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    Eating For Free (And For Two)

    , | Durham, NC, USA | Food & Drink

    (I work at a fast food restaurant gives customers their meals for free if they have been waiting a long time. This particular day, I’ve been told to void the next couple of cars. One girl in her 20s pulls up while talking on the phone.)

    Me: “Hello! I’m sorry for your wait. Your meal is on the house.”

    Customer: “Oh, really?! That’s awesome!”

    Me: “There’s your meal! Have a great day.”

    Customer: *into her phone* “Dude, [restaurant] just gave me my food for free! Yeah, and it was like a six dollar meal!” *quietly so we can’t hear* “I might be pregnant, but this just makes up for it!”

    Weekend Roundup: Attack Of The Tax!

    , , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    Attack Of The Tax! Tax season may be over in the U.S., but what happens when you mix clueless customers and too-high taxes? A ca-tax-trophe, that’s what!

    1. War Can Be Taxing:
      The Revolutionary War of 2012: Founding Fathers doing revolutions in their graves due to a brainless populace!
    2. Taxation With Agitation:
      It’s like the Boston Tea Party…except in a gas station…in Tennessee…
    3. Bacon, Lettuce, and Taxes:
      We know that fast food customers will eat anything, but we never knew taxes could be tasty!
    4. Taxing Customers:
      However you add things up, this retail customer is minus a few brain cells.
    5. Fortunately, It’s Raining Pork Barrels And Earmarks:
      Wonder where your tax dollars go? To humongous, lake-covering umbrellas, of course!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Everybody’s A Doctor

    | California, USA | Health & Body

    (I’m working the drive through on a busy night and have just handed out a customer’s order. I’m saying “goodbye” when this conversation happens.)

    Customer: “Does your left hip hurt?”

    Me: *confused* “No…?”

    Customer: “Oh, well, how about your throat?”

    Me: *wondering what my hip has to do with my throat* “Nope.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, that’s good. That’s very good.”

    Me: “All right, have a nice night.”

    Not So Different, You And I

    | Florence, KY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m a waiter in a very authentic, very small Japanese restaurant. I’m filling drinks at a table of four people in their mid-twenties—two guys and two girls.)

    Customer: “Um, yeah…so, I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure. What would you like to know?”

    Customer: “Yeah…so, like…um…Japanese…uh…Asians…do Asian people like dessert?”

    Me: “Well, of course they enjoy dessert. Doesn’t everyone?”

    Customer: “So, like…what do they eat, then?”

    Me: “Sweet things. Cake, ice cream, candy, and all kinds of sweets.”

    Customer: “Oh. So just like us?”

    Me: “Yes… just like us.”

    (She stares at me, unable to understand why I’m grinning in disbelief. No words are exchanged, so I walk away. As I’m walking, I hear her friend say, “Wow, he hates you.” At the end of her meal she asks for a fortune cookie.)

    Made From Soylent Green

    | Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Me: “What salad would you like?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

    Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”


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