Me: “Hello there, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for batteries for this calculator.”

Me: “Okay, but just so you know, that calculator doesn’t really need batteries. It has little solar panels right on the front that power it.”

Customer: “Solar panels? I want to use this calculator indoors!”

Related:
Always Right, Unless There’s Not Enough Light

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, I wanted to take advantage of your price match policy on this refrigerator.”

(He hands me copy of competitor’s ad with said refrigerator.)

Me: “Okay, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “That’s okay, I can look it up.”

(After utilizing several different ways to look up a receipt, I still haven’t found one.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m having a hard time finding your receipt and without that, I can’t give you your money.”

Customer: “I haven’t bought the refrigerator from you.”

Me: “Oh! Ok, so you want to purchase it and match the price?”

Customer: “No! I purchased the refrigerator from [competitor's store] and you have it cheaper, so I want you guys to pay me the difference.”

Me: “So, let me get this straight. You bought a refrigerator from [competitor's store] and we have it cheaper here, so you want me to give you money for a fridge that you didn’t purchase from here, and have no intentions of purchasing from here?”

Customer: “Right! Your price match plus guarantee!”

Me: “Ma’am, in order for us to give you the difference, you would have had to purchase the item from our store.”

Customer: “That’s false advertising! You have to give me the money! I’m going to sue!”

Me: “Ma’am, unfortunately we can’t just give you money for something you didn’t purchase from us.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, we wouldn’t make any money then and the company would go out of business.”

Customer: “Like that’s my fault!” *storms out of store*

(A teenage boy and girl come up to my till with a recently purchased CD.)

Teenage Boy: “I want to return this CD.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Teenage Boy: “No, I just didn’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund, but you can exchange it.”

Teenage Boy: “That’s not on. I want to see the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Teenage Boy: “I want my money back for this CD and he won’t give it to me.”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t give you a refund but you can exchange it for a another CD.”

Teenage Girl: “He doesn’t want another CD. Why would be want another CD when he can just copy them?”

Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

Student: “I want to get a sample.”

Me: “A sample of what?”

Student: “What have you got?”

Me: “What do you need it for? For class?”

Student: “Yeah, for class.”

Me: “Which class?”

Student: “Social Sciences.”

Me: “I’m not aware of any requirements for that class. Do you have it written down somewhere?”

(The student looks through her bag and produces a piece of paper. She hands it to me.)

Me: “This is an assignment to set up a small psychological experiment.”

Student: “Yes! And I need a sample.”

Me: “Do you mean participants? You want me to get you participants?”

Student: “Yeah, the teacher said about 30 should do. Do they come to my place or do I have to get them from here?”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not how it works. You have to find participants on your own.”

Student: “What? That’s ridiculous! Isn’t it enough that I do all the science?”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “My daughter’s passport photo was just rejected.”

Me: “Did she take it here?”

Customer: “No, it was taken at [other location].”

Me: “What can we do for you then?”

Customer: “It needs to be retaken!”

Me: “Well, if you would like to have your daughter come in we will be happy to take it for her.”

Customer: “She has to be here?”