Way back in the day, I was in charge of checking out electronics returns when they came into our big box store. A customer came in to return a broken modem — a 28.8k. I told you it was back in the day!

At the time (I have no idea if this is still the case) we had to write down what the customer said was wrong, and as long as there was no obvious damage, we refunded their money.

The customer returning the modem said, with a deadpan look on his face:

Customer: “My son said this one doesn’t work because the dilithium crystals are missing.”

He pointed to a part of the modem where it looked as if one of the capacitors had broken off.

Me: *Stifling a giggle* “Can you repeat that for me, sir?”

He repeated himself with absolute conviction.

Whether he believed it or not, I let that one slide and gave him his money back. It’s one of my favorite stupid tech stories!

CONTENT WARNING: Gross

During the Black Friday rush, I was helping a customer and his girlfriend. During the transaction, I noticed his girlfriend looking more and more ill, and she soon sat on the ground.

The customer noticed something and quickly asked me for a bag, which I readily handed over. Of course, things couldn’t be simple as the girlfriend said, “No,” and promptly vomited on the floor. Great.

Now, I did hope she felt better, but I had a problem now. No one in my department was trained for biohazards, and vomit was in that category, so I called for a manager to clean it up because only team leads and higher could do that. The only team lead at the time said:

Team Lead: “Hey, can you just clean that up?”

Me: “No, I cannot. I am not trained in that.”

And of course, said team lead refused to come clean it up. So here I was, trying to help customers while my teammate kept an eye on the… spill… and kept other customers away from it. Someone helpfully donated their cart to put over it after they had finished, but it took a good hour for another team lead to take pity and help clean it up. And that was with us doing calls for assistance for it every five minutes or so. Because who wants to step in vomit?

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 34
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 33
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 32
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 31
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 30

CONTENT WARNING: Animal Abuse

It is an unusually hot day today.

Woman: “Can we make this quick? My dog is in the car and I don’t know if he will be able to last much longer.”

Me: “Oh, my goodness!”

I put through all her items as quickly as I can and call a bagger down to bag them. She fusses over it so much that she decides to bag everything herself, ignoring me when asking for payment. She has been here for about twenty minutes now.

Woman: “What about the discounts?!”

Me: “Do you have a loyalty card?”

Woman: “DID YOU NOT F****** HEAR ME?! MY DOG IS DYING!”

I call the nearest manager over and he agrees to enable the discount without the loyalty card. After she pays, with change, she leans into me. The entire purchase has lasted nearly half an hour.

Woman: *Almost whispering* “If my dog is dead, I’m blaming you!”

I’m actually in tears and the manager decides to let me finish early, as I only have an hour left and the woman left me quite emotional. As I leave, I notice the woman in the car park, loading her boot. As I walk up to her, my heart is literally in my throat. I can’t see the dog anywhere so imagine the worst.

Me: “Umm, is the dog all right?”

She turned and her eyes bulged as she recognised me. She turned 180° on the spot and practically jumped into the car and sped off.

Only then did I realise that she lied about the dog. I noticed the purchases she left behind and I took them back into the store. I explained what happened and my manager was a little more than miffed and agreed that if she didn’t return for the rest of her purchases by the next day, I could take them. She didn’t and I ended up with over £100 worth of food, which lasted me a good few weeks. To my knowledge, she hasn’t been seen at my store since.

I am fixing an issue with a client’s laptop.

Me: “Okay, so once I apply the fix, it’ll wipe all the data. Do you have it backed up?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you sure? There’s no going back after I press this button.”

Client: “Yes, it’s all backed up in the clouds.”

The client says “clouds”, not “cloud”, which should make me question harder. I apply the fix.

Client: “Thanks! Now, where is my data?”

Me: “You’ll need to retrieve that from your cloud storage.”

Client: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You said your data was backed up in the cloud.”

Client: “Yes, so get it back for me.”

Me: “You need to do that. I don’t have access to your cloud data.”

Client: “But I don’t know how to do that, either.”

Me: “Just go to the cloud storage site and log in with your details.”

Client: “I can’t remember my login details.”

Me: “Do you have them written down somewhere?”

Client: “On my laptop!”

Me: “On the laptop we just wiped?”

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “…”

Client: “Will that be a problem?”

Related:
Head Up In The Clouds

The more you read this story, the worse it gets. But things can get so much worse with these 10 Stories About The Stupidest Tech Support Calls Ever!

I’m a wheelchair user. While I do still have some mobility left, my doctor and I have both agreed that using a wheelchair is best for my well-being. Because of this, I also have a disability placard for the car.

My partner and I are leaving a store, and I park my wheelchair next to the car, stand up, and get in. A guy walking past sees this.

Guy: “Wow, it’s a miracle! She can walk! Maybe next time use a regular space like the rest of us, jacka**!”

Me: “Maybe you should get hit by a car like I did, jacka**!”

He glared at me but kept walking.