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  • Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

    | Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

    Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

    Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, so plain?”

    Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

    Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

    Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

    Me: “No problem, sir.”

    Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

    Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

    Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

    Me:  ”Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

    Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

    (Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

    Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 8

    | Somerville, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

    Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for the her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

    Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “How the h*** can it be over 6 dollars? It’s on sale!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

    Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

    Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

    (Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    Lost In No Translation, Part 4

    | British Columbia, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in a small town where a cruise ship visits in the summer. Mind you, this is BC, Canada, so English is the main language spoken here, rather than French canadians in Quebec. Note that our entire conversation is in English.)

    Customer: “Hi! May I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Customer: “Do people speak French here?”

    Me: “Well, some people might, but it’s more of a second language here.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? Well, I think you’re speaking it very well, because I can understand you!”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer’s husband steps in.)

    Customer’s Husband: “She’s not speaking French, honey.”

    Customer: “…Oh.” *walks away*

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation, Part 3
    Lost In No Translation, Part 2
    Lost In No Translation

    Boss Like A Boss

    | Painted Post, NY, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I’m working at a well-known family diner. I am one of the gayest men you might ever meet and am serving two elderly ladies.)

    Me: “Hello, ladies! It is very nice to meet you. My name is [name]. You ladies look sharp today! What can I get you to drink?”

    (I take their drink order, return just moments later, and take their food order. They are acting completely fine, until…)

    Customer #1: “Here, honey, this is for you. You look like you need it.”

    (She hands me a book on how homosexuality is inappropriate and an abomination. I have faced this before, so to avoid conflict I give them the following response.)

    Me: “Oh, great! My girlfriend will love this!”

    Customer #2: “Oh, nevermind, honey. You won’t need that, then! You never know where these homos are hiding now a days!”

    (I start to tear a little bit. My manager happens to be gay as well and overhears this.)

    Manager: “HEY! I do not ever want you to lie to a customer just to avoid a conflict! You are one of my best employees, and I will not have some bigoted customers putting you down. Ma’ams, I would greatly appreciate it if you left my establishment and do not return. If you cannot handle him as a gay man, then you do not deserve him as a straight man!”

    Screaming Some Nonsense Can Lead To Slapping Some Sense

    , | USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working at a fast food restaurant when a man suddenly storms up to the counter, completely ignores the woman whose order I’m taking, and starts screaming obscenities at me.)

    Customer: “All you f***ing losers can go straight to h***!”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Every time I come here, it happens! You always get it wrong! I ordered this burger without tomato, and look at this! There’s a d*** tomato on it!”

    (He shoves the burger under my nose. I glance down and see that the burger isn’t ours, but our competitor’s, from across the street.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you ordered this at [competitor restaurant] across the way. You need to complain to them.”

    Customer: “I know what I’m talking about! I’m not a f***ing r*****!”

    (Suddenly, the other customer he cut in front of slaps him on the backside of the head. Note that the other customer is a woman and can’t be more than five feet tall and a hundred pounds.)

    Customer: “What the f***?!”

    Other Customer: “You deserved that. You’re being stupid. Get the h*** out of here!”

    Customer: “You telling me what to do, b****?!”

    (She slaps him again, this time on the face.)

    Other Customer: “Now, have you learned your lesson?”

    Customer: *suddenly meek* “Yes, ma’am.”

    Other Customer: “Good. Apologize.”

    Customer: “I’m… I’m sorry. I must’ve went to the wrong place.”

    (Dazed, the customer wanders out of the restaurant, leaving his burger behind. I gave the woman her meal for free!)

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