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  • The Life Of The Used And Abused

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers

    (A customer comes up to me with an item wrapped in bubble wrap.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

    (The customer hands me the item with no receipt and it’s obviously an item from Christmas. The candle in it has been lit and used and the item is missing part of the tag. I look up the item and find out it’s from Christmas of last year.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I cannot return this item.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “This item is from Christmas of last year and our return policy is 30 days with your receipt. This is well over 30 days and is a holiday item. We do not accept refunds on holiday items.”

    Customer: “Well, that isn’t my fault. This thing is hideous and I don’t want it anymore.”

    Me: “I understand that, sir, but there isn’t anything I can do.”

    Customer: getting agitated* “Well you HAVE to take it back. I don’t want it. You guys sell ugly things.”

    (At this point, my manager comes over to deal with the increasingly agitated customer.)

    Manager: “Sir, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yes! This girl is telling me she won’t take back my item! It’s ugly! I don’t want it! [Competitor] has a policy that they will take back anything anytime! You have to do that too!”

    Manager: “Sir, I am sorry but this item is too old and it’s used. We can’t return it. That is our policy.”

    (This goes back a forth a few times. The customer keeps saying how our competitors policy would allow it. However, we are not affiliated with them, so obviously our policy is different. Finally, the customer gives up and grabs his item from me.)

    Customer: “[Competitor] would have taken it!”

    (The customer storms out and another customer comes up to my manager.)

    Customer #2: “Want me to kick his a** for you all the way to [competitor]?”

    Manager: *laughs* “Be my guest!”

    Together And Equal

    | Billings, MT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (I am a cashier. Sometimes people will go through a checkout line sharing a cart. Two middle-aged women come through the line.)

    Me: *pointing at their purchases* “Are you two together?”

    (Woman #1 looks lovingly into Woman #2′s eyes and holds her hands.)

    Woman #1: “Yes, we are…”

    Woman #2: “Honey, I think she meant if we’re buying all this together.”

    Woman #1: “Oh. No, we’re separate. Two transactions, please!”

    Aggress Unknown

    | Arizona, USA | Bizarre

    (I work in a well-known retail store chain. Since we are a smaller sized store, however, we can submit orders for products we offer from our company, but do not carry in store.)

    Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have that item in store, but I can order it for you. Would you like it sent directly to your house?”

    Customer:  ”Alright, that sounds fine.”

    (I proceed to process his order, then get to where I need to enter the customer’s shipping information.)

    Me: “Alright, and the address for the shipping information?”

    Customer: “NO.”

    Me: *confused* “Um…I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “I said ‘no!’ You should have a better way to do this. This is ridiculous. I’m not giving you my address!”

    Me: “Sir, you do understand that if we are to ship to your home, we need to know where to ship the item to.”

    Customer: “I’m not giving you my address!”

    Me: *trying another approach* “I did say that we can ship it to your home, but that means we can’t do that if we don’t have an address to ship it to.”

    Customer: “I don’t care! I’m not giving you my address. I can’t believe how poorly this store handles this kind of stuff! You know how many drug addicts are out there?!”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “Yeah, they’re all hopped up on coke and meth. A buddy of mine, a war vet, was just hit with a crowbar because one of these guys went to go break the window open, but it was already open, and threw the crowbar into him! Cut him up, he’s got a scar and had to get stitches! How dare you ask for my address? You’ll just steal my identity and rob my house!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Misery Demands Company, Part 2

    | Australia | Crazy Requests

    (I’m a little hyperactive and ditzy, but mostly it comes off as being friendly, or so I think, until this customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “Miss, exactly what kind of drugs are you on?”

    Me: “None at all, I assure you.”

    Customer: “Bulls***! You can’t just be that happy!”

    Me: *completely bewildered* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “That’s more like it!” *picks up his things and leaves*

    Related:
    Misery Demands Company

    Self Disservice

    | Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am a customer heading for the bathroom at a store. A woman storms out of the lady’s room. It looks like she’s trying hard to keep her hands in the air and not touch anything as she marches up to an employee.)

    Customer: “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting in there!? Why hasn’t anyone come in?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The sign in there says ‘Employees must wash hands’! I’ve been waiting in there for fifteen minutes for someone to wash my hands!”

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