Didn’t Eat From The Tree Of Knowledge

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’ve clocked out for the day and I’m picking up a few groceries before I leave. Even though I’m wearing a coat and nothing that would identify me as an employee, and pushing a half-filled shopping cart, a customer still stops me as I pass the produce section.)

Customer: “Hey, I know you work here. You need to help me!”

Me: “No, I’m shopp—”

Customer: “—It’s your apples! Are these the kind grown on trees, or were they made some other way?”

Me: “Trees…”

Dying For A Discount

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(An elderly lady comes up to my register with a full cart and automatically starts complaining about how much stuff she has, like that is anyone else’s fault but her own.. She is one of those lovely customers who puts one item on the counter at a time for me to scan, and complains the whole long while. I know she’s going to have a problem with her total, so I just go ahead and apply the senior discount without her asking; policy is for the customer to ask. After she complains about the total and I let her know how much I saved her, she says:)

Customer: “Honey, could you do any better than that?”

Me: “No, that’s the best discount I can give you this week.”

Customer: “Are you sure? This is just an awfully high total.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the best I can do.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I just don’t like that total. And anyway, my doctor says I’m going to die soon, maybe tomorrow, and won’t be able to use all of this anyway, so is there anything else you can do?”

Me: “…We can put some of your items back?”

Tipped To Be Persistent

, | Moberly, MO, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I work as a janitor.)

Me: *sweeping floors before finding a lady looking lost* “Do you need help finding something?”

Lady: “Oh, sure-gel for…” *looks at me holding a broom* “Oh, don’t mind me, sweetie. I’ll find it.”

Me: “For canning? You sure? I can take you to it.”

Lady: “But you’re sweeping. I don’t want to interrupt.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s on the other side of the store. Let me show you.”

Lady: “All right…”

(Cue criss-crossing the store as I help her find several hard to locate items.)

Lady: “I think that’s it. You’ve been so helpful. Here…” *tries to hand me a $5 bill*

Me: *holds my hands up palm forward* “No can do, ma’am. Can’t accept tips.”

Lady: “Nonsense, you’ve helped me more than anyone who’s actually supposed to!”

(She tries to dive to my pockets to slide money in.)

Me: *slams hands on top of the pockets before she gets there, backpedalling* “Nope! You have a nice day!”

(Thirty minutes later I’m collecting trash from the bins. The lady is trying to sneak up on me, hand reaching for my pocket with money in it. I barely spot her in time, turning and stuffing my hands in my pocket.)

Me: “Still no can do. I appreciate the offer, though.”

Lady: “Oh, shut up.” *smiling, she grabs my collar, pulls my shirt open and stuffs the bill down the front of my shirt*

Lady: “Tell your bosses where they can shove that tip if they don’t like it!”

Me: *stunned silence*

(Upon telling my boss, he laughs and shrugs.)

Boss: “You can either donate it to CMN, or forget you told me about it. Wasn’t anything you could do about it.”

Not Their Brightest Outdoor Light-Bulb Moment

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Home Improvement

Me: “[Company] Lighting, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, do you carry outdoor lighting?”

Me: “Yes, we sure do! Were you looking for a specific kind?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ve dialed the wrong number.” *click*

Me: “But…”

Do Not Act Honorably

, | WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

Customer: “Where is my order?”

Me: “It looks like we had an issue billing your purchase due to a ‘do not honor’ message from your card. We were successful in billing it recently.”

Customer: “EXCUSES! I demand some sort of free gift or something for having to wait. My teenagers come up with better excuses; do you want me to list some?”

Me: “I am really sorry for any confusion. We could not bill this order because your card would not let us. We would recommend reaching out to them for more information as to why they would not allow this charge to go through.”

Customer: “YOU GUYS ALWAYS TRY TO BLAME THIS ON SOMEONE ELSE WHEN IT’S YOUR FAULT. I AM NOT POOR! THERE WAS MONEY ON THE CARD!”

Me: “I am really sorry for this persisting confusion, a ‘do not honor’ message has nothing to do with the funds on the card. It is simply the card company putting a temporary hold on any purchases made on that card. For your security they do not provide us with any information as to why.”

Customer: “Well, then, I really need something free because you guys are making me wait to get my order!”

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