November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Periodically Stupid

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Technology

(I work in the kitchen department of a department store.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a complaint about your microwave-safe bowls.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I was cooking my lunch, when all of a sudden I see sparks inside the microwave. I quickly stopped it, took it out and the side of my microwave was burnt. This is disgusting; these are meant to be MICROWAVE SAFE. These are a hazard.”

Me: “Well, sir, many customers have purchased the same microwave-safe bowls as this and have not had any problems. It may have been a problem with the microwave, or maybe you had a bit of metal on the inside which caused the sparks? Did you perhaps accidentally leave a metal spoon or fork in the bowl?”

Customer: “There was no metal.”

Me: “Okay, what did you use to cover the food?”

Customer: “Aluminum foil.”

Me: “That would be the problem. Like having any other metal in the microwave, aluminum foil can cause sparks and possibly be a fire hazard. You need to use plastic, such as cling wrap.”

Customer: “But aluminum foil isn’t metal.”

Me: “Yes it is, Aluminum is metal.”

Customer: “Don’t be stupid; aluminum foil can’t be metal. It’s soft, so it is a plastic. Metals are hard.”

On The Other Hand She Seems Fine

| LA, USA | Health & Body

(It’s a couple hours until closing. Our store is well known for discount prices. I’m in the accessories section rearranging the purses. On the other side of the see-through rack is a woman frantically picking through purses that are not hung up.)

Customer: *rummaging madly* “Ow, ow, ow…”

Me: “…ma’am? Is everything alright?”

(The customer looks up with a great big grin that’s hiding obvious pain.)

Customer: “Yes! Everything is wonderful. I’m just having some trouble deciding what bag to get. There are so many!”

Me: “You were saying ‘ow’.”

Customer: “Oh, that. I was in [other retail store] before coming here, and I broke one of my fingers.”

Me: “You broke one of your fingers?”

(She holds up the obviously injured digit. It’s swollen and not looking too good.)

Customer: “Yep! But, I just had to come here! The hospital is always open, but you guys close soon!”

Me: “G-good luck…”

(She eventually leaves without buying anything. I hope she got to the hospital!)

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5

| New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m working in the express lane, when a couple approaches the counter. Their son is about seven years old, and they have him sitting in the child seat of the cart.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Wife: “Good. Okay honey, help mommy and daddy put the things on the counter.”

Boy: “Okay!”

(The little boy promptly twists around in his seat, and begins to snatch things from the cart. He throws them onto the counter, and across the scanner. I have to chase a package of juice boxes that fly past me, onto the floor.)

Me: “Okay sweetie, try putting them up here gently, okay? We don’t want the groceries to break, right?”

Boy: “Nope!”

(The husband is looking at the candy, and the wife is watching her son and her phone. The little boy then grabs a huge can of yams and throws it at me. It ends up hitting me in the cheek, knocking my glasses off and causing the can to fall to the floor. It makes a noise loud enough to draw the attention of the other customers and cashiers.)

Cashier In The Other Line: “Oh, my God! Are you okay?!”

Me: “Um, well…”

Wife: “Oh! Isn’t he cute?! He wants to play baseball!”

(After picking up my glasses, I can only stare at the woman like she is crazy. Thankfully, a supervisor sees what just happened, and takes over for me so I that I can put some ice on my face. Thankfully nothing is broken, but my cheek was black and blue for weeks!)

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
On The Need For Hazard Pay

More Than You Bargained For, Part 5

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

Customer: “Just this DVD please.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $5.35.”

Customer: “No, I found this in the $3 DVD bin; it’s $3!”

(There are two DVD bins, one for $5 DVDs, and one for $3 ones. All DVDs have a sticker clearly showing their price.)

Me: “Well, sir, it could have been placed their by another customer, but it is still $5.”

Customer: “That is bull-s***! I don’t care what another customer did! I found it in the $3 bin, and I want it for $3!”

Me: “Sir, if you found a $3 DVD in that $5 bin, would you pay $5 for it?”

Customer: “F*** no! That’s stupid! Why would you—” *light bulb goes on* “—well, this is still bull-s***!”

More Than You Bargained For, Part 4
More Than You Bargained For, Part 3
More Than You Bargained For, Part 2
More Than You Bargained For

Jeepers Creepers

| Retail | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(A customer approaches my register. I begin her transaction, as well as make small talk.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Customer: “Do you have prosthetic eyes? My husband makes them and, yours just look so real!”

Me: “No, ma’am. My eyes are real.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yep, my eyes are really real.”

(She turns deep red, but tries to laugh it off. We finish her transaction, and she leaves very quickly.)