Self-Serving Stupidity Will Not Be Served

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

(I am a customer, standing third in line behind a very well-dressed woman in her 50s—we’ll call her Customer #1. The cashier, in her 70s, has just finished ringing out a young 20-something woman with pink hair. It is about 1 am and I am dead tired, literally swaying on my feet. There are three other customers behind me, which we’ll call Customers #2-#4.)

Cashier: *to Customer #1* “Oh dear, just a moment!”

(With that, the cashier runs off after the pink-haired customer, who has left behind a gift card she just purchased. Angrily, Customer #1 slams a 24-pack of canned drinks on the counter and turns to me.)

Customer #1: “I bet she is going to try to make me put this back in my cart, but I won’t. It’s a little game I like to play called, ‘Who’s Getting Paid for This?’”

(Note: Customer #1 has left a 40-pound bag of cat litter and 20-pound bag of cat food in her cart, both heavier than the drinks.)

Me: *shrugs*

(The cashier returns, panting and out of breath.)

Cashier: “Sorry about that. She left her gift c—”

Customer #1: “I don’t care. Just ring my purchases up!”

Cashier: “Oh, um… right, sorry.”

(The cashier rings the small items through, double-bagging the cans and folding the clothing with care, before using the hand scanner to ring up the drinks, the litter, and the cat food.)

Cashier: “Your total is [price], ma’am.”

Customer #1: “Well, it’s about time. Load my d*** cart so I can get the h*** out this s***hole!”

(The cashier sets the bags in the cart around the litter and cat food, and then looks at the 24-pack of drinks.)

Cashier: “You’ll have to set the pop in the cart, ma’am. I’m sorry, but I can’t lift it.”

Customer #1: “You can’t lift it? What kind of bulls*** is that? Why the h*** not?”

Cashier: “I can’t lift over 10 pounds; doctor’s orders.”

Customer #1: “That is none of my business. Why are you telling me this? Just do your d*** job!”

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “You asked her why; that is why she’s telling you. Ugh!”

Customer #1: *glares at Customer #2* “Well, this is not acceptable. Get your manager over here now. Maybe he can load my cart since you are too lazy.”

(At this point, I’ve had enough and grab Customer #1’s 24-pack of drinks and set it in her cart.)

Customer #1: “What the f*** are you doing?!”

Me: “Lady, it is 1 am. I am tired and want to go home. I will load the d*** groceries in your car if it gets you out of the way faster!”

Customer #1: “You have no right to touch my groceries!”

Customer #2: “And you have no right to be such a b****. You didn’t have to lift it, she did…” *points at me* “…even though you obviously were able to put it in the cart and on the counter by yourself. You got your change, so get out of the way!”

Customers #3 & #4: *echoes of agreement*

Customer #1: “Well, I never—“

Me: “It is obvious you have ‘never.’ You have NEVER had to work a low paying job with a**hole customers who get enjoyment out of making your life harder. We get it. Now go away!”

(I set my two items on the counter as Customer #1 stomps away to customer service.)

Cashier: *crying silently* “Thank you so much.”

(Customer #2 and I stand away from the register for a few minutes talking after that. Customer #1 has caused enough trouble at this point to be escorted out of the store by the store manager and security. Afterwards, the store manager hugs his cashier and sends her to break so she can calm down. As it turns out, the cashier is his ailing aunt who has been working while getting chemotherapy. She really isn’t supposed to be working at all, but is unable to afford treatment otherwise.)

Store Manager: “There is only so much stupid I can tolerate!”

Taking Stupidity To New Heights, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry

(I’m just over 6 feet tall and female. I regularly get very obnoxious questions/remarks about how tall I am, but this is by far the worst. I’ve just finished helping a customer select some products.)

Me: “If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!”

Customer: “Actually, I do have one question… how tall are you?”

Me: “Just over six feet.”

Customer: “Oh my god. I just feel absolutely terrible for you. Your life must be incredibly difficult.”

Me: “Um… no. I pretty much function just like everybody else.”

Customer: “No way. I thought I had it bad! I’m 5 feet 7 inches and I can’t find a boyfriend because of how tall I am! Do you even date at all? Or are all of the guys half your size?”

Me: “Well… I have dated guys a few inches shorter than me. It doesn’t bother me, though.”

Customer: “That’s just insane. I’ll bet you don’t wear heels either, right? I can’t wear them because I look like a f***ing amazon! You’d probably just look like a freak!”

Me: “Well, I’ve worn heels before. I just prefer not to, because I don’t find them very comfortable.”

Customer: “I’ll bet you don’t! You probably look ridiculous!”

Related:
Taking Stupidity To New Heights

That Almost Became A Four-Finger Discount

| Florida, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m working the checkout during one of our biggest sales events. Despite the long line of customers, everyone seems to be happy and everything is going well. Then, a woman with a rather sour look on her face flings her items onto my counter.)

Customer: “I can’t believe how rude you are. How DARE they hire you for a customer service position!”

Me: *startled* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but what exactly is it that I did?”

Customer: “The man you just checked out cut the entire line! I’ve been waiting patiently in your f***ing for over five minutes and you decide to help the a**hole who doesn’t want to wait like the rest of us!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I agree that it was rude of him, but I didn’t realize that he cut in front of you as well as everyone else.”

(Despite my apologies, she continues to scold me loud enough that my manager hears, walks over, and stands behind her. I’m placing her cash in the register when suddenly she lunges over the counter and reaches for the cash drawer. I quickly slam the door shut, accidentally pinching her fingers in the process. She yelps as she’s holding onto her hand, screaming for a manager.)

Manager: “Yes, I’m the manager. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, you can fire that b**** of an employee you have there. She has been nothing but rude to me since I got here, and she just now assaulted me! I also demand that she apologize to me!”

Manager: “Well, yes, I do agree that an apology is in order. Ma’am, I am sorry that you hurt yourself while attempting to steal the money from her cash drawer. ”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Manager: “With all due respect, ma’am, not only was I standing behind you when it happened, I also have you on camera reaching over and trying to steal money from the cash register, so there is no use denying it. So, before I escort you to my office and call the police, I’d honestly like to know why you tried to take money out of the cash register.”

Customer: “Well, with everything that’s happened here today, I felt that I should be compensated. I figured I should get my stuff for free, as well as a little extra back for my troubles!”

Some Customers Can’t Be Helped

| PA, USA | Bizarre

(I’m sorting out sizes in a rack of shirts that just gone clearance. I notice a customer that appears to be having difficulty finding what they’re looking for.)

Me: “Sir, I just want you to know that the extra smalls, smalls, and mediums are all in the labelled sections. However, I’m still in the process of sorting through the larges and extra larges. Let me know if you need help finding anything.”

(The customer randomly takes a bunch of mediums and throws them in the small section.)

Customer: “I don’t need your f***ing help!”

Me: “I apologize if I offended you sir, but it’s my job to offer assistance.”

Customer: “WELL, THEN YOU’RE NOT DOING YOUR F***ING JOB!”

Ah, Grandmothers, Part 2

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a customer in this story and am with my grandmother. The cashier is an older woman in her mid- to late-60s.)

Cashier: “Well dearie, I think we’ve finished the returns. So, we can start on your purchases.” *starts scanning items*

Me: “Thanks. It took me a while to find these bargains.”

Cashier: “Well, I can tell by your savings now that you’ve done pretty well!”

(Without warning, another customer pushes past me and my grandmother and starts trying to take my items.)

Cashier: *to the other customer* “Excuse me, ma’am. These do not belong to you. These belong to these ladies here.”

Other Customer: “RACISM! I knew this store was racist! Trying to take MY ITEMS and give them to this WHITE TRASH HERE!”

(Note: the other customer is also white. My poor grandmother is bewildered and doesn’t know what to say or do. The cashier is on the verge of tears and calls security.)

Me: “Excuse me, but those items are indeed mine. I spent almost two hours here with my grandmother trying to find them. If you want, I can tell you where I found them.”

Other Customer: “LIES! You stole them from me! B***h, you are gonna get SUED!”

(At this moment, security shows up.)

Security: *to the other customer* “Oh, no she isn’t. Lady, we have to talk with you.”

Other Customer: “About time! Take this trailer trash outta the store! Stealing my things! It’s a crime. I’ll sue you and your store and this b**** for thievery!”

Security: “Lady, we have security cameras in the store. We checked them and discovered you have been the one stealing. So, you’re going to have to come with us.”

Other Customer: “LIKE H*** I AM!” *runs out of the store with security chasing her*

Cashier: *to me grandmother and I* “I am so sorry. Would you like store credit or something?”

(My grandmother and I talk and decide not to take it because it wasn’t the store’s fault. Instead, I pay for my items and we leave. On our way out, we see the other customer is being questioned by police.)

My Grandmother: *to the other customer* “B****! You got what you deserved. Karma got you back, fool!”

Related:
Ah, Grandmothers
Ah, Mothers
Ah, Fathers
Ah, Fathers, Part 2

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