(I’m scanning out an elderly couple. The man is obviously hard of hearing.)

Me: “Hello, and how are you folks today?”

Customer: “You look so young. Why is that?”

Me: “I’m only 19.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S NINETEEN!”

Customer: “Oh…do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: “I’m engaged, actually.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s wife: “SHE SAYS SHE’S ENGAGED!”

Customer: “Oh…do you want to go out with me sometime?”

Me: “Uh…here, I’ll just finish scanning your items for you.”

Customer: “What?”

Customer’s Wife: “SHE TURNED YOU DOWN!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

(I work in a clothing clearance outlet and I’m helping a kid pick out a pair of shoes whilst his mother is on the phone.)

Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

Me: “$100, but we’re having a sale with 50% off the price of
everything in store, so those will end up being $50.”

Customer: “So they’re free?”

Me: “No, they’re $50.”

Customer: “But 50% off $50 equals nothing, so they’re free!”

Me: “No, the original price is $100. It’s 50% off that price, which ends up being $50.”

Customer: “Hey mum, these shoes are free!”

(I am selling a TV to a middle aged man and his wife.)

Me: “So it’s between the 32 and the 36 inch TV, right?”

Husband: “Yes, but I don’t understand the difference between them.”

Me: “Well, they have the same specs all the way down the line. One is just bigger.”

Husband: “Who in the h*** would pay almost $350 more for four more inches?”

Wife: “I would!”

(I receive the following call while working at a home decor store.)

Me: “Hello, [store name], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have table pads?”

Me: “Yes, we have custom ones, and we have ones you can buy here and cut yourself to fit your table.”

Customer: “Okay, how much are the ones you cut?”

Me: “$12.97.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll be in. Thanks.”

(A little while passes and the caller comes in.)

Customer: Hi, I called about the table pads. Could you show me where they are?

Me: “Sure, they’re right over here.” *takes them to the pads*

Customer: “Okay, thanks. I need it to be 14 by 11, so when are you going to cut it?”

Me: “I don’t cut it in the store. You have to cut it at home to fit your table.”

Customer: “You said you cut it here!”

Me: “No, I said you cut it yourself to fit the table.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know how to do that!”

Me: “You just lay it on the table and cut around the shape of the table.”

Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to use to cut it?! I don’t have a special table pad cutting machine!”

Me: “How about scissors?”

Customer: “Oh…okay, I’ll take it.”

(A customer hands me a Wii accessory.)

Customer: “Do I need this?”

Me: “Not really. That’s up to you, how often do you play with your Wii?”

Customer: “Do I have a Wii?”

Me: “I don’t know, do you?”

Customer: “…oh…” *wanders off*