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    Money Makes The World Go Round A Lot Slower These Days

    | IL, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you give cash for games?”

    Me: “Yes, what games would you like to trade?”

    (The customer lists several games. I give the respective values. The customer then looks at me impatiently for a few minutes.)

    Customer: “Oh, so do I need to bring them with me? Or can I just get cash now?”

    Land Of The Free Anti-Virus

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I’m selling a computer to a customer and we include free anti-virus.)

    Me: “This computer actually has 6 months of anti-virus installed on it.”

    Customer: “Oh, great! What brand is it?”

    (I name the brand of antivirus software.)

    Customer: “Oh, never mind. I don’t want the computer anymore.”

    Me: “Is there a problem with the antivirus or computer?”

    Customer: “I don’t want that antivirus on my computer. It was made outside of America. They are going to steal my information.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that is very unlikely. If you want, we can uninstall it for you and replace it with a different brand.”

    Customer: “It’s too late. It’s already tainted.”

    Hope This One Ends Positively

    , | Australia |

    Customer: “Do you have a charger for this battery?”

    Me: “We have a universal charger, which should work with it. It charges 90% of all batteries.”

    Customer: “Could I have one which charges my batteries to 100%?”

    Oooooh Dear

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (A customer calls, wondering about his online order that he has placed. I ask him for his order number, but he can’t seem to find it.)

    Me: “Your order number will be the number on your packing slip that starts with five zeros.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see that now. Do you want me to read off the five zeros, or do you already have that?”

    Me: “I already have that.”

    Say Sayonara To Sense

    | Midwest, USA |

    (A customer approaches the counter. She offers me a very large bag of clothing, and indicates that she would like to return all of the items.)

    Me: “Wow, I’m sorry none of these worked out for you. Is there something wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Oh, honey…every single one of them is too small.”

    Me: “That’s too bad. I’d be happy to give you a refund.”

    Customer: “All the sizes have changed. You have to buy everything at least two sizes bigger these days. Everything is made in Japan these days. You know they’re so much smaller than we are. That’s why all the sizes are wrong!”


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