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  • Some Stupidity Is A Hard Nut To Crack

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (After serving a very difficult table, I am happy they are on dessert and leaving soon. As I go up to hand them the check:)

    Customer: *as she literally spits out the mouthful* “Oh, my God, are there nuts in here?! I can’t eat nuts! They will break my teeth!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, you ordered NUTS OVER CARAMEL ice cream.”

    Customer: “I just thought that was the name of it. Why are there nuts in it?!”

    Forced To Change Her Perspective

    | Canada | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (My family owns a family Chinese restaurant at which I work. I’m a 15-year-old Asian, but apparently I look 12-ish. This happened when a customer came in during a busy day to eat in. She had just finished eating.)

    Me: “How was your meal? Do you need anything else?”

    Customer: “Yes. Tell me, kind son. Are you forced to work here?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are you forced to work here? Like child labor?”

    Me: *respectfully I replied* “No, ma’am, I am not forced to work here. I work here because I have family values and I want to help my single mom trying to give the best for her children. I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but I am not a slave nor am I forced to work here. I hope you think about what I said and suggest giving me a tip for being so rude.”

    (She stood up, paid, and left without a word.)

    The Kind Of Customer We Want

    , | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

    Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

    Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

    Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

    (We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

    Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

    Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

    Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

    Comment On Scents Makes No Sense

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a server in a restaurant with an open kitchen. A customer approaches me while I am walking towards the dish pit.)

    Customer: “Hello, ma’am. I loved the food but I have a complaint.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It smells a lot.”

    Me: “What does it smell like, sir?”

    Customer: “Food.”

    (At this point I have no idea what to say.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir. Did you say it smells like food?”

    Customer: “Yes. My lady friends are complaining that their hair is going to smell like food. They just washed it.”

    Me: “Sir, you do know, it is an open kitchen restaurant…”

    Customer: “What do you mean, open kitchen? God, you’re so stupid. Of course it’s an open kitchen. You’re serving food! The people they hire these days…”

    Don’t Be Tardy With The Tardis Drink

    , | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a large chocolate shake, and can I still get burgers this late?”

    Me: “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “Great! I want the grilled onion cheddar burger, but no cheese.”

    Me: “So just the onions on the burger?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sorry to be so complicated.”

    Me: “It’s no problem, and honestly it’s not that bad. You’d be surprised at the kind of requests I get through here. Can I get anything else for you today?”

    Customer: *joking* “I’d like a large coke in a small cup to go.”

    Me: “Aw, I wish I could, but unfortunately our cups don’t have Time Lord technology, so they aren’t bigger on the inside.”

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