Idle Hands Are The Devil’s Dishwasher

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Extra Stupid

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to purchase this dishwasher.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t actually have any in stock at the moment. It’s about a week’s wait.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I NEED ONE TODAY! How am I supposed to do the dishes if I don’t have a dishwasher for a whole week?!”

Retail Can Leave You Bor-g-ed Stiff

| Michigan, USA | Bizarre

(It’s towards the end of my work day, and I grab at the first item in a customer’s order right as she swipes her card.)

Me: “I’m sorry, your card did not read as I hadn’t scanned the first item yet.”

Customer: “NOOO!”

Me: *surprised* “Huh?”

Customer: “You have ROBOT-ITIS!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “You said that like you say it a million times a day! Put more feeling into it, Miss Robot!”

The Facts Of Second Life

| Southern California, USA | Bizarre

(A customer in her 40s approaches me to ask where something is. As I am answering her question, she notices my name tag.)

Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize they had to give you names! How nice of them to try and give you more of an identity!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, since you’re a robot and all.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I’m a person. In fact…” *I point to my pregnant belly* “…I’m a person growing ANOTHER person.”

Customer: “No, no, can’t be. That documentary with Bruce Willis said workers were being replaced with robots.”

Me: “…You mean Surrogates?”

Customer: “That’s the one!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was a movie. Didn’t you watch the whole thing?”

Customer: “Oh, no. Just a chunk in the middle I think. It was rather over-dramatic for a documentary, and I just couldn’t get into it. Got the gist of it though! Don’t worry, I don’t mind that you’re a robot. Technology today! WONDERFUL!” *walks away*

Me: *speechless*

Frauds Rush In

| Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

(I’m working the self checkouts at my store when I notice a customer about to walk out the door with unpaid merchandise. I call her out.)

Me: “Miss, there’s a machine over here you can use to pay for those.”

Customer: “But, you see, I’m in a hurry!”

(She realizes she’s making excuses for stealing and glumly walks over to the machine. I watch her closely during the transaction and notice she only scans one of two items.)

Me: “Miss, that product didn’t scan. You’re going to have to try again.”

Customer: “I don’t have time for this. I’m in a rush!”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy it.”

Customer: “Oh, thank God!” *picks up products to leave without paying*

Me: “But, then you can’t actually take them.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll deal with the stupid machine. But you should really be more considerate of people who are in a rush!”

Taxing Customers, Part 2

| Alabama, USA | Money

Me: “Hello, how are you, sir?”

Customer: “Just this.” *places a magazine on the counter*

Me: “That will be $2.20, please.”

Customer: “There’s tax!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Magazines are taxed.”

Customer: “To h*** with that! I ain’t payin’ no tax!” *stomps off*

Next Customer: *to the first customer* “Well, aren’t you a special snowflake?”

Related:
Taxing Customers

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