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    Be Thankful For Little Squirts

    | USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    Rude customer: “What do you mean you don’t have any? I order those clams every time!”

    Waitress: “I’m really sorry, but we had a problem with the order and delivery and don’t have any today.”

    Rude customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. Order it right now. Get them from someone else if you have to.”

    Waitress: “Sir, clam dishes are aren’t available today. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. Perhaps if I may I suggest another dish?”

    Rude customer: “I don’t care. Get me my clams now!”

    Waitress: “As I’ve already explained—”

    Rude customer: “I want my clams!” *bangs table*

    (Suddenly, a stream of water squirts on him.)

    Rude customer: “What the f*** was that?!”

    (At a nearby table sits a little boy with a water gun.)

    Little boy: “Naughty, naughty, naughty!”

    Miss Understanding Calling

    | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I respond to the phone at our front counter.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Certainly, what would you like?”

    Caller: “I’d like to place an order for delivery. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, you’d like to place an order for delivery. Which of our items would you like to order?”

    Caller: “I’d like a chicken pad thai and your vegetable salad.”

    Me: “One chicken pad thai and one vegetable salad. Okay, will that be everything?”

    Caller: “Could you read back my order? I want to make sure you know what I want. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Of course. One order of chicken pad thai and one order of vegetable salad for delivery.”

    Caller: “And make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Don’t worry ma’am, our chef is professionally trained and has been cooking here for years, and the chicken pad thai is our most-ordered item. I can assure you that he knows how to make it.”

    Caller: “But make sure they know how to make pad thai, do you understand what I’m saying?”

    (At this point I think I must be misunderstanding something that she wants that she considers obvious, so I try to clarify.)

    Me: “Um, yes ma’am. Just to clarify is there any special way you usually ask for your chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “No. Just chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Just a normal chicken pad thai?”

    Caller: “Yes, chicken pad thai. Do you understand what I’m saying? And a vegetable salad.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am. Now, if I could get your address?”

    (I manage to extract her address, phone number, and the fact that she will be paying with cash after about 20 more repetitions of ‘do you understand what I’m saying?’. At this point I’m about ready to thank her for her call and tell her when her food will arrive.)

    Caller: “Okay. I hope it’s what I want. You know what pad thai is, right? Do you understand what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, as I said, our chicken pad thai is the most popular item on our menu, and I’ve been working here for 2 years. So I definitely know what it is.”

    Caller: “But you know what it is right? Do you know what I’m saying?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I don’t know how to make it any clearer to you that I do understand what you’re saying.”

    (I lead one sentence right into the other at this point, so that she doesn’t have a moment to interject.)

    Me: “The delivery man will be there in about 20 minutes with your food. Thank you again for calling us, and have a great day.”

    (I hang up and send her order to the kitchen to be cooked, and then delivered. About 20 minutes later the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is [restaurant], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You do understand what I’m saying!”

    (She then hung up.)

    A Brush With Stupidity

    | Haifa, Israel | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I’m the manager of a pizzeria. I have all my employees keep their hair very short and clean-shaven. This happens when a customer comes up after just having been served her pizza. Everyone working this shift also has black hair.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a long, blond hair in my pizza!”

    (She stares at me as though expecting me to do something. She also has long blond hair.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that hair didn’t come from us.”

    Customer: “But it’s on my pizza! You have to do something!”

    Me: “I don’t know what I can do other than to give you directions to the nearest drug store to buy a comb.”

    Sweet Injustice

    | ON, Canada | Food & Drink

    Customer: “I will have [very sweet] pie.”

    Me: “Great. This pie is very sweet, and we recommend it with a scoop of ice cream for an extra dollar. Or, a glass of milk if you want.”

    Customer: “No, just the pie is fine. I’m not paying an extra dollar.”

    (Later, when they are paying…)

    Customer: “Um, just so you know, that pie that I had was really sweet. I almost couldn’t eat it. You should really serve it with ice cream or a glass of milk of something!”

    Someone Is Telling Porkies

    | Youngstown, OH, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (My wife and I are eating at an Indian restaurant. An older couple has finished their meal in the booth next to ours; the server has brought them their bill.)

    Customer: “Are you sure this was lamb curry? It tasted like pork.”

    Server: “Yes, sir. We do not serve pork.”

    Customer: “I’m not calling you a liar, but it sure tasted like pork.”

    Server: “We do not have any pork on the menu, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, all I know is, it tasted like pork.”

    Server: “Sir, we do not even have any pork in the building.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t know about that, but I’m telling you, it tasted like pork!”

    My Wife: *to me, but loudly enough for them to hear* “Didn’t stop him from eating it all, though.”

    (The customer glares at us, then silently hands the server his credit card. They leave quickly when she brings it back.)

    Server: *to my wife* “Thank you so much!”

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