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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    It’s Curtains For You

    | CA, USA |

    (I am walking the store. I see a woman digging through our curtain panels.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for more of these curtains. You had them the other day, and I came back today to buy them.”

    (She shows me a curtain. I realize she’s in the wrong section.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Those are actually over here.”

    (I lead her over to where the panels should be, but the space is empty.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like we’re out of stock. I can check the computer to be sure, but it looks like somebody else bought them.”

    Customer: “No, nobody could have bought them.”

    (She goes back to digging through the shelves.)

    Me: “They wouldn’t be over there, though. If we had them in stock, they would be right here.”

    Customer: “No, they wouldn’t. The other day when I was in here I hid them so no one else would buy them.”

    Me: “You hid the panels?”

    Customer: “Yes. So, can you help me find them?”

    A Need To Be Lifted

    | MD, USA |

    Me: “This undergarment style has been discontinued. These are the last two.”

    Customer: “You only have two?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re telling me that until Jesus comes, these are the only bras I can wear?!”

    Me: “…yes.”

    Caller On Line (Number) Two

    | Emeryville, CA, USA |

    Me: ”Thank you for calling [store]. This is Ella. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need [muddled].”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can’t really hear you.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I said I can’t hear you too well.”

    Customer: “Oh, god d*** it! Hang on!”

    (There is a lot of grunting, a fart, and then the toilet flushes)

    Customer: “Can you hear me now?!”

    It’s Not All Right, Part 2

    | Morgantown, WV, USA |

    (The customer is checking out at my register for her purchase. She pays by credit card.)

    Me: “I just need your signature on this slip and then we’ll be all set.”

    (The customer is having a difficult time getting the pen to write. Before I can explain that it’s the kind of paper we use, she comes up with her own conclusion.)

    Customer: “I can’t get the pen to write. It must not be a left-handed pen.”

    It’s Not All Right

    Not Remotely Interested

    | IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello, sir. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’m looking for one of those video tape players.”

    Me: “Oh, a VCR?”

    Customer: *confused* “No, one of those video tape players.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. They are called VCR’s. They’re a bit ancient now, but we have one used for cheap. It doesn’t come with it’s manual or remote, if that’s okay with you?”

    Customer: “Well, no. That’s not going to work for me. How am I supposed to work your magic box without instructions?”

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