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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • BOGO: Buy One Give One

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I’ve been helping a customer who’s about to get a great deal because of a BOGO promotion in the store. She also has a coupon for a free item. Even I am impressed with the amount of products she’ll get for free. I’ve been helping her select lotions and fragrances on the floor.)

    Customer: “Well, I have so much already. I don’t know what to pick out next. What would you recommend? What’s your favorite fragrance?”

    (I show her my favorite fragrance and she adds a lotion to her bag before she heads to the register to check out. She comes back to me after she makes her purchases.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much for your help today!”

    (Surprisingly, she hands me a bag from our store with an item in it. Inside is my favorite lotion; she had used her coupon to treat me!)

    Idiot, Imbecile, Moron

    | Platteville, WI, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Do you have any synonym?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “SYNONYM!”

    Me: “Do you mean cinnamon?”

    Customer: “No! God! They should have an I.Q. test before hiring people!” *storms away*

    A Cheerful Earful

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

    (I have been helping a customer sort out an order and have escorted her to the cashier. I hand her over with a smile and the cashier greets her with a smile.)

    Customer: “Everyone here is so cheerful! You are all so very cheerful!”

    Me: “Yes, well, we enjoy nice customers like you!”

    Customer: “God almighty, what do they feed you?! CHEERFUL Kool-Aid?!”

    (The cashier and I continue to smile while the customer pays. As she leaves…)

    Customer: “So cheerful…so cheerful…SO CHEERFUL!”

    One Does Not Simply Quaff Into Mordor

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Food & Drink

    (In the liquor store I work in, I notice an older man wondering around the store looking very confused. I ask if I can help him find anything.)

    Customer: “Do you have Rivendell?”

    Me:Rivendell?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for Rivendell.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t know if we have that here. Are you sure what you’re looking for is called ‘Rivendell?’”

    Customer: “Yes, Rivendell.”

    Me: *hesitantly* “Sir, I believe Rivendell is a city from The Lord Of The Rings.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (We pause and stare at each other for a moment. He pulls his phone out to call the person who sent him to the store. What was he looking for? Zinfandel.)

    Related:
    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet, Part 2
    Right Next To The Pee Not And Cabinet

    Subjective Job Satisfaction

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m a cashier ringing up a customer.)

    Me: “Did you find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “Yep, it was fine.”

    Me: *smiling* “That’s good.”

    Customer: “You have a nice smile.”

    Me: “Thanks!”

    Customer: “You must be very happy.”

    Me: “Usually.”

    Customer: “I have a friend who is a stripper. You’re much happier than her.”

    Me: *speechless* “Uh, thanks? You’re total is [total]. Have a nice day.”

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