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    Dining Sin

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a waitress, seating a woman next to a pair of young men holding hands across the table. They are talking quietly to each other, very obviously on a date. One of the men is drastically shorter than the other, making him appear much younger.)

    Female Customer: “Well, isn’t that sweet, taking your little brother out? How old is he, 10?”

    (Customer #1 blushes and bites his lip.)

    Customer #2: “He’s 19, and he’s my boyfriend.”

    (I’m about to walk away, when the woman gasps and shrieks at me in outrage.)

    Female Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ALLOW THESE HEATHENS TO ACT LIKE THIS IN PUBLIC! YOU TWO SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES, YOU F*****S!”

    (Both men visibly flinch. The smaller starts pulling his hand away, blinking back tears. The taller catches it and gives him a reassuring smile. Being bisexual myself, I’ve learned how to deal with this.)

    Me: “Look at that couple over there.”

    (I point to a girl and boy, on the other side of the restaurant. They are about the same age, doing the exact same thing the other couple just was.)

    Me: “What do you think of them?”

    Female Customer: “Well, they’re cute!”

    (I point to the gay couple.)

    Me: “And if one of them was a girl?”

    (The female customer stammers furiously. She stands up, almost knocking the table over, and starts stomping away.)

    Female Customer: “I’m never coming here again! I’ll have you reported for allowing these f*****s to sin here!”

    (Luckily for me, my boss laughs in her face. He bans her from the restaurant, and calls other branches to warn them about her. The two men are incredibly sweet, and make sure to give me a twenty dollar tip. They’ve been regulars ever since!)

    Don’t Be Tardis With His Order

    | AR, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I am filling boxes for to-go orders. An order comes back without a name, so my boss gives me permission to write ‘Dr. Who’ on the box.)

    Boss: “We’ve got a to-go!”

    Me: “Sorry guys, I don’t have enough information on these grilled cheese sandwiches. And there’s not a name or phone number.”

    Boss: “Oh, shoot.”

    Me: “Should we wait until they get here?”

    Boss: “We’ll just give them cheddar. If they don’t want them, we’ll make them new ones.”

    (I write up the boxes with ‘Dr. Who’ and make the order. I see a young man picking up the no-name order. The following week…)

    Waitress: “We’ve got an order from Doctor Who!”

    Me: “Wait, really?”

    Waitress: “Yep. He told me on the phone that he liked what we did with the boxes.”

    (I check the ticket. It’s the same thing the young man ordered last week, with ‘Dr. Who’ written in the name spot. Looks like one of our regulars has a new nickname!)

    The A(dobo) Team

    | Lompoc, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, One-Liners

    (I’m a chef at a Filipino restaurant. My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister, are also on duty with me. A customer in his late 20s comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “Hey, babe. Are you free tonight?”

    Me: “Do you have something you want to order?”

    (The customer gets angry.)

    Customer: “Look, I just asked you if you had any plans tonight! Yes or no?!”

    Me:“Sir, I have a boyfriend. If you don’t want to order anything, please leave.”

    Man: “Ha! What are you gonna do? Huh! Your little boyfriend ain’t gonna do anything to me!”

    Me: “Hannibal! B.A.! Face!”

    (My boyfriend, his friend, and my sister start walking towards the man.)

    Boyfriend: “B.A.? Will you please escort this man out of the premises?”

    (My friend walks towards the customer, cracking his knuckles. The customer runs out of the restaurant.)

    Boyfriend: “I love it when a plan comes together!”

    Sister: “Shut up…”

    Bigotry Unleashed

    | Yonkers, NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Top

    (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)

    Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”

    Gay Man: “Excuse me?”

    Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”

    Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”

    Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”

    (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)

    Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”

    (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)

    Owner: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”

    Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”

    Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant? I gotta assume it’s your pet.”

    (The angry customer stormed out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

    Caring About The Carers

    | Derbyshire, England, UK | Bigotry, Top

    (A regular customer with a mental disability is currently in the restaurant with his carer. The man comes in every week and is one of the nicest customers we have.)

    Carer: “Hey! Can I have a word please? Do you guys mind that we come in here to eat?”

    Me: “Of course we don’t mind! You’re more than welcome here; don’t be silly! Why do you ask such a thing?”

    Carer: “Oh, thanks! It’s just that that couple over there said that they’d spoken to you, and that you were thinking of the best thing to say to kick us out!”

    Me: “They really said that?! Right, stay here for a moment, please. I’ll be right back.”

    (Although I’m furious, I sweetly approach the couple in question.)

    Me: “Hey guys, I understand you’re having a bit of a problem today. Anything I can do to help?”

    Customer:Finally! Yes, you certainly can help! I want those people over there gone! It’s plain rude that they’d dare be here!”

    Me: “May I enquire as to why you wish for them to be removed from the store?”

    Customer: “People like that shouldn’t be allowed in normal restaurants! I shouldn’t have to put up with it!”

    Me: “Oh, you’re absolutely right, sir! You shouldn’t have to put up with it at all!”

    Customer: “I knew you’d understand!”

    Me: “Yes, completely! That’s why I’m giving you a total of 30 seconds to remove yourself from my store before I ban you completely! And if you dare to say such a disgustingly prejudiced thing about one of my most valued customers again, you’ll have more than just some harsh words to deal with!”

    Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that! How dare you?!”

    Me: “Well, it looks like I just did. Don’t ever bother my customers again. Get out.”

    Customer: “Why should I get out? I have every right to be here!”

    Me: “As does everyone, regardless of how different they may be. You, however, no longer have a right to be here. If I have to ask you to leave again, I will have the police come to remove you.”

    (The couple left, cursing my name and threatening to call to have me fired. When they did ring, I’d already received a pay rise for what I did following a call from my regulars!)

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