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    Virtually Clueless

    | Columbia, MO, USA |

    Customer: “Do you carry these tires in a whitewall?”

    Me: “No, we don’t. You might have more luck if you check our website, sir. It’s [website].”

    Customer: “So, where’s that at? Is it…here?”

    Doing Favors On Your Knees

    | Saskatchewan, Canada | Religion

    (I am on my knees cleaning up a display that has very low shelves.)

    Customer: *whispering* “Make sure you say some for me while you’re down there.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Well, I just thought since you were on your knees you must be praying. I could use some prayers.”

    Me: “I’m just cleaning the bottom shelf.”

    Customer: “Well, can you say one for me while you’re down there?”

    It’s Never Too Late To Find Your Higher Calling

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (A customer in his late 30s comes through my line with a few food items, a pack of printer paper, and a can of compressed air.)

    Me: “Hi. Find everything you needed today?”

    Customer: “I did, thank you.”

    (When I scan the canned air, the register automatically asks for ID.)

    Me: “May I please see your ID?”

    Customer: “Sure, but what for?”

    Me: “It’s for the canned air. The register won’t process an age-restricted product without actually scanning an ID.”

    Customer: “Why is it age-restricted?”

    Me: “Well, kids inhale it to get high. It really messes you up.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    (He looks down at his order.)

    Customer: “Think I should get another can?”

    Sugar Daddy Makes Life So Sweet

    | Louisiana, USA |

    Customer: “See that man over there? His name is Jim. I just met him and he’s paying for all my stuff.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “My mom always told me to find a rich man to take care of me. Do you have a rich man taking care of you?”

    Me: “Um…no.”

    Customer: “Sweetie, you need to get yourself one while you’re still young.”

    It’s Curtains For You

    | CA, USA |

    (I am walking the store. I see a woman digging through our curtain panels.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for more of these curtains. You had them the other day, and I came back today to buy them.”

    (She shows me a curtain. I realize she’s in the wrong section.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Those are actually over here.”

    (I lead her over to where the panels should be, but the space is empty.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like we’re out of stock. I can check the computer to be sure, but it looks like somebody else bought them.”

    Customer: “No, nobody could have bought them.”

    (She goes back to digging through the shelves.)

    Me: “They wouldn’t be over there, though. If we had them in stock, they would be right here.”

    Customer: “No, they wouldn’t. The other day when I was in here I hid them so no one else would buy them.”

    Me: “You hid the panels?”

    Customer: “Yes. So, can you help me find them?”


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