In Uniform, Out Of Work

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I walk into a store without realizing I am wearing khakis and a red polo; they are the store’s uniform colors. A middle aged lady stops me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me where to find the lamps?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! You are still wearing your uniform! Obviously you work here!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but this just happens to be what I wore today.”

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU! I can’t believe you would treat a customer like this.”

(A manager walks up, focused on the yelling customer.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I demand you fire this employee! He is refusing to help me!”

(The manager turns to talk to me. I see the surprise on his face, due to the fact that I am not one of his employees.)

Manager: “Is it true that you refused to help this woman?”

Me: “Yeah, I suppose…”

Manager: “Alright then, you’re fired.”

Me: “D*** man! Really?”

Manager: “Yes.”

(He turns back to the lady.)

Manager: “The lamps are over there, ma’am. I will personally take care of this troublemaker.”

(As the lady smugly walks off, he turns back to me.)

Manager: “Sorry about that. You don’t actually work here do you?”

Me: “Nope. You just fired me.”

(We share a laugh, and he takes me to the attached coffee house to buy me a drink.)

Crazy Just Got To Another Level

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am handling a sales order with a customer. An older lady taps me on the shoulder.)

Customer: “I can’t find your elevator anywhere!”

Me: “It’s a one story building. I am afraid we don’t have one.”

Customer: “That’s horrible! My knees are so bad! I just can’t handle the stairs!”

Me: “We… don’t have stairs.”

(As I am replying, she has turned and walked away. About a week later, I get a call…)

State Employee: “I am calling to investigate a complaint we received that your store is violating ADA. Is it true you don’t have an elevator?”

Me: “Yes. I don’t have a second floor or stairs either.”

State Employee: “So, I just file this under ‘crazy’… gotcha.”

Victim Of A Crazy Mugging

| QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(We have a staff rest/break room near the bathrooms. Customers accidentally walk into it all the time, so we get a very big sign that says ‘Staff Only, Please Do Not Enter’. One day, I hear several very loud noises coming from the staff break room. I go to investigate.)

Me: “Is everything okay in here?”

(I look around to utter chaos. Tea and coffee has been thrown all around the room. Milk has been poured on the counter, and the water jug is on the floor. Oddest of all, the fridge door is wide open, and the shelves have been neatly removed and stacked on top of the table. In the middle of all of it is sitting a very well-dressed middle aged woman. She is sipping coffee out of my personal coffee mug.)

Me: “I.. um… excuse me, ma’am?”

(She looks up with a lovely smile, and goes back to sipping coffee.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to… um—”

(She stares at me for a very long time, then goes back to her coffee.)

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave, ma’am. This is a staff only area.”

(She smiles, and starts talking in a very fake British accent.)

Customer: “Oh, you know. I just wanted a coffee.”

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to take it outside of this room. It’s for staff only.”

Customer: “But… my coffee?”

Me: “It’s okay, take it around the shop with you. I’ll even put it into a take-away cup for you.”

(I offer to take back my mug. Her smile turns to a horrible scowl.)

Customer: “MY cup!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s mine. Now, I need you to leave this area before I call security.”

Customer: “Oh!”

(Smiling again, she gets up and walks out of the room. She then turns around, shrieks, and hurls the cup at me, where it smashes at my feet.)

Customer: “MY CUP! MY COFFEE!”

(I call security. She goes on a rampage, trying to smash everything in sight. She even bites the security guard. They have to call the police, because they can’t restrain her. I guess some people really do need coffee to be human.)

Shrewd With Shoes

| Kansas City, KS, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(My manager is helping a customer and her daughter find a pair of shoes for the girl.)

Manager: “This style has gone to clearance, so this is the only size we have left.”

Customer: “Okay. Let’s try those on, and see if they fit her.”

(My manager leaves the customer’s to try the shoes on. A few minutes later they come through my line to check out. The shoes are not in their pile of clothing.)

Me: “So, you decided against those shoes?”

(The customer seems flustered.)

Customer: “Yeah, no. They didn’t fit.”

Manager: “Since you aren’t purchasing them, could I have those shoes? I have another customer wanting to try them on.”

(The customer points vaguely to the shoe section. My manager cannot find the shoes, so acting on a hunch, she calls security. I finish the customer’s transaction and bag her items. Security arrives a minute later, and the customer flees the store with her bags. Several minutes later, my manager and a security guard approach my register, holding the pair of shoes the customer said she left on the floor.)

Manager: “I am going to have to write you up.”

Me: “What? What did I do?”

Manager: “You didn’t notice that woman had a pair of high top sneakers stuffed into her jacket! She threw them onto the ground as she was running. But since you checked her ID against her credit card and got all her information, I think I can let it go this time!”

(Thankfully she was joking, and I wasn’t written up. She later testified in court against the customer, getting the thief’s name from the credit card she had used when I rang her up.)

He Already Has Enough Issues

| AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Spouses & Partners

(One of my co-workers is checking out a couple.)

Cashier: “Alright, so your total is [total].”

(The wife starts paying with debit. Her husband is scanning our magazines at the side of the till.)

Husband: *to the cashier* “Excuse me, miss? Can I get a magazine?”

Cashier: “Oh, sure, I don’t see why not. We can do it as a separate transaction if you’d like?”

Husband: “Oh? I have to buy them?”

Cashier: *laughs* “Yes, sir. You would have to buy it.”

Husband: “Oh… well then, never mind.” *turns to his wife* “This b**** won’t give me a magazine!”

Wife: “Shut up; you’re being an a**!”

(The two customers leave and the cashier turns to me.)

Cashier: “I really hope he was drunk. If not, then what just happened?”

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