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  • Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (Our store credit card has recently changed banks it affiliates with, so everyone with our store credit card was given notice on every bill for a few months before they received their new cards.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I got a new credit card in the mail.” *tosses his card on the counter*

    Me: “Yes, we changed banks. If you had a balance on your previous card, it will just have transferred over to this one.”

    Customer: “But it has a company name on it and we don’t own this company anymore.”

    Me: “Oh, so you want to change the information that’s on the card?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, you tell me.”

    Me: “Um, well, I don’t know. I can’t really tell you what to do with your card–”

    Customer: “But we don’t own this business anymore!”

    Me: “So, do you want to call the credit card company and get them to change it to a personal account?”

    Customer: “I don’t know! Why aren’t you telling me what to do?!”

    Me: “I’m not really sure what you want me to tell you.”

    Coworker: *stepping in after overhearing* “You have to go home and think about what you want. Then when you make up your mind, call the 1-800 number on the back of the card and tell them what you want to do with your card.”

    Customer: “Okay!” *leaves happy*

    Asile Always Need Directions

    A Lose-Snooze Situation

    , | Vancouver, Canada | Technology

    Customer: *rushes into the store* “I need a battery.”

    Me: “Sure, what type of battery do you need?”

    Customer: “It’s for my home alarm system. It’s not working because the battery is dead.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know what size or type of battery it uses?”

    (I show him the various sizes: AA, AAA, C, 9 Volt, etc.)

    Customer: “I don’t know. These all look the same.”

    Me: “Could you bring in the one that is not working and I will match it up with the correct one to ensure you purchase the correct one?”

    Customer: “You mean, bring the dead battery here?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I can’t do that! It’s for my alarm system. If I take the battery out, it won’t work. The battery is dead, so my alarm is not working!” *leaves*

    That’s One Shell Of A Cat-astrophe

    | Michigan, USA | Pets & Animals

    Me: “Welcome to [business name]. How can I help you?”

    Couple: “We need a carpet cleaner. We saw this one in the ad.”

    Me: “It’s right over here.” *takes them to the cleaner*

    Couple: “We have cat vomit everywhere.”

    Me: “Well, this should help. Here are some of its features—”

    Couple: “We can’t even have company over. It’s embarrassing. There is so much cat vomit on the floor!”

    Me: “Well, this one over here has better brushes.” *demonstrates another product*

    Couple: “If our landlord were to see it, we’d get evicted. There is so much cat vomit!”

    Me: “Well, this model is what I recommend.” *still showing features*

    Couple: “…and the cats drag their meat all over the house.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    Couple: “We feed them raw meat, and they keep dragging it all over the house. It gets in the carpet!”

    Me: “Wow. Yeah, this should help get that out.”

    Couple: “We’ll take it. What sort of soap can we use with this?”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter; it doesn’t have to be the same brand. Here’s some.” *shows them some soap*

    Couple: “Is that going to be safe for our turtle?”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Couple: “We also have a turtle that we let roam around. This soap won’t hurt him, will it?”

    Don’t Have A Cow, Man

    | Finland |

    (I work in a shoe store. A customer comes over to me with a pair of shoes.)

    Customer: “What material are these shoes made of? Are they made of leather?”

    Me: “No, they are synthetic.”

    (According to my boss, we don’t need to know the exact formula, just that a pair of shoes is synthetic or leather, etc.)

    Customer: “Synthetic? What exactly does that mean? So, they’re not leather?”

    Me: “No, they’re not. Synthetic means they’re artificially made and not of leather or any other naturally occurring material.”

    Customer: “Uh-huh. But are they leather?”

    Me: “No.”

    (Customer takes the pair of shoes away. Two minutes later I see her talking to my coworker with another, similar pair of shoes in her hands. This new pair is clearly made of same material than the previous one.)

    Customer: *to coworker* “Synthetic, I see. But are they made of leather?”

    The Hole Truth, And Nothing Butt The Truth

    | Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia | Health & Body

    (I work in a small shopping centre with about 15 shops. One of our regular gentlemen had come into the store to buy his lotto tickets for the week. I notice that he looks rather awkward as he is waiting for his tickets, and decide to make small talk with him.)

    Me: “How’s your day going, sir?”

    Customer: “Uh, fine…yours?”

    Me: “It’s great, thanks!”

    (The customer looks away for a moment, looks down at the paper bag in his hands, and then looks back at me.)

    Me: “Is everything okay, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just went to the pharmacy and picked up me pills that the doc gave me.”

    Me: “Oh, well I hope everything is okay.”

    Customer: “You see, I’ve never had these type of pills before, and I don’t know what this word on the packet means.”

    Me: “Well, the pharmacist or your doctor would be able to tell you.”

    Customer: *sadly* “Oh, okay…”

    Me: “What’s the word, sir?”

    Customer: *looks at the packet* “Uh…it’s suppo-sit-ory.”

    Me: “Well…uh…sir…that means that you don’t take them orally…”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You don’t put them in your mouth.”

    Customer: “Well, how do I take me pills?”

    (At this point, another customer behind him is clearly trying not to laugh.)

    Me:  ”Uh…how do I put this delicately? You…uh…”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “I really think your doctor would be the best person to tell you.”

    Customer: “I don’t wanna go back there. Can’t you just tell me?”

    Me: “Why don’t we go down to the end of the counter, sir, and I can explain it to you?”

    (Not wanting to embarrass him further, but not wanting to deny his request, we go down to the end of the counter for some privacy. I spend the next 10 minutes explaining where exactly a suppository goes.)

    Customer: *bright red face* “Oh! Uh!”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “I didn’t know…I’ve never heard that d*** word before! Well why the h*** would they prescribe something like that? It’s ridiculous!”

    Me: “I’m not a doctor, but why don’t we finish your transaction? Maybe you can win the big draw tonight!”

    Customer: “That would be nice, I could use the money. And you know, if I win, I’m coming back to see you!”

    Me: *laughing* “After that, sir, I should hope so.”

    (The customer laughs with me, we finish up, and he leaves. My coworker, who has overheard the entire conversation, comes over to me.)

    Coworker: “Tell me I didn’t just hear what I think I heard.”

    Me: “You heard right. Oh, I just feel so bad for him.”

    Coworker: “You wanna take your break?”

    Me: “Oh God, yes! I’m going to go see the girls at the pharmacy and tell them they might want to give him a call!”

    (When he came in to the store the next time, he sadly refused to make eye contact. However, he tried to tip me multiple times!)

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