(A customer looks like he is in a huge hurry. After 5 minutes of looking at the menu, he orders a grilled sandwich.)
Me: “It will take a little longer for the grilling.”
Customer: “I only have 5 minutes.”
Me: “Well I suggest you not get it grilled because it will take about 8 minutes.”
Customer: “I want it grilled and I want it in 5 minutes!”
(After 5 minutes of the customer pacing up and down, he comes up to the counter.)
Customer: “I need the sandwich now!”
Me: “Ok, it’s being wrapped up for you sir.”
Customer: “I am a heart surgeon, and I have a critical patient that I’m supposed to be operating on right now! I was supposed to be there a half hour ago!”
(I give him his sandwich and he hurries out the door. Five minutes later, he rushes back4 through the door.)
Customer: “I need extra Russian dressing!”
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Customer: “You don’t have anything healthy on the menu!”
Me: “Well, the salmon is–”
Customer: “Yuck! No one eats salmon! You people have no healthy options on this menu!”
Me: “The steak is extremely lean and grilled. You can have it with the vegetables, or the salad with no dressing.”
Customer: “Yuck! I hate steak! And I am not having vegetables!”
Me: “The tuna steak is–”
Customer: “Yuck!”
Me: “Or you could try the–”
Customer: “There is nothing healthy on this menu! Give me a bowl of chips. With gravy. And cheese.”
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3,248 Thumbs Up!)
Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Uh…how many pieces are in your nine piece bucket?”
Me: *jokingly* “Seven. I’m taking two out for you asking that question.”
Customer: “Seven? That’s a good deal!”
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3,120 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “Can I have a [competitor's burger] please?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”
Customer: “But I have a coupon.”
Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”
Customer: “Can you read, mister?”
Me: “Very well.”
Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!
Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude
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Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]. My name is Julie and I’ll be talking care of you today. What may I get you to drink?"
Customer: “Where am I?!”
Customer’s Daughter: “She’ll have a vodka on the rocks…straight.”
Me: “Okay.”
Customer: “Who are you?! Where’s my juice?!”
Me: “Um…” *looks at customer, then back at the daughter* “Are you sure?”
Customer’s Daughter: “Trust me, the vodka is the only thing that shuts her up.”
(I bring them the vodka.)
Customer: “Who are you!? My juice is funny!”
(3 vodkas later.)
Me: “How was your meal, ladies?”
Customer: “You smell nice. And you have good juice.”
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2,384 Thumbs Up!)
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