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    Bird Is The Word

    , | Montgomery, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I am working the drive thru on a Sunday, a time when we have a lot of regular customers after church lets out. I recognize a man from last Sunday.)

    Me: “Hey, I remember you from the other day!”

    Customer: “That’s right! You have a good memory! I like to hear the word and eat the bird!”

    Needs Some Light Soul Food

    , | CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru of the store very early in the morning.)

    Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Store], what could I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Just a small coffee.”

    Me: “How will you take your coffee today?”

    Customer: “Black, just like my soul.”

    Me: “… okay?”

    A Trashy Pick Up Line

    , | Canada | One-Liners, Rude & Risque

    (I am in my teens, taking out the garbage. One of our regular customers, an elderly man who is a well-known jokester, comes up to me at the end of his meal. I’m switching out the trash bag.)

    Elderly Man: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “Taking out the trash.”

    Elderly Man: “Well, I’m trash. Can you take me out?”

    (I laugh into the garbage can.)

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t, but I’ll have to remember that one. It’s good!”

    Total Nincompoop

    | Russellville, AR, USA | Health & Body

    (I work in a restaurant as a teenager. The restroom is crowded and I’m in a stall when all leave except two young girls. Girl #1 is in a stall and Girl #2 is waiting by the sinks.)

    Girl #1: “Is everyone gone?”

    Girl #2: *apparently hasn’t noticed me* “Yeah, they left.”

    Girl #1: “Oh good. Now I can poop.”

    (I take that as my cue to flush and wash my hands, trying not to laugh at the sudden awkward silence. As I open the door to leave I say:)

    Me: “Okay. Now you can poop.”

    Paying It Fast Forward

    , | Kirksville, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I am in the drive through lane because I am delivering a forgotten hat to a roommate that works there. I rattle off my order and pull forward. I then notice that a truck, that for whatever reason has shut down in the other drive through lane, has turned on and I am unsure whether I have accidentally cut him off.)

    Me: “Uhm, I am the one with the [order].”

    (The cashier takes my credit card and pushes a couple buttons.)

    Me: “And could I pay for the guy-behind-me’s order? I think I cut him off.”

    Cashier: “Uh… hold on.”

    (She goes to the back to confer with the manager, and then pops back.)

    Cashier: “Yeah, one moment.”

    (She runs my card twice. I receive both receipts, deliver the hat to my roommate, get my food and then drive off. Later that night, my roommate comes home.)

    Roommate: “So, apparently you set off a chain reaction. The rest of the cars in the line started to pay for the next one. [Coworker] was so relieved when it stopped! It was so confusing!”


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