Prices Are Frozen

| OH, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I work at an ice-cream stand. A herd of small children come up to the counter. None are older than eight years old.)

Child: “Umm, miss, how much is that?”

Me: “How much is the cone? Or how much is one scoop on the cone?”

Child: “How much is the cone?”

Me: “Well, this cone is technically free. If you get one scoop on the sugar cone, then you only pay for the scoop of ice-cream.”

Child: “Okay, one sec.”

(All the children giggle, then run to a woman nearby. They chat for a bit, and then they run back.)

Child: “How much for the sugar cone?”

(I tell them, and they again run back to the woman standing nearby. They repeat this charade a few more times by asking the exact same questions, until they all finally order. Each one of them orders one scoop of ice-cream on the sugar cone. Their total comes out to about $30.The woman nearby later comes up and cuts in front of six customers.)

Woman: “Can I see a receipt for my order?”

Me: “Sorry, your kids paid in cash, and didn’t want the receipt; I threw it away.”

Woman: “Okay, well my kids told me that you told them that one scoop on a sugar cone was free. They all got one scoop on a sugar cone. WHY DID THAT COST $30?!”

Me: “I told them that the cone was free, but the scoop itself was [price].”

Woman: “That’s not what they told me.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I did tell them that.”

Woman: “Wow. You must be the biggest idiot if you cannot convey the price of ice-cream to children!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am.”

(She stands there glaring at me. The next two customers are a couple of guys, who then come up to the register to pay for their order.)

Guy #1: “Who the h*** hands their kid a 50, and sends them up to an ice-cream stand?”

(The woman hears him, and stares at him with her jaw dropped.)

Guy #2: *mocking the woman* “Where is my receipt?! Why are you so dumb?! Why did I have children?!”

(The woman scoffs loudly, and storms off.)

Me: “That was awkward.”

Guy #2: “That was hilarious! She was such a b**** to you!”

Guy #1: “I don’t think you did anything wrong!”

(He tips me $20, smiles, then walks away with his friend.)

Served With Just Desserts

| Scotland, UK | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(I work at a restaurant which is very gay-friendly. It’s not actually a gay restaurant, but half the waiting staff, two of the chefs, and the owner are all gay or bi. Many of the customers are gay couples. A tourist couple, a man and woman, comes in, and sits at a table.)

Me: *flamboyantly* “Hi, welcome! Here are your menus—”

Customer #1: “We want another server!”

Me: “Sorry, but I’m the only one that’s free at the moment, and you’re sitting in my area, but I can help you all the same.”

(The couple stands up and walk to another table on the other side of the restaurant. Their server comes up to the table; she’s a young woman who dresses very alternatively.)

Server: “Hi, there! Would you like to look at—”

(The couple stands up again, this time moving to a table being served by the only straight server in the restaurant today. They order happily, and the server leaves. The table is right next to the large opening where you can see the chefs cooking your food. The customers can be heard by one of the chefs,—who happens to be my boyfriend.)

Customer #1: “I can’t believe they let those people work with food. They’ll contaminate it.”

Customer #2: “I know! But don’t let it get to you; we have a good server now.”

Customer #1: “Yeah, but just look at them. That first man probably has AIDS, and they let him work in a restaurant! It’s disgusting!”

Chef: “Excuse me; please don’t talk about him that way. He doesn’t have AIDS. Even if he did, you wouldn’t catch it just because he served you food. He’s also my boyfriend, so stop it, or you’ll upset me and him.”

(The couple remains quiet until their server bring their drinks.)

Customer #1: “Make sure that thing doesn’t cook or touch any of my food.”

Server: “Sorry, I can’t do that. He is one of our best chefs, and he deals with items that you have ordered.”

Customer #2: “Well, have someone else make our food, someone clean!”

Server: “I assure you that our chefs take hygiene very seriously. We are very highly rated from health and safety—”

Customer #1: “MANAGER! NOW!”

(Their server gets the manager, a very well-dressed and flamboyant man.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #1: “You’re one too?! A dirty gay! I can’t believe it! F*** you! F*** you all! Don’t any of you touch my food, my wife, or me! I don’t want your any of your dirty gay diseases!”

(The customers start referring to their server.)

Customer #2: “And to think you surround this poor boy with your heathen ways!” *to the server* “Come now, son, leave with us and we can save you from this evil lot!”

(All of the servers have gathered around the area. Many of the regular customers and their partners join too.)

Server: “You know what, you’re right! Why should I have to work in a place with such nasty people?”

(The couple smiles and move towards him, as if to take him away.)

Server: “You two, get the f*** out of here and leave me alone! We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, and you most certainly are not welcome here!”

(The couple runs out, flustered and embarrassed.)

Manager: “I couldn’t have said it any better myself!”

Server: “Thanks, Dad!”

Self-Serves Him Right

| Rolling Prairie, IN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m off the clock at the fast food restaurant I work at. I’m waiting for my manager to get off, because I’m his ride home. My manager is the cashier, and there’s only one other employee besides me there. A customer walks up to the counter.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea, please.”

Manager: “Okay, that’ll be [total].”

(The customer pays, and his receipt is printed off.)

Manager: “Your order number is 544, and it’ll be up shortly.”

Customer: “Can I have my drink?”

(My manager hands him a cup, since our drink station is self serve.)

Customer: “There’s no tea in this.”

Manager: “Yes, because our tea is self serve.”

Customer: “I don’t do self serve. I don’t work here.”

Manager: “So, let me get this straight, you want me to go out there and fill your cup up at our self-serve drink station?”

Customer: “Yes, like I said, I don’t work here. I shouldn’t have to get my own drink.”

(My manager turns to the other employee, who’s been listening to the entire conversation.)

Manager: “Would you fill up his drink for him?”

Employee: “No.”

Manager: “Good answer.”

(My manager turns back to the customer.)

Manager: “Sorry, sir, but I can not fill your drink for you.”

Customer: “Then give me my d*** money back.”

Manager: “Okay, here is your money, sir. Have a good night.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *walks away*

Me: “In nearly four years of being here, I’ve never seen a customer not want to fill up their own drink.”

Manager: “Same here.”

Me: “Makes me wonder though; how does he get gas? There aren’t any full service gas stations off the interstate.”

Manager: “Good point. Want a double cheese?”

Me: “Sure!”

This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 2

| USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(There is a sizable line in the drive-thru. A rental car pulls up to order.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]; how can I serve you today?”

(The customer and his wife proceed to order. They order a lot of food. The customer has a thick French accent, and I have to ask him to repeat a few things.)

Customer: “How long is this going to take?”

Me: “Well, we’re kind of busy; it will take about 15 minutes.”

(I begin repeating the order back to the customer to verify that it’s right, but he pulls ahead while I’m still speaking. About 15 minutes later, he pulls up to the window. My coworker brings them their food when it is ready.)

Coworker: “All right, so I have [order] for you.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong. We wanted [order].”

(My coworker is fairly new, so I decide to take over. I send the revised order to the kitchen and ask them to remake it. Five minutes later, the order is done.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Here is your order.”

Customer: “That’s not all; we want milkshakes, too.”

(I am very frustrated with this customer, but I keep it under control and ring up the milkshakes. I took five years of French class in high school, so I can understand it fairly well.)

Customer: *to wife, in French* “This place is terrible.”

Customer’s Wife: “It’s so slow!”

Customer: “And that skinny white boy is very rude.

Customer’s Wife: “Don’t be mean; he’s probably not that smart.”

(They laugh, and continue making fun of me. I finish making the milkshakes, and walk over to the window with a beaming, ear-to-ear smile.)

Me: *in French* “Thank you for your business today.”

(The man makes eye contact with me. His eyes are nearly bulging out of his head, as he realizes I have understood every word he and his wife said. I keep my eyes locked on his, and maintain my ghoulish grin.)

Me: *in French* “It was a pleasure to serve you today.”

Customer: *drops milkshakes in wife’s lap and accelerates away*

Related:
This Round He Lost (In Translation)

A Drought Of Nice Customers

| Palmerston North, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(We are having a really bad drought in the North Island at the moment, so we have some serious water restrictions. It’s the top of everyone’s mind, and everyone’s talking about it.)

Me: *to customer at drive-thru* “That’ll be [total].”

Customer: “Okay, here you go. Wow, it’s going to be another scorcher today, huh?”

Me: “I know, I’m just about to go do a rain dance.”

Customer: “I know how you feel. We’re on tank water, and it’s running a little low for us.”

Me: “Well, in town we’ve just got all the regular restrictions; we’re not watering and stuff. My mum’s so upset; she’s lost her entire veggie garden because she can’t water during the day.”

Customer: “That must be pretty hard on her. We’re doing okay, because we’ve been so careful and everything.”

(My coworker hands me her meal, and I hand it straight out.)

Me: “Here you go, all done!”

Customer: “Wow, that was fast! Thanks!”

(I think she’s about to drive away, so I move to shut the window.)

Customer: “Hang on! Can I see your manager, please?”

(Confused, I grab the manager on the floor.)

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I just wanted to tell you how lovely it is to get a pleasant employee at the drive-thru window. This young lady has been talking to me the entire time I was here, and it made the time absolutely fly. You so rarely get pleasant people in the service industry. I just wanted to say how nice she was. Thank you, and have a good day!”

(With that, she drives off. My manager gives me a thumbs-up, and I feel good the rest of my shift. Sometimes you get some good ones!)

Page 91/254First...8990919293...Last