You’ll Pay For That Confusion

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I’m cashiering one night when a lady comes through the line with some small items, and the transaction proceeds smoothly. She already has her wallet out and is looking through her cards when I ring up the last item.)

Me: “All right, your total is [price].”

Customer: *panicked* “Wait, I have to pay?!”

Me: “Um… yes. If you’d like to use a card, you can go ahead and slide it in the pinpad…”

(She paid after that without any problem, and I was left confused for the rest of the night.)

Purchasing Is Its Own Reward

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What can you do for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, in regards to what specifically?”

Customer: “Well, I spend a lot of money with you guys and I don’t know if I should be talking to you or what but I want to know what you can do for me?”

Me: “Other than deliver great products at a great price quickly to your door?”

Customer: “I mean, is there a rewards program or something? I want something free for all my purchases.”

Me: “Sir, I see you are using a store Visa card with us. That does give you cash back on every purchase. I’m not exactly sure what it is you are asking, however. You’d like me to give you free products because you shop with us?”

Customer: “I guess I’m not talking to the right person.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think there is a right person.”

Customer: “Just transfer me to someone else.”

Me: “Sure thing.”

(That was my first call of the day. No ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or explanation. Just ‘what can you do for me?’ Wow.)

Love An Autopilot

| Acton, MA, USA | Bizarre

(I’m in the electronics department, covering for the guy who is usually there. A call comes in for me. The caller sounds like a guy in his late teens or early twenties.)

Caller: “Hi. Do you guy’s have any more PS4s?”

Me: “Nope, we’re sold out.”

Caller: “Okay. Thanks. I love you. Good bye.” *hangs up*

(I just looked at the phone, then chuckled at him being on autopilot.)

Getting Tired Of Your Hangups

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The international call code for Germany is 0049. My own personal area code starts with 049. A lot of businesses that have international customers will call me.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Yes, I’m calling about a problem with my order of [Product]. Can I—”

Me: “—Sorry to interrupt, but you have the wrong number. This is a private household.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(A few minutes later, the phone rings again. I see the same number flash in the display.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling about my order—”

Me: “You have the wrong number. This isn’t [Retail Place].”

Caller: *hangs up before I can tell him how to reach the right place*

(Moments later, my phone rings again. Same number.)

Me: *sighing* “[My Name].”

Caller: *hangs up*

(This continues three more times. Then the phone rings again.)

Me: “DON’T HANG UP THE D*** PHONE AGAIN!”

Caller: “Uh… what?”

Me: “You’re trying to reach [Retail Place], but you keep getting me, right? Didn’t it occur to you that this is obviously the wrong number? And if it’s obviously not working, why do you keep calling and then hanging up before giving me a chance to say anything?”

Caller: “Well, uh. This is the number on the website and—”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Read it out to me.”

Caller: “+49 [rest of number].”

Me: “Look, the 49 is the code for Germany. For people calling from other countries. You need to leave it out when you dial or your phone will convert it to a regular phone number and you end up back here. Again.”

Caller: “But this is the number on the website.”

Me: “Look, we could play this game all afternoon, but I have better things to do and I’m sure you want your order sorted out at some point today. So how about this: you dial WITHOUT the 49 and if you still end up calling me again, I will personally drive the 500 km to [Retail Store] and make sure they fix your order.”

Caller: *does not sound convinced* “Well. I suppose…” *hangs up*

(Lo and behold, it must have worked because my afternoon was a lot calmer after that. It’s a family joke by now that we should bill [Retail Store] for dealing with their customers all the time.)

The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On, Part 2

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

(The store where I work just hired a new employee. I am training her. We have a huge sale going on so she is running the second register next to me. A man steps up to her station, tossing a few car parts and a set of cards of the table.)

Trainee: “Hi there, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “Fine. How much?”

Trainee: *rings it all quickly* “$82.69”

Customer: “What? Where is my military discount!” *he picks up one of the cards and waves it at her*

Trainee: “I’m sorry, because of the sale we can’t add more discounts.”

Customer: “I fought for this country. I got f****** shot at. I am not paying full price.”

Me: “Sir, that isn’t full price. You can either have the 20% Military discount or the 40% sale discount. We gave you the larger discount.”

Customer: “Have you ever been shot at? No. The hardest part of your day is counting change. And you probably get paid almost as much as I do. I nearly died to protect your stupid a** so I deserve my discount. My money is worth more than yours. This dumb b**** is going to give me what I earned!”

Trainee: *casually removes prosthetic leg* “This dumb b**** disarmed bombs. What’s my money worth?”

Customer: *goes red and silently hands over card*

Trainee: “Would you like to donate to [Disabled Veteran’s Charity] today?”

Customer: “Twenty, ma’am.”

(The line set a new hourly record for donations.)

Related:
The Argument Has No Legs To Stand On

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