The Diva Is Always Right, Part 2

| Plano, Texas, USA | Family & Kids

(I work at the fitting room of a large retail store. I’m folding some shirts as a little girl and her mother walk by.)

Little Girl: “Mommy, this store has no ambiance.”

Mother: “No, it doesn’t.”

Little Girl: “I want AMBIANCE!”

Mother: *ignores her*

Little Girl: “AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE! AMBIANCE!”

(The little girl kept screaming all the way out the store!)

Related:
The Diva Is Always Right

She’s No Bashful Biddy

| Alberta, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Rude & Risque, Top

(A sweet little old lady comes up to my till with her walker. She is probably in her nineties or late eighties and looks like your stereotypical sweet old granny.)

Me: “Good afternoon, Miss! How’s it going today?”

Little Old Lady: “Quite well, thank you! And calling me ‘Miss’, ha!  You’re such a sweet girl. Made my day!”

Me: “Glad to be of service! Do you need a hand with your basket?”

Little Old Lady: “Oh, no, I try to do things for myself even if they’re harder. Keeps me young.”

(We go through the transaction, chatting away, and at the end she uses her debit card. It’s a chip card and she tries to swipe it, so I correct her.)

Me: “Oh! That’s a chip card. The stripe probably won’t work, so can you please just slide that right up there in the bottom?”

Little Old Lady: “What’s that, sorry?”

Me: “Can you just slide that right up there in the bottom?”

Little Old Lady: *deadpans* “That’s what she said.”

(It took about five seconds before I and the other guy in line burst out laughing.)

Other Customer: “A lady your age saying that? Nice move, ma’am!”

Little Old Lady: “That’s MISS!” *devilish little grin* “And I’m old, not dead. Have a nice day!”

(She slowly makes her way out of the store, slow as only the elderly can be. The other customer and I look at one another, tears still wet on my face from laughter.)

Me: “Best older customer ever.”

Other Customer: “F*** yes!”

You’ve Got To Be Kitten Me

| USA | Language & Words

(Two of my coworkers both speak Irish fluently. I’ve picked up a few phrases from them. They are having a conversation in Irish when this happens. Please note: the female coworker has a medical condition where she twitches.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME! How DARE you?!”

Female Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Apologize to me, immediately!”

Female Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “You were just talking about me! I heard my name! [Name]!”

Male Coworker: “You mean [Irish word]?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Female Coworker: *twitches* “I am sorry for the confusion, ma’am. In Irish, [word] means ‘kitten’. We were talking about the kitten my neighbor just bought his daughter.”

Customer: “No! I know it was my name!”

(The customer starts screaming bloody murder, so I approach.)

Me: “Is there something I can help with?”

Customer: “They were insulting me in some… some HEATHEN SPEAK!” *points at my female coworker* “And THAT ONE is possessed or something! She won’t stop twitching!”

(Suddenly, the customer swings her purse violently at us, but thankfully none of us are hit.)

Me: *to my employees* “Are you okay?!”

Female Coworker: “I’m fine. And yourself?”

(The customer screws up her face, balls up her fists and starts screaming again. She wouldn’t stop, so I had to have her arrested and taken out of the store.)

Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners, Part 2

| New York, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(A couple and their 5-year-old child comes into my 20 items or less lane. However, they have a large, overflowing cart with clearly more than 20 items.)

Me: “Hi, I’m sorry but are you aware this lane is 20 items or less?”

Customer: “Does it matter? Take care of us!”

(The customer starts unloading her items on the tiny counter. Meanwhile, her child is standing in the cart and starts throwing things.)

Me: *to the customer’s child* “Alright, sweetie, please don’t throw things.”

Customer: “Excuse me? Don’t you dare tell my kid what to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, he’s throwing things. He could hurt—”

(At this point the kid hefts up a very large can of broth and throws it at me, hitting me in the face.)

Customer’s Child: *laughs*

Customer: “Oh! Isn’t he cute?! Good job sweetie! We don’t treat these people nice. It’s good to learn early to make them shut up!”

(Another cashier took over for me so I could attend to my injuries, but before security could get there they had left the store. Thankfully nothing was broken, but I had a pretty bashed up looking face for a while!)

Related:
Common Courtesies: Not For Commoners

Ah, Parents, Part 3

| Upstate NY, USA | Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a popular cellphone retailer. On this day, a customer comes in with her 8-year-old son; he is severely misbehaving.)

Me: “Welcome to [retailer]. What may I help you with?”

Customer: “I want to upgrade my phone.”

(Meanwhile, her son is running around, touching every phone and even throwing things on floor.)

Me: “Not a problem. Let’s see what we can do today.”

(Her son continues to cause chaos, but I’m trying my best to ignore him.)

Me: “Well, we have great sales going on—”

(Suddenly, her son trips the security alarm on the phone. Knowing he’s done something wrong, he turns to me in fear.)

Me: *to her son* “Now, you have to go to jail. The police are on their way, and your mom will have to pay three weeks of your allowance to bail you out.”

Customer: *whispers to me* “Thank you…”

(The customer’s son never left his mom’s side after that. She even gave me a customer satisfaction of all 10s!)

Related:
Ah, Parents, Part 2
Ah, Parents

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