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    Not Being A Pawn In His Game

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Technology

    (A customer with a thick accent comes in and places a cell-phone on the counter, which immediately begins leaking water.)

    Customer: “I want new phone.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “This one not working.”

    Me: “Why is it wet?”

    Customer: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “You don’t know?”

    Customer: “May have been dropped in toilet.”

    Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover water damage.”

    Customer: “I want new phone. This one not working.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t replace your phone. If you look at the warranty details we gave you when you bought it, you’ll see that.”

    Customer: “I have large friend. Knows kickboxing!”

    Me: “Are you threatening me?”

    Customer: “No, no! I no threaten!”

    Me: “Well, I have a friend who plays chess. I don’t see how either is relevant to the conversation.”

    (The customer grabs his phone and storms out.)

    Losing Their Financial Puppy Fat

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals

    (It should be noted that I’m a bleeding heart and I cry easily. It’s a really slow night, so I get pretty excited when I see a dad and his daughter, who looks to be about seven, approaching my line. The dad leans in close to me to whisper.)

    Dad: “She’s been saving her money up for a while to buy this stuff. Can you split the payment to do her $8.00 in cash and the rest on my card?”

    Me: “Of course I can! I have to do the cash first, though.”

    Dad: “Perfect. I also have some things to buy in a separate transaction.”

    (The girl starts emptying a small purse of money: a few dollar bills but mostly coins. I’m thinking the girl was saving for some toys and art supplies from our kids’ section but after she’s done emptying her purse, she places on the counter pet supplies: a collar, a leash, our most expensive dog bone, and shampoo.)

    Girl: “I love my puppy, so I’m buying him some presents!”

    Me: “Wow! Gosh, that’s really sweet of you! It must have taken a lot of hard work and dedication to save up this much!”

    Girl: *nodding* “I didn’t buy any candy or anything.”

    (Her father winks at me and nods toward the big stack of junk food he’s placed on the other end of the counter. I grin and start ringing the girl’s order up while she counts. She gets to $8, mostly in pennies, and scoops it all up to hand to me.)

    Girl: “Here, miss. I’d like to pay, please.”

    Me: “I think I can help with that! So that’s $8.”

    (Her dad pays for the rest of the order on his card and then I start ringing up the snacks.)

    Dad: “Thank you for being so patient.”

    Me: “Please, sir, it’s no trouble at all. It’s a really slow night, and I have a dog myself. She could have taken all the time in the world, if she’d wanted to!”

    (The girl giggles and hugs her bag close to her. Father and daughter both thank me, and after they leave my manager approaches me.)

    Manager: “Want to go take five to cry in the bathroom?”

    Me: *tearing up as she speaks* “Yeah, I’d really appreciate that. Thank you.”

    You Can’t Top That

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a frozen yogurt shop that charges customers by weight of what they make. It is not uncommon for customers to realize it is cheaper than expected and go back to add more toppings. I am working the register. The customer puts his cup on the scale in front of the register.)

    Me: “That will be $2.86.”

    Customer: “Really? Can I go back and add more toppings or something?”

    Me: “Sure, that won’t be a problem!”

    (The customer turns to look at the pumps for hot chocolate and caramel, and then comes back to the register. He sees the large bottle of hand sanitizer on the end of the counter.)

    Customer: “Ooh! What’s this?” *pumps into cup*

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “… Well. That wasn’t very smart, was it?”

    Some Requests Are Too Exotic

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

    Customer: “Hi. I would like to confirm my order of exotic Mexican dancers for my brother’s bachelor party.”

    Me: “Um, sir, are you sure you have the right number? This—”

    Customer: “I am getting late! I ordered them yesterday!”

    Me: “Sir, this is [Home Retail Store]‘”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know that! What am I, an idiot?”

    Me: “Um—”

    Customer: “Of course you would have Mexican dancers! Are you even qualified to work here? Even a KID would know that!”

    Me: “Er… sir, are you sure you are calling the right place? THIS IS [HOME RETAIL STORE]. Let me repeat, sir. NOT MEXICO.”

    Customer: “SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THIS WOMAN A LESSON ABOUT HER JOB! WHAT KIND OF EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEIR PRODUCTS ARE?”

    (Another employee comes up to me and mouths, ‘I’ll deal with him.’)

    Employee: “Sir, what are you looking for?”

    Customer: “I’M LOOKING FOR EXOTIC MEXICAN DANCERS FOR A BACHELOR PARTY! YOUR D*** EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING!”

    Employee: “Oh, I found your order. Repeat your order for me please?” *winks at me*

    Customer: “Finally! Someone who knows their job! The number is [number].”

    Employee: “Thank you for your order. For the inconvenience, you will get them free. Expect them around 6:30 pm. Enjoy your party!”

    Fingers Crossed They Were Joking

    | Princeton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Criminal/Illegal, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m a supervisor at the store. Most shifts only have one cashier up front. I walk up to the front of the store during a closing shift.)

    Cashier: “So the customer I just finished ringing up wanted to know how many fingers I have.”

    Me: “… Sorry. What?”

    Cashier: “Yeah. That’s what I thought, too, so I asked him what he said and he asked ‘how many fingers do you have?’”

    Me: “What did you say?”

    Cashier: “I asked him why he wanted to know. He told me he needed to know how many I had before he cut them off.”

    Me: “…”

    Cashier: “I’m kind of hoping I heard him wrong. But I don’t think I want to go outside by myself after we close.”

    Me: “Yeah. We’ll leave the store together tonight, and I’ll make sure your ride’s out there before we do.”

    Cashier: “Thanks! To be honest, I’m feeling really creeped out right now!”


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