Featured Story:
  • A Total Brazil Nut
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  • Disco Stu Gets Our Approval

    | USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’m standing next to a music demo display and talking to a coworker. A family walks by with their two little girls in tow. The parents are bickering and are too busy to notice what their girls are doing.)

    Coworker: *to me* “So, after you get done here go ahead and start binning, start with 46 and then—”

    (Suddenly, one of the little girls presses a button on the music demo display, effectively interrupting us with loud music.)

    Coworker: *doesn’t miss a beat and breaks into wild disco moves*

    (The girl and her sister stare with huge grins on their faces. The parents are too busy bickering to notice. When the music stops, my coworker resumes talking to me as if nothing has happened.)

    Coworker: “—and after 46, help with the top of the steel…”

    (I gained a lot of respect for my coworker that night!)

    Related:
    Disco Stu Does Not Approve

    Inde-fence-ible Behavior

    | New Hampshire, USA | Bigotry, Geography, Top

    (I am a customer at an outlet shoe store in the White Mountains region of New Hampshire. We often get French Canadians who come to New Hampshire for vacations and buy things here to avoid the high taxes they pay in Canada. Most of them speak perfectly fine English but some of them, particularly some of the older people can have some trouble. I speak French fluently, so I’m helping an elderly couple who is having trouble translating the sales signs.)

    Me: *in French* “It says that if you buy one pair of shoes, you get the second pair half off.”

    Elderly Customer: *in French* “Thank you. My English in not good, and some things just don’t translate well—”

    Other Customer: “Don’t do that!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Other Customer: “Don’t pander to them! If they want to live in this country, they should learn to speak English!”

    Me: “I think they are just visiting.”

    Other Customer: “Bulls***! Once they get into our country, they never leave! That’s why we need a fence.” *turns to the elderly couple* “Go back to Mexico!”

    Me: “They’re Canadian.”

    Other Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I heard you speaking Spanish!”

    Me: “That was French. Canada is a bilingual. Plenty of people in Canada speak French as their first language.”

    Other Customer: “We need a fence!”

    Me: “They are from Canada!”

    Other Customer: “We need TWO fences!”

    Let Me Google That For You

    | Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thanks for calling [store]! How may I direct your call?”

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering when the new season of this TV show is supposed to come out.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our system doesn’t allow us to research release dates. I could only tell you if it was being released this month.”

    Customer: “Well, could I find out on your website?”

    Me: “Well, your best bet would just be to Google it.”

    Customer: “Umm… so what should I Google?”

    Me: “The name of the TV show, the season, and the words ‘release date.'”

    Customer: “Oh my God, thank you! I never would have thought of doing that! I’ll go look it up now. Bye!”

    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2

    | Canada | Extra Stupid

    (I work as a cashier at a hardware store. A customer has had a problem-less transaction and is beginning to ring through purchase. She pauses after a few moments.)

    Customer: “It says my card is rejected.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “What do I do?”

    Me: “What does the screen say?”

    Customer: “It says ‘Take Card Out. Press OK. Try again.'”

    Me: “Okay, so follow the screen.”

    Customer: “So, what do I do?”

    Me: “Take your card out.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “Press ‘OK.'”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “…and try again.”

    Customer: “Well, no need to explain it like I’m a five year old!”

    Related:
    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves

    Close Cousins Of The Fashion Police

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

    (I’m working as a cashier at a local mall.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Your total today is [price].”

    Customer: “Can I get my 20% discount?”

    Me: *confused* “20% discount?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I always get 20% off of my purchases.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only make an adjustment if the item is on sale or if you have a coupon. We don’t have a standing 20% off discount.”

    Customer: “But I ALWAYS get a discount.”

    Me: “Umm… I’m sorry, but I haven’t heard of this discount and I can’t make an adjustment. I can get my manager and see if she can—”

    Customer: “What’s your name?”

    Me: “[name].”

    Customer: “Well, [name], I want you to know that I’m reporting you to the sales police! Consider yourself warned!” *stalks out of the store*

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