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    Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

    Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

    Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

    Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

    (She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

    PDF: Please Don’t Fuss

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

    Me: “Do you have a PDF file?”

    Customer: “That’s redundant!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “PDF stands for ‘printable document file.’”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but PDF stands for ‘portable document format.’”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! It’s ‘printable document file!’”

    Me: “One moment please.”

    (I open up a browser, look up “PDF”, and turn the computer monitor around for him to see.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: *leaves without saying another word*

    Righteous Insinuation

    | Broomfield, CO, USA |

    (A lady is looking at cross jewelry while the manager is helping her. Note that the manager is female and is a bit heavy set.)

    Customer: “Do you have a coworker that can help me?”

    Manager: “I’m afraid not. Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “I don’t want to be helped by someone that’s pregnant but hasn’t gotten married.”

    Manager: “Um…well…I’m a virgin.”

    Customer: *goes wide-eyed and quickly leaves*

    Get Thee To A Nursery

    | USA | Family & Kids

    (An older customer comes to the counter with lingerie and skimpy outfits that are clearly too small for her.)

    Customer: *defensively* “They aren’t for me!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “What do you see in my hair?”

    Me: “Uh, nothing?”

    Customer: “A lot of white! You see? White!”

    (She grabs several white strands of her hair and shows them to me.)

    Me: “Okay?”

    Customer: “It’s not okay…not when I don’t have grandkids. My daughter is 30 and hasn’t even started dating! I hope this will help her along!”

    Incomprehensibly Intemperate

    | Edison, NJ, USA | Language & Words

    (My girlfriend and I are coworkers at a retail store. She is bilingual, but Spanish is her native language. If you yell at her while speaking in English, she won’t understand what you’re saying. It will sound jumbled up to her.)

    Girlfriend: “Okay, sir. That all rings up to $30.42.”

    Customer: *yelling* “What? How the f*** is it that expensive?!”

    Girlfriend: “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

    Customer: “You little b****! You’re trying to cheat me out of my money!”

    Girlfriend: “Sir, can you please not yell? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

    Customer: “Yes, you do, you liar! There’s no way it can cost that much!”

    (At this point, my girlfriend is getting frustrated and calls me over to translate.)

    Girlfriend: “Kaycee, please tell me what he’s saying.”

    Customer: “This b**** is trying to cheat me out of money!”

    Me: “Sir, she cannot understand you because you are yelling at her. If you would simply talk in a normal voice, she will understand you. Also, I’m looking on the screen at your items, and she is not trying to cheat you. Your total comes up to $30.42.”

    Customer: “She understood me before!”

    Me: “That’s because you were not yelling. She does not understand when people yell at her. Furthermore, accusing her of cheating you when she is not will not get you a lower price. You still have to pay the full price.”

    Customer: “F*** that! I’m not paying that price!”

    Me: “So, you had my girlfriend ring all your items up, and now you are refusing to pay for them because you don’t like the price?”

    Customer: “That’s right! See if I ever shop here again!” *storms out of store*

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