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    I Can Be Anything I Want

    , | Massachusetts, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Do you sell stripper costumes?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Stripper or hooker, whatever. I need it for a Halloween costume party.”

    (I assume she’s dressing up herself in a party for adults.)

    Me: “Why don’t you just go to a lingerie store? Or perhaps an adult store?”

    Customer: “Well, they won’t be selling sizes that fit my kid. She’s 6.”

    Size Matters, Part 2

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I’m working at the dressing room of a Halloween store. A rather large woman comes up to me to try on a few costumes. All of them sized medium. Now, costumes run small, so these costumes are dress-size 6-8. I don’t say anything to her, even though I know they won’t fit.)

    Customer: “Hey, I like this one, but none of them fit.”

    Me: “Well, it looks like we do have them in a large, so if you’d like me to go get it for you–”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

    Me: “Yes, but the only bigger costumes we have are size large. Halloween costumes tend to run pretty small, so–”

    Customer: “Are you listening? I don’t want a large. I just want a bigger costume.”

    Me: “Ma’am, the next size up is–”

    Customer: “You know what? Screw this. This store is terrible. I am never coming back here!” *storms off*

    Related:
    Size Matters

    And The Picture Becomes Clear

    , | Paris, France | Technology

    (The customer arrives very angry at my desk. He nervously holds a memory card in his hand.)

    Customer: “I want a new memory card. This one is really bad!”

    Me: “What troubles do you have with this one?”

    Customer: “It only makes blurry pictures!”

    Me: “Well, I guess the problem might be the camera, not the memory card.”

    Customer: “Oh, and do you have memory cards in black & white?”

    Me: “Or it could be the photographer…”

    Stop And Stair, Part 4

    | New York, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer comes up to me. They ask for directions, which I begin to provide.)

    Me: “Take the elevators at the south end. There should be signs along the way. You’ll pass [store name] and [store name].”

    Customer: “Take what?”

    Me: “Elevator…they’re also known as lifts.”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “Um, how do you normally get to higher floors?”

    Customer: “I walk up the stairs or stand on moving stairs.”

    Me: “Do you ever go inside a box and press numbers?”

    Customer: “What is that?” *looks bewildered*

    Me: “Maybe I should take you to the elevators.”

    Customer: “Okay?”

    (I take her to the elevators. They are glass.)

    Customer: “So, I get inside and press the floor number?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (At this moment, another elevator goes down at a normal speed with people inside.)

    Customer: *frightened* “No! This is a drop tower! I want the stairs.”

    Me: “Um, it’s not fast. It’s safe.”

    Customer: “No! Stairs please!”

    Related:
    Stop And Stair, Part 3
    Stop And Stair, Part 2
    Stop And Stair

    A Dogged Sense Of Humor

    | Cochrane, Alberta, Canada | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes to me with two giant bags of dog food. I ring them through.)

    Customer: “You must think I have a bunch of dogs huh?”

    Me: “Um, yeah. Sure.”

    Customer: “Nope! The in-laws are in town!”


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