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    All Of The Calories, None Of The Taste

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a cashier at a local fast food place. A young woman approaches me.)

    Me: “Hello and welcome to [restaurant]. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I’d like a medium Diet Coke.”

    (I get the Diet Coke and give it to her. She pays and leaves. Five minutes later, she returns looking rather angry.)

    Me: “Hello, did you enjoy your Diet Coke?”

    Customer: “NO! This isn’t Diet Coke! I can taste the Coke in it!”

    Me: “Uh…let me get you a new one, then…”

    Desperate Drive-Thru-Wives

    , | Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I’m presenting at the drive-thru of a well-known franchise. A van full of women in their 30s and 40s pulls up. I hand them their drinks and proceed to make small talk with them while waiting for my runner to finish assembling the meal.)

    Me: “So, it’ll be just a moment and your food will be ready!”

    (As I talk to the driver, she pulls a weird, thick, peach-colored item from her bag. She and her friends start laughing.)

    Driver: “Oh, that’s fine, honey! Take your time!”

    Me: “Haha, all…right…”

    (Suddenly, I realize what the item is. It’s a phallic-shaped pen.)

    Me: “That’s…um. That’s an interesting pen you have there, haha!”

    Driver: *waving it around* “Oh yes, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Er…yes! Here’s your food! You have a good day, now!”

    Driver: “Oh, I don’t think this is big enough, but I’ll try!”

    (All the women in the van laugh as they drive off.)

    Me: *speechless*

    Everything Sounds So Delightfully Good

    , | Wisconsin, USA | Food & Drink

    (Every day, we have soups available. When a soup runs out, we take its card out of the display and put in a placeholder that says something like “Warm Goodness” or “Homestyle Delight” just to fill space. The cards very clearly do not look like the rest of the cards since the normal soups have descriptions where the placeholders say “Try our soups today!”)

    Customer: “I’d like some of the Warm Goodness.”

    Me: “Well that isn’t actually a soup, it’s just a placeholder. We do have several other soups today.”

    Customer: “Silly me. I’ll have the Homestyle Delight instead.”

    Celebrate Good Hearing, Come On

    , | Evans, GA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m using the headset for the drive through.)

    Me: “Hello, thank you for choosing [restaurant]. Would you like to have one of our celebration specials today?”

    Customer: “No. So, do you all still have that celebration special?”

    Me: “Yes. Yes, we do…”

    Never Bend To Suggestions

    | Moose Jaw, SK, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive-thru at a popular fast-food restaurant. The current employee initiative is to suggest hot beverages to customers.)

    Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]. Would you like to try a hot chocolate?”

    Customer: “No, no, no, no, NO. NO. NO.”

    Me: “Okay. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “All right, I’ll have a hot chocolate.”


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