Customer: “Good morning! What is the special today?”

Me: “We have a type of baked chicken with a sort of lemon sauce on top.”

Customer: “Is the chicken alive?”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t eat deceased meat, I’m sorry.”

Me: “Ok, well here is a menu. What else interests you?”

Customer: “How about a turkey sandwich?”

Customer: “Hello dear. Could you tell me where the bathrooms are?”

Me: “Towards the back of the restaurant, behind the bar.”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer goes away for a time and comes to find me later.)

Customer: “Thank you again, dear, but you may want to change your bathroom decor. It looks a lot like a freezer.”

Me: “Ma’am, our bathrooms look nothing like a freezer. They are normal bathrooms.”

Customer: “Oh dear…”

Customer: “Can you turn this light off?” *points to the light hanging over the table*

Me: “I’m sorry, but all the lights are connected. I can take the bulb out, but I would need to get a towel because it’s hot.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I return under a minute later with a towel to see the light off.)

Customer: “I took care of it.”

(After clearing the table, I see she broke the bulb and put the glass pieces in her salad.)

Me: “Hi, thanks for choosing [name of restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “You guys serve breakfast all day?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Do you serve pancakes?”

Me: “No, sir. Just waffles.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t like waffles. Can you just make this one exception?”

Me: “Well, sir I can’t go against code and grill you up a regular pancake but I’ll tell you what: I can make you a pancake with these awesome little holes used to trap syrup on top so it cant escape off the side.”

Customer: “Really!? You would do that for me? I’ll take two!”

Customer: “Hi, I was in a few days ago, and something I ate chipped my tooth. I called and your boss said you would reimburse me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not our policy to offer cash reimbursement without the manager present. However, if you leave your information I will pass it along to the owners and we’ll see what we can do.”

Customer: “Oh.” *stands there staring at me for a minute*

Me: “Is there something else I could help you with?”

Customer: “Are you going to give me the money?”

Me: “No, sorry, like I said, that’s not within our policy.”

Customer: “Oh, ok.”

(I leave to refill another customers beverage. The customer robs my float container from the drawer through some sneaky maneuvering.)

Me: *catching the customer at the door* “I’m going to need to take that back from you.”

Customer: *reluctantly hands the float container back to me, looking forlorn* “But….but….it’s for ME!”