Failed Across The Board-ing

, | MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I recently started working at a restaurant in my local airport. We serve passengers waiting to board their flights. As a rule, we tell all of our customers how long their food will take so that they don’t risk missing their flight or not receiving their food in time to board. I am visibly pregnant.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a cheeseburger combo from the grill?”

Me: “Sure! Just so you know, they usually take about 10-15 minutes to make. Is that alright?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine…”

(I give the woman her total, cash out the transaction, and she goes to her boarding area. After about five minutes, she returns.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my burger?!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said before, they take anywhere from 10-15 minutes to make. I can go check and see how much longer it will be for you.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You didn’t tell me that! My plane is boarding! I’m going to miss my flight!”

Me: “Hold on one second, ma’am and I’ll go check.”

Customer: “No, f*** that! I want a manager and a refund!”

(I fetch my manager.)

Customer: “I want this pregnant s*** fired! She didn’t tell me that the food would take this long! How could you even hire someone like that? I don’t want some knocked up s*** taking my order!”

Manager: “Ma’am, you are entitled to a refund. However, you are not entitled to insult my cashier and disturb the other customers. Also, I don’t doubt that my cashier told you how long the food would take. I’m betting you didn’t notice her saying it. Just like you didn’t notice that she is wearing a wedding band excluding her from your s*** comment, didn’t notice that your food has been sitting on the hot tray for a full two minutes while you berated my employee, and didn’t notice that your flight is not boarding. The flight boarding is for uniformed military only.”

Customer:*stammers, takes her burger, and goes back to her boarding area in silence*

Not Really Our Calling

| Irvine, CA, USA |

(I am a server. It is slowing down during my shift, and I’m usually happy to talk with my customers. I have a well-meaning elderly couple at my table. I was born and raised here, college educated, and speak in a standard American dialect, almost valley girl sounding when I get giddy.)

Me: “So, is everything tasting great?”

Old man: “Yes, thank you. So, I’m curious, where are you from?”

(What he really wants to know, is what kind of non-white race am I.)

Me: “My parents are from India.”

Old man: “Oh! Indian, huh? Well, your English is very good. You should work in those, uh, those call centers… yeah! Because every time I call customer service, I can hardly understand what they are saying!”

Me: “Um… thank you, but that’s really not… uh… my area of interest.”

Old man: *shrugs* “Ah, well.”

Me: *forced, polite smile* “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit…”

Acting Acidic

| South West England, UK | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(In addition to salt and vinegar, my chip shop offers customers slices of lemon with their fish.)

Me: “Would you like lemon with your fish, sir?”

Customer: *screaming* “DON’T YOU EVER ASK ME IF I WANT LEMON AGAIN! NEVER PUT LEMON ON MY ORDER!”

Getting A Kick Out Of Tourists

| Australia | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I am working as a waitress in the middle of a city in Australia. We have a large outdoor dining area.)

Customer: *in an American accent* “Excuse me, Miss. I’d like to be moved.”

Me: “As we’re really busy, I’m not sure if we have any spare tables. Is it too hot out here for you?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get my food stolen.”

Me: “By… who? Is someone stealing food?”

Customer: “By the kangaroos! I haven’t seen any today, though. I’ve heard they like to kick you and steal your food.”

Customer’s Australian Friend: “Dude, I was kidding.”

Customer: *shocked* “Oh my God, really?”

A Disservice To Good Parenting

, | UK | Awesome Customers, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Wild & Unruly

(I work in a department store. It is Halloween, and our best kid’s costumes are out on display. I am decorating the store with fake spiders, when a angry customer and his bratty kid comes up to me.)

Me: *looking at child tearing down bunting* “Uh, kid? I’m going to have to ask you to stop that.”

Customer: *scowls at me* “Don’t you DARE!”

Me: “Is this your child, sir?”

Customer: “Yep! He’s not going to stop for a minimum wage weirdo!”

Me: “But, sir, he’s defacing store property! I have to ask you to replace that mannequin and the torn bunting.”

Customer’s Kid: “Shut the f*** up!”

(I pause in shock.)

Customer: “That’s it boy! We don’t be polite to serving people! They’re below us!”

Coworker: “Excuse me sir? I’m going to have to ask you to go, or I’ll call security.”

Customer: “I’m not scared of you! I’ll bet you’re not even Christian!”

(At this point, a nearby customer who has overheard everything walks over.)

Nearby Customer: *completely calm* “No, I’m not. I do, however, have a brown belt in Brazilian Floor Ju-jitsu. Let’s step outside and discuss this, shall we? Or you can kindly replace the decorations and leave these kind people alone.”

Customer: *turns pale* “L-let’s go son. I wanna leave this devil store.” *mumbles while shoving a note into my hands* “This stuff is crap anyway.”

(The best part? The man and his kid had walked into some off-duty police officers, who found the man had stuffed a bunch of MP3 Players into his top!)

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