A Not-So-Pretty Swell Day

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

(During the lunch rush I am making fries. Since I am pregnant and the salt makes my hands swell, I take off my wedding ring.)

Me: “Here are your fries, sir! Hot out of the fryer.”

Customer: “Thanks girl, you’re pretty sweet. I’d ask you out if you weren’t so fat.”

Me: “Thank you for the compliment, but I am not fat. I’m pregnant.”

Customer: “What?! You aren’t pregnant. You’re just being prude.”

Me: “I highly doubt my husband would agree with you.”

(I take the ring out of my pocket briefly to show him.)

Customer: “If you’re married, why don’t you wear your ring? You looking around for a new man? Because I might be available after you lose weight.”

Me: “No, sir. I’m currently not wearing my ring because the salt makes my hands swell up and it cuts off circulation.”

Customer: “Don’t be stupid! Salt only makes girls swollen when they’re pregnant!”

(I nod at him slowly and he frowns, realizing what just happened.)

Customer: “Well… you’re not that pretty anyway!”

The Good, The Bag, And The Lovely

, | Kings Lynn, Norfolk, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Holidays

(I spend about 20 minutes dealing with a middle-aged woman and her elderly mother, sorting out a rather complicated order. Despite my reassurances, they are continuously apologising for taking so long to decide.)

Me: “Okay then, is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Nope, that’s brilliant; thank you! Have a lovely new year!”

(The customers leave. About an hour later, the young woman returns and heads straight for my register, looking rather flustered.)

Customer: “Hi again! I was in here about an hour ago if you remember me?”

Me: “Oh, yes! Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “Yeah, but did you happen to come across a black leather handbag in your dining area? My mother left hers here!”

Me: “Yup! I have it safe under my register for you. I found in just after you left!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you so so much! You’re a life saver!”

Me: “Not a problem; just doing my job after all. Have a good day!”

(She walks off and I begin to serve the next customer. I can see her conversing with her mother out of the corner of my eye. She comes over again.)

Customer: “This is for everything you’ve done for us today, young lady!”

(She hands me what I thought was a scrap of paper, but is in fact a £20 note.)

Me: “Thank you ever so much for the gesture, but I cannot accept this!”

Customer: “No, no, you keep it! That’s for putting up with us today!”

Me: “I can’t accept this, though! It was a pleasure to serve you, and thank you bu—”

Customer: “Okay then, call it a New Year present or something! Bye now!”

Me: “But I ca—”

(She all but ran out of the store before I could protest further.)

A Good Idea On Paper

| State College, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I have the opening shift at a well-known steak chain. It’s a weekday and typically pretty slow to start off. I get my first table: an older man and his grandson. I leave to get their drink orders, and come back to see the boy wearing origami boots on his fingers made out of $1 bills.)

Me: “That’s some pretty fly kicks you got there. Did you make them yourself?”

Boy: “My pap just made them for me! We’re learning about origami in art class, and he showed me how to make shoes so I can impress my teacher.”

Man: “Don’t expect her to just hand out dollar bills so you can show everyone.” *chuckles*

Boy: “Pap, show me another!”

Man: “That’s the only one I know.”

Me: “That’s a pretty neat trick! I need to learn how to do that when I give people their change. Hey, I know how to make a paper frog; want me to show you? It hops and everything. We used to race note card frogs in middle school.”

(The boy gets wide-eyed and nods his head yes.)

Man: “A frog you say? Let’s see it!”

(The man pulls out another dollar from his wallet. I fashion it into a frog. It hops just enough to make the boy get really excited.)

Boy: “No way! How did you do that?”

(They are still my only table at this point, so I take the time to sit down, and teach the boy how to do that, who thinks it’s the coolest thing. They finish up their meals, pay their check, and leave the restaurant. I notice they tip me very well on their card. However, when I get back to clean up their table, there are 10 little boots sitting by the man’s plate made from various dollar bills along with a note.)

Note: “We thought you needed some fly kicks, so here’s one for each finger.”

(I unravel the bills to discover an additional $36. It was a great start to my shift!)

Making A Loud A-pee-l

| Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Wild & Unruly

(We are a tiny restaurant that just so happens to be at the end of a large parade route. So, we often get lot of requests for a public restroom, which we do not have. One day, a customer comes running in holding his young daughter.)

Customer: “Quick! Which way to your restroom?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but our restroom is for customers only.”

Customer: “You son of a b****! My daughter needs to go now!”

(At this point, his daughter becomes scared and starts peeing herself.)

Customer: *to me* “LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!”

(The customer runs out, leaving a wet trail behind for me to mop up.)

Breast To Be Aware Around Bigots

, | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I’m a male shift manager at a popular drive-thru fast food chain. I’m 19 and the only manager on duty. I am doing my rounds when I overhear an argument.)

Customer: “You f***ing b****! You obviously don’t know what the f*** you’re doing! Ten f***ing breast pieces!”

(At this point the 15-year-old server runs out of the serving window area in tears and begs me for help. I send her on a break and approach the customer warily.)

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the issue?”

Customer: “Who the f*** are you?”

Me: “I’m the manager on duty, sir. Is there-”

Customer: “You? The f***ing manager? You’re f***ing 12!”

Me: “Sir, I’m 19 and I’m—”

Customer: “That b**** wouldn’t give me ten breast pieces of chicken in my ten piece box!”

Me: “Unfortunately, she was correct and we are unable to do that. Only one in every nine pieces of chicken is a breast piece, and in order to fill your request we would have to cook an extra 81 pieces, which would severely affect our profit margin. Could I suggest the fillet—”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing f** aren’t you? You’re one of those queers!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask that—”

Customer: “F***ing f** boy!”

(The customer then descends into a tirade of graphic descriptions of the sexual acts he would expect me to perform as a homosexual. I’m finding it difficult to maintain composure at this point.)

Me: “Sir, if you do not stop immediately I’m going to have to call the police.”

Customer: “You wanna fight me, f** boy? I’ll f***ing kill you.”

(The customer gets out of his car and lunges at the window. I slam it shut and lock it.)

Customer: “Come out here and fight me, you queer!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot help you any more. Please leave my drive-thru immediately or I will call the police.”

Customer: “You can’t make me! Give me my f***ing chicken!”

(I pull out my phone and dial the police. As I’m explaining the situation, the customer has reverted to his tirade of sexual comments aimed at me.)

Me: “The police are on their way. You can either leave the store now or be removed.”

Customer: “You little f**! I’ll be back f** boy, just you f***ing wait!”

(The customer roars off. I’m shaking and my voicing is cracking at this point, having maintained composure for so long, but I stay at the serving window so I can explain the delay to the next few customers, and apologise to the next car, who witnessed the entire episode.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [fast food restaurant], I’m so sorry about the delay there, I was un—”

Customer #2: “He’s right! You are a f***** aren’t you!”

(Worst shift I ever had.)

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