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    Weeding Out The Dumb Ones

    | South Dakota, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Top

    (We are a fair trade store and, as such, sell items such as incense and incense burners. We are sometimes mistaken for a “head shop”. We also rent kayaks in the summer.)

    Customer: *looking over his shoulder a few times* “Where is your ‘special merchandise?’”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “You know…” *winks* “…your ‘back room stuff.’”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have anything in a back room. All of our stock is out on the floor.”

    Customer: *pointing to the kayak storage room* “Then, what’s in there?”

    Me: “That’s our kayak room.”

    Customer: *knowing look* “Oh…your ‘kayak room’. Can I see your ‘kayak room?’”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (He walks back, opens the door, walks in. I can hear him moving things around for a few minutes before he returns with a confused look on his face.)

    Customer: “There’s kayaks in there!”

    Me: “Yep.”

    Customer: “Where’s the weed?”

    Me: “Bye, now!”

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Canton, MI, USA | Pets & Animals

    (I’m working in the pet department, cleaning out the dead fish in the tanks. A small girl, probably about 5 or 6, approaches me.)

    Girl: “Are you taking care of the fish?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Girl: *noticing the dead fish* “There’s a dead fish in there!”

    Me: “Yeah, I’m taking care of the dead fish.”

    Girl: “What are you doing with the dead fish?!”

    Me: “No, I’m—”

    Girl: “STOP KILLING ALL THE FISHES!”

    (Thankfully, the mother comes and grabs her, apologizes profusely, and quickly walks away.)

    Related:
    Something Smells Fishy

    A New Dimension Of Stupidity, Part 2

    | Portsmouth, UK | Math & Science

    (I’m makeup artist on a counter in a large department store. Although I don’t have anything to do with the department store, lots of customers approach me for help, and I’m usually able to assist.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell the Nintendo 3DS?”

    Me: “We don’t in store, but I can order one for you.”

    Customer: “You know, I wish everything was in 3D. The world would be so much more interesting!”

    Me: “Ma’am, everything is in 3D, including yourself.”

    Customer: “Whatever. Airheaded bimbo!” *storms off*

    Related:
    Get A Life
    A New Dimension Of Stupidity

    The Neck-ed Truth

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Customer: “Can you help me out? This top doesn’t have the same neck as the one on the mannequin, and I like the look of that one better.”

    (We go to look at the mannequin.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the same top.”

    Customer: “No! It’s not! The neck doesn’t go up as high on this shirt as it does on the mannequin.”

    (I start thinking that she’s talking about how the neck is wider in the shoulders. The neck looks a little higher on the mannequin than it does on the hanger.)

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is the same shirt. It just looks like a lower neckline on the hanger.”

    (At this point the customer reaches out and touches the mannequin’s neck as she speaks.)

    Customer: “No! It’s not! You can’t honestly tell me that the neck of that shirt is the same as this one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s the mannequin’s neck, not part of the shirt.”

    Takes One To H2O One

    | Cedar Rapids, IA, USA |

    (I’m sitting at my kiosk drinking from a water bottle.)

    Woman: “You’re not supposed to drink on the job!”

    (Thinking she’s just giving me a hard time, I just laugh.)

    Woman: “I know that’s not water. I know all the tricks!”

    Me: *speechless*

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