Totally Free From Thought, Part 3

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hi, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, I’d just like to have these, please.”

(I scan both items for her.)

Me: “That just comes to [total]. Did you have [Store points card]?”

Customer: “Hang on, this should be free.”

(The customer is pointing to the second item she had purchased. It’s a spare bottle for the blender she has purchased. The part of the box she’s pointing to says BPA free.)

Me: “Ma’am, BPA free doesn’t mean the item is for free. It’s letting you know the chemical BPA wasn’t used in any plastic that could potentially contaminate your food.”

Customer: “But it says free. That’s false advertising.”

(Needless to say she decided not to buy the spare bottle.)

Related:
Totally Free From Thought, Part 2
Totally Free From Thought

On A Preaching (Hard) Drive

, | UT, USA | Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(This occurs in northern Utah in a city where the majority religion is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (a.k.a.: “Mormons”), to which I belong, but this is a big enough city that Christian churches were quite common. A couple approaches me about buying a computer.)

Me: “So, what do you need the computer to do for you?”

Customer: “I need to make some presentations.”

Me: “What kind? Business proposals? Slide shows? Videos?”

Customer: “Well, I’m a preacher, and I need something to make presentations and project them onto the wall for my congregation so they can have some visual aids during my sermons.”

Me: “Got it. Let me show you a few things.”

(We discussed specs, capabilities, accessories, security software, productivity software, and we’re just getting to the service contract options when the conversation takes an abrupt turn.)

Customer: “I just need to be sure it’s going to last a while. I have a small congregation right now, and we don’t have a lot of money. You see, I used to go to [Non-Denominational Christian Church] west of [City], but I didn’t like the pastor there, always lording over the people with what he thought was his authority and power. So I did some studying and started my own church.”

Me: “…I see. And you want to make sure the people coming to worship with you understand the important parts of your sermons.”

Customer: “Yes. PowerPoint will help.”

Me: “I’m sure it could. Now—”

Customer: “Do you have a church?”

Me: “Well, I don’t HAVE a church, but I go to one.”

Customer’s Wife: “Oh, good. It’s always nice to meet another Christian.”

Customer: “What church do you go to?”

(I state my religion and mention which building in town I usually attend services. I’m about to steer him back to the service contract conversation when his whole posture changes. His face turns a little red, his back stiffens, his hands curl as if about to form fists, and his eyes widen.)

Customer: “You’re Mormon! Oh, Heaven help you! I preach the apostolic gospel of Paul as is written in The Bible. I left [Non-Denominational Christian Church] because [Pastor] refused to preach that gospel. Jesus declared that anyone who should preach anything other than the gospel of Paul will be cursed! That’s why I only preach from The Bible, and I only preach the apostolic gospel of Paul. You Mormons don’t even believe in The Bible!”

Me: “Actually, we do, but I try not to discuss my religion at work. Now, would you be interest—”

Customer: “No, you DON’T! You don’t even believe in Jesus! If you don’t give up your wickedness and become Christian and be saved, your soul will be destined for Hell. It is my duty, as a Christian and as a preacher and as a follower of Paul, to save your SOUL!”

Me: “I’m quite happy with my faith, thank you. Now, if you’ll look at this flyer, you’ll see we have a variety of pricing options for the service contracts, if you want to get one, and—”

Customer: “Here! Take my card! Come to my church! Save yourself! Let me save you!”

(His wife clears her throat and interrupts to tell me which service contract they might be interested in but that they need some time to think about the whole purchase. She thanks me for my time and turns to go.)

Customer: “It’s not too late! We meet in my living room every Sunday at 10:00 and every Wednesday at 7:00. Please come! Uh… Do you have a spec sheet for that second model?”

(I send him on his way. I notice a few other customers staring at me and at the two customers as if we are some gory train-wreck spectacle. I turn to the one who has been waiting the longest.)

Me: “Sir, are you here to save souls or to save money on a computer?”

You Are Why We Need Days Off

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

Me: “May I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’d like this dress shirt in a size small.”

Me: “It appears that the store only carries these shirts down to a medium. But you may feel free to order a small online.”

Customer: “I don’t understand; why it isn’t available in the store?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but our store doesn’t carry it in that size. But you may order it online. It’s practically the same as buying it here.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why I can’t just buy it here. Don’t you work in this department?”

Me: “Actually, no. The staff-member that specializes in men’s had a morning shift, so she’s not here now.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t understand why she can’t help me.”

Me: “Um, because she had the morning shift. And since it’s the afternoon, she’s no longer here.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why someone can’t be here to help me.”

Me: “Do you expect everyone to be here 24/7?”

Customer: “I just can’t understand why she’s not here.”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a job?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Why aren’t you there right now?”

(Pause.)

Customer: “I can’t talk to you right now.”

The Day Isn’t The Only Thing That Is Off

| Tamaulipas, México | Extra Stupid

(I’m answering the phones and redirecting calls to the appropriate areas of the store.)

Caller: “Hey, can I talk to [Name]?”

Me: “Just a minute. Can I have your name, please?”

Caller: “…Er, tell him it’s… John.”

Me: “Just a minute, please.”

(I call to the area and they tell me it’s his day off, I get back to the caller.)

Me: “I’m sorry but [Name] didn’t come in today.”

Caller: “Come in where? What?”

Me: “It’s his day off. He won’t be here today.”

Caller: “Day off? From what?”

(As I’m about to answer, I hear someone in the background.)

Background Voice On Call: “THEY ARE SAYING HE DIDN’T GO TO WORK TODAY, DUMBA**!”

(The line disconnects.)

How Em-Bra-assing

| GA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I am working the customer service/returns desk when a customer approaches the counter. The customer has quite an attitude throughout the whole transaction.)

Customer: “I think I was charged wrong!” *thrusting receipt at me*

Me: “All right, let’s take a look.”

(She pulls two bras out of her bag and points at clearance stickers on each, one is marked $9 and one is marked $7.)

Customer: “These bras rang up wrong!”

(I find the bras on the receipt, and sure enough the one marked $9 rang up for its original price… however, it was also VOIDED OFF at the original price and not rung up again for the clearance price. In other words, she didn’t pay for the $9 bra.)

Me: “Well, this bra you didn’t pay for.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You can see here, it rang up for $12.94…”

Customer: “Right! It’s supposed to be $9! It rang up wrong!”

Me: “Yes, but if you look just below it, it was voided off… and not added again at any price,. Therefore, you have not paid for that one. Now, as to the other one, oh, if you’ll look here, it rang up for $5.”

Customer: “I told you! They are not ringing up right! The sticker says $7! They should be ringing up at the right price!”

Me: “Well. ma’am, I can re-ring this one and charge you $2 more if you really want me to, but this other one you haven’t paid for at all, so there’s not much I can about it except ring it up for you at $9.”

Customer: *mutters* “Ring it up.”

(I rang up the $9 bra and she paid for it without another word.)

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