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    Retail Can Leave You Bor-g-ed Stiff

    | Michigan, USA | Bizarre

    (It’s towards the end of my work day, and I grab at the first item in a customer’s order right as she swipes her card.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, your card did not read as I hadn’t scanned the first item yet.”

    Customer: “NOOO!”

    Me: *surprised* “Huh?”

    Customer: “You have ROBOT-ITIS!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “You said that like you say it a million times a day! Put more feeling into it, Miss Robot!”

    The Facts Of Second Life

    | Southern California, USA | Bizarre

    (A customer in her 40s approaches me to ask where something is. As I am answering her question, she notices my name tag.)

    Customer: “Oh! I didn’t realize they had to give you names! How nice of them to try and give you more of an identity!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, since you’re a robot and all.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you that I’m a person. In fact…” *I point to my pregnant belly* “…I’m a person growing ANOTHER person.”

    Customer: “No, no, can’t be. That documentary with Bruce Willis said workers were being replaced with robots.”

    Me: “…You mean Surrogates?”

    Customer: “That’s the one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was a movie. Didn’t you watch the whole thing?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. Just a chunk in the middle I think. It was rather over-dramatic for a documentary, and I just couldn’t get into it. Got the gist of it though! Don’t worry, I don’t mind that you’re a robot. Technology today! WONDERFUL!” *walks away*

    Me: *speechless*

    Frauds Rush In

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m working the self checkouts at my store when I notice a customer about to walk out the door with unpaid merchandise. I call her out.)

    Me: “Miss, there’s a machine over here you can use to pay for those.”

    Customer: “But, you see, I’m in a hurry!”

    (She realizes she’s making excuses for stealing and glumly walks over to the machine. I watch her closely during the transaction and notice she only scans one of two items.)

    Me: “Miss, that product didn’t scan. You’re going to have to try again.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for this. I’m in a rush!”

    Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy it.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank God!” *picks up products to leave without paying*

    Me: “But, then you can’t actually take them.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll deal with the stupid machine. But you should really be more considerate of people who are in a rush!”

    Taxing Customers, Part 2

    | Alabama, USA | Money

    Me: “Hello, how are you, sir?”

    Customer: “Just this.” *places a magazine on the counter*

    Me: “That will be $2.20, please.”

    Customer: “There’s tax!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. Magazines are taxed.”

    Customer: “To h*** with that! I ain’t payin’ no tax!” *stomps off*

    Next Customer: *to the first customer* “Well, aren’t you a special snowflake?”

    Related:
    Taxing Customers

    The Prettiest Customer

    | Avondale, AZ, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

    (I’m having a bad day as I’ve heard some unfortunate news from a coworker, so my face is a bit somber. A little girl walks up with her parents to my register; her head barely peeks above the counter. I love kids and normally interact with them when I am ringing up the items.)

    Little Girl: *softly* “You’re pretty.”

    (Unfortunately, I can’t hear her because of the beeping from the register.)

    Me: “What was that, sweetie?”

    Little Girl: *louder* “You’re pretty.”

    Me: “Aww, thank you, sweetie.”

    Little Girl: “I hope I am pretty like you when I grow up!”

    (My heart has melted by now.)

    Me: “You are already the prettiest little girl ever! I know you will keep getting prettier as you get older!”

    (I finish the transaction with her parents. As they are slowly walking away, I hear her dad.)

    Dad: “That was very nice, honey. What made you say that?”

    Little Girl: “Because it is true, and she wasn’t smiling when we walked in. And I wanted to get her to smile!”

    (She was right. I was smiling for the rest of my shift!)

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