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    Social Insecurity, Part 2

    | USA | Bizarre

    (I am working a counter at a carry-out pizza place when this happens. Note: we use phone numbers to identify orders.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want to order a pizza to take.”

    Me: “Okay, can I have your phone number please?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “Sorry for having to ask. It’s just what we use to make sure you get the right order.”

    Customer: “No! Hackers and the government are always trying to track me!”

    Me: “It’s fine, sir. I’ll just use our store’s phone number instead.”

    Customer: *calms down* “Alright.”

    (Satisfied, the customer pays and waits in his car for the order. Being nice, I carry it to him.)

    Me: “Here is your order, sir.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Say, can you throw this away for me?” *hands me papers mixed with trash*

    Me: “No problem…”

    (As he drives away, I notice he’s handed me expired car insurance papers and an old bank statement. So much for protecting his identity!)

    Related:
    Social Insecurity

    How About Some Split Pee Soup

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”

    Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”

    Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”

    Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”

    Me: “OH! A tureen!”

    Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”

    The Engendered Confusion

    , | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I’m in the back taking money and orders when a customer pulls up to my window.)

    Customer: “I heard that your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chicken. I heard they’re actually made of rooster.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Your chicken sandwiches aren’t made of chickens, but roosters, right?”

    Me: “Roosters are chickens, sir.”

    Customer: “No, they’re not!”

    Me: “Yes, roosters are male chickens and hens are female chickens.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s like that human thing, too…boy and girl! I see…” *drives off without ordering anything*

    Burger Budgeting 101

    , | USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m eating a hamburger. I see the man next to me carefully picking a slab of cheese out of his burger, wrapping it in a paper napkin, and eating the rest of the burger. It puzzles me, so I ask him about it.)

    Me: *point at napkin* “Excuse me, but why did you do that?”

    Man: “Oh, every time I eat a burger, I set one ingredient aside. At the end of the week, I have a free burger!”

    Mammary Fallacy

    | High Falls, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “What desserts do you have?”

    Me: *lists bunch of other desserts* “…and Turtle Cheesecake.”

    Customer: “Is that made with turtle’s milk? Because I’ve heard of goat’s milk cheesecake.”

    Me: “No, sir, it has caramel, chocolate, and nuts, like the candy ‘turtles’. Turtles don’t produce milk.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

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