(Fast food places are often referred to as takeaway stores in New Zealand.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to [fast food]. May I take your order?”

Customer: “So, what is a tar… key… ah… way…?”

Me: “Um, takeaways. As in food you can take away.”

Customer: “Oh, is it a Maori word?”

Me: “No sir. It’s an English word. May I ask, are you from out of New Zealand?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m from America, but you’re lying about takeaways being an English word. I’ve been to Canada and they don’t use it there!”

(We have a coupon for a free entrée. A new waitress comes up and asks me a question.)

Co-Worker: “How do I handle two coupons?”

Me: “What?”

Co-Worker: “My table of three by the window. They got the entrées and waters. They want to use two coupons.”

Me: “They can’t use two coupons. It says ‘one per group’. Tell her to save it for next week.”

Co-Worker: “She says they are two groups. So they want to use two coupons.”

Me: “They can’t use two coupons because it’s only one check.”

(She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Co-Worker: “She says she wants separate checks.”

Me: “Tell her she can’t have separate checks just because she wants to use two coupons.”

(She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Co-Worker: “They want to talk to a manager.”

(A third co-worker and I argue over what to do, as the manager isn’t here tonight. Reluctantly, I go out to the table, posing as the manager. I tell them the same thing that the waitress told them.)

Me: “Ma’am our policy is that coupons can only be used one per group. You are all obviously one group, as you are sitting at the same table.”

(Irately, the woman grabs the table; which happens to be two separate tables placed together, and moves them about six inches apart.)

Customer: “There. Now we are two separate tables.”

Me: *trying to remain courteous* “I’ll see what I can do.”

(I go back, separate the checks, apply the discounts, and take both checks to the table.)

Me: “I can take that when you are ready.”

(She fishes in her purse, and hands me her credit card.)

Customer: “Use my card to pay for both!”

(I am working as a waitress in a sushi restaurant. A handicapped customer comes in and orders 5 rolls off of our special rolls menu. I bring the customer her food.)

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “These are the rolls you ordered, ma’am.”

Customer: “I didn’t order these. I don’t eat fish.”

Me: “Ma’am, you specifically pointed at these rolls. The ingredients are mainly tuna and salmon. It is listed on the menu.”

Customer: “I don’t eat fish! You are discriminating against me because I am in a wheelchair. I didn’t order this!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is exactly what you ordered. If you don’t eat fish, you should have ordered chicken or beef teriyaki.”

Customer: “I don’t eat fish! Bring me my rolls!”

Me: “These are your rolls.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager.”

Manager: “Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Your waitress brought me the wrong rolls. I want my rolls.”

Manager: “This looks to be exactly what you ordered.”

Customer: “I don’t eat fish!”

Manager: “It’s listed with fish on the menu, but okay, we’ll take these back. What would like instead?”

(The customer orders the same rolls.)

Manager: “Ma’am, you just ordered the exact same rolls.”

Customer: “They have fish in them?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Customer: “Is that because I’m handicapped?”

Manager: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “I’m leaving and I’m not giving you a cent of my money. You shouldn’t falsely advertise. You should say when there will be fish!”

Manager: *to me* “You hungry?”

(Three women in their early twenties come in. I ring up the first two, but the third woman’s credit card is denied.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your card had been denied.”

Customer: “No, that cant be! There’s no way! Try it again!”

(I swipe the card again, and it once more is denied.)

Me: “It still came up as declined. Do you have another card I could try?”

Customer: “No! This is stupid!”

(One of her friends lend her cash to pay for her meal. As they fill their drinks at the pop machine I overhear her talking.)

Customer: “That is so weird! My card was denied last week. Shouldn’t it be un-denied by now?”

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(I work at a fast food restaurant and after work, I go to the grocery store still in uniform to pick up dinner.)

Customer: “Hello, can you tell me where the [item] is?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but I don’t work here. I work across the street at [restaurant].” *I point to my hat with the company logo*

Customer: “Why are you pointing at your hat? I don’t understand. Are you going to take me to the [item] or not?”

Me: “I’m really very sorry, but I don’t work here. I can’t help you.”

Customer: “But you have a name tag!”

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