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    Bring You Bach To The Future

    , | MN, USA | History, Musical Mayhem, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

    Caller: *has a strange, whistly and whiny voice* ” Hi, I’d like some organ music by Bach, played by Bach.”

    Me: “Well, we have a lot of recordings of Bach’s organ music but we don’t have any of him performing it.”

    Caller: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Recording technology hadn’t been invented when Bach was alive.                 ”

    Caller: “Well, why not?”

    Me: “Well, in the late 1800’s, Thomas Edison invented—”

    Caller: “[My Name], it’s [Coworker].”

    (One of my coworkers had played the perfect music nerd prank on me!)

    Buttbox

    | Avon, CT, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Store]. How may I assist you?”

    Young Male Caller: “Yeah, do you guys got any purple XBox’s?”

    Me: *not sure if prank or real* “No. I’m sorry, sir, but there are a lot of online sites that offer custom paint jobs for consoles!”

    Young Male Caller: “Well, do you think they would be able to put a picture of my butt on one?”

    Me: *now convinced it’s a prank* “Well, I’m not sure if the image will fit but I’m sure they can try!”

    Young Male Caller: *click*

    Acting Irregular Over Regular Price

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

    (We are a discount store that never has sales because our prices are already low. This year we open on Thanksgiving evening and stay open through Black Friday, though everything is regular price. A customer walks into store about an hour after we open.)

    Me: *at cash counter* “Good evening, ma’am!”

    Customer: “I heard you guys are opening now and aren’t closing until midnight on Black Friday!”

    Me: “Yes, we’re going to be open all night tonight and all day tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Great! I’m surprised there’s nobody here. So, what are the specials?”

    Me: “Well, we actually aren’t having any sales; our prices are already rock-bottom.”

    Customer: *confused* “So everything is regular price?”

    Me: “That is correct.”

    Customer: *shouting* “Then why the h*** am I here? I should be at home spending time with my family, not wasting time shopping at full price! I only came because I thought there’d be a good sale! You wasted my time and took me away from my family!”

    Me: *pointedly* “I agree. I don’t like being away from my family on holidays either. Have a nice night.”

    Customer: *leaves in a huff*

    Putting The Screwed Into Screwdriver

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in the hardware department of [Major Company]. I get a call 5 minutes to close.)

    Me: “[Major Company] hardware department. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, yes. I was looking to see if you have [item number] screwdriver set in. I have been looking at it for weeks, but have been waiting for the price to drop.”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Would you mind if I put you on hold for a minute while I go check?”

    Customer: “Sure thing.”

    *I put them on hold, find the set, and get back on the call*

    Me: “Hello, ma’am? We do have the set in stock.”

    Customer: “Oh, great, could you hold it for me?”

    Me: “Are you in the parking lot?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well, we can only hold items at our registers until we close for the night on the same day.”

    Customer: “Well, how many do you have left?”

    Me: “This would be the last one, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Last one? What the hell?! Can’t you put it in back or something?! I’ll be there in 10 minutes to pick it up!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot. We can only hold items until we close for the night and we closed about, oh…” *looks at clock* “… 5 minutes ago, now. There is no way you would be able to pick it up tonight, even if you ordered it online. We can always order it to the store or even to the house if we don’t have any in when you stop by. Might I suggest ordering it onl—”

    Customer: “Don’t you dare mention that Internet hocus pocus! My husband needs this ASAP, and I’ll be there in 10 minutes AND IT. BETTER. BE. THERE!”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Coworker: “What was that about?”

    Me: “Some angry lady who’s going to be more pissed off than usual in about 10-15 minutes.”

    (I found out two days later that the angry lady did come to the store 10 minutes later and found the building closed. She came in the next afternoon, demanded the set, got upset when it was no longer available, proceeded to throw merchandise around the department looking for it, and had to be escorted out by security.)

    Are Jew Crazy?!

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Holidays, Religion

    (It’s mid-morning on Black Friday. A jovial customer comes in, hits on the young lady I’m ringing out, and then walks around the counter after being rejected. He sees my coworker.)

    Customer: “Hey! Hey, man. Are you Jewish?”

    Coworker: “What? No?”

    Customer: “Oh, good. So you’re American!”

    Coworker: “…what?”

    (The customer then quite happily left the store.)

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