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    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 3

    | British Columbia, Canada |

    (We have kiosks in our location that provide a number of services. We also have an online service that provides some different options than we are able to provide in the store. A woman in her 30s is on the kiosk closest to me trying to order something that we don’t do in the store.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to order [product], but I can’t find it on this kiosk.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is only available online.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s only available through the computer.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “You have to go onto a computer and go to the website to order that item, because it’s not available to order in the store.”

    Customer: “What computer?”

    Me: “You have to get onto the internet and order that product from our website.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying! What’s a website?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2
    Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

    All Karma’d Out

    | Australia | Holidays

    Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

    Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

    Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

    Me: “I don’t think so.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”

    Crushes Ice, Fruits, And Souls

    | Apopka, FL, USA | Family & Kids

    (I work in a retail home store. A mother walks past with her young child. The child is trying to get the mother’s attention by pointing out neat appliances.)

    Girl: “Mommy! Look at this blender thingy! It’s so cool! Look at what it does!”

    Me: “Sorry, dear. The picture on the box is just showing different things it can make using the same machine. It can’t actually mix both cookie dough and slurpees in the same canister.”

    (The child contemplates this for a moment as the mother walks by obliviously. She gets a look on her face as though I have completely crushed her only existence for living. She slinks away after her family, jaded from her new knowledge, to another part of the store and I don’t see them again for the rest of the evening.)

    Furry Elise

    | Sydney, Australia |

    (Note: I work at a music and DVD store, and as titles often share words, it’s important to be clear with customers.)

    Customer: “Do you have a Beethoven box-set?”

    Me: “As in the dog? Or–”

    Customer: *like at me like I’m an idiot* “Um, is there any other?!”

    Minute Power Corrupts Minutely

    | USA |

    (I am working at the returns counter. A normal-looking soccer mom-type is trying to exchange a shirt with no receipt that we do not carry any longer. Because of this, I can neither exchange nor return it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but without your receipt there’s really nothing I can do. We don’t carry that shirt anymore, and it’s not even in our system.”

    Customer: “You must love it.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “The power to tell people no! You must LOVE it!” *storms off*

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