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    Calm A Barking Customer

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Pets & Animals

    (A somewhat disgruntled customer comes up to me, with a service dog in her cart.)

    Me: “Good afternoon! You have a very lovely dog.”

    Customer: *sharply* “Don’t pet him.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry. If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

    (I start scanning her items.)

    Me: “Would you like to add a protection plan to your product for only $5.99?”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? Fine, I guess.”

    Me: “It is absolutely your decision, ma’am.”

    (As we go through the process, I try to make small talk.)

    Me: “So what is your dog’s name?”

    Customer: “It’s [name]. He gets very nervous around anyone but me.”

    Me: “I completely understand. I’ve got an old dog at home, and he sometimes gets anxious around people when I take him out on walks.”

    (The chit-chat goes on throughout the transaction, with the woman growing considerably less and less grumpy.)

    Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

    Customer: “You know, I’m really sorry if I seemed out of it. It’s been a very rough day, and you were so very understanding of me.”

    Me: “I know what it’s like to have rough days. You take care of yourself!”

    (It takes working in customer service to understand a customer!)

    Putting The Z In Lazy

    | New Zealand | Movies & TV

    Customer: “Hi, do you have Zombieland?”

    Me: “Sure, have you had a look in the DVD section under ‘Z’?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted to see if you had stock first; could you check, please?”

    Me: “The ‘Z’ section is right behind you, and I saw one earlier today so It should be there.”

    Customer: “Can you check on your computer if you have any?”

    (I walk out from behind counter, and pick up the DVD.)

    Customer: “Oh! Where did you find it?”

    Me: “Under ‘Z’, in the DVD section.”

    Sanity Hanging By A Shoe-String

    | Napa, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work in the sports store’s shoe department. A woman comes in with a group of seven kids behind her, and marches straight up to me.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [store]; how can I help you?”

    Woman: “Yes, I need to get shoes for my kids.”

    Me: “Alright, I can help with that. Which children need shoes?”

    Woman: “All of them.”

    Me: “…all of them?”

    Woman: “Yes, each of them are a different size, too. I also want to get them each three pairs of shoes. Make sure all of the shoes are different, because they don’t want shoes that are like each others. And hurry it up, would you? I don’t have all day!”

    Me: *whimpers silently*

    Sat Too Long On The Hash Key

    | IL, USA | Awesome Customers, Technology, Top

    (I’m manager of the electronic department in a retail store. Though we do not offer tech support, I often give out advice when I can, since I’m pretty tech savvy.)

    Customer: “Hey, you seem to know your stuff; I’ve seen you around. Listen, my cat sat on my laptop the other day, and now I can’t get the track-pad to work. I could use a mouse, but it’s more to carry around and they make my hand hurt.”

    Me: “I can’t be sure, but it sounds like your cat may have just disabled it. Most laptops have a button you can turn it on/off with, and the cat probably pressed it by accident.”

    (I show him on a demo unit what to look for and where it might be. He thanks me, and heads out. I don’t think anything of it until I see him again, about 30 minutes later, with a plastic shopping bag in tow.)

    Customer: “So, I tried to find what you suggested, but I couldn’t figure it out. Do you think you could show me?”

    (I look around nervously, since I’m technically not allowed to perform any services like this. But he already has the laptop out on my counter, and it’s powering up. Since no one is around, I decide to help him out.)

    Me: “Your track-pad was locked. This button right here locks and unlocks it. See the little light that comes on when it’s working?”

    Customer: “Oh man, that’s awesome! I can’t believe it was so simple. Listen, I was ready to spend a lot to get this fixed, but you did it for free! Can I give you this $20 as a tip?”

    Me: “Ah… no. Unfortunately we are not allowed to accept tips. If you’re really insistent that I take it, I’ll have to turn it over to my boss, and it’ll become part of a charitable donation.”

    Customer: “What if I just drop it as I’m leaving, and you happen to pick it up?”

    Me: “There’s a security camera right above us. Listen, I really appreciate the thought, but I can’t accept it. Think of it as my good deed for the day.”

    Customer: “Right on man, like karma. Hey, you want some of this bud?”

    (He pulls a small plastic bag of marijuana out of his pocket, and offers it towards me.)

    Me: “Ah! Sir, I would highly recommend putting that away. I did mention there’s a security camera right above us.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. Well, I hope when you get off work you get to smoke up, drink up, or whatever it is you do to unwind. You deserve it, man. Let that good karma flow back to you!”

    Knot Possible

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

    (I work in the lumber department of my store. I spot an older customer, studying our 2×4 lumber. She looks very sour.)

    Me: “Hi there, ma’am. Can I help you with anything?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need a 2×4, but I don’t want one with knots.”

    Me: “Well, that’s going to be tricky with these. Just about every one that I’ve ever seen has a least a few knots here and there.”

    Customer: “No, I need one with no knots. I’m working on a project and if there are knots, the wood will break.”

    Me: “Well, I have some pieces of pine select; no knots in them at all!”

    Customer: “Oh, I looked at those. They’re too expensive; I’m on a pension you know. What about that one up there? It looks clean.”

    (The customer points to a fresh lift of lumber, and it indeed looks clean, but the home is full.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I’m willing to bet that they’ll have just as many knots as this lift.”

    Customer: “Show me!”

    (I begin the process of getting a driver, and pulling down the lift. Due to the fact that I have to close down the main lumber aisle to due so, two assistant managers are watching me. As they watch, I open the lift and start sorting through the pieces, showing the older lady that they all have knots in them.)

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

    (After she leaves, one of the managers walks over to me.)

    Manager: “What was wrong with the wood?”

    Me: “She didn’t want any knots in her 2×4.”

    Manager: “Yeah, find a tree without branches and we’ll give her a 2×4 without knots.”

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