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    The Solemnest Guarantee

    | Chesterfield, Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

    Me: “Okay, what form of payment would you like to use?”

    Customer: “Credit, please.” *hands me credit card with photo on card*

    (I hold up the card to ensure it’s the right person.)

    Customer: “Trust me, there are no two people in this world this ugly.”

    Santa Will Not Be Pleased

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Holidays

    (It’s three weeks until Christmas, and I’m ringing up a customer when her child speaks up.)

    Child: “Mommy, when’s Christmas?”

    Customer: “When you eat each and every one of the chocolates from the advent calendar, it’ll be Christmas.”

    Child: “But I already ate all of the chocolate…”

    Oh, Bother

    | Illinois, USA |

    (I am working the checkout on a very busy evening. Even though it is busy, I try to make small talk with the customers as we wait for their transactions to process. One lady comes up wearing a Winnie the Pooh jacket. As a Pooh fan myself, I compliment her on her jacket.)

    Me: “I just love your jacket!”

    Customer: “Thanks! I just wish they had Pooh.”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “When I bought this one, they were out of stock on Pooh.”

    Me: “That one does have Pooh.”

    Customer: *looks down at her jacket* “Well, darn. I forgot which one I was wearing!”

    Harry Potter And The Delusions Of Grandeur

    | BC, Canada |

    (I am working at the information desk where I look up titles for customers that can’t find what they’re looking for. An older woman approaches me with a request.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, my son likes these movies. Oh, I forget what they’re called. It has three series written by an English lady. The boy has a mental disorder and he’s acting out.”

    (I start giving her options of BBC documentaries, shows, etc.)

    Me: “Do you remember any of the actors? Anything about what they were wearing, what they looked like, etc.?”

    Customer: “The main boy has round glasses.”

    Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: *laughing* “What made you think he had a mental disorder?”

    Customer: “He was at a big state hospital!”

    Definitely Not On The DIY Channel

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

    (I work at a kids clothing store and a customer comes in with his wife. He is holding his newborn baby.)

    Customer: “Look what we made!”

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