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    When Customers Get Cheeky

    | Washington, USA |

    (I work retail and I am leading a customer to the fitting room. I usually end up walking in front of customers on the way to the back of the store and this is the conversation that takes place.)

    Customer: “May I ask you a personal question?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

    Customer: “Is your butt fake?”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Customer: “Your butt. Are you wearing padded underwear or do you have implants?”

    Me: “Wow…no. My butt is real, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I was just wondering, because it seems too big and perfect to be real! You go girl!”

    Me: “Thanks…”

    Your Own Worst Critic

    | Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

    (A woman comes into the store and walks up to the clerk.)

    Customer: “Some lady parked wrong and is blocking all of the traffic in the parking lot.”

    Me: “Did you see her come into this store?”

    Customer: “No, I didn’t see her at all.”

    Me: “Then, how do you know that it was a woman?”

    Customer: “Because women always do things wrong.”

    (The woman in line behind her gasps at this.)

    Customer: “Well, that’s what my husband tells me.”

    The Party Don’t Start ‘Till I Walk In

    | Lincoln, NE, USA |

    (It’s 9 am and the phone rings. Note that we open at 10 am.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “What time do you open?”

    Me: “10 o’ clock.”

    Caller: “Then why are you there?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: “Why are you there answering phones if you’re not open?”

    Me: “We have a lot to do to get the store ready for opening.”

    Caller: “Well, you shouldn’t be there. Otherwise you should just open at 9.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we’ll see you at 10!”

    Caller: *click*

    I Can Be Anything I Want

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

    (I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

    Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

    Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

    Size Matters, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I’m working at the dressing room of a Halloween store. A rather large woman comes up to me to try on a few costumes. All of them sized medium. Now, costumes run small, so these costumes are dress-size 6-8. I don’t say anything to her, even though I know they won’t fit.)

    Customer: “Hey, I like this one, but none of them fit.”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we do have them in a large, so if you’d like me to go get it for you–”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

    Me: “Yes, but the only bigger costumes we have are size large. Halloween costumes tend to run pretty small, so–”

    Customer: “Are you listening? I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the next size up is–”

    Customer: “You know what? Screw this. This store is terrible. I am never coming back here!” *storms off*

    Related:
    Size Matters

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