(I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)
Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”
(Best. Old dude. Ever.)
The Parent Is Not Always Right: This week, we feature five stories of people who aren’t just bad customers, but bad parents too!
- Bad Parents Bug Us:
A mother and her two “angels” go on an insect-killing spree at a zoo.
- Fruit Is But One Food Group:
There’s nothing sweet about this parent’s approach to nutrition!
- Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101:
A mother teaches her daughter the joys of smack-talk.
- Rounding Down To The Nearest Child:
Signs you have too many kids: you don’t know how many you have!
- Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone:
Nanny nanny boo-boo, mommy acts like a doo-doo!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!
(We have a regular customer who always brings in his latest metal detector find for me to see, knowing that I’m a fan of antiques and history.)
Customer: “See this ring my metal detector found this morning?”
Me: *looks at the ring* “It looks like an old military officer’s ring. See the rank insignia on one side, the army seal on the other, and ‘E pluribus unum’ around where there used to be a gem/stone?”
Customer: “‘In God we trust.’”
Customer: “‘E pluribus unum’ means ‘In God we trust.’”
Me: “Actually, it is Latin for ‘Out of many, one.’ It’s the nation’s motto, meaning we are many states and people, but one country.”
Customer: *suddenly angry* “NO! It means ‘In God we trust’, like on money! WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?!” *storms out*
(A woman walks into the video section of the department store.)
Customer: “I’ve been looking all over this d*** store, and I can’t find the new Buns of Abs workout video!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ll try to find it for you. Were you looking for Buns of Steel or Abs of Steel?”
Customer: “It’s called BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! BUNS OF ABS! Don’t you think I know what I’m talking about?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry, but it looks like we only have Buns of Steel and Abs of Steel at this moment. Would you like either of these two?”
Customer: “No, I want Buns of Abs!”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m afraid we simply don’t have your video in stock. Is there anything else I can do to assist you?”
(The customer lumbers off, grumbling. Thankfully, at the insistence of her daughter, she came back two minutes later to purchase Abs of Steel and Buns of Steel.)
(Our lighting store is very hands-on with service. On a slow day, I see a customer standing near our counter. She is looking at some lights displayed on the roof.)
Me: “Hi, can I give you a hand today?”
Customer: *angry* “NO! You know, you’re the fourth person in ten minutes to ask me for help! I just want to look at the lights. I don’t need any help. I just want to be left alone!”
Me: “Okay, then.”
(I walk away, rather surprised by her reaction. I see another customer, an elderly man, and decide to approach him.)
Me: “Can I give you a hand, or were you just having a look?”
Elderly Customer: “Just having a look, thank you. You know, you’re the third person to ask me that. What great service you guys have!”