November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling, Part 2

| Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(There is an annual bar crawl. The street is almost literally filled with people who can’t even stand. I am a customer waiting in line.)

Drunk Girl: “There… should be… more…”

(She is digging through her purse for cash.)

Drunk Girl: “Um…”

(The drunk girl hands the cashier her lighter and other various objects as she digs through her purse.)

Drunk Girl: “How much more do you need?”

Cashier: “$8.56.”

Drunk Girl: “Randy?”

(She starts looking around for her boyfriend, who has wandered off. Then she looks at me.)

Drunk Girl: “You’re not Randy… but can I owe you $8.56?”

(The cashier gives me a look of desperation. Seeing as this has been taking quite a long time, and I feel bad for the cashier, I take out my card to pay.)

Me: “Sure, add it together with my stuff.”

Drunk Girl: “Thank you!”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

(The drunk girl proceeds to just walk out of the store without her purse or groceries.)

Cashier & Me: “Miss! Your purse!”

(The cashier and I exchange looks.)

Me: “Good luck tonight.”

Cashier: “Thanks!”

I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

Teeny Tiny Meets Teenage Whiney

| USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Rude & Risque, Top

(There is a young couple in my check-out line, followed by a handful of teenagers. The man is quite a bit taller than the woman, and he’s fairly muscular and intimidating. She’s very small, and unassuming. The teenagers are making a number of snide, extremely explicit comments to her.)

Teen #1: “D***, baby! You ought to learn how to service more than one man! A pretty little thing like you needs to be trained!”

(The other two teens high-five each other and laugh.)

Teen #2: “Yeah, man! With a fine b**** like you, a real man could find some use for that mouth!”

(She grabs her companion’s arm, and mutters something quiet to him. She then smiles at me as it’s their turn. They put their things on the counter.)

Me: “Hi there. Did you find everything you needed today?”

Teen #3: “Hey! B****! Don’t ignore us! Men are talking; you gotta learn some respect!”

(She smiles at me, but looks slightly annoyed.)

Woman: “Won’t you excuse me?”

(She turns around.)

Man: “Oh, boy.”

Woman: “If you EVER speak to me like that again, you never WILL become the men you’re arrogant enough to think you’ve already become. If you want to be treated like adults, and respected like adults, you act like adults and show other people respect. I feel sorry for your poor mothers. You are pathetic excuses for human beings. Go bother somebody else; come back when you’re ready to behave yourselves!”

(The man starts talking to me.)

Man: “The funny thing is, people think that because I’m physically bigger than she is, they should be afraid of me. Then they see her mad. She’s tiny, but she’s the scary one.”

They Are In The Lower Percentile

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

(I’m a sales associate at a popular clothing store. I’m in the middle of an eight-hour shift on Black Friday, when a customer calls on the phone. The customer speaks in a very confused tone the entire time.)

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [store]! This is [name] speaking; what’s on your wish list?”

Customer: “Hi. So you guys are having a sale, right?”

Me: “Yep! Everything is 40% off today!”

Customer: “Okay. So is that 40% off our entire purchase, or 40% off each individual item or our purchase?”

(Thinking I must have heard her incorrectly, I just repeat myself)

Me: “Right, everything in the store is 40% off today.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, whoever rang me up today clearly did it wrong. They rang my entire purchase as 40% off, instead of each item separately as 40% off.”

Me: “Well, that adds up to the same thing.”

Customer: “Wait, really?”

Me: “Yes. 40% off the entire purchase is the same thing as 40% each thing in the purchase.”

Customer: “Oh… thanks.”

(The customer hangs up. My coworker is staring at me.)

Coworker: “Please tell me that did not just happen.”

Trapped On Mount Karma

| UK | Bad Behavior, Geography, Health & Body, Top

(We are having one of the coldest Easters in record. I work in an outdoors equipment shop, where we sell everything for use in outdoor activities, from hiking boots and tents to climbing gear and ice picks. I also volunteer for the UK’s mountain rescue. My manager and colleagues all know this, and are happy for me to go on calls.)

Customer: “I’m looking for some hiking boots so I can go out in the snow.”

Me: “Okay, sir, they are just over here.”

(We walk over to where we display our boots. As he is looking, I get paged that my team is going out on a rescue.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I am afraid I have to go. I volunteer for mountain rescue, but one of my colleagues will assist you.”

Customer: “What! How dare you! You shouldn’t trouble me just because some random people managed to get themselves hurt.”

(The customer grabs onto my sleeve. My manager comes over, as he is aware of my needing to leave.)

Manager: “Sir, please let my employee leave. I will help you personally, and we will give you some free walking socks for your inconvenience.”

(I eventually leave, and my team performs our rescue. The casualty had hypothermia and a broken leg, but other than that was fine. A couple of days later, my team get another call-out. I bet you can’t guess who it was…)

What She Said Makes You Stop Dead

| UK | Holidays, Rude & Risque

(I am helping pack an old lady customer’s gift-wrapping paper into the long bags designed for them.)

Me: “So, that’s six rolls of wrapping paper for £2. The plastic bags are a bit thin, so I may have to put it in two bags of three.”

Customer: “No, no, no, that won’t do. Just squeeze it into one; it will be fine.”

(The wrapping paper rolls are small, so four or five will just fit in one plastic bag. The handles, however, fit so tightly over the paper they cannot be held properly.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got five in there but they are rather tight; another one in there may tear it.”

Customer: *creepy voice* “That’s what she said…”

(The whole shop is overcome by a stunned silence. My two colleagues next to me have stopped working, now with their jaws on the floor.)

Customer: “Speaking of which; shove it in there!”

(I managed to get the last roll in there, with it bent out of shape. She leaves with a laugh almost like a witch’s cackle, with the whole shop in silence.)

Me: *sigh* “Next customer, please…”