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    Smile, You’re On Sordid Camera

    | USA | Bigotry, Top

    (We’ve recently gotten a transferred supervisor from another state, and we all just love her. We’re all particularly excited to see what happens when one of our regulars, who’s a big jerk and a misogynist, meets her. Note: I’m sweeping up a small mess when this happens.)

    Mean Regular: *to me* “I see you got a new skirt around here.”

    Me: “We do have a new woman working here, yes.”

    Mean Regular: “Then why you sweepin’? That’s her job. It’s woman’s work!” *yells across the store at her* “Oi! B****! Why don’t you get to the jobs you supposed to be doin’? Ain’t no man’s job to sweep and clean!”

    (My supervisor calmly walks over to our side of the store with a small smile on her face. Note: this customer towers over her and is much bulkier than she is.)

    Mean Regular: “What you comin’ over here for?”

    Female Supervisor: *calmly* “I came over here to inform you that if you yell across the store like that again, you will have to leave.”

    Mean Regular: *menacingly* “What’d you say to me, b****?!”

    Female Supervisor: *smiling* “I don’t make a habit of repeating myself, sir.” *to me* “Excuse me.”

    (She turns to go back to what she has been doing—helping a different customer—but the mean regular starts yelling again.)

    Mean Regular: “I’m gonna get you, b****, I swear I will! You’ll pay for disrespecting me! You can’t talk to me like that. I am a MAN! How dare you!”

    (My supervisor stops in her tracks, pulls out her phone, swivels around and takes his picture.)

    Female Supervisor: “I’m going to ask you to write down your name, address and phone number so we can contact you about your complaint, sir.”

    Mean Regular: “Well, finally. A w**** who knows how to treat a real man!” *writes down his information and leaves*

    Me: “What’d you do that for?”

    Female Supervisor: “For the police report. He threatened me!”

    On A Berating And A Prayer

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Top

    (It’s 8 am on a Sunday morning, and only my second day working the register alone at a very large, well-known 24-hour store. Two customers come up to my register with four carts overflowing with food.)

    Me: “Good morning, how are you today?” *starts scanning and bagging items*

    Younger Customer: “Hello, these are separate orders.”

    Me: “Oh, okay! Just let me know when to stop for the first order.”

    Older Customer: “Who said to scan this stuff?! What’s wrong with you!? Did I say we were ready for you to start? Are you stupid?”

    Me: “Oh! Um…I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

    Older Customer: “You should!”

    (At this point, the older customer begins to dig through the carts with the younger customer, separating things and barking at me to scan items here and there. After a bit, she asks me the price of a box of crackers.)

    Me: *checks the price on the register* “They’re [price].”

    Older Customer: “No! It said something else! It was a different price!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I can have someone check—”

    Older Customer: “You don’t know the price?”

    Me: “Not off the top of my head, no. I just started—”

    Older Customer: “Well, I DO know the prices of everything in the store because I shop here, and that is [price]! GOD, you’re stupid! And what are you doing?! Double bag everything! You’re being an idiot on purpose, aren’t you?!”

    Younger Customer: “Come on, mom. She’s trying her best.”

    Older Customer: “No, she’s too stupid to work here. She shouldn’t be dealing with people if she’s this stupid!”

    (She ended up calling me stupid several more times before leaving. A few months later, she went through another cashier’s line; her profession? A pastor.)

    It Was A Short-Terminology Relationship

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Top

    Me: “Just the belt for you today?”

    Customer: “BELT!”

    (He hands me his belt.)

    Me: “Your total will be $21.09.”

    Customer: “SWIPE!”

    (He swipes his card.)

    Me: “Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?”

    Customer: “RECEIPT!”

    (I give him his receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “Thank you for allowing this relationship!”

    This Deal’s A Steal, Because It Ain’t For Real

    | Adelaide, Australia | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hello, my sister just bought this item at one of your other stores, and it was much cheaper. Here it’s $49, but she got hers for $20. You should do this for the same price.”

    Me: “Hmm, that’s odd. All stores should have the same sales, and that item is already on a very good special. I don’t think it would go for $20. But I will check with the store to see if this was on special there, and if it is we can do it for the same price. Which store did your sister go to? I’ll call them now.”

    Customer: “Oh, here…I’ll call my sister, and she’ll tell you that she got it cheaper!”

    Me: “I actually need to call the store she was at and speak to a staff member who can check for me. Your sister can tell me the price, but I can’t authorise a price override just from talking to another customer. I need to speak to the other store.”

    (The customer ignores me and dials her sister anyway. She speaks to her in another language for a while, then hands the phone to me.)

    Me: “Hi, this is [name] from [store]. Your sister tells me you got a [item] for a discounted price?”

    Customer’s Sister: “Yes, I got it for $20 at another store today.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s great, but I’m going to have to call that store to check. Which one did you go to?”

    Customer’s Sister: “Uh…the [suburb] store.”

    Me: “Oh? That’s very interesting, since they closed down three and a half years ago. Thanks for your time!”

    Customer: *quickly leaves without her item*

    Distresses Over Mistresses

    | Iowa, USA | Crazy Requests

    (I am 21 and work at a sporting goods store. We have two stores, and the company is family owned; the owner has an office just upstairs. He’s wealthy, in his forties and happily married with three kids. I’m helping a customer with a special order.)

    Me: “Okay, that should do it! It usually takes about two weeks for a special order to be delivered. I’ll give you a call when they come in.”

    Customer: “You’re pretty.”

    Me: “Thank you. Was there anything else I could help you with?”

    Customer: “You should marry [company owner]. He’s rich.”

    Me: “Um. Well. He’s too old for me, I think. And he’s already got a wife.”

    Customer: “Yeah, well, you’re younger than her.”

    Me: “Um, I don’t think he wants a younger wife. I think he’s happy with the one he has.”

    Customer: “Come now. All girls want a rich husband. Don’t you want a rich husband?”

    Me: “I’ve got career plans of my own, actually. This job is just putting me through college. I think I’ll manage.”

    Customer: “Some people have no ambition!” *walks away*

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