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    Not So Different, You And I

    | Florence, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a waiter in a very authentic, very small Japanese restaurant. I’m filling drinks at a table of four people in their mid-twenties—two guys and two girls.)

    Customer: “Um, yeah…so, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure. What would you like to know?”

    Customer: “Yeah…so, like…um…Japanese…uh…Asians…do Asian people like dessert?”

    Me: “Well, of course they enjoy dessert. Doesn’t everyone?”

    Customer: “So, like…what do they eat, then?”

    Me: “Sweet things. Cake, ice cream, candy, and all kinds of sweets.”

    Customer: “Oh. So just like us?”

    Me: “Yes… just like us.”

    (She stares at me, unable to understand why I’m grinning in disbelief. No words are exchanged, so I walk away. As I’m walking, I hear her friend say, “Wow, he hates you.” At the end of her meal she asks for a fortune cookie.)

    Made From Soylent Green

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What salad would you like?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

    Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”

    Pick Yourself Up And Try Again…Somewhere Else

    | Memphis, TN, USA |

    (I’m a waitress. This customer has come here before, and always asks for me as his server.)

    Me: “Is everything all right?”

    Customer: “Yeah, everything’s great.”

    Me: *smile* “All right! Is there anything else I can get you?”

    Customer: “Um, your phone number?”

    Me: “Uh, no, sorry.”

    Customer: *looks sad* “Aww.”

    Me: “Sorry, but hey, you tried!”

    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 3

    | Maryland, USA | Top

    (I’m a waitress in a coffee shop/bakery/deli located in the middle of a small town. I walk into the dining room to see the minister from the church across the street, a police officer from the station down the block, and a lawyer from the courthouse next door sitting at the counter. I’m looking at this strange sight when my boss comes up behind me.)

    Boss: “So a priest, a cop, and a lawyer walk into a bar…”

    Related:
    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2
    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*

    Customers Can Be Real Spoil-Shorts

    | Louisville, KY, USA |

    (I’m about 5′ tall. A customer and her husband are debating about sitting at a tall table or a regular table. Finally, they decide on a regular table.)

    Me: “Hey, guys! So you decided on this one?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I just don’t like the tall tables. It’s weird when my feet don’t touch the ground.”

    Me: “I definitely understand that. Sometimes I like the tall tables just because it’s the only time I get to be tall.”

    Customer: “Hey, yeah! You’re kind of a shrimp, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess.”

    Customer: “No, but really. You’re really short!”


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