(I work as a cashier in a charity store. All of our merchandise is donated, so we have no idea what items we will have for sale until they are in the store.)

Customer: “Do you have a blender?”

Me: “No, unfortunately we do not have any right now.”

Customer: “Okay, do you know when you will have some?”

Me: “You know all of our merchandise is donated right?”

Customer: “Yes, so when will have a have some blenders?”

Me: “Well, I suppose that would be when someone within the community realizes they have a blender they don’t need, and brings it to us.”

Customer: “Okay, so when will that be?”

(I work in the computing department. We’re pushed to always get protection plans. I have sold a customer a laptop.)

Me: “Well, just so you know, we do offer [protection plan]. If anything bad happens to the laptop—”

Customer: “What? What do you mean by something bad?

Me: “Unfortunately, bad things can happen to computers. There are hundreds of computers in the back that have been destroyed in many different ways. If you get a protection plan, you can get the computer replaced if something bad happens to it on accident.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? Why are you wishing bad luck on me?”

Me: “Sir, I wasn’t wishing bad luck on you. I was just offering you an avenue to make sure your investment is protected.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be threatening me with bad luck! You should wish me good luck. This is bad; this is very bad right here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m not trying to wish you bad luck; I’m just recommending something that many of our customers—”

Customer: “No, no! This is very bad. You’re wishing bad things to happen to me. I tell you what; I am going to go home, and pray to God that he does bad things to you!”

(A customer has seen a scarf that she likes, and wants to buy two identical pairs. Unfortunately there is only two of the same style in stock.)

Customer: “But I don’t like this one…”

Me: “Um… they’re identical.”

Customer: “No they’re not! I want two like this one!”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, they are the exact same pattern and the exact same colour. There is absolutely no difference. Look, I’ll compare them… see?”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? DO YOU? This one is a darker shade. I want the lighter shade. I AM NOT AN IDIOT!”

Me: “I’m sorry; maybe it’s the lighting. I’ll just grab another from the stock room, and I’ll be right back.”

(I hide in the stockroom for a minute with her second scarf, doing nothing. I then come back out with the exact same scarf.)

Me: “I have found one just like the other one.”

Customer: “See? I knew they were different! This third one is perfect!”

(She buys them both.)

(A somewhat disgruntled customer comes up to me, with a service dog in her cart.)

Me: “Good afternoon! You have a very lovely dog.”

Customer: *sharply* “Don’t pet him.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry. If you don’t want me to, I won’t.”

(I start scanning her items.)

Me: “Would you like to add a protection plan to your product for only $5.99?”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? Fine, I guess.”

Me: “It is absolutely your decision, ma’am.”

(As we go through the process, I try to make small talk.)

Me: “So what is your dog’s name?”

Customer: “It’s [name]. He gets very nervous around anyone but me.”

Me: “I completely understand. I’ve got an old dog at home, and he sometimes gets anxious around people when I take him out on walks.”

(The chit-chat goes on throughout the transaction, with the woman growing considerably less and less grumpy.)

Me: “Here’s your receipt. Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “You know, I’m really sorry if I seemed out of it. It’s been a very rough day, and you were so very understanding of me.”

Me: “I know what it’s like to have rough days. You take care of yourself!”

(It takes working in customer service to understand a customer!)

Customer: “Hi, do you have Zombieland?”

Me: “Sure, have you had a look in the DVD section under ‘Z’?”

Customer: “No, I wanted to see if you had stock first; could you check, please?”

Me: “The ‘Z’ section is right behind you, and I saw one earlier today so It should be there.”

Customer: “Can you check on your computer if you have any?”

(I walk out from behind counter, and pick up the DVD.)

Customer: “Oh! Where did you find it?”

Me: “Under ‘Z’, in the DVD section.”