July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

H2-Slow, Part 8

, | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(An ‘Iced Cappuccino’ is a popular beverage at a particular fast food chain all across Canada. It’s made with a very sugary syrup and ice.)

Customer #1: “I’d like an iced cappuccino please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Anything else?”

Customer #1: *turns to friend* “Do you want one?”

Customer #2: *looking horrified* “Oh, my goodness, definitely not. I’ll just have a water, please!”

Customer #1: “Oh, I thought you liked those?”

Customer #2: *dead serious, looking appalled* “I will NEVER drink those again, I JUST found out that they have more fat in them then water! Can you believe that!?”

Customer #1: “…Um.”

Customer #2: “Shocking, right? I just found out!” *turns to me* “Can you believe that!?”

Me: “…Um.”

Customer #2: *to me, scolding voice* “You guys should really be advertising that to your customer… Iced cappuccino’s have more fat than water.”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6
H2Slow, Part 5

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 9

, | USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I am in high school. I work at a fast food restaurant. Part of the uniform includes a hat or visor. On this day I am taking orders at the front register. I am handing back change to an older male customer who has been normal so far.)

Me: “Okay, sir, here is your change and your order will be ready in a sec.”

(I then go to take the next customer’s order when the older man grabs the brim of my hat and looks me directly in the eyes.)

Older Man: “Oh, I thought you had brown eyes.”

(A coworker then places his food on the tray and the man walks away without another word.)

Next Customer: “I promise I won’t touch you. I just want a burger.”

Related:
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 8
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 7
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 6

Another Way To Water The Plants

| TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

(My dad is the customer in this one. He strongly dislikes lemon in water, which of course is a standard way of serving it in many restaurants. He’s noted that if he just says, “No lemon, please,” it often shows up with lemon anyway — servers are human, and it’s easy to forget a request and do it your standard way. He could just take it out, but he feels that it makes the water bitter, so rather than be THAT guy and insist on a new glass when this happens, he’s come up with a way to make the request memorable and thereby end up with un-lemoned water in the first place. I have to admit that it almost always works, and often gets a grin, but one young lady turned the tables on him.)

Me: “I’ll have a [Diet Soda].”

Dad: “I’ll have water, with no fruits and no vegetables in it.”

(A couple minutes later, back comes our waitress, with my soda, and a glass of water … with a big ol’ stalk of broccoli stuck in it! She puts the drinks down, just like this is completely normal, starts to turn away, and then stops and snaps her fingers.)

Waitress: “Oh, that’s right! You were the one who wanted no vegetables!”

(And then while we were dying laughing, she took it away and brought the fruit-and-veggie-free water originally asked for. Definitely the best response ever to his little shtick.)

Assumptions Are The Devil

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a sandwich shop. I’m working the front counter and taking an order from a couple in their 60s or 70s.)

Customer: “What’s that you’re wearing?” *she points to my the Egyptian ankh I wear as a necklace*

Me: “It’s an ankh. It’s an Egyptian symbol of life.”

(Customer talks quietly to her husband for a moment then turns back to me.)

Customer: “Do you think it gives you special powers?”

Me: “No, I just like the symbol and life.”

(Customer confers with her husband again then asks, deadly serious.)

Customer: “So, do you worship the devil?”

Me: “No. I also don’t insult people just because I don’t understand them.”

A Diminishing Set Of Returns

, | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(I am working the drive-thru pretty late at night. A man that seems to be in his mid-20’s pulls up.)

Customer: “I’d like to order [Item].”

Me: “Sure, would you like a drink with that?”

Customer: “A Coke.”

(He deliberately mispronounces it so it sounds like something a lot ruder and snickers.)

Me: “Ah, sure. What size?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What size do YOU think it is? What size suits me?”

(At this point I’m fed up with his poor attempt at innuendo.)

Me: “Well, sir, we don’t have an extra small, but I can give you a small. Please drive through.”

(He shut up pretty quickly, and didn’t even speak to me for the rest of the transaction. I served him a few times after that and he was always very quiet!)

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