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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Bigot Bait

    | Burleson, TX, USA | Top

    (I am helping a customer when a red-faced older man walks up and slaps the counter.)

    Customer: “Why does [store] have illegals working here?! This is America!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. If you can just calm down–”

    Customer: “Don’t you tell me to calm down! I fought for this country! I didn’t fight so that a bunch Mexicans could take over our country. You need to have someone here who speaks English in [department]!”

    Me: “Sir, your language and comments are offensive to me, and I would like you to not speak to me again. I will be happy to get a manager for you, though.”

    Customer: “F***ing Mexican lover!”

    Customer, to his companion: “Let’s get out of here! Now!”

    (I walk over to the department he was referencing. However, the only person there is a customer who just happens to be wearing something similar to our uniform. She smiles at me and says, in perfect English, “I really pissed him off, didn’t I?”)

    Stealer’s Remorse

    | Cambridge, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (We sell, among other things, cards for a popular trading card game. A customer walks in, walks directly to the counter, and pulls a few cards out of his pocket.)

    Customer: “I’d like to purchase these, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, purchase? Don’t you mean sell?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t have the money at the time. However, I didn’t want anybody else to get them, so I just left with them. I’d like to pay for them now, thanks.”

    Life In Plastic, It’s Fantastic

    | Texas, USA | Bizarre

    Customer: “I need help, anyone!”

    Me: *rushing over* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “That TV is showing bad things!”

    (The TV in question is playing movie trailers on loop.)

    Me: “Which trailer did you find offensive?”

    Customer: “The one with the girl that is saying the girl is perfect! Nobody’s perfect!”

    (At that moment, a trailer for a new Barbie movie comes on.)

    Customer: *screaming* “That’s the bad movie!”

    Supermarket, The Musical

    | Gainesville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Musical Mayhem

    (It has been a quiet morning but the store has been filling up and it is very loud. My ears haven’t quite adjusted yet.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    (I begin scanning and bagging her items.)

    Customer: *mumbling*

    Me: “Did you find everything okay?”

    (The customer mumbles, and then begins singing something unintelligible. We play music in the store, so I thought she was singing along.)

    Customer: *gradually increasing in volume* “No bag…no bag…NO bag…NO BAG!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you singing, ‘No bag’?”

    Customer: “Well, I told you a couple of times, but you went ahead and started bagging, so I decided to sing it!”

    Of Inky Inputs And Inopportune Idioms

    | Perth, Australia | Criminal/Illegal

    (I am a employee at a electronics store. We are having a fairly normal day. As I am attending to a woman, two men barge through the shop and demand that everyone drop to the ground.)

    Customer: *starts looking through her purse*

    Me: “Ma’am, I think we should do what they say and not call the police.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not looking for that…ah! Here it is!”

    (The customer holds up a pen. Meanwhile, I’m lying on the floor with a confused look on my face.)

    Customer: *whispers* “The pen is mightier then the sword.”


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