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    My Eyes Advise That Your Size Defies

    | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    (I’m working in the fitting room of a popular clothing store. A customer enters with several pairs of shorts.)

    Me: “Found some items you liked? I’ll start a fitting room for you.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m not sure if these will work.”

    Me: “I’ll be happy to switch the sizes out for you if these don’t work out.”

    (She enters her fitting room and starts trying on her shorts. After a few minutes, she comes out wearing a pair that are WAY too small for her.)

    Customer: “Oh, no…these won’t work!”

    Me: “You’re right. A different size would work better.”

    Customer: “Oh good! I’m glad you agree. These are a 6…can you get me a 2 and a 4?”

    Me: *mouth hanging open*

    Half-A-Brains Don’t Have A Heart

    | Liverpool, England, UK | Money

    (I work at a charity shop. We often get customers trying to get items for less through a variety of methods, such as finding problems with items or comparing our prices to other stores.)

    Customer #1: “Oi!”

    (I look around and see three men by the men’s shoes.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer #2: “These shoes are a size 8 and they’re marked as a size 10!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. I’ll retag them.”

    (The three customers look at each other and give a nasty laugh.)

    Customer #1: “So, since you messed up, can I have these shoes for half price?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I can!”

    (The three customers give a nasty laugh again. I decide to leave them. They then walk over to my coworker at the till.)

    Customer #3: “Oi, love, we’re having these shoes for half price.”

    Coworker: “I’m very sorry, but I don’t have the authority to change the prices.”

    Customer #1: “Go on, just cut the price.”

    Coworker: “I can’t do that. And, besides, all the money goes to charity.”

    Customer #1: “Screw charity! I want these shoes for half price!”

    Team Awkward

    | Sydney, Australia | Family & Kids

    (I am a customer in line behind a middle-aged woman who is buying a DVD. She’s been very nervous throughout the whole transaction.)

    Customer: “Oh, dear…I will have to hide this DVD when I get home!”

    Cashier: “Oh really? Why?”

    Customer: “My children don’t like this movie. I will have to watch it when they’re not home. I’m gonna have to hide it somewhere!” *leaves*

    Coworker: “What was she buying?”


    Aisle Never Make Cents

    , | New Brunswick, Canada | Money

    (I am working the cash one busy day. A customer is disputing the price of some items.)

    Customer: “Well, the sign said these were 3 for $1. That’s why I was buying them.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam, but these are $1.25 a piece…they always have been. Would you still like to purchase them?”

    Customer: “Well, the sign on the display has them at 3 for $1. I want them, but at that price.”

    Me: “Madam, I can see the display from here and I don’t see the sign you are referring to. In fact, I set up that display myself last night. I can assure you there are no such signs on the display. Would you still like to purchase the items?”

    Customer: “Look, it’s right there! Can you not see? It says everything on that shelf is 3 for $1!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I still don’t see the sign to which you are referring madam.”

    Customer: “IT’S RIGHT THERE ON THE TOP! The green and yellow sign with number 3 on it!”

    Me: “You mean the sign that says aisle 3?”

    Customer: “Exactly! Now…oh…”

    (The customer turns beet red and remains silent for the rest of the transaction. When the next customer in line comes up, she speaks.)

    Next Customer: *joking* “If that’s what the signs on each aisle mean, I think I’ll do all my shopping in aisle 7!”

    So Much Pun

    | Springfield, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Language & Words, Top

    (I’m zoning the laundry aisle at a popular retail store. An elderly couple walks down the aisle. The husband makes a pun of every name brand he walks by.)

    Customer: “CHEER up, dear. We’re in a new ERA now. We’re ALL together, and have everything to GAIN. So SNUGGLE up, but be careful. There’s a TIDE coming in, so SURF’s up!”

    (Best. Old dude. Ever.)

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