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  • Have It X-Ray

    , | Ontario, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (I work in a fast food restaurant that opened less than a year ago. Our phone number used to belong to an outpatient X-Ray and ultrasound clinic.)

    Me: “Hello, [fast food restaurant].”

    Caller: “I’m calling the results of my X-ray.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [restaurant]. We don’t do X-rays here.”

    Caller: “I just need my results.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have them here.”

    Caller: “Who are you?!”

    Me: “This is [restaurant].”

    Caller: “What do you have there?”

    Me: “We are a fast food place. We sell mainly hamburgers.”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t need that! You sure don’t have my results there?”

    Me: “Very sure.”

    Caller: “Well, do you know who has them?”

    Me: “Your family doctor, maybe?”

    Caller: “Do you have their number?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but no, I don’t.”

    Caller: “Well, you’re no help!” *hangs up*

    Voracity Is The Mother Of Intervention

    | Ontario, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (This occurs when I’m bringing desserts and coffee to a table with two customers—one middle-aged woman and one elderly woman.)

    Me: “Here you go. Is there anything else I can get for you ladies?”

    Middle-aged Customer: “An extra fork, please.”

    Me: “I’ll get you one right away.”

    (After I return with her fork…)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, but my coffee is far too strong.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “…and old. I tried some, and it’s clearly been sitting for a long time.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about the strength, although I actually made that coffee after you ordered it. I can make you another less strong one if you’d like.”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I leave, make her a new coffee at half-strength and come back to return it, at which point they’ve eaten all of their dessert.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Excuse me, but the mango cheesecake was far too sweet.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. The cheesecake is something they make in the kitchen, but I’ll certainly let them know for you.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Could I maybe get a discount on it, or have it for free because of that?”

    Me: “Um… I can ask the chef for you, but I don’t think he’ll say yes, since you finished the whole thing.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Well, I didn’t mention this earlier, but my dinner was also too salty.”

    Me: “Again, I can let them know, and ask about a discount, but you ate the whole thing, so I doubt I’ll be allowed to reduce the price for you.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “The scallops in it were mushy, too!”

    Me: “Well, they were breaded scallops and the dish you ordered was very saucy. It’s unfortunately unavoidable that they’d get somewhat soft from the sauce. Again, I can talk to the kitchen for you, but I doubt there’ll be any result.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Hmm…” *to the elderly customer* “Did we order any appetizers?”

    Elderly Customer: “The appetizer was delicious, you said so yourself. Now stop trying to get freebies and let the poor girl go do her job. There’s other people at other tables that you’re keeping her from helping by holding her here with all your complaints.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Fine! That’s everything. Just bring us the bill.”

    (As I leave to go to the kitchen and deliver her complaints, I hear the elderly customer berating the middle-aged one.)

    Elderly Customer: “Shame on you, a grown woman! I didn’t raise you to be a greedyguts!”

    Related:
    Necessity Is The Mother Of Intervention

    Dog As I Say, Not As I Dog

    | North Carolina, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (Note: our hot dogs come with chili and coleslaw on them, and customers frequently ask for them without one or the other.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a hot dog with cheddar cheese and no meat.”

    Me: “Sure. Do you still want the coleslaw?”

    Customer: “Yes, and be sure to toast the bun.”

    (I put her order in, and return a short time later with a hot dog in a toasted bun with cheese and coleslaw.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I asked for no meat. This has meat on it.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you meant you didn’t want the chili. Could you explain to me what it is you’d like?”

    Customer: “Well, I said no meat! Take the hot dog out!”

    Me: “Okay, so just to be clear: you want a toasted hot dog bun with cheese and coleslaw… but no hot dog?”

    Customer: “Yes! Is that so hard?”

    Me: “I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. Would you like me to bring you a grilled cheese sandwich with coleslaw in it? It would be less expensive.”

    Customer: “I specifically asked for a hot dog. A grilled cheese is not a hot dog!”

    High On Life

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m a waitress at a popular franchise, and we are unexpectedly busy for a Monday night. I’m serving an elderly couple their drinks.)

    Me: “Here you go: I have an iced tea and a water!”

    Old Man: “Oh, I know you! We had you last time.”

    (The couple is an older couple, maybe in their sixties or seventies. I don’t recognize them, but I’ve been working at this location for a couple of years, so I’ve met an awful lot of people.)

    Me: “Oh, you did? Well, it’s great to see you back, then!”

    Old Man: “Yes, I recognize you, because there aren’t a lot of people that cheerful.”

    Me: *grins* “Yeah, I’m usually pretty happy.”

    Old Man: “That, or you’re on some seriously good s***!”

    Me: *busts out laughing*

    Fast Makes Her Furious

    | Devon, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (I approach a table with an elderly couple. Note that it is always the elderly woman that speaks.)

    Me: “Two gammon steaks?”

    Elderly Woman: “No.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the order was for this table. I’ll just go and check again…”

    (They ignore me. The other tables around them are either eating or haven’t ordered yet. I didn’t take their order, so I may be wrong. I check. It is definitely their table. I go back.)

    Me: “I’m sorry to bother you again. What did you order?”

    Elderly Woman: “I ordered two gammon steaks.”

    Me: “I just brought those meals to your table, ma’am, and you said they weren’t yours.”

    Elderly Woman: “I just wanted to sit and enjoy my glass of wine before I ate any food. Is that too much to ask?!”

    Me: “Of course, I will inform the chef and bring your food out to you later.”

    Elderly Woman: “You know what? I don’t even want it. Take it off my bill. I just want this wine. What kind of restaurant serves food to people in under fifteen minutes?!”

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