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    Will Someone Please Think Of The Zombie Children

    , | Sarasota, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m just stocking the game shelf, when a mother with her kid approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am, can I help you with something?”"

    Customer: “Young man, I was looking at the content on the back of this game box. Is there nudity in this game? It says ‘brief nudity’ on the box. Is this game appropriate for my child?”

    (The kid hands me the game. It is a platinum copy of Dead Rising for XBOX 360. The kid looks ten at the oldest.)

    Me: “Not that I can recall. Usually, that means people in their underwear. However, I am required to at least warn you that the game contains graphic violence. Are you sure you want to buy this game for your child?”

    Customer: “Hmph! He sees enough violence on TV. I just want to know if there is nudity in the game!” *storms away with the game for her kid*

    Related:
    Yes To Dismember, No To His Member
    Violence On TV, Stupidity On The Couch
    They Grow Up (And Get Incarcerated) So Fast…

    We’ll Need A Mop To Soak Up All The Bigotry

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Bigotry, Top

    (I am doing a product demonstration show and I decide to do a character because it makes the job go by fast and it’s more fun. While doing a demonstration in my “Getting Married” character, an old woman in her late 80s takes a mop from me. As she’s about to buy it, she asks me a few questions.)

    Customer: “So, you’re getting married? Oh, that’s lovely. What’s your fella like?”

    Me: “Julia is a girl and she is the love of my life. We’re getting married in November.”

    Customer: “A girl? You’re a dy**?”

    Me: “I prefer lesbian, but yes, I am.”

    Customer: “A DY** SOLD ME A MOP!”

    (The woman proceeds to toss the mop at me and then go get a manager.)

    Customer: “Did you know that you have a dy** working here?”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I don’t think she appreciates you calling her that.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t want a God d*** dy** selling me things that I need. I can’t take them if she sells it to me.”

    Manager: “Why don’t I get one of my associates to ring you through?”

    Customer: “I’d like that very much.”

    (The manager runs her through, but gives me a $50 gift card to our store. Thank you, prejudiced old woman. I got really nice sheets.)

    Eau de Toilet

    , | Eau Claire, WI, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am ringing up a customer. While she is waiting for me to finish, I suggest that she tries our fragrances.)

    Customer: *sprays fragrance* “This stuff smells like a toilet.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer’s friend: *laughs hysterically*

    Customer: “It’s not a bad thing, though. It smells like a clean toilet.”

    I’m Tire’d Of These Calls

    | St. John's, NL, Canada |

    Me: “Sports department, [name] speaking.”

    Caller: “Can you transfer me to the jewelry department?”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have a jewelry department.”

    Caller: “Yes, you do. Just put me through.”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure we don’t, ma’am. Let me ask.”

    (I’m fairly new, so I go to customer service and ask.)

    Me: “Yeah, sorry, ma’am. We definitely do not have a jewelry department.”

    Caller: “WHAT?! Wal-Mart doesn’t have a jewelry department anymore?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, this isn’t Wal-Mart. This is Canadian Tire.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9

    | Odessa, TX, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have that new Twilight movie Breaking Dawn?”

    (Note: as the customer asks this question, I am stocking a life-sized display case of Edward and Bella and have an armful of Breaking Dawn DVDs. The store is also filled with piles of Breaking Dawn pre-orders, Breaking Dawn promo merchandise, and several Breaking Dawn dozen posters advertising the movie’s DVD release. The customer looks right down at the Breaking Dawn DVD in my hand and, before I can answer him, he continues.)

    Customer: *sighs* “Oh, well. Guess not.” *turns around and leaves without another word*

    Related:
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
    The Twilight Of Our Literacy

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