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    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 11

    , | Red Deer, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

    (I am taking orders on drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Hey! So, I hear you guys have hickory-smoked bacon! This is true, right? You have bacon?”

    Me: “Yes, we do. It can be added to any sandwich or baked goo—”

    Customer: “No, no, I just want bacon. Bacon!”

    Me: “Just bacon alone?”

    Customer: “Yeah! Lots of bacon!”

    Me: “So, would 10 slices be okay?”

    Customer: “No, make it 20! 30! Lots of bacon!”

    (I give him his total and he drives up to the window. I go wait by soup and sandwich for his order to be ready.)

    Coworker: “30 slices of bacon on the side? On the side of what?”

    Me: “…Just bacon. 30 slices of bacon.”

    (My coworker stares blankly at me before wrapping 30 slices of bacon in a sandwich bag and giving it to me, shaking her head. I take the bacon to the window and my other coworker gives it to him.)

    Customer: “Thanks, man! Gotta have my bacon!” *drives off*

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    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 9
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 8
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 7
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 6
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 5
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 4
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 3
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 2
    With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility

    Getting Chesty About The Law

    | Rio de Janeiro, Brazil | Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I’m an American married to a Brazilian, and I spend several months a year in Brazil. I work at a beachside stall serving beer and snacks. A pair of American tourists are in front of me, and the woman is topless, which is strictly illegal in Brazil, but many assume otherwise.)

    Man: “Hi. Two cervezas and, uh, some chips. You got chips?”

    Server: *in Portuguese* “Ma’am, you can’t be topless here! The police could arrest you. You need to cover up.”

    Woman: “What are you talking about? I don’t speak Spanish.”

    Me: “Lady, he’s telling you that you need to cover up.”

    Woman: “What? Like h*** I do. This is Brazil!”

    Me: “Yeah, a Catholic country that bans public nudity. You can be arrested.”

    Man: “F*** off. This is Brazil. People go topless on the beach all the time.”

    Me: “Well, look around at the beach. You’re the only woman in sight without a top on.”

    Woman: “Mind your d*** business.” *they walk off in a huff*

    Server: “I wonder if they noticed that they’re about to walk right past three police cars?”

    Me: “Probably not.”

    (I stood there, sipping my beer, and watched as the woman was cited for public nudity.)

    Putting A Bump On Their Hump Day

    , | Sydney, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

    (We currently have a promotion for nine pieces of chicken for $9.95. This is only available on Tuesdays. This story occurs on a Wednesday afternoon. A car pulls up to drive thru window.)

    Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Can I have the Tuesday special for $9.95?”

    Me: “Erm… Today is Wednesday.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “I can’t sell you the $9.95 deal today.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it’s a special only for Tuesdays. Today is Wednesday.”

    Customer: “But why can’t you do it for me?”

    Me: “Because we can only do it on Tuesdays. That’s why it’s called the Tuesday special. We have another deal with ten pieces and two chips, that’s $19.95 though.”

    Customer: “No, that’s too expensive. I don’t get why I can’t get a Tuesday special on a Wednesday!” *drives off*

    It’s All Dutch To Me, Part 2

    , | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I am traveling with a group from my American university for a conference, back when the Netherlands still used guilders as currency. At the time they were at about two to one dollar.)

    Classmate: “Wow! Beer is so expensive here!”

    Me: “Not really… they’re only three or four dollars each.”

    Classmate: “But it says beer is $6!”

    Me: “No, it’s 6 guilders. That’s the currency here. Remember when we changed our money?”

    Classmate: “No. That must be in dollars.”

    Me: “Why would it be in dollars? We’re in Amsterdam!”

    Classmate: “But stuff was in dollars at the airport. And I don’t get why [American beer] is so expensive and the [Dutch beer] costs less.

    Me: “Because they have to import the [American beer] from America.”

    Classmate: “But it isn’t an import!”

    Me: “We’re in AMSTERDAM now!”

    (By now, the guy behind the bar is doing an increasingly bad job of hiding his laughter.)

    Classmate: “Oh, my god. How will I order? I don’t speak… uh…”

    Me: “—Dutch? I’ll do it. You go sit down.”

    Me: *in English, to the bartender* “Two beers, please.”

    (The bartender gets me the beers, but only charges me for one of them, and winks at me. I tip him well and go back to my classmate.)

    Classmate: “Wow! I didn’t know you spoke the language!”

    Me: “I’m a fast learner.”

    Related:
    It’s All Dutch To Me

    A Whirlwind Romance

    | Traverse City, MI, USA | Bizarre, Love/Romance

    (I am talking to a guest who walked out of the dining room and came into the gift shop to look around.)

    Me: “If you need anything or have any questions let me know.”

    Guest: “Well I do have a question: are you single?”

    Me: *hesitant* “Yes… Why?”

    Guest: “Well, I have as son who just got a promotion and needs a girlfriend. I was wondering if you would marry him for his money, power, or love?”

    Me: “I’d marry someone for love.”

    Guest: “Good. I don’t want to introduce him to someone who is just after his money and power.”

    Me: “Well, that’s good. Where does he work and what is his new position since he got his promotion?”

    Guest: “He’s the head operator of the ’tilt-a-whirl’ at the fair!”

    Me: *trying hard not to laugh* “Oh, well then, I’d marry him for his crazy amount of power!”


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