November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Paying A Hire Price

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Top

(I’m purchasing something from my workplace, and they happen to give very generous discounts to employees.)

Manager: “Alright kiddo, that’ll be $5.59.”

(I pay for my item. The next customer in line happens to be purchasing the same item.)

Manager: “That’ll be $22.39, please.”

Customer: “What!? That guy only paid five bucks for his! Why do I have to pay over $20?”

Manager: “Sir, he works here. He gets an employee discount.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying this price! I want to pay what he paid! This is a complete rip-off!”

Manager: “Alright, when can you start?”

Customer: “What?”

Manager: “The discount is for employees only. When can you start? I think I can arrange an interview for you next week.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would I want to work here? I already have a well-paying job! I don’t want to deal with any stupid customers!”

Manager: “And that’s why he gets a discount, and you don’t!”

Someone Has Had A Bit Too Much Coffee

| Melbourne, QLD, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(It’s early in the morning, and so the home-wares store that I work in is pretty quiet at the moment. It is so quiet, that I can hear this customer from the other end of the store as she walks in, getting progressively louder as she approaches me.)

Customer: “…coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups…”

(Hearing this, I turn around to see a middle aged woman and her 10-year-old son looking at me expectantly, still repeating ‘coffee cups’ as she gets closer.)

Me: “Um, was there something I can help you with tod—”

Customer: “…coffee cups, coffee cups, coffee cups…”

Me: *trying my best to act normal* “Sure… just on the shelf in the corner there.” *points*

Customer: “Ah! Coffee cups!”

A Spelling Konflict

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Language & Words

(A customer is looking for an icy-pole maker.)

Me: “Okay, now you said you were after a certain brand name?”

Customer: “Yes, all I know is that it starts with a ‘K’.”

(We do not currently stock any icy-pole related products by brands starting with a ‘K’, but we do have some starting with a ‘C’.)

Me: “Are you sure it wasn’t one of these ones here, miss? We have—”

Customer: “No, no! I’ll know it when I see it. It definitely starts with ‘K’. Oh look, there it is!”

Me: “Um… are you sure, miss? That machine is by the Zoku brand.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! Zoku! It start’s with a ‘K’! ‘K’ for Zoku!”

Gay Rights And Copyrights

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bigotry, Health & Body

(A female customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “I want to return this Jillian Michael’s Work Out DVD Set.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “I just found out that she’s gay. I don’t want to stare at a gay woman exercising. She’ll turn me gay.”

Me: “…right. Well, I’m sorry, but I cannot take this back.”

Customer: “You want me to be gay?!”

Me: “Um, no. The kit is opened, and for copyright reasons I cannot return opened DVDs.”

Customer: “If I go to Hell, it’s your fault!”

This Call Is Not Open And Shut

| Nacka, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a large home electronics store. We don’t offer any kind of technical support, but you can call us and ask for prices, opening hours, etc. I answer a call.)

Caller: “I bought a notebook, and a mobile broadband, and I was told I could always call if I had any problems.”

Me: “Okay”.

Caller: “Well, I was wondering: how do you open it?”

Me: “Well, usually there’s a button on the front that you push to open it. Some models are closed by magnets, and in that case you just have to—you—know, open it.”

Caller: “I don’t see any button. Is it on the side?”

Me: “No, it’s probably on the front. Sometimes, it’s not a button, but a slider.”

(This goes on for some time, before I figure out what the customer actually means.)

Me: “So what you’re really wondering is how to start it?”

Caller: “I don’t know; maybe that’s what it’s called? I just want to figure out how to get it open and going.”

Me: “There will be a button somewhere above the keyboard that looks like a ring with a line through it.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s great. Thanks. Next question: how do I close it?”

Me: “You mean shut it down? When it’s on, you click on the start menu, and then click shut-down.”

Caller: “Start menu? How do you mean?”

Me: “You know, the main menu—the one where you always click to do things—the one where the applications and other things are.”

Caller: “I don’t see any start menu.”

Me: “Well, anyhow, there’s a button in the bottom left corner and if you click it, you’ll find the shut down button.”

Caller: “Okay… I also have problems using this mobile broadband. I have connected it to the computer, and I can’t manage to get it connected to the internet.”

(It has already been 10 minutes, and I have gone far above the kind of services we offer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but all of these are support questions. For further questions, I recommend you call the manufacturer.”

Caller: “I have to call them? Why?”

Me: “We’re only a store. I’m a salesman, and we only sell products here. The manufacturers provide support for their products.”

Caller: “What? But, if you get a problem with a product, then you call the store!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not how you get support. We only sell products. Support is provided by the manufacturers. Their number is most certainly somewhere in the manual that came with your computer.”

Caller: “I have this thing… a mouse. Can that have anything to do with my problems?”

Me: “Ehm…”