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    The Answer To Life, The Universe, And Everything

    | Arizona, USA | Bizarre, Geeks Rule

    (We greet customers as they come in and answer questions they may have. A man comes in with his wife and comes over to me.)

    Me: “Did you have a question, sir?”

    Customer: “So what have you heard about woodchucks?”

    (I’m completely confused, so I try to just play along.)

    Me: “I hear they chuck wood.”

    (The customer begins to scowl at me, actually looking offended and disgusted with my answer. He then asks me a few questions about some of our products before heading off to shop.)

    Customer: *cryptically* “And you keep thinking about those woodchucks…”

    (He returns later and I am the cashier to take care of him. He brings up the woodchuck thing again as he’s about to leave.)

    Customer: “I’ve only had one person, this old man—a veteran—answer me correctly. He told me…42.”

    Granny Warbucks

    | Millbury, MA, USA |

    (I work in the girl’s department of the store where we have many items of clothing with peace signs on them. I’m putting some clothes away when an elderly lady comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “There are a lot of peace signs.”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess they’re popular.”

    Customer: “Not with me!”

    Placebo Me, Part 4

    | Bowling Green, OH, USA |

    (I’m at the service desk helping a few guests that come up for returns and such. A lady holding a “Lion King DVD Edition” and her receipt approaches)

    Me: “Good evening, ma’am! What can I do for you tonight?”

    Customer: “I need to exchange this for a DVD. I don’t want the Blu-Ray.”

    (I look at the box. It is indeed the DVD version of the “Lion King” movie, as it says in bold lettering at the top “DVD EDITION”. There is a small sticker on the cover that states “Also in Blu-Ray Combo Packs”)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it looks like you already have the DVD version. It says right at the top here–“

    Customer: “No! I don’t want the Blu-Ray version! I called in! Give me the DVD version instead of this Blu-Ray.”

    Me: “I understand, ma’am, it’s just a sticker that says it’s there’s also a Blu-Ray version–“

    Customer: “NO! I want the DVD version!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, let me head back to the department and see if I can find the DVD version. Just give me a second.”

    (I take the movie back to the department and peel back the sticker, removing it. I then go back to the desk, handing her back the movie without the sticker)

    Me: “Here you are, ma’am. Sorry about that.”

    Customer: “It’s about time! Thank you!”

    (She leaves in a huff, grumbling about blu-ray movies.)

    Related:
    Placebo Me, Part 3
    Placebo Me, Part 2
    Placebo Me

    The Solemnest Guarantee

    | Chesterfield, Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

    Me: “Okay, what form of payment would you like to use?”

    Customer: “Credit, please.” *hands me credit card with photo on card*

    (I hold up the card to ensure it’s the right person.)

    Customer: “Trust me, there are no two people in this world this ugly.”

    Santa Will Not Be Pleased

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays

    (It’s three weeks until Christmas, and I’m ringing up a customer when her child speaks up.)

    Child: “Mommy, when’s Christmas?”

    Customer: “When you eat each and every one of the chocolates from the advent calendar, it’ll be Christmas.”

    Child: “But I already ate all of the chocolate…”

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