November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Customers Without Filters

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Technology

(I’m a server at a popular family restaurant that normally bends over backwards trying to accommodate its guests as best we can. However, we are not a fine dining restaurant by any means. I’m serving a table of two middle-aged women. Note: the tap water in our municipality is consistently ranked as one of the cleanest in the world and is better than most bottled waters.)

Guest #1: “Is your water filtered? I only drink filtered water.”

Me: “No, our water isn’t filtered. We do carry several kinds of bottled water if you like, though.” *I list them for her*

Guest #2: “It’s disgusting that people expect you to pay for bottled water. Water should be free.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Our water by the glass is free, though as I said, unfiltered. However, we have to pay for the bottled water so we do have to charge for that.”

Guest #1: *huffs* “Fine, I’ll have a glass of water. Are your ice cubes made from filtered water? I only want them in my glass if they’re filtered.”

(Our ice machine is the size of an average car and is made of complex machinery.)

Me: “I’m actually not sure if the ice machine has filters as part of its system. It’s probably best to assume it doesn’t. I’ll bring you your water without ice.”

Guest #1: “No, find out if the machine filters its ice and come back.”

Me: “If you prefer, ma’am.”

(I go to the back and ask the kitchen manager. He has no idea either. We both look at the machine, but there’s no way to tell from the outside if there’s filters. There’s a huge sign on the outside saying “Danger: Do Not Open! Extreme Risk of Electric Shock” so we decide not to open it to look. I go back to the table with no new knowledge.)

Guest #1: “Well?!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. Both the kitchen manager and I looked at the machine, but we couldn’t tell if there are filters without taking apart the machine. It’s probably safest to assume there aren’t any. Shall I bring you your water without ice?”

Guest #1: “I don’t understand why you can’t just take apart the machine to find out for me. This is ridiculous.”

(I try for several minute to politely explain the size and complexity of the machine and why this isn’t really a feasible request. She constantly interrupts to insist that it must be possible to find this out and that I need to find a way. I have zero mechanical knowledge and as far as I know none of my coworkers know anything about machines. This machine would require a mechanic to take it apart.)

Guest #1: *finally* “Fine, I’ll have a glass of water with the ice on the side.”

Guest #2: “By the way, we have been sitting here forever and no one has taken our order! I just want you to know that the service here is terrible!”

(I choose not to mention that I’ve been at their table the whole time attempting to do just that. I also choose not to point out that they were just demanding that I leave their table for what would probably be several hours of mechanical work in order to answer a question for them.)

Jesus On The Munchies

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Religion

(I am a cashier at this restaurant.)

Customer: “I would like three sandwiches.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $3.65.”


Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to just give you a free meal.”

Customer: “BUT I AM JESUS. YOU MUST.” *he grabs the sandwiches and starts eating them*

Me: “What would Jesus do?”

Customer: “AHHH!” *throws a fit*

Manager: “You are banned from this restaurant, Jesus.”

(He paid with his credit card and his name was not Jesus, but Paul.)

Stupid By Half

| GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(A customer comes up with two separate checks. The server put one dinner on the first check but should have been on the second check. Not a problem… or so we thought.)

Customer #1: “This dinner wasn’t supposed to be on my ticket.”

Me: “Okay, not a problem. I’ll just deduct it and move it over to the other ticket.”

(Customer #2 hands me her ticket and I make the changes. When the changes are done…)

Customer #1: “Now, I want to pay for my ticket and half of that plate you just put on [Customer #2]’s ticket…”

They Fit The Bill

| Detroit, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a new waitress at a sports bar. Today is my first day with a full section, and it got taken over by a party of about 45 people, who pulled tables from other sections into mine, so I’m handling 20 more people than I’d planned on. They are all loud, rude, and demanding. I bring them their checks, which I split individually, per their request.)

Customer #1: “Actually could you put her fries on my check? I told her I’d pay for hers!”

(The woman he’s pointing to ordered a combo, so it’s odd that he’d offer to pay for just fries.)

Me: “Sir, she ordered a combo. Did you mean someone else?”

Customer #1: “Nope! Put her fries from the combo on my bill, and the pretzel bites I ordered on HIS bill!” *he points to a random man across the table*

Me: “Er… sir, I can’t really split the cost of fries from a combo to be the same amount of a single order of fries, they’re different prices and our computers can’t do th—”

Customer #2: “Oh, enough! You’ve been so slow! You can handle this task! Now my lemonade, my wife is picking up. That table over there, I’m picking up all of their food EXCEPT two of the drinks.”

(By this time, I have 45 people requesting ridiculous and borderline impossible split checks. My manager gets called over, and she doesn’t quite understand the problem, and orders me to split the checks “correctly” for the customers. I get so overwhelmed at the computer that I start welling up tears. Suddenly, a stranger comes up with a few $100 bills.)

Stranger: “They’re a**-holes. I’ve been there. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’m paying for their tab. I’ll tell your manager. Keep the change.”

(The 45 customers leave and loudly remark about what a bad waitress I am, but I ignore them and count out my 50% tip on such a huge bill!)

The Name Is A Sticking Point

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m a waiter at a local pizza place and am currently on the phone with a customer that is placing an order. They’ve ordered a special which enables them to get their choice of either breadsticks or cheese sticks.)

Me: “All right, sir, would you like the breadsticks or cheese sticks with your pizza?”

Customer: *after much thought* “”Hmm, you guys used to have these breadsticks that had cheese on them. Could I get those instead?”

Me: “Sir? Do you mean the cheese sticks?”

Customer: “No, no. The breadsticks with cheese!”

Me: *clicking the cheese sticks button* “Oh yeah, the breadsticks with cheese! I can do that for you!”

Customer: “Thank you! You have no idea how many other [Store]s don’t know what I’m talking about!”