(I work at the fitting rooms of a retail store. Two women are trying on bathing suits. They each have had obvious plastic surgery and enormous racks.)
Customer #1: *dumps a pile of bikinis on my desk* “None of these fit! It’s ridiculous that your store doesn’t carry anything to fit me.”
Customer #2: “Don’t waste your breath…she wouldn’t understand. Look at how tiny her boobs are!”
Customer #1: “Honey, let me give you my brother’s card. He can give you MUCH better boobs.”
Customer #2: “He did mine too! Look how bouncy they are!” *jiggles chest*
Me: “I’m…okay with C-cups, thanks.”
Customer #1: “Call him if you change your mind! Life is better with huge boobs!”
A Day In An Employee’s Life. This week, we share five stories that share the ups and downs (well, mostly the latter) of being an employee. If you’ve ever wanted to share with a friend what your job is like, send them this roundup!
- Teaching The Next Generation:
Fold…unfold…fold…unfold…It’s a wonder more clothing store employees haven’t gone crazy!
- A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry:
This one will get you teary eyed: A customer’s precocious little girl leaves a big, smelly surprise in the changing room.
- Mrs. Understanding:
Teach your children by example…the example of poor, suffering employees, that is.
- In This War, There Are No Winners:
When they say “stick it to the man,” they probably weren’t referring to the guy stuck cleaning up your mess with a mop and a broom.
- Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown:
Customers often ask stupid questions, but on occasion they can have profoundly earth-shattering ramifications.
PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
Me: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “I want some anus anus.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “I want some anus anus!” *points to a bottle of Anais Anais, pronounced “ah-nah-iss”*
Me: “Oh, yes, sorry. That’ll be [price]!”
(I’m folding shirts at the front of the store when an older man approaches me looking flustered.)
Me: “Hello. How can I help—”
Customer: “Where do you keep your Levi’s?”
Me: “Excuse me? This is a [brand name store].”
Customer: “Yes. Of course it is. I’m not an idiot. I just want to know where your Levi jeans are!”
Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but we only carry our [store name] jeans because we are a [brand name store]. We don’t carry Levi’s.”
Customer: *looking confused and a little angry* “That’s nonsense! Where can I get some then?”
Me: “Well, large chain stores sometimes carry them. You can try Fred Meyer, Target, or Costco.”
Customer: “Outrageous! I came here to this store specifically to get Levi’s!” *storms off*
(An older customer brings up washer fluid.)
Me: “Hi, sir, will this be all?”
Customer: “Yes.” *whispers* “It’s good for keeping the elephants away.”
Me: “Oh…well, have a nice day!”