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    Fractional Intelligence

    | Texas, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “I need to know the height of this refrigerator.”

    Me: “Sure, it’s 69 3/4 in.”

    Customer: “Is 3/4 more or less than a half?”

    Me: “It’s slightly more.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t be right!”

    Language That Belongs In The Toilet

    | Apple Valley, MN, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (I’m stocking shelves when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any a** wipe?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “You know, a** wipe?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Toilet paper?”

    Me: “Oh! Aisle 6.”

    (The customer smiles and leaves. I’m from the area, so I can confirm that “a** wipe” isn’t a regional term for toilet paper!)

    Weekend Roundup: When Customers Attack!

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups, Wild & Unruly

    When Customers Attack! This week, we share stories of unruly customers who prefer (violent) action over words!

    1. Bull In A China Shop:
      Sticks & stones may break my bones, but naked, guitar-throwing customers can really hurt me!
    2. Acute Mental Failure:
      HULK CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOSPITAL DOOR! HULK SMASH!
    3. (Full) Front(al) Desk:
      Can’t check into your hotel room, lady? Just mentally check out by ripping off your clothes and running in circles!
    4. Fudge In Flight:
      A customer airs their fudge frustrations by sending their ice cream sundae airborne.
    5. Marriage: The Ultimate Slippery Slope:
      Here’s to throwing your belongings in the air like you just don’t care!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    You’re An Idi0t

    | Buffalo, NY, USA | Language & Words

    (I’ve just handed the customer her credit card receipt.)

    Customer: “Why do they put that diagonal line through the O’s?”

    Me: “To distinguish the zeroes from the O’s.”

    Customer: “But they’re the same thing.”

    Me: “Zero is a number, but O is a letter.”

    Customer: “No, they’re the same thing!”

    Ready, Aim, Equality

    | Texas, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (Note: I work in the firearms department and am female.)

    Me: “Hi! Thank you for call—”

    Male Caller: “I told them to get me firearms, d*** it!”

    Me: “This is the firearms department. How may I—”

    Male Caller: “FIREARMS. FI-URRR-A-HARMS! Ain’t no women in guns. Mens the
    only ones who can know anything ’bout my situation!”

    (Unfortunately, I have become used to this and hand the phone to a nearby male coworker.)

    Coworker: “Yes, sir…uh huh…well, sir for that situation you would have to talk to our ATF compliance associate. Okay…I won’t put you on hold…they are standing right here.”

    (My coworker hands the phone back to me.)

    Me: “Hi, ATF Compliance!”

    Male Caller: *click*

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