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    The Customer Is Damaged

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal

    (I notice that a customer has been hovering in the back corner of my store for a while, so I go see if she needs any help.)

    Me: “Hi there! Can I help you at all today?”

    Customer: “Oh, yes, I… Uh… Found this handbag. It’s… damaged and I want a… discount on it. It’s torn in this corner here… One moment…”

    (As she is saying this, I see her trying to forcibly tear a corner of the handbag, which otherwise has no damage. It is already heavily reduced to 80% off, as it’s on clearance, and does not cost much at all. She is forcibly trying to tear it right in front of me with as much force as she can muster.)

    Me: *snatches the bag from her* “Well, ma’am, if you forcibly tug on it, it will break, and there won’t be a further discount, and you will have to buy it. People who deliberately break stock are also not welcome back, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Oh… Oh, well, then… Never mind.”

    (She slowly and sadly walked out of the store, as if to see if I would change my mind and let her break it and give her a discount. I didn’t. I, thankfully, never saw her again.)

    Her Argument Is Far From Seamless

    | Woking, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work in a fairly high-end ladies fashion concession in a department store. My manager and I are standing, waiting to greet customers. A middle aged woman storms up to us, trailing her husband behind her. She brings a dress over to us, which to me looks to be a size too small for her.)

    Customer: “I’ve just tried this dress on, and it has a big rip in the seam. I have decided to buy it so you will need to find me another.”

    Me: “I’m so sorry about that, Madam. I’m afraid we only carry one of every size. There are a couple of options. We can see if we can order one in for you, which will arrive in our next delivery; we can ring another store to see if they have one available for you; or you can order it yourself on the website, if you would rather it was delivered to your house.”

    Customer: “Order one in for me. I want you to guarantee it will arrive tomorrow.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, but I can’t promise you that. It will most likely take a few days, depending on when our delivery is due.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. This is all your fault for not checking your products correctly.”

    Me: *even though I suspect the rip occurred in the fitting room* “Again, I’m very sorry that this one slipped through our net. I suspect the fault occurred after our initial checks. I’ll take this one off the shop floor and report the fault to the manufacturers.”

    (I go to take the dress from her, but she snatches it back.)

    Customer: “What’s the best price you can give this to me for?”

    Me: “We can only take 10% off, and the item will be non-refundable.”

    Customer: “It’ll cost more than that to fix it. Take the cost of fixing it off.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not able to do that. Please let me see if another store has a fault-free one for you. Where is local to you?”

    Customer: “Here.”

    Me: “Well, yes… I meant where else is local to you. As you can see, we don’t have one here.”

    (At this point, my manager steps in and goes to ring around local stores. I am left with the couple. The husband then joins in.)

    Customer’s Husband: *to his wife* “Look, I’m fed up of waiting here. It’s already 20% off, and the girl is offering you 10% off. Let’s just get it.”

    Customer: “Ah ha! I’ve found a thread in the lining and one at the top of the zip, that’s two more 10% discounts!”

    Me: “I cannot give you 10% off per fault. That’s not how it works!”

    (The customer rants on and on about how poorly made our items are. My manager returns, and tells the woman that a large store about 10 minutes drive away has two of those dresses and that we’ve put both on hold for her so she can check both and choose the better one, that they have both been checked for faults, and they will still give her 10% off.)

    Customer’s Husband: “I can’t stand it anymore; we will go to the other store, pick the dress up, and go home.”

    (I give the couple directions to the store, apologise again. and the couple leave, with the woman loudly ranting to anyone who will listen that our products are poor. We ended up spending around 45 minutes of our time on this rude lady, and what’s even worse? When she got to the other store, she filed a complaint about us saying that we were standing about looking bored, ignored her, refused to help her, and ‘eventually’ fobbed her off on another store.)

    The Paint Is In Aisle Five; Prepare To Die

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (My 20-year-old son goes to a craft store with me. He has long hair, pulled back in a ponytail, slightly ratty jeans, and an oversized t-shirt with a small name-tag which says ‘hello my name is Inigo Montoya.’)

    Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where are the buttons?”

    (My son turns at looks at me, with a ‘help me’ expression. I walk over.)

    Me: “The buttons are over that way.”

    (My son and I look at each other and laugh. We then go to a second craft store.)

    Other Random Customer: *approaches my son* “Where is the paint?”

    (Again I was able to point the woman in the right direction. My son vowed never again to shop while wearing that shirt.)

    Sunday Funday

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    Customer: “It’s a Sunday! You all shouldn’t be working; I feel so sorry for you.”

    Me: “I’d rather be home, but the shops stay open so we have to work.”

    Customer:  ”Why don’t they just stay closed?”

    Me: “Well if people didn’t shop on Sundays, there would be no need for us to open.”

    Customer: “They should cancel all Sunday shopping so that you can be home with your family.”

    Me: “I’d sure love that! Maybe you should be home with yours, too?”

    Customer: “But my family is here! We’re all shopping together!”

    To Hang Up Would Be Poetic Justice

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | Bad Behavior, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working the closing shift in the electronics department, which is in charge of video games and the photo lab in addition to the actual electronics section. We’re currently running an upgrade on our photo lab’s software, and I’m expecting a call from corporate to check up on the progress of the upgrade. An outside call comes in on my phone. It’s not corporate but a male customer who sounds perfectly normal. I am also male.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, what’s the price on your Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare?”

    Me: “I can check on that for you. I think it’s $59.99, but I’ll be able to confirm that for you in just a second…”

    (As I’m walking over to the video game section, the customer begins reading me some of the most bizarre, suggestive, awful love poetry you’ve ever heard and starts making advances. I assume he wrote the poetry himself. This freaks me out, and I end the call immediately and call my team leader to let her know what had just happened.)

    Me: “Hey, if you hear that I just disconnected a call, I did. Some guy called and started reading me poetry.”

    (My team leader hears this and starts cracking up.)

    Team Leader: “What? You should’ve transferred that call to me! I would’ve had fun with the guy!”

    (‘Poetry Guy’ became an inside joke around the store. Every time I got a call from another one of my coworkers that night, they ‘read’ me poetry!)

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