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    Grand Truth Auto

    | Washington, DC, USA |

    (I am at a Tibetan shop when three teenage boys come in. One of the boys picks up at small metal item and goes to the counter.)

    Boy: “What is the purpose of this?”

    Shop Manager: “It gives you strength.”

    Boy: *thinks for a moment* “So, I can just go around beating people?”

    Shop Manager: “No! No! Strength in mind.”

    Boy: *looks down and puts the item back* “Aww…”

    This iPhone Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

    | Cedar Park, TX, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m putting up items in the electronics section at my store. A small child is playing with a phone on display. The mother notices, grabs the phone, and puts it down.)

    Mother: “Son, don’t play with that!”

    Son: “Why not?”

    Mother: “You’re not smart, so you don’t need a smartphone!”

    The Cannabis Chronicles

    | Hilo, HI, USA | Health & Body, Technology

    Customer: “I need an auxiliary cable and a USB cord.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I take the customer to where the USB cords are and hand him the one he wants. He puts it under his arm and we continue over to where the aux cables are.)

    Me: “All right, and here’s your cable. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a USB cord.”

    Me: “Like the one under your arm?”

    (The customer looks down and seems shocked to be holding the cord.)

    Customer: “Woah! Must be all that weed I smoke!”

    Let’s Address How You’re Even Dressing Yourself

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid

    (A customer in her mid-30s approaches me. Note that we use the same standard sizing that is commonly found in other clothing stores.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “What size am I?”

    Me: “Well, what size clothes are you wearing right now?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

    Me: “Well, why don’t we get you a size that looks right and you try those on?”

    Customer: “And then what?”

    Me: “If they’re too big, then you try on the size that’s smaller until you find the right one.”

    Customer: “Great idea. Thank you!”

    Fractional Intelligence

    | Texas, USA | Math & Science

    Customer: “I need to know the height of this refrigerator.”

    Me: “Sure, it’s 69 3/4 in.”

    Customer: “Is 3/4 more or less than a half?”

    Me: “It’s slightly more.”

    Customer: “No, that can’t be right!”

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