November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Tivo Side Effects

, , | UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Technology, Top

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

(The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

(The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

(My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

(The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

(The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

(My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

It’s Crazy Season(ing)

, | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(A customer has ordered a poutine, two large fries with seasoning and a rooter through the drive thru. My manager has informed me that it will take three minutes to cook up enough fries to fill the order, so I go to the window ask her to park her car while she waits.)

Me: “Hi, so there going to be three minutes to cook—”

Customer: “You forgot one of my drinks.”

(Her order was for only one drink, but I just pour her another drink rather than argue.)

Me: “There you go; sorry about that. It will just be three minutes for your fries—”

Customer: “Can I get some ketchup packets too?”

Me: “Sure I’ll put some in the bag. If you could—”

Customer: “Can I get them now?”

Me: “Here you go. So if you just want to—”

Customer: “Can I get some more?”

Me: “Sure. If you’ll go pull up in front of the building—”

Customer: “Can I get a container of seasoning too?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go ask the kitchen for a container of seasoning. While I’m waiting, my manager gives me a puzzled look and glances meaningfully at the drive thru timer; I just shrug and grimace. The customer looks inside the container when I give it to her.)

Me: “Okay, so here you go. If you’ll pull up in front of the building, we’ll bring&mdash”

Customer: “Can I get a lot more seasoning?”

Me: “Sure.”

Coworker: “She’s not gone yet?!”

Me: “She wants more seasoning first.”

(My manager’s just shaking his head.)

Me: “So here you go. Just pull up and we’ll bring you—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

(The customer drives through. At this point, she’s been sitting at our window for over two minutes, so her food is ready very quickly. I hand her the order out in the parking lot.)

Me: “Alright, so there’s your poutine, and two large fries. Sorry about the wait. Have a—”

Customer: scowls* “I hope no one spat in this!” *rolls up her window and drives away*

Me: “—nice day.”

Customer Gets Carded Anyway

| Manchester, England, UK | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

(I am working the drive-thru, and the card machine has just gone down. There are a number of cars already waiting in line, so I go outside to put signs up and tell them about the problem.)

Me: “Hello, madam, I am very sorry, but we are having problems with our card machine. If you need to pay by card, you will need to go inside the restaurant.”

Customer: “Well why the f*** didn’t you tell me before?”

Me: “I am very sorry but this problem has only just occurred.”

Customer: “You stupid b****, I asked why didn’t you tell me before I queued up!”

Me: “I walked out here as soon as we had the problem, and again, I am sorry for the inconvenience.”

(The customer starts screaming at me, so I walk behind her car to go and tell the next customer.)

Customer: “Don’t walk away from me b****. I was talking to you! Are you stupid?”

(The customer then reverses her car into me hard, knocking me to the floor.)

Customer: “You damaged my car you little s***! I am phoning the police!”

(Someone comes out to help me, and calls an ambulance. Both the ambulance and police arrive, and surprise, surprise, it isn’t me that is arrested!)

Predicting A Storm Of Protest

| Boulder, CO, USA | Geography, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work at an answering service that handles after-hours calls for various businesses. One of the accounts was a nice restaurant in the mountains of Colorado. A man calls one April to make a reservation.)

Caller: “I was hoping for a table on May 16th?”

Me: “It looks like there are various times open, so I can certainly set that up for you.”

Caller: “Okay, great. I’m going to be vacationing up there with my wife.”

Me: “Well, that sounds lovely!”

(We set up his dinner reservation.)

Caller: “So, can you give me any advice about what I should pack for a long weekend there? What is the weather like?”

Me: “Well sir, Colorado weather is very unpredictable, particularly in the spring. I would advise bringing clothing options for all seasons and dressing in layers.”

Caller: “I just want to know if I should pack warm clothes or short sleeves!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. However, springtime in Colorado has weather ranging from snowstorms to hot and sunny.”

Caller: “Oh, what nonsense. You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Sir, I have lived in this state all my life. A common saying here is that if you don’t like the weather you should wait five minutes, and that holds true all year. Spring and autumn are the most unpredictable and varied when it comes to temperature, so—”

Caller: “What was the temperature today?”

Me: “Today? Well, this morning it was thirty degrees with heavy frost on the ground, and by noon it was about seventy-five with clear skies and sunshine—”

Caller: “Are you trying to be difficult? There’s no reason to be a smart-a**, you know.”

Me: “No, sir, not at all. I’m very genuinely trying to help you. Even for people who are used to it, weather changes here can be quite—”

Caller: “You’re no help at all! I’ll just bring a few pairs of shorts and t-shirts.”

Me: “Sir, please don’t do that. You will need warmer clothes in the mountains!”

Caller: “So, now I should bring my winter clothes? Why didn’t you just say so?!”

Me: “Well, you should, but bring some cooler clothes as well because—”

Caller: “No! It has to be one or the other! I don’t want to bring more than I need!”

Me: “You will definitely NEED options for highly variable temperatures. I’m very sorry, but—”

Caller: “You’re useless! It’s just four days. It can’t be that complicated!”

Me: “Look, four days ago it was shorts and tank top weather. Two days ago it snowed for a day and a night. I personally keep a heavy coat and a pair of sandals in my car because there are days when I need them both. Believe me, I wish it were all nice and predictable, but it really IS that complicated. I’m not making this up for fun.”

Caller: “Oh, I’ve never heard such nonsense. Springtime is bound to be nice, so I’ll pack for that. Thanks for nothing!”

Me: “Sir, I really advise—”

Caller: “And cancel the dinner reservation!” *click*

(May 16th turns out to be a properly variable week, with wind, rain, sun, and overnight snow.)

Service With A Smile

, | Peoria, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I am working the drive thru and I’m in a good mood.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total comes to $3.47 and a smile!”

(I smile at her.)

Customer: “Excuse me? How rude! How dare you?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “I don’t want to smile, and you can’t make me. Just give me my d*** food.”

(The customer leaves.)

Manager: “What was her problem?”

Me: “I ‘charged’ her a smile.”

Manager: “I hate drive thru.”