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    , | Ohio, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a customer at a restaurant. I’m wearing a shirt from a popular web comic. A woman, also a customer, approaches me.)

    Customer: “I love your shirt!”

    Me: “Aw, thanks! Are you a fan of [web comic]?”

    Customer: “No, I’ve never heard of it, but your shirt is so cute. I just have to have one! Where did you get it?”

    Me: “I bought it online. Do you want the name of the website?”

    Customer: *suddenly huffy and angry* “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Um, do you want the name of the place on the internet that I ordered the shirt from?”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? Are you trying to trick me? There’s no such thing as a website with shirts on it! The only things on the internet are porn and pedophiles!”

    Me: *completely speechless*

    Nearby customer: “Ma’am, could you please settle down? There are children around, and I’m sure their parents don’t want them hearing about–”

    Customer: “Porn and pedophiles!” *rushes out of restaurant*

    Somebody Failed Listening 101

    | North Carolina, USA | Family & Kids, School

    (While waiting for his to-go food to arrive, a customer is making small talk with me about college.)

    Customer: “So, what are you studying in school?”

    Me: “Psychology, sir.”

    Customer: “Why? That’s a stupid profession. You won’t go anywhere with that! All you’re doing is wasting Daddy’s money!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, I am pay—”

    Customer: “My daughter studied Psychology! She wasted all my money!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m paying for my own college.”

    Customer: “Dads always pay for college!”

    Me: “Mine isn’t. I live alone and pay for my own schooling.”

    Customer: “Whatever. Dads always pay!”

    We Can See Through Your Whine

    | Margarita, Venezuela | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Evening! Welcome to [restaurant]. How can I serve you?”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t see the Californian wine in the menu.”

    Me: “That’s because we don’t have it, miss.”

    Customer: “And why is that, exactly? I am a wine lover. The Californian wine is the very best and I only drink the very best.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, because the Californian wine has a very low demand in this country, it is extremely hard to find. We have Chilean and Argentinian wine, if you like.”

    Customer: “All right. I guess i’ll have to adjust to your low standards. Give me a bottle of the Chilean.”

    Me: “All right, miss. Would you have Cabernet, Malbec, or Carmenerè?”

    Customer: “I don’t want any of that! I just want red wine! Is it so hard to understand that?

    Me: “All right, ma’am, I’ll bring you the Cabernet then.”

    Customer: “I said I don’t want that? I only want red wine! Please get me the manager!”

    Let Me Give You A Pita My Mind

    , | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, there. What could I get for you?”

    Customer: “Hi. Uh, do you guys sell slices?”

    Me: “No, this is a pita shop.”

    Customer: “So you don’t have pizza?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, what do you have?”

    Me: “Pitas. We’re a pita shop.”

    Customer: “Well, what’s a pita?”

    Me: “It’s like a wrap.”

    Customer: “That’s gross!”

    Related:
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
    Giving A Pizza My Mind

    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 4

    | New York City, NY, USA |

    (I’m at the computer putting an order in when I notice a guest at a table adjacent to me behaving oddly.)

    Customer: *cranes his head around frantically*

    Me: “Excuse me, sir, is there anything I can do for you? I noticed you looking around—”

    Customer: “Oh! Sorry. We were just playing ‘I Spy.’”

    Related:
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
    For Some, Childhood Never Ends


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