer: “I want to see your manager. You can’t do this right.”

    Me: “Trust me, just let me mix the paint before I get him. He’s likely busy.”

    (I proceed to mix the paint. It turns out perfectly.)

    Customer: *slinks off, defeated*

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