November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

CPR = Criminally Poor Reaction

| USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

(I am sitting in a diner. A man, a teenage girl, a woman, and a few other diners are sitting there eating. Suddenly, the woman falls down and starts having a seizure.)

Man: “Everybody back. I know what to do. I’ll start CPR. Somebody call an ambulance.”

(He kneels next to the woman, whose head was cut on a railing when she fell and is bleeding, and gets ready to start CPR. Suddenly, the teenage girl yells out.)

Teenage Girl: “NO! STOP! Don’t do CPR!”

(She runs over.)

Teenage Girl: “Sir, move over and let me help.”

Man: “Little girl, you don’t know what you’re doing. Get out of the way and let me start CPR!”

Teenage Girl: *shoves him out of the way* “You don’t do CPR on a seizure patient.”

(She moves the woman away from the railing and cushions her head. It’s obvious she knows what she’s doing.)

Man: “Someone grab this b****! I need to start CPR before it’s too late!”

(He pulls the girl away and she fights back. By the time she gets free, the woman has stopped seizing. The girl puts her on her side and starts giving first aid. The woman starts breathing again and turns onto her back.)

Teenage Girl: “It’s over. I told you she didn’t need CPR.”

Man: “Okay, so you were right. Move over; I’ll take over now. I know what to do.”

Teenage Girl: “No chance, mister. She’s post-ictal, and you need to stay back in case she gets combative.”

(Luckily, the woman doesn’t start fighting. As the teenage girl keeps talking to her and takes her pulse, she eventually starts responding.)

Woman: “I’m [Woman].”

Teenage Girl: “Hi. I’m [Teenage Girl]. Do you remember what happened?”

Woman: “Yeah, I laid down, and then I woke up like this.”

Man: “YOU HAD A HEART ATTACK! You’ve got to remember that!”

Teenage Girl: “You had a seizure; it’s all right to not remember it. Does anything hurt?”

Woman: “Just my back and my neck.”

Teenage Girl: “All right. I’m going to ask you to lie still; you may have injured your back. You’re doing fine. Oh, here comes the ambulance.”

(The paramedics walk in with a stretcher and lift the woman onto it.)

Medic #1: “What happened here?”

Man: “I’ll tell you what happened. This lady fell over and started having a heart attack, and this little b**** wouldn’t let me do CPR. I’m amazed the woman survived. You should have her arrested! She could’ve killed someone!”

Teenage Girl: “No, it was a seizure. Lasted about 90 seconds; she fell and sustained a laceration to her head. I’d look at that and possible concussion. Post-ictal about two minutes, seems mostly oriented and is answering questions, pulse slightly elevated, no memory of the event. She did state she’s having some back and neck pain and she fell hard, so I’d take spinal precautions.”

Man: “Just listen to her! Pretending she knows what she’s doing! I’m calling the police!”

Medic #2: “Actually, she does know what she’s doing. Pretty well, in fact.”

Man: “And how exactly do you know that?”

Medic #2: “Because we’re going to be working on the same ambulance on her shift tonight.” *high-fives teenage girl*

(The teenage girl was in fact at EMT! The man was banned from the diner and arrested for grabbing the girl.)

Acting Childish

| NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month, Top

(It’s my first day working at a restaurant in town. I am a dishwasher, and am told to bring cups to the front because the waitresses are too busy. I pick up a tub filled with glasses, and open the kitchen door, which is right by the bathroom.)

Small Child: “I’M COMING MOM!”

(Suddenly I feel something small ram me in the middle of my back, and I topple to the floor, still holding the tub.)

Small Child: “OH MY GOD, MY LEG!”


(The child and his parent seek out the owner. They go into a rant about how I tried to kill the small child, while I have finished limping back to the kitchen. Eventually, the owner comes into the kitchen and pulls me aside, barely able to keep a straight face.)

Owner: “Look kid, I know it’s your first day, but you can’t go around trying to kill small children. I know they are a pain in the a**, but we usually go for crippling moves, not killing ones.”

(The owner grins and walks away, before stopping for a moment and turning around.)

Owner: “Oh, and [waitress] says you didn’t drop a single glass. Keep that up and you might stick around for a while.”

Piercing Judgments, Part 2

| New York, NY, USA | Bigotry, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance, Top

(I am a waiter in a high-class restaurant. In my section is a cute couple, and from the looks and blushing, it appears they’re on their first date. Both have several visible piercings, and from what I can see on the young woman, they both have tattoos. They’re talking quietly to each other, not disturbing anyone. I’m called over to a nearby table with a dining couple in their mid-forties.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, how may I help you?”

Diner: *loudly* “I want that disrespectful couple out!”

(The diner points to the other couple. Both look up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Diner: “Look at them! They’re disgusting! That woman shouldn’t be seen in public!”

(I see the young woman’s head go down.)

Diner: “And that man should be ashamed! They’re ruining the entire atmosphere!”

(Now both of the couple are looking at their plates. I can barely hear the young woman mumble to her date.)

Young Woman: “Maybe we should go…”

(Both start to stand. I motion for them to sit. I turn back to the loud diner.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you and your husband to leave.”

Diner: *scoffs* “What for?!”

Me: “For disturbing the peace, and ‘ruining the atmosphere.’ I will escort you to the door.”

Diner: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Alright, I’ll go get my manager and have him escort you out.”

(Sure enough, my manager agrees with me and makes the older couple leave.)

Woman: “You’ve just lost your best customers, you heathen!”

(The young couple thank me, and they get 10% off their check for their troubles. They come back every couple of months, requesting me. The last time they come in, there is a decent sized rock on the young woman’s finger.)

Piercing Judgments

A Whole New World

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

(I’m spending the summer with my grandmother in a small southern town, but I’m from Connecticut.)

Me: “Hello, I’m [name]. I’ll be your server today. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

Customer: *in a thick southern drawl* “What an unusual accent! Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from New England.”

Customer: “How lovely! I’ve always wanted to go to Europe!”

Being Extra Extra Extra Polite

, | Palmerston North, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(I’m working the drive thru.)

Me: “Hi there, please place your order when you’re ready, thanks.”

Customer: “Hi, could I get a [popular burger combo] with extra extra extra mayo, please?”

Me: “Sure, that was [burger] with add mayo?”

Customer: “Can you add more than that?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sure, I’ll add extra extra mayo. That’s [total], drive on up.”

(When the customer gets to the window, I pack up her order, and laugh. They’d written ‘+mayo +mayo +mayo’ all over the burger wrap.)

Me: “Here you go, miss, with extra extra extra mayo.”

Customer: “Thank you!” *opens up the bag, and laughs* “Or, should I say, thank you, thank you, thank you?”