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    Same Difference

    | Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid

    (We have an offer on in store: buy one backpack, get another backpack free. A customer comes to me to pay for one backpack and a pair of shoes.)

    Me: “Sorry, but the promotion only works when you buy two backpacks. You will then get one of them free.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. So it’s just backpacks…just backpacks…just backpacks…backpacks.”

    (The customer wanders off, presumably in search of another backpack. She eventually returns.)

    Customer: “This, please.” *shows me a belt*

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the belt isn’t in the deal.”

    Customer: “But I’m buying a backpack…A BACKPACK! You said it was free with a backpack!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. What I meant was that you can get a free backpack with your other backpack.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (The customer wanders off again, and once again returns with a new item.)

    Customer: “I’ll just take these, then.” *shows me a pair of shoes*

    Me: “Those aren’t in the deal either, I’m afraid. It’s only backpacks.”

    Customer: “But it’s two of the same! You said they had to be the same!”

    (After going back and forth for another 5 minutes, I finally take her to pick out a backpack, specifically. She pays and leaves, still mumbling about “two of the same”.)

    This Deal Is A Steal, Part 2

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A woman enters with one of our store bags in her hand and a receipt in the other.)

    Me: “Hello, is this a return?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    (I take a glance at the receipt.)

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t do returns after 30 days of the purchase. You bought this item in March 2007. That was over four years ago.”

    Customer: “What’s your point?”

    Me: “Well, I can’t return this, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, I guess that’s fine. I’ll be back. I need to buy a few things.”

    (The customer gets back in line after 15 minutes.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Sure did! Here’s a coupon I have for my purchase.”

    (I glance down at the coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, this coupon expired in June 2008. That was over three years ago.”

    Customer: “Why does your store not honor this? It’s a coupon!”

    Me: “Yes, but it’s an expired coupon.”

    (The customer angrily storms off, taking her unpaid item with her out the door. I am forced to write down her license plate number and call the cops on her.)

    Related:
    This Deal Is A Steal

    Liza’s Pigment-less Revenge

    | Connecticut, USA | Bizarre

    (An elderly customer in her 90′s approaches the till with a cartload of items.)

    Customer: “So, have you heard about the albino?”

    (She says this several times. As this was around the time Bin Laden was killed, I presume this is who she is referring to when she says “the albino”.)

    Me: “No?”

    Customer: “Oh, it turns out he’s not dead. They shot him in the head and dumped him over the side, but he’s still alive, they say! He’s going to destroy the U.S. with his weather controlling lasers!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Oh, we’ve never had such bad weather as this. It must be those lasers of his. He wants to destroy us, you know.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *writing out a check* “My mother was Judy Garland, you know!”

    (At this point, the customer starts singing “Over The Rainbow”.)

    Customer: “I’m best friends with president Obama. Oh, my father was furious when I voted democrat. ‘You’re a republican!’ he yelled at me!” *leaves the store*

    Honestly (Not) Abe

    | Lebanon, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work as a cashier at a popular retail store in a town that is near Amish and Mennonite communities. It is not unusual to see them around town.)

    Boy: “Look mommy! It’s Abraham Lincoln!”

    (Confused, his mother and I look where he is pointing and see an Amish gentleman standing off to the side looking a bit out of place. At this point, both his mother and I are having a hard time keeping a straight face.)

    Me: “No sweetie. That’s not Abraham Lincoln. He’s Amish.”

    (The little boy gasps and his eyes widen in disbelief. He leans forward and whispers to me.)

    Boy: “You mean, he’s allowed in here?”

    Me: “Of course he is! This store welcomes everyone’s money!”

    (The little boy stares at the man, shocked, as I finish ringing up his mothers purchases.)

    Boy: *as they’re leaving* “Bye, Mr. Lincoln!”

    Any Sliver Of Hope

    | Santee, CA, USA |

    (I am standing at the door greeting customers. An elderly gentleman is waiting to get in as I answer a question for the customer ahead. I have already checked his membership card.)

    Me: “You can go on in, hon. I’ve already seen your card.”

    (The man continues to stand there while I speak with another customer.)

    Me: “Did you need anything, sir?”

    Customer: “No, but you called me hon, so I thought I might stick around a while…”


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