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    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15

    | Hermitage, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in to pay her [retail store] card bill.)

    Me: “Okay, so there is a late fee of $35, and the amount due on the total balance is $103. You’re paying $35. Thank you for your payment, ma’am. Just to let you know, you still have a minimum payment of $68 that was due 4 days ago. You may incur another $35 late fee.”

    Customer: “What do you mean? I’ve been paying $35 every month because that’s what it says on the slip.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am. If you look here, it says that the late fee is $35 and the amount due for you to pay is $103 by this date. That date was 4 days ago.”

    Customer: “So, what do I do now? They want me to pay that?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. They would like for you to.”

    Customer: “Okay. Well, can I make the payment with my [retail store] card?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    Immersed In His Complaint

    | Hermitage, PA, USA | Top

    (I am ringing out a customer who is buying a pair of swimming trunks.)

    Me: “Thank you for your purchase, sir. As a reminder of the return policy, you have 90 days to return it with the receipt as long as the tags are still attached.”

    Customer: “That’s okay. I’m going to a beach party later so I need them.”

    Me: “Okay. Well, have a good time. Thanks again, and have a nice day.”

    (The next day, the customer returns with the swimming trunks. The tag is still on them, but mostly disintegrated from water. The trunks smell of chlorine.)

    Me: “Hi again! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need to return these.”

    Me: “Oh, is there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “No. I just don’t need them anymore.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but these can’t be returned.”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not!? Yesterday, you said they could be returned as long as the tags were still on them.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. But having the tag on them generally implies that they haven’t been worn.”

    Customer: “This is b***s***! I would like to see your manager immediately.”

    Me: “Absolutely, sir.”

    (The manager comes over.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    (The customer goes through the same story. He leaves in a rage, screaming that he’s going to give us bad reviews. The next day a survey report comes in. All sections are given one star out of five. The comment section reads, ‘Stupid clerk told me I could return my swimming trunks as long as the tags were still on them. I didn’t take the tags off when I wore it, but she wouldn’t return it, and accused me of wearing it. Like she knows what I did with it. Maybe I spilled water on the tags by mistake. She couldn’t know. Only I know I wore it–not that d*** clerk.’)

    About To Be Charged With Something Else

    | ACT, AustraliaAustralia |

    Customer: “Do you sell a charger for this phone?”

    Me: “We usually do, but I’m not sure if we have any in stock. I’ll have a look for you.”

    (I look on our accessories wall. I’m too busy to notice the customer has walked up behind me.)

    Customer: *low voice* “It’s just that the prostitutes keep stealing mine.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “Did you want to know that?”

    Me: “Not really.”

    A Dark Day For Political Correctness

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Top

    (Keep in mind that I’m wearing a black shirt.)

    Customer: “I have a question. Can you help me?”

    Me: “I’ll try, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, do you carry any construction paper?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It is right this way, if you would follow me.”

    (We walk to the aisle.)

    Customer: “Do you have any dark paper, though?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. What color of dark paper are you looking for?”

    (The customer looks at me like I’m a moron.)

    Customer: “Dark paper! Like your shirt!”

    Me: “Oh, you mean black.”

    Customer: *gasps* “I’m sorry, but I can not believe you would say that! I feel that word is just so offensive to the colored community!”

    (The customer storms out of the building, muttering about racists. The customer is white.)

    Bilateral Symmetry Meets Botched Schooling

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I am organizing my area of the store when a customer and her young daughter come in.)

    Girl: “Mommy, why can’t I marry my cousin?”

    Mother: “Because you’re too closely blood related.”

    Girl: “What’s ‘blood related’?”

    Mother: “It means if you had a baby together, it might come out with a deformity. You know…like having two arms.”


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