November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Tinker, Tailor, Waiter, Spy

| Mendoza, Argentina | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I am a US citizen. I don’t look like a native Argentine. I’m with a group of my friends. I have a face that is often mistaken for a worker wherever I am—even in the USA. I grab a menu so I can decipher it while we are waiting for a waiter. A customer grabs me by my lapels.)

Customer: *in Spanish* “We’ve been waiting for 40 minutes and no one has come. Why? We’re hungry and livid!”

Me: *thinking quickly* “I’m sorry, ma’am. We got a sudden lunch rush. Half of our wait staff called off because of sickness, and those who are here are working as hard as we can.”

Customer: “It’s not enough! You better take our order, NOW!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, you’re next on my list. I’ll take care of you right now. Let me go get my stuff; I’ll be right back.”

(She shoves me away, and into another table. I stand up, apologize, and rejoin my friends.)

Friend: *in English* “What was that all about?”

Me: “That lady has been waiting for a while and she’s angry about it.”

Friend: “So… she… thinks you’re a waiter?”

Me: “Yep, and she’s going to be waiting a while longer.”

DOMArry The One You Love

| New York, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Love/Romance, Top, Wild & Unruly

(A co-worker and I are out to lunch on the weekend with our boss. We’re all really good friends and we are chatting with each other when we notice one of the waiters, who is thin and short, getting harassed by a group of teens.)

Rude Teen #1: “Haha, look at [waiter] f*** up like he always does!”

Rude Teen #2: “Ha! D*** f****t!”

(The waiter is doing a good job ignoring the rude teens, but it’s very obvious he’s feeling upset. He’s walking towards us when one of the teens trips the waiter. He falls face first into the food he is carrying.)

Rude Teen #1: *laughs hysterically* “Oops, don’t fall!”

(The waiter gets up and wipes his face off, but it’s very obvious that he is crying. Having been bullied myself for being gay and being appalled at what’s going on, I stand up and approach the table. Note, I’m 6’3″ and very strong. I stand in between the tables the kids are at and the waiter.)

Me: “Do we have a problem here?”

Rude Teen #2: “Mind your own business, man!”

Rude Teen #1: “Yeah, f*** off! This kid is a f****t anyways!”

Me: “I suggest you stop right now, or else…” *I push up my sleeve and flex* “…you all and I are going to have a problem.”

(The two teens slink down into their seats, and I walk the waiter over to his co-workers.)

Me: *to the waiter* “Hey, if anybody ever tries to harass you or hurt you again, call this number. I know what’s like for being bullied because you’re gay. Just remember: I’m here to help you.”

(I give the waiter my phone number. He hugs me and starts crying on my shoulder. While he is, the manager of the store comes by, and I explain the situation to him and point out the two teenagers. After the whole ordeal is done, the manager and the waiter come over to our table and give me a $100 gift card for helping them out. I tell them they don’t have to reward me for being a decent human being, but they keep continuing to offer it. Later that night I get a phone call from that waiter, but it wasn’t about being bullied. Eleven months later, I’m now engaged to the waiter I protected that day.)

A Cent-less Attack

, | WA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m taking money at the first window. A car pulls up with a middle-aged customer driving, and what looks to be her older mother in the passenger seat.)

Me: “Hi, your total is—.”

Mother: “Where do we get my food?! I’m hungry! This line is taking too long!”

Daughter: “You have to pay first, mom.”

Mother: “I’m getting it!”

(She scrounges around for money in her purse. She hands me what’s supposed to be exact change. I count it three times, and she’s a penny short.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a penny?”

Mother: “Are you serious? I’m not giving you no d*** penny! Where’s my food?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I need that penny, or my till will come out short.”

Mother: “And I said you ain’t getting no d*** penny!”

(She starts shouting at her daughter.)

Mother: “Drive to the next window!”

(The daughter looks horrified about her mother’s behavior, and doesn’t move.)

Mother: “Fine! I’ll get it myself!”

(The mother gets out of the car, and starts walking toward the next window.)

Me: “Ma’am, can you please get back in your car?”

Mother: “F*** you!”

(The daughter is horrified, apologizes to me, and drives forward. A minute later, I see the mother walk back to my open window as I’m paying out another customer. She throws a penny at me, which hits me in the knuckle and bruises it.)

Mother: “There’s your d*** penny!”

You Say Tomato, I Say Epinephrine

| ON, Canada | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am on a lunch date with my boyfriend, talking to a waitress.)

Me: “I’d like no tomatoes on my sandwich please; I am allergic.”

(This is a lie; it’s just to ensure they don’t end up on my sandwich.)

Waitress: “Is your allergy mild, major, or severe?”

Me: “Major.”

Waitress: “Okay, and you wanted the fries with that? Would you like ketchup or cajun mayo for dipping?”

Me: “Ketchup.”

Waitress: “Of course. Our manager may stop by your table to discuss your allergy with you.”

(The waitress leaves.)

Me: *to my boyfriend* “Why would the manager talk to me?”

Boyfriend: “You said you were allergic to tomatoes. But you ordered ketchup with your fries.”

Me: “…Oh. S***!”

(I walk up to the waitress, who has just finished talking on the phone.)

Me: “Was that the manager you were just talking to?”

Waitress: “Yes.”

Me: “I’m really sorry; I’m not actually allergic to them. I just wanted to make sure they absolutely didn’t end up there; I despise raw tomato. But then I went and ordered ketchup with my fries, which was really stupid.”

Waitress: *laughs* “I’ve seen stupider. Don’t worry about it; there won’t be any tomato on your sandwich.”

You Say Potato, I Say Epinephrine

Deliver Us From Bad Customers

| CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I am working the lunch shift at a sandwich shop that delivers. When I arrive, snow is starting to fall. After about an hour, the delivery drivers start to report that the roads are getting worse. The manager decides to stop delivery, but, as customers are still coming into the shop, he opts to keep the restaurant open. I answer a call.)

Caller: “Are you guys still open?”

Me: “Yes, for the time being.”

Caller: “Thank goodness! Everybody is closing because of the snowstorm!”

Me: “Yes, it’s starting to get pretty bad out there. In fact, we’re thinking about closing early ourselves.”

Caller: “Well, I’m glad that you’re not closed yet! I’d like to place a delivery order.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, we’re not delivering right now. The storm has gotten so bad that we’re concerned for the safety of our drivers. However, as I said, we are still open. You can still place an order with me and come pick it up at the shop.”

Caller: “Are you kidding me!? I’m not going out on these roads!”