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    Doesn’t Think Deeply Enough

    | UK | Extra Stupid

    (The customer comes up to the counter, and speaks to my colleague.)

    Customer: “Hi, I know this is a really stupid question…”

    Colleague: “Okay.” *chuckling* “Go ahead.”

    Customer: “How long a piece of rope will I need to drop a crab net?”

    Colleague: *pauses* “Um, well, how deep is the water you’re dropping it into?”

    Customer: “Oh… I don’t know. Good point. Never mind.”

    Some Lights Shine Dimmer Than Others

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

    Caller: “Hi, do you sell lighting for above artwork?”

    Me: “Yes, we have several in stock and many others that we could order. Do you know what length you’re looking for?”

    Caller: “No. How much are they?”

    Me: “Well, that will depend on the size and style you select. Once you’ve measured the artwork we’ll have a better idea of the size. Do you want it to plug in to an outlet, run on batteries, or would you like it hard-wired into your electrical? Would you prefer incandescent bulbs or LED?”

    Caller: “I don’t know. Could you give me a price range?”

    Me: “Well, they’ll vary quite a lot, and there are dozens of styles. I’ll tell you what… Let me give you our website address. Have a look on there and see if there’s anything that catches your eye. Once we have some product codes, I can get you some prices. It’s [address].”

    Caller: *repeats address back to me* “Okay, I’m online right now. Oooh, I see a nice one!”

    Me: “That’s great! What’s the product number?”

    Caller: “It says it’s $60! Great price. How long will it take to get it?”

    Me: “I’m a little confused. We don’t have one at that price. Can I confirm the address with you one more time?”

    Caller: “Oh, I’m on eBay. How long will it take to get it?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t buy things for you from eBay.”

    Caller: “Well, you’re no help at all!”

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 5

    | Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (I work at a clothing store. I am assigned to recover and help customers at the kid’s section. It’s not unusual for customers to make up baby outfits and leave them over piles of clothes on the display tables. I notice a woman who has left a mess on one of the tables and just walked away. I assume she just didn’t like the clothes and left them.)

    Customer: *comes back from the other side of the area* “Excuse me? What are you doing? I wasn’t done!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I just assumed you were done.”

    Customer: “Well, don’t! I wasn’t done!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry.” *steps away*

    Customer: “But I wasn’t done!”

    (A little later, the customer approaches me. There are several signs in neon paper on the registers at the kids section saying that they’re closed and customers need to pay at over the adult side. I notice the woman stands right next to a sign.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, these registers are closed but you can pay over at the other side!”

    Customer: “Can’t you just ring me here?!”

    Me: “I can’t, I’m sorry. These registers are closed.”

    Customer: “Just open it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not authorized but my coworkers will gladly complete your purchase at the adult section.”

    Customer: “Oh, my god!” *goes away mumbling*

    (A few minutes later this conversation happens through our headsets:)

    Coworker: “Uh, so this lady was complaining about a girl refusing to ring her items or something.”

    Me: “Yeah, it was me. She got mad because the registers were closed. I sent her over.”

    Manager: *laughing* “Oh, we know her. It’s always the same with her. She leaves a mess and finds new ways to complain every time she comes. That’s why we left you all by yourself over there; no one wants to deal with her. Sorry!”

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 4
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 3
    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2

    Finally Tagged You

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers

    (Our store sells used clothing. An elderly woman and her even older mother come in every Wednesday, which has 50% off a specific tag color. The price tags (which are stapled on) are always hanging off their purchases. We know she is changing them while in the dressing room but can’t prove it.)

    Me: “Hello! Find everything okay?”

    Customer: “Yes. A few of the tags fell off while I was trying them on, though.”

    Me: *noticing one specific outfit, tag barely on* “I’m sorry; this one is not on sale.”

    Customer: “But it’s the sale color!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I priced this myself this morning. You changed the tags.”

    (The customer turned all shades of red and stormed out with her mother. It was a few months before she came back, and all the tags were secure and correct from then on!)

    Interruption Is Its Own Reward

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

    (One of my biggest pet peeves is when customers are on their phones during checkout. So much so, sometimes I don’t even bother asking for their rewards cards.)

    Customer: *on the phone and as the receipt is printing out* “What about my rewards card?”

    Me: *being passive aggressive, but still being nice* “I’m sorry; I didn’t want to interrupt you.”

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