Me: “Hi there sir, can I find you a size in those jeans?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I’m not sure what size I am.”

Me: “Oh, well–”

Customer: “Wait, I can check!”

(The customer undoes his pants and pulls them down to his knees.)

Customer: “Check! Find the tag! I don’t know where it is, find my size!”

(A customer places an unopened box on the counter.)

Customer: “Can you please check to make sure this isn’t broken?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I open box, remove Styrofoam, check product, replace in Styrofoam, close box.)

Customer: “Excellent. I’ll take that. Actually, can I please have one that hasn’t been opened?”

Related:
Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
Not Thinking Outside The Box

(I’m wearing a shirt and khaki pants while shopping at a certain discount store; I am not an employee. Another customer approaches me. )

Customer: “Do you have any more of these in back?”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here.”

(I push my cart down the next aisle and continue my shopping.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Don’t ignore a customer! That is rude!”

Me: “I don’t work here. If you pick up the phone at the end of the aisle, they will send someone over to help you.”

(I walk away and continue shopping.)

Customer: “I AM GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU GET FIRED FOR BEING SO RUDE! IN THIS ECONOMY GOOD LUCK FINDING ANOTHER JOB!”

Me: “I don’t work here. I can’t help you!”

Customer: “How rude!”

(Later on, I am pushing my cart of purchases out of the store. I see the customer talking to a manager.)

Customer: “HIM!” *points at me* “He is the jerk who ignored me in your sporting goods department! You should be ashamed of how rude he is to customers. I won’t shop here if that is the kind of employee you hire.”

Manager: “Ma’am, that man is not one of my employees.”

Customer: “Then you need to make sure customers don’t come to the store dressed like employees!”

(The woman storms off, but the manager hands me a coupon for a free coffee from the store snack bar for my trouble.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “Earrings?”

(I show her some and she picks out a pair, then tries to put them on.)

Me: “Sorry, but you can’t actually try them on. You can hold them up to your ear, though.”

(She still tries to put them in and I move forward to stop her.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot try those on due to health regulations. You’re only allowed to hold them up to your ears.”

(The customer looks at me, smiles sympathetically and pats my hand.)

Customer: “But I’m German!”

(A customer brings in a 20 year old pool cleaner.)

Customer: “I need you to wet-test this for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t offer that service. If you like, we can check it in, and bench test it.”

Customer: “Fine, but I wanna watch what you’re doing. I just had it in here last week, and it’s broken again!”

Me: “Do you remember who worked on it?”

Customer: “It was that kid with all those tattoos”

(One of our employees has a small tattoo on his arm. While he flips out, I find the problem: a part was put in up-side-down.)

Me: “You sure [name] worked on this?”

Customer: “Yes! I knew he would mess it up!”

Me: “Well here is your problem. This part was up side down. Did you install this yourself?

Customer: “Yes, I bought it here last week! And your guys came to my house last week, he cut off all my pipes, and he ruined my equipment!”

Me: “Sir, the last service done at your house was 3 months ago…a filter clean.”

Customer: “You’re not helpful at all!” *leaves*