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    ¿Cómo se dice “Anger Issues”?

    | Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No habla español.”

    Customer: “You just did.”

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You just spoke f***ing Spanish. You’re a f***ing liar!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I only speak a few phrases in Spanish. I’d be happy to find an associate that speaks Spanish to further help you.”

    Customer: “You’re a f***ing racist! I speak perfect english!” *storms off*

    Always Right, Everywhere

    | London, UK | At The Checkout

    (I am ringing up a customer’s order at a very busy store.)

    Customer: “Those jeans are coming up as £79.99 when they should be £39.99.”

    Me: “Okay, in that case, I will just change them for you. It’s the first day of our sale and it sometimes takes our computers a while to adjust all the prices.”

    Customer: “You should apologize to me. In my country, we would apologize for a mistake like that.”

    Me: “Well, as I said, it is not really an error on my part, just a computer issue. But as you can see, I have changed the price for you.”

    Customer: “I know it’s not your fault but you should say sorry to me. Where I come from, we would apologize for that sort of thing!” *grumbling under breath* “Stupid b****.”

    Me: “What was that? I don’t quite think I caught that last part.”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing! Just talking to myself! And I still think you should apologize. This is ridiculous!” *swears more under her breath*

    Me: “Here’s your order! I am glad we avoided an international incident today. Have a fantastic day!”

    Microsoft Tours Are Megahard

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Technology

    (A customer approaches me on the sales floor.)

    Customer: “Hi…um…where are your Mi-cro-softs?”

    Me: “Sorry, my Microsofts? Microsoft is a company.”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s on my list here, but I can’t find it in your store.”

    Me: “Actually, they make a lot of stuff.”

    Customer: “Yeah. Show me everything…”

    (I proceed to go through everything Microsoft I can think of, including keyboards, mice, Word, Publisher, Excel, Powerpoint, operating systems, some basic card games, and clip art collections. We go back and forth, and eventually I show her Windows 7 and Office disks. In the end, she left the store without purchasing anything.)

    BOGO: Buy One Give One

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

    (I’ve been helping a customer who’s about to get a great deal because of a BOGO promotion in the store. She also has a coupon for a free item. Even I am impressed with the amount of products she’ll get for free. I’ve been helping her select lotions and fragrances on the floor.)

    Customer: “Well, I have so much already. I don’t know what to pick out next. What would you recommend? What’s your favorite fragrance?”

    (I show her my favorite fragrance and she adds a lotion to her bag before she heads to the register to check out. She comes back to me after she makes her purchases.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much for your help today!”

    (Surprisingly, she hands me a bag from our store with an item in it. Inside is my favorite lotion; she had used her coupon to treat me!)

    Idiot, Imbecile, Moron

    | Platteville, WI, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Do you have any synonym?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “SYNONYM!”

    Me: “Do you mean cinnamon?”

    Customer: “No! God! They should have an I.Q. test before hiring people!” *storms away*

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