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    Look Out For The Always Looking

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre

    (It is 10 minutes to closing time on a Saturday night. I am the only one in my department tonight, and I notice a customer walk in to the store.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Company]! What brings you in today?”

    Customer: “Just looking around, thank you.” *starts to walk over to our tool chest section*

    Me: “Was this your first time purchasing or were you looking to upgrade your tool chest?”

    Customer: “No, thank you. Just looking.”

    (I leave the customer so they can look around a bit while I make sure there are no other customers are in my department.)

    Me: “Alrighty, then. If you need anything, please let me know.”

    (I help and ring up the other customers that were in my department, and I notice the customer is still looking around the same section.)

    Me: “Hello again. Were you able to make a decision?”

    Customer: “No, still just looking.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I give them some useful product information about the various tool chests before walking away again. I go to prep the registers for closing time, and lock the doors. Immediately after locking the last door, I turn around and see the customer staring at me with wide eyes and planted feet. I open the door and greet the customer.)

    Me: “H… Hi there, were you able to make a decision?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where were you?”

    Me: “I do apologize. It is 20 minutes after closing time, and I had to start locking up. Which one were you looking at purchasing today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t going to purchase today… I just needed to know if this was in stock.”

    (I check stock on the register, and we have several available.)

    Me: “Yes, sir. We do have them in stock.”

    Customer: “Will they still be here on Tuesday?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, since it’s Saturday, I cannot guarantee that it will be in and I can only place items on hold to be picked up on the same day of inquiry.”

    Customer: “Okay, well, I’ll be back on Tuesday.”

    Me: “Certainly. Here’s my card, and make sure to let them know you spoke to me when you pick it up. Also, feel free to ask them any more questions.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (I unlock one of the doors, let the customer out, lock it back up. I start closing down the registers, and see one of our cool supervisors walk up to the one I’m counting.)

    Supervisor: “Hey, you all right?”

    Me: “Yeah. Hey, do me a favor.”

    Supervisor: “Yeah?”

    Me: “Remind me to never play Silent Hill before coming to work ever again!”

    (We both laughed.)

    Hurt By His Own Hand

    | Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (We have been closed for about 15 minutes. Our store manager always stands at the door to let workers out to make sure they are safe.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, are you guys closed?”

    Manager: “Yes, sir, for about 15 minutes.”

    Drunk Guy: “But I need my smokes, mate.”

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, we have locked up the smoke shop.”

    (The drunk guy starts getting really hostile towards my manager.)

    Drunk Guy: “I need my f****** smokes.”

    Manager: “Sorry, sir, but we are closed.”

    Drunk Guy: “Well f*** you.”

    (He walked out and hit the glass with his palm and it left a massive crack. He ran off, jumped in his car, and sped away.  Luckily, one of the other customers got his number plate. What he did not realise is that he left his hand print on the glass. The police came and it turned out he had a criminal record for being drunk and disorderly. Payback is sweet.)

    It’s All Peachy

    , | St. Paul, MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

    (I work as a sales associate at a large chain bath product store that caters mostly to women. I am stationed at the front of the store, greeting customers and handing out shopping bags. A huge, tough-looking man walks into the store and looks around awkwardly. He looks like a motorcycle gang member from a movie: tattoos, leather, and a bandanna.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Store]. I’m [Name]. Can I help you find anything today?”

    Customer: *shifts uncomfortably* “Yeah, I need lotion and shower gel.”

    (I knew he felt as out of place as he looked so rather than just pointing, I walk him over to the largest display of bath products.)

    Me: “Are you shopping for someone special?”

    Customer: “Yeah. Me.”

    (He was pointedly not making eye contact with me so I allowed myself a split-second look of shock.)

    Customer: *mutters* “My girlfriend likes it when I smell like a peach.”

    (Needless to say, I walked around the entire store with him. I even introduced him to some new fruity fragrances!)

    Taxing Faxing, Part 13

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Customer: “Did you get the order I faxed you over?  I haven’t heard back from you.”

    Me: “Yes, I did get it and tried to fax you a pro forma back, but it kept ringing out.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I always unplug the fax machine after I send a fax.”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 12
    Taxing Faxing, Part 11
    Taxing Faxing, Part 10

    Gunning For That Sale

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Politics

    (I have been working with this customer for a little over an hour and a half. He picks out his rifle, ammo, cleaning kit, scope – the whole nine yards. I am excited because we get commission on what we sell. We finally get to the point where we fill out paperwork, background check, etc.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Now that we have everything ready, if you can, please let me see your ID so we can get the paperwork started?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t need to do paperwork.”

    Me: *thinking he’s joking, I laugh*

    (Awkward silence.)

    Customer: “So… are you gonna ring me up?”

    Me: “You need to fill out the paperwork so I can perform a background check first.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m a police officer. I don’t need to do the paperwork.”

    Me: “Uh, yes, you do. Everyone needs to do paperwork for a firearm purchase, even the president.”

    Customer: “I don’t give a s*** about the president. Now, are you going to sell me the rifle or not?”

    Me: “Are you going to fill out the paperwork?”

    Customer: “Nope. *turns and leaves*

    Me: *screams internally*

    (He came back the next day trying to buy the same rifle but with another employee. I told him the story from the day before. He told the customer to leave. Never saw him again.)

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