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    Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

    | Illinois, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

    Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

    Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

    (The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

    Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

    Cashier: *dazed look*

    Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

    Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

    Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

    (At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

    Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”

    Two’s Company, Flees A Crowd

    | Arizona, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I’m working at a big-box retailer in a college town. It’s a week or so before school is about to get back in, so it’s naturally very busy.)

    Customer: “It’s too crowded here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “It’s too crowded. Can’t you get some of these people to leave? I can’t get any shopping done!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t control the number of people in the store. Besides, we like it busy.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** would you LIKE it this busy?”

    Me: “We’re trying to run a business, ma’am.”

    (At this point, my manager walks up.)

    Manager: “You know, if you left, it would be that much less crowded.”

    Customer: *storms off in a huff*

    Time For Cup-ple’s Counseling

    | Melbourne, Australia | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a store that sells kitchen appliances. I have been helping a young couple with a blender set that they are interested in buying. Note: I am female.)

    Female Customer: “Would you mind if we open the box just to have a look at the parts?”

    Me: “Of course. That’s no problem!”

    Male Customer: “Yeah, we’re just wondering what kind of cup size you’ve got.”

    (There’s an awkward pause as the male customer realises what he’s just said.)

    Male Customer: “Oh! On the blender! I meant on the blender!” *quietly, to his wife* “That sounded bad, didn’t it?”

    Female Customer: *sighs* “Yes dear, it did…”

    To Hole And Back

    | Montana, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Why do you have that swimsuit?”

    Me: “My coworker found a rip in the seam of this one. I have to fill out a sheet so we can send it back.”

    (The customer grabs the swimsuit from my hands.)

    Customer: “This is my size! Don’t you dare send it back! I need it!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, this one has a hole in it. I’m sure we have more swimsuits in your size—”

    Customer: “Not this color! You just don’t want me to have it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is a fairly large hole here…”

    (I show her by putting my fingers through the hole. It’s large enough to fit 3 fingers.)

    Customer: “I don’t care about a stupid hole. I’m buying this!”

    (The customer buys the suit despite my explanation. The next day, the she comes back while I am working the return counter.)

    Customer: “I want my money back! This stupid swimsuit you sold me has a giant hole in it!”

    Me: *speechless*

    No Dime Or Reason

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work at a store where every item is $1 or less. It’s an average Sunday afternoon when a woman wearing a nice dress and heels and her friend approach my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you? Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer #1: *eyes bulge as though she has been offended and glares at me.*

    (I shake it off and ring her up for $2.90 worth of merchandise. The woman then pays with a $100 bill. I carefully count out her $97 dollars to her, and hand her the 10 cents. At the last second, her hand overturns and the dime falls somewhere beneath the register. I try to find it, but can’t.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find your dime. It might have fallen on your side of the register?”

    Customer #1: “You THREW change at me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t throw anything. I’ll call up my manager and I can get you another dime from my till.”

    (I intercom my manager, who tells me she won’t come to the front because she’s on her break.)

    Customer #1: *clutches the $97* “I WANT MY MONEY!”

    (The couple behind her in line are watching with their mouths hanging open. The man mouths, “I’m sorry” to me and then speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Here, ma’am. Here’s a quarter. You are holding up the line, so can you please go?”

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “I am SO sorry…” *points at me* “…SHE is horrible!”

    Customer #2: “Well, take my quarter.”

    Customer #1: “NO! I want MY dime!”

    Customer #1’s Friend: *to me* “Yes, miss, you need to apologize to her and give her the money!”

    (Customer #2 once again tries to get Customer #1 to take the quarter and leave. Finally, she storms out, stomping her feet the whole way.)

    Customer #2: “Wow… do you deal with this a lot?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, yes.”

    Customer #2’s Wife: “Hey look, I found a dime!”

    (My manager and I later reviewed the security video. In it, Customer #1 clearly turned over her hand and dropped the dime by her feet!)

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