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    Finally Closes The Sale

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (It is now 15 minutes past closing time. Several staff members have been helping a lady with a complicated question while her young son wanders around and plays with the merchandise.)

    Me: “We need to get the store closed and all the lights turned off, so let me get you rung up at this register over here.”

    (She wanders over to a display her son is looking at.)

    Mother: “You can choose between these two items and I’ll buy it for you.”

    Son: “I want this!” *chooses much more expensive item*

    Mother: “No, I’m not buying you that. Choose between these two.”

    (The argument goes on for a few minutes. Finally:)

    Mother: “All right, I’m choosing for you. This one.”

    (She brings the item to me, and I ring it up with her other purchases.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total].”

    (She opens her wallet and slowly starts counting out exact change. I wince internally and say nothing; it’s now 25 minutes past closing. I take her money and hand her a receipt.)

    Me: “Thank you so much! I’ll walk you out, since I need to lock the door behind you.”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks.” *cellphone rings, she answers* “Oh, hi! Yeah, just finishing up.”

    (She continues to stand there and talk on her cell, very slowly putting her wallet away and showing no sign of hurrying. Eventually, with me standing there holding the door open, she makes her way to the exit, still talking on the phone. I lock the door behind her and go back into the main room, where my coworkers (who have been wrangling other reluctant-to-leave customers) are standing there looking exhausted.)

    Me: “Who’s buying the first round?”

    No Real Cause For Concern

    | USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work at a very busy furniture store that is often out of stock of popular items and is constantly changing stock. A customer demands an item that has been discontinued and is no longer displayed as current merchandise. A manager and I find out there is an order of one left coming in but the date is unknown and a week later explains to the customer that the date is set to arrive a month from now.)

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but the merchandise you ordered isn’t expected to come in until the 31st, so—”

    Customer: “What do you mean the 31st!? This is not acceptable.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have no control over the expected date. We no longer carry it on our floor and a final order has been fulfilled for you at the expected date but we will—”

    Customer: “No, that is not acceptable. No one told me it was no longer available. You need to make this right for me.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, before you started talking I was trying to tell you we would refund your money for delivery since you are having to wait such a long period of time.”

    Customer: “Well, you should apologize for that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I did apologize right before the first time you interrupted me.”

    Customer: “You should do something to make me happy.”

    Me: “Ma’am, after I apologized I offered you our delivery service for free which would normally cost you $120.”

    Customer: “Fine. You should sound more concerned. Your voice didn’t sound sincere enough for me.”

    Now You’re Talking

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Bizarre

    (I am alone in my store when a customer comes in. Because of where I am located, I can’t get to within her line of sight immediately, but it’s not a very big store so she can hear me.)

    Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m well, thanks, and you?”

    Me: “Fine, thank you!”

    (I continue talking as I walk. I am now two feet away from her and wearing a nametag.)

    Me: “Has it been a while since were here?”

    Customer: “Oh. Um. I guess it has?”

    Me: “Okay, welcome back!”

    (She gives me a puzzled look.)

    Customer: “Do you, um, work here or something?

    Me: *baffled* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you were another customer. I wondered why you were so chatty!”

    Pajama Drama, Part 2

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I work in the lingerie section of a very well-known department store when a male customer walks in.)

    Me: “Hi there. What were you looking for today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for some sexy bras and underwear for my girlfriend.”

    Me: “Okay, did you know her bra size?”

    Customer: “Um… no.”

    Me: “Well… sexy pajamas it is, then!”

    Pajama Drama

    Tried Explaining Until The Cows Came Home

    | Santa Monica, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “What type of leather is this bag made from?”

    Coworker: “It’s made of cow.”

    Customer: “What’s a cow?”

    (My coworker tries to hide his general shock at this question.)

    Coworker: “You know the black and white spotted animal? It lives on a farm?”

    Customer: *shakes her head* “I don’t know.”

    Coworker: “Where do we get our milk from?”

    Customer: *shakes her head again* “I don’t know.”

    (My coworker stopped short of actually mooing like a cow and that whole exchange

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