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    Eau De Bahamas

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I am walking by a small selection of candles our store holds.)

    Customer: “Honey! Vacation! It smells like vacation!”

    (Now I’m curious and walk over.)

    Me: “Sir, what fragrance do you have there?”

    Customer: “VACATION!” *beams*

    This Spud’s Obviously Not For You

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (I am working at the produce department.)

    Customer: “These potatoes smell like dirt.”

    Me: “Well, of course they do ma’am. Potatoes grow in the ground.”

    Customer: *shocked* “That is just disgusting. What kind of potatoes do you people buy?!”

    Me: “Regular ones?”

    Customer: *drops the potatoes on the ground and storms out*

    When The Unforgettable Meets The Incorrigible

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    (I have just started working at popular women’s lingerie store and still don’t really know all of the bras that we sell.)

    Customer: “I am looking for a bra. I don’t know the name of it, but I know what it looks like.”

    Me: “Well, if you can tell me about it, I can help you find it.”

    Customer: “I think it’s called the Unstoppable.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s the Unforgettable.”

    Customer: “No, no, that’s not it.”

    Me: “Well, would you like me to show you the bra I have in mind?”

    Customer: “No, thank you! You have been no help at all and if I see a manager, I’m going to talk to her.”

    (The customer walks off and then comes back holding the Unforgettable bra.)

    Customer: “I found it! It was the Unforgettable, just like I told you!”

    Of Low Prices And Lower Expectations

    | Ft. Wayne, IN, USA | Holidays, Top

    (Every item in our store is one dollar.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I need help with your Christmas ties. I can’t get them to work.”

    (The ties in question play music when you press the button.)

    Me: “Of course, ma’am. All you have to do is press the button firmly and hold for two seconds. The button isn’t super sensitive to light presses to avoid the music playing from an accidental press.”

    (I show the customer the difference between lightly pushing and intentionally pushing the button.)

    Customer: *lightly pushes the button* “See, these don’t work!”

    Me: “Ma’am, just press and hold the button for 2 seconds.”

    (I demonstrate again in case she hadn’t seen it the first time.)

    Customer: *pushes button several times very quickly* “You must be lying to me. It still doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all you have to do is push the button once and hold it for 2 seconds.”

    Customer: *pushes and holds button* “Finally! These aren’t very good quality, are they?!”

    (Another customer who has been listening from the next aisle speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Ugh, lady, you’re in a dollar store! It’s a Christmas tie. You press the button for two seconds and it plays music. It costs a dollar. What more do you want?!”

    We Smurfs Stick Together

    , | Michigan, USA | Top

    Manager: “And who was helping you today?”

    Customer #1: *points to me* “That nice blue haired girl over there. I think it’s so fun that she has blue hair. Very unique.”

    Manager: “We think it’s awesome. Have a good day!” *turns to next customer* “Hello! Who helped you out today?”

    Customer #2: *points to me* “That heathen with the blue devil hair and no makeup on.”

    Manager: “That’ll be $34.50. You have a nice day.”

    Customer #2: *yells across store* “Thank you for the help, heathen!”

    Every worker in the store: “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

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