(This happened about 6 or 7 years ago when I was a teenager. I had long hair then and sometimes wore it in pigtails. I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer.)

Customer: “Aw, I just love your hair! It looks so cute!”

Me: “Thanks! I like wearing it up like this, but it makes me look younger than I am. I get called ‘hun’ and ‘sweetheart’ a lot when it’s up.”

Customer: *gasps* “Now you listen here! I’m one of those ones who calls people ‘hun’ and I don’t like your attitude. You need to learn to take a compliment and not be such a brat!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: *grabs her stuff out of my hands, marches away, and slams the door behind her*

Me: “Hi, this is *** how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I just bought a Xbox 360 and it doesn’t work.”

Me: “Could you describe the problem ma’am?”

Caller: “It won’t turn on. I took it out of the box and it won’t turn on.”

Me: “Are all the cables plugged into the system TV and wall outlet?”

Caller: “I have to plug it in?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It will not work unless it is plugged in.”

Caller: “How do I do that?”

(I go through the steps of connecting the AV cables and the power plug.)

Caller:  “It still won’t turn on.”

Me: “Did you push the power button?”

Caller: “What’s that?”

Me: “The big round button on the front of the console.”

Caller: “I don’t know why you make these machines so difficult to use!” *hangs up*

Customer: “I called in here yesterday and put an item on hold. Do you have it?”

Me: “Let me check, who put it on hold for you?”

Customer: “Google.”

Me: “Google?”

Customer: “Yes, Google…or Nadia.”

Me: “We don’t have a Nadia here, do you mean Natalie?”

Customer: “No, his name was Nadia!”

Me: “His name was Nadia?”

Customer: “Yes…or Google.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, hello. I ordered some shoes from your store and put it at a one day delivery. It said it was supposed to be delivered by 4:00 today, and it hasn’t been delivered yet.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Where are you calling from?”

Customer: “Dallas.”

Me: “Dallas, Texas sir?”

Customer: “You know any other Dallas?”

(I check the time and see that it’s 3:00)

Me: “Sir, it’s only 3:00.”

Customer: “Now listen here son, just because it’s three o’clock where you are doesn’t mean it’s the same time over here!”

Me: “Sir, Dallas is in the same time zone as Chicago.”

Customer: “Boy, do I need to get you a map? Dallas is a million miles from Chicago!”

Related:
No Aptitude For Latitude

(The chain store has a pharmacy that closes at 7pm. A couple is at my lane at 8:30pm.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Not unless you can break into the pharmacy and get my wife’s prescription.”

Me: *chuckle* “Sorry, sir, I can’t do that.”

Customer: *completely serious* “She’s gonna die without it. Oh well.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “It’s okay, she’s old enough to die anyway.”