An Automatic Autistic Response

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work at a retail store. We are having a donation opportunity for the month of May where customers can donate money toward autism research. We are supposed to ask every customer if they would like to donate. I finish ringing this customers items up.)

Me: “And would you like to put a dollar towards autism research?”

Customer: “You know, kids would stop getting autism if they stopped all that vaccinating.”

Me: “…have a nice day, sir.”

Do You Have Any ID-ea Who I Am?

| Baltimore, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(A middle-aged customer approaches the counter with her male companion.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you needed?”

Customer: “Mhm.” *texting*

(I scan her items and take her card. I notice the back of the card isn’t signed.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I see your ID?”

Customer: “Hmm? I don’t have it on me. It’s in my car.”

Me: “Well, I need to see ID before I can complete this transaction.”

Customer: “Well… I don’t HAVE anything.”

Me: “Then I can complete this transaction.” *hands back her card*

Customer: “Wait! I still want this stuff!”

Me: “Then maybe you can go to your car and get your ID?”

(She just stares at me for a second.)

Customer: “I don’t think I brought it.”

Me: “Okay… Do you have something that has your signature on it so I can compare it to the one on the screen?”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “I could just sign my name on my card.”

Me: “No, something like a library card that already has a signature on it. It’s required I check this for all customers’ security.”

Customer: *looks at her companion and shrugs* “I don’t know. I’m me.”

Me: “Yes, but I need to make sure that your identity matches the card.”

(She starts looking distressed.)

Customer: “Babe, tell her my name.”

Man: “Yeah, that’s not what she means.”

Me: “Here’s what I can do for you: I can go ahead and put these things on hold, put your name on it, and when you get back with your ID, you can let either me or whoever is at the cashier know you have items on hold.”

Customer: “But I thought you said you had to verify my identity!”

Me: “Yes, but I don’t need that to put things on hold. This doesn’t require a credit card.”

Customer: “You could just write my name down and use that for my ID!”

(The man actually sighs and holds his head in his hand.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but writing your name down isn’t going to cut it for ID.”

Customer: “BUT I’M ME! I don’t know what else I can do to tell you that!”

Me: “You can get your ID and show me that.”

(This continues for several minutes. She threatens to go to another cashier. There isn’t one. I explain that every cashier checks ID every single time, even for small purchases and customers we personally know.)

Me: *frustrated* “The ONLY forms of payment that don’t require an ID are cash and gift cards.”

Customer: “But I don’t HAVE any cash!”

Me: “Then you need your ID. I can’t help you until you either have cash or have your ID.”

Customer: “Oh, but this card was a gift! *holding up her credit card* Soooo, I don’t NEED an ID!”

Me: “No, THIS is a gift card.” *points to gift card display* “You have a credit card. Like I have been saying, I can’t help you until you get cash or have your ID.

Man: Let’s just go get it from the car.”

(The two of them bicker a little and finally leave. Another customer comes up, having seen the exchange.)

Other Customer: “What a ding-dong! She should just pay with a check. Everyone knows you don’t need ID for those!”

Me: *sigh* “Yes, you do…”

To Give Credit Where Credit Is Due, Part 2

| Carmel, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(Part of my job is to offer our store’s loyalty card, which takes the form of a branded credit or debit card, to guests. I have just finished ringing up a guest’s transactions.)

Me: “Have you heard about [Store Debit Card]?”

Guest: “No, that’s okay; I want to avoid credit.”

Me: “No, it isn’t a credit card. It just takes the money out of your checking like debit.”

Guest: “No, I want to avoid credit.”

(I try explaining this a couple more times before giving up. The guest swipes his bank card.)

Guest: “It’s cancel for credit, right?”

Related:
To Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

The Customer Is Damaged

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

(I notice that a customer has been hovering in the back corner of my store for a while, so I go see if she needs any help.)

Me: “Hi there! Can I help you at all today?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I… Uh… Found this handbag. It’s… damaged and I want a… discount on it. It’s torn in this corner here… One moment…”

(As she is saying this, I see her trying to forcibly tear a corner of the handbag, which otherwise has no damage. It is already heavily reduced to 80% off, as it’s on clearance, and does not cost much at all. She is forcibly trying to tear it right in front of me with as much force as she can muster.)

Me: *snatches the bag from her* “Well, ma’am, if you forcibly tug on it, it will break, and there won’t be a further discount, and you will have to buy it. People who deliberately break stock are also not welcome back, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Oh… Oh, well, then… Never mind.”

(She slowly and sadly walked out of the store, as if to see if I would change my mind and let her break it and give her a discount. I didn’t. I, thankfully, never saw her again.)

Her Argument Is Far From Seamless

| Woking, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work in a fairly high-end ladies fashion concession in a department store. My manager and I are standing, waiting to greet customers. A middle aged woman storms up to us, trailing her husband behind her. She brings a dress over to us, which to me looks to be a size too small for her.)

Customer: “I’ve just tried this dress on, and it has a big rip in the seam. I have decided to buy it so you will need to find me another.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that, Madam. I’m afraid we only carry one of every size. There are a couple of options. We can see if we can order one in for you, which will arrive in our next delivery; we can ring another store to see if they have one available for you; or you can order it yourself on the website, if you would rather it was delivered to your house.”

Customer: “Order one in for me. I want you to guarantee it will arrive tomorrow.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I can’t promise you that. It will most likely take a few days, depending on when our delivery is due.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. This is all your fault for not checking your products correctly.”

Me: *even though I suspect the rip occurred in the fitting room* “Again, I’m very sorry that this one slipped through our net. I suspect the fault occurred after our initial checks. I’ll take this one off the shop floor and report the fault to the manufacturers.”

(I go to take the dress from her, but she snatches it back.)

Customer: “What’s the best price you can give this to me for?”

Me: “We can only take 10% off, and the item will be non-refundable.”

Customer: “It’ll cost more than that to fix it. Take the cost of fixing it off.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not able to do that. Please let me see if another store has a fault-free one for you. Where is local to you?”

Customer: “Here.”

Me: “Well, yes… I meant where else is local to you. As you can see, we don’t have one here.”

(At this point, my manager steps in and goes to ring around local stores. I am left with the couple. The husband then joins in.)

Customer’s Husband: *to his wife* “Look, I’m fed up of waiting here. It’s already 20% off, and the girl is offering you 10% off. Let’s just get it.”

Customer: “Ah ha! I’ve found a thread in the lining and one at the top of the zip, that’s two more 10% discounts!”

Me: “I cannot give you 10% off per fault. That’s not how it works!”

(The customer rants on and on about how poorly made our items are. My manager returns, and tells the woman that a large store about 10 minutes drive away has two of those dresses and that we’ve put both on hold for her so she can check both and choose the better one, that they have both been checked for faults, and they will still give her 10% off.)

Customer’s Husband: “I can’t stand it anymore; we will go to the other store, pick the dress up, and go home.”

(I give the couple directions to the store, apologise again. and the couple leave, with the woman loudly ranting to anyone who will listen that our products are poor. We ended up spending around 45 minutes of our time on this rude lady, and what’s even worse? When she got to the other store, she filed a complaint about us saying that we were standing about looking bored, ignored her, refused to help her, and ‘eventually’ fobbed her off on another store.)

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