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    It’s Curtains For Closing Time

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work in a small, locally owned business in an old building. Connected to our store is another small shop. Our owners have agreed to leave the passage between our stores open to promote business. We understandably get customers wanting to purchase the other store’s goods at our register, and other similar confusions. Most days, our hours are the same. One day a week my store closes an hour before our sister store. We have large, heavy curtains that can be drawn across the entrance between our stores. I am in the middle of closing procedure, have drawn the curtains, turned out most of the lights, and locked the front door. Our space has two adjoining rooms, so I can hear what’s happening in the other room, but can’t see. I hear loud thumping noises and footsteps. It is a woman and her seven- or eight-year-old son.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are closed. Today we close an hour earlier than [Adjoining Store], but feel free to browse further there.”

    Woman: “Oh? You’re closed?”

    Me: “Yes. As you may have noticed, all the lights are off in this store, and our hours are clearly posted on the other side of the curtains separating us from [Other Store.]”

    Woman: “Well, it’s all so unclear. It looks like you’re open.”

    (Meanwhile, her son is bounding around, disarranging the displays and generally being disrespectful of the space.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we are closed. Our register is no longer open. Feel free to look at [Other Store]‘s stock. They are open for another hour.”

    Woman: *grumbles in direction of son* “Well, I guess this b**** won’t let you have a toy.”

    Giving You An Earful Over The Ears

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (For those that don’t know, LARP is Live Action Roleplay. We sell a lot of realistic looking weapons that are safe to hit people with, but are actually foam. Some are historically based, others are pure fantasy. We are at a convention.  I’m helping another customer when a guy on the other end of the table starts getting agitated by something.)

    Customer: “No, these aren’t right at all.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

    Customer: “They’re just not accurate.”

    (Finishing with the other customer, I move over.)

    Me: “Well, it’s LARP, not re-enactment, so some of our weapons won’t be historically accurate. In fact, many are outright fantasy weapons that would have been amazingly impractical for real use.”

    Customer: “Not the weapons, idiot! These!”

    (The customer holds up a pair of prosthetic elf ears.)

    Customer: “Moon Elves’ ears DON’T look like THIS.”

    Me: “Uh… I’m pretty sure with elves being fantasy they can look like whatever the designer wanted them to, so long as they’re kinda pointy at the end.”

    Customer: “BUT THEY’RE NOT ACCURATE!”

    Demands Are Reaching Breaking Point

    | Hartford, CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (It is Thanksgiving night and our store has been open for about four hours already. It’s been very busy and we have a much larger than normal team to oversee. A woman has approaches my coworker, asking about a certain item.)

    Coworker: “Well, I’m not sure. Let me find someone to ask.”

    (He calls on his walkie for that section and gets no response. I happen to be walking by when he stops me and asks if I know.)

    Me: “Sorry, I really don’t know at all. Who’s here right now?”

    (The guest meanders off a few feet looking at another display. We look at the schedule trying to find who is here and not on break since we all came in around the same time and by law need a 30-minute non-paid break.)

    Customer: “I just don’t understand what is taking so long. Why is it so d*** hard to find someone? Why can’t anyone just get this item for me?”

    (As this goes on my coworker is trying to get someone to answer on the walkie.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. But we can’t leave the front end because of how busy we are. If you can give me just a moment, please. I need to check the schedule before I can call someone. We’re just trying to find out who is here and not on break right now.”

    Customer: “Well why would they be on break?”

    Me: “We all came in around the same time to open the store tonight and we have to stagger our breaks, so I just need a moment to find out who is on the floor right now.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why the hell anyone would be on break! They’re here to work! Not to take a break! They need to get back to work! This is bad business!”

    Me: “Do you take a break at work?”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Well, of COURSE I do!”

    Me: “Then wouldn’t you think we should get a break, too?”

    Customer: “No! Not tonight! This is different! Why is no one able to help me!”

    (By some miracle, God smiles down on me and someone from a nearby section answers on the walkie and says to send the guest down.)

    Customer: “Finally! This shouldn’t have taken so f****** long! I’ll be calling corporate!”

    Me: “You do that. Happy Thanksgiving!”

    Hoping For Some Generational Knowledge

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (I work at the only department store in my city, which is very busy and well known. My mom often comes in to pick me up, so the staff all know who she is. I work at customer service, so many people know to ask me for help, and even if I’m not working if they are polite I help them. As I go to the back and see my mother waiting, I notice a lady approach her.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, where can I find [item]?”

    Mom: “I think they’re over there. I’m not really sure.”

    Customer: “Well your daughter works here. You should know!”

    (The lady storms off and I approach.)

    Me: “Did she just…?”

    Mom: “She did, and you want to know the worst part? That’s got to be the third time this week.”

    Praying The Layaway Away

    | Taylor, MI, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work in a layaway service that has the option to cancel your layaway anytime you want.)

    Customer: “Hi, I just need to do a couple things today. I want to make a regular payment on one and pay the other one off.”

    Me: “Okay, I just need to see your ID. Do you want to do the payment first?”

    Customer: “I want to cancel one and take both out.”

    Me: *thinking I misheard* “Oh, sorry. I thought you wanted to make a payment and pay one off.”

    Customer: “No. I’m not making a payment, but I’m taking both out.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry? So you don’t want to cancel?”

    Customer: “No, I do want to cancel one! I want them both right now though!”

    Me: “So, you want me to take the one layaway out so you can buy it up front?”

    Customer: “No, what? I want my things, but I want my refund, too.”

    Me: “… Ma’am, if I’m hearing you right, I can’t give you your items if you don’t pay for it. You need to pay it off first.”

    Customer: “No one would have to know though, right? Just put it through as a refund and give me my stuff and my money. You’re going to be taking it out anyway. It’s easy.”

    Me: “… I can’t do that. That would be stealing.”

    Customer: “But I picked out the stuff myself! Whatever. I’ll come back later when someone actually WANTS to help me. You get confused too easy!”

    (She then walked off. Turned out she did try to come back and ask for a ‘refund,’ but was quickly taken care of by security when she began to throw a fit over ‘poor service!’)

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