Those Who Can’t, iTeach

| GA, USA | Technology

Customer: “I want to see the new iPods. I am interested in one because I don’t want to buy an iPhone and be locked into a data plan.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the great thing about the iPod! With the addition of FaceTime, you can video chat people over wifi.”

Customer: “FaceTime, hmm? What is FaceTime?”

Me: “That’s a great question. It’s actually a brand new app that’s included with iOS 5 that allows you to video chat, like Skype.”

Customer: “Well, how does it work?”

Me: “Easy! You just open the app, tap the person you want to contact, and your device will attempt to connect to the person’s device for a video chat.”

(At this point in the conversation, I think I am doing a great job explaining FaceTime. Then, the tone completely changes.)

Customer: “Right, but how does it work?”

Me: “Like I said, you just tap the—”

Customer: “Stop, stop, stop! You already explained that. You’re avoiding the question now. How does FaceTime actually work!?”

Me: “…Like, the technology behind it?”

Customer: “Yes! What’s the technology behind it?”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well when you’re connected to wifi, it allows you to—”

Customer: “No! That’s not what I am asking. You know, I was a teacher for 20 years and if you were in my class, you would be given detention for having a smart mouth!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I am not sure how else to explain it.”

Customer: “Is there someone else I could talk to who knows anything!?”

(I ended up getting my manager; they had just as tough of a time pleasing her!)

You Just Got Schooled, Part 3

| AZ, USA | Bigotry, School

(I worked in the tech repair department of computer electronics retailer. I walk up to the customer service desk to do an inspections for a coworker and a customer making a return.)

Coworker: *to me* “Hey, this customer is doing a return and we need the product inspected.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I inspect it and passively listen as the customer and coworker reminisce about the days when he was her soccer coach in a public high school a couple years back.)

Customer: “…yeah, things on the team aren’t like they used to be. With that recent rule change, they’re letting homeschoolers join our sports teams now too. The nerve of them taking positions from kids who are enrolled at the school and actually learning something! Those parents are uneducated idiots to prevent their kids from getting a good education.”

Coworker: “Wow, sounds like there are some issues to be worked out.” *looks at me* “Hey, weren’t you homeschooled?”

Me: “Yes I was, for six years into high school. My mother has a Bachelors in Teaching and father has a Bachelors in Science. I received four tech certifications before working here, and just graduated with a bachelor in Computer Information Systems.”

Customer: *stands their quietly, looking away*

Me: *to the customer* “Everything looks good. You can go ahead with the return.”

Related:
You Just Got Schooled, Part 2
You Just Got Schooled

The Mad Hatter

| Fort Worth, TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(A customer sees me unpacking about 100 hats while he’s looking at the 150 or more already on display.)

Customer: “You got any 7 1/4’s in there?”

Me: “I don’t know yet. I’m just unpacking them and I won’t know the price until I do some research.”

Customer: “But do you have any 7 1/4’s?”

Me: “I don’t know yet.”

Customer: “Look and see if you have any 7 1/4’s.”

(Note that I’ve got over 100 hats I’m trying to unpack and stack so they won’t fall over.)

Me: “I’ll have them all unpacked and sorted in size order in a few minutes. Just bear with me.”

Customer: “I just want 7 1/4’s.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be finished in a few minutes and let you know what I’ve got in that size.”

Customer: “How many do you have?”

Me: “I don’t know yet; I don’t have them unpacked.”

(He wanders around the store for about a minute and comes back.)

Customer: “Have you found the 7 1/4’s?”

Me: “Not yet; give me a few minutes.”

Customer: “I gave you a few minutes and you’re not done yet.”

Me: “I’m going as fast as I can. I’ll let you know when I’m finished.”

(I finally get them all sorted and only have about five 7 1/4’s.)

Me: “I’m finished, and these are the 7 1/4’s.”

(He tries one on and he doesn’t need a 7 1/4; he needs a 7. I find him a few in his size, and after he tries on one, he walks away.)

Me: *stopping him* “I have a few more in his size.”

Customer: *continues to walk away* “Oh, I don’t want to buy one. I just wanted to see what I looked like in a hat!”

His Translation Is A Sham(rock)

| Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I work as a cashier. Two customers are in my line: an older man with a grimace and a younger man with a thick Irish accent. The Irishman, Customer #1, has jostled the older man, Customer #2.)

Customer #1: “Hey, watch it!”

Customer #2:You watch it, boy! Why’d you get in my way?”

Customer #1: “Get in your way? Oh, come on!”

Customer #2: *looks at me* “You saw that, right? He bumped his cart right into me!”

Customer #1: “Look, let’s not get her involved. You can just go in front of me. ‘Pogue mahone’ (póg mo thóin), alright?

Customer #2: “What was that?”

Customer #1: “Oh, ‘Pogue mahone’? It’s an Irish phrase. We say it when we want to end an argument. Here you go, you can go first.”

Customer #2: “Darn right I will. Youth these days need to learn to be a little more respectful.”

(I check him out and he leaves. Customer #1 steps up, and I begin checking his things out.)

Customer #1: “I sure hope he doesn’t look up what that really means when he gets home.”

Me: “Why? What does it mean?”

Customer #1: “It’s Irish for ‘Kiss my a**’.”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

| Athens, GA, USA | Bad Behavior

(I’m a customer walking around the kitchen section of a department store.)

Woman: *aggressively* “Where are your housewares?!”

(I look around, utterly bewildered, but realize she is talking to me. We’re already standing in what I’d consider the housewares section.)

Woman: “WHERE. ARE. YOUR. HOUSEWARES?”

Me: “IN. MY. HOUSE. B****!”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 4

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