November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

A Spelling Konflict

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(A customer is looking for an icy-pole maker.)

Me: “Okay, now you said you were after a certain brand name?”

Customer: “Yes, all I know is that it starts with a ‘K’.”

(We do not currently stock any icy-pole related products by brands starting with a ‘K’, but we do have some starting with a ‘C’.)

Me: “Are you sure it wasn’t one of these ones here, miss? We have—”

Customer: “No, no! I’ll know it when I see it. It definitely starts with ‘K’. Oh look, there it is!”

Me: “Um… are you sure, miss? That machine is by the Zoku brand.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! Zoku! It start’s with a ‘K’! ‘K’ for Zoku!”

Gay Rights And Copyrights

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

(A female customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

This Call Is Not Open And Shut

| Nacka, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a large home electronics store. We don’t offer any kind of technical support, but you can call us and ask for prices, opening hours, etc. I answer a call.)

Caller: “I bought a notebook, and a mobile broadband, and I was told I could always call if I had any problems.”

Me: “Okay”.

Caller: “Well, I was wondering: how do you open it?”

Me: “Well, usually there’s a button on the front that you push to open it. Some models are closed by magnets, and in that case you just have to—you—know, open it.”

Caller: “I don’t see any button. Is it on the side?”

Me: “No, it’s probably on the front. Sometimes, it’s not a button, but a slider.”

(This goes on for some time, before I figure out what the customer actually means.)

Me: “So what you’re really wondering is how to start it?”

Caller: “I don’t know; maybe that’s what it’s called? I just want to figure out how to get it open and going.”

Me: “There will be a button somewhere above the keyboard that looks like a ring with a line through it.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Next question: how do I close it?”

Me: “You mean shut it down? When it’s on, you click on the start menu, and then click shut-down.”

Caller: “Start menu? How do you mean?”

Me: “You know, the main menu—the one where you always click to do things—the one where the applications and other things are.”

Caller: “I don’t see any start menu.”

Me: “Well, anyhow, there’s a button in the bottom left corner and if you click it, you’ll find the shut down button.”

Caller: “Okay… I also have problems using this mobile broadband. I have connected it to the computer, and I can’t manage to get it connected to the internet.”

(It has already been 10 minutes, and I have gone far above the kind of services we offer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but all of these are support questions. For further questions, I recommend you call the manufacturer.”

Caller: “I have to call them? Why?”

Me: “We’re only a store. I’m a salesman, and we only sell products here. The manufacturers provide support for their products.”

Caller: “What? But, if you get a problem with a product, then you call the store!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not how you get support. We only sell products. Support is provided by the manufacturers. Their number is most certainly somewhere in the manual that came with your computer.”

Caller: “I have this thing… a mouse. Can that have anything to do with my problems?”

Me: “Ehm…”

Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

| Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

(The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

(As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

Left A Stool In The Stall

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9

| Orange County, CA, USA | Bigotry

(I’m super early for a job interview, so I decide to waste time in a nearby retail store. I’m in the electronic section playing on one of the video game displays. This place’s employees wear very distinct outfits. I’m wearing a black suit with a blue and black tie, and a blue dress shirt. A customer walks up to me holding a pair of headphones.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you tell me the price of these?”

(I ignore the customer, thinking he is talking to someone else.)


Me: “What makes you think I work here?”

Customer: “Because you look like you work here.”

(I see two white women walking by, wearing the company’s uniform. I point at them.)

Me: “Why don’t you go ask them for help? They work here.”

Customer: “They don’t work here. They look too well off to work here. Only black people would work here. This job is perfect for them! Now help me, d*** it!”

(Me being black, the two employees come over and intervene before I lose my cool. I decide to just leave the store. The customer is still shouting at me.)

Customer: “You work here and you know it!”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5