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    Herd Behavior

    | Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Top

    (My mom and I are flying home to California after staying with friends in Colorado. We have had to get up extremely early, and I have had a stressful week after dealing with a new friend. I should also mention I am a brony, meaning I like My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I am wearing a T-Shirt my best friend got me that says Ponyvengers with five ponies dressed up as the Avengers. We are stopping off to get some juice before we get on the plane home.)

    Me: “Hi! I’ll have [fruit drink].”

    Mom: “And I’ll have… a small [another drink].”

    Cashier: “You got it. Your total is [total].”

    (After my mom pays, the cashier walks backwards as he goes to make our drinks. My mom isn’t looking up. He motions to his chest and mouths ‘I love your shirt’. I give him a huge grin and thumbs up.)

    Mom: *to me* “Oh! I forgot to get water! Can you go get me some?

    Me: “Sure.”

    (She hands me some money. I grab two water bottles and put them on the counter, in front of the same cashier.)

    Cashier: *smiling widely* “It’s on the house.”

    Me: “Oh, wow! Thank you!”

    (As my mom and I are walking away with our drinks.)

    Mom: “He didn’t let you pay for the drinks?”

    Me: “Nope!”

    Mom: “Why?”

    Me: “Because he’s a fellow brony. It’s an automatic bond between us, even though we’ll probably never see each other again. Bronies care about each other, and since we had already paid for our drinks, he didn’t want to make us pay for anything else.”

    Mom: *confused* “Oh… seems odd to me.”

    Me: “That’s because you’re not part of the herd.”

    UK is OK

    | Alabama, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I’m British, white-skinned, blue/green-eyed, red-haired, Celtic. I’m studying in the U.S. and work at a restaurant part-time. It’s a small-ish town and most people there seem to be quite sweet and any comments on my accent have always been ones of surprise or complimentary.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, sir and madam, are you ready to order?”

    Customer #1: *confused* “I’m sorry, what?”

    Me: “Are you ready to order?”

    Customer #1: *looks at her husband, confused* “What did she say?”

    Customer #2: “Must be a foreigner not bothering to learn English.” *slowly and loudly* “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?”

    Me: *slowly and loudly* “YES, I DO, SIR. I ASKED IF YOU WERE READY TO ORDER.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, this is ridiculous! She doesn’t speak a word of English! Tell you what, all these foreigners are coming into America, taking American jobs from real Americans!”

    Customer #1: “Let’s find one who can understand us!”

    Me: “I can find someone else to take your order from you, if you’d prefer.”

    Customer #2: “Oh, she does speak English now!”

    Customer #1: “She was screwing with us the whole time! This is unacceptable! We don’t come here to be made fools of!”

    Customer #2: “Stupid foreigners coming in stealing our jobs and screwing up the American way of life!”

    Me: “If you’re worried about foreigners coming to America and stealing your livelihood and culture, you can take your complaints down to the nearest Native American reserve, where they will be more than happy to sympathise.”

    Customer #2: “How dare you?! You think you can come over here and disrespect the American people like that!”

    Customer #1: “We want the manager here now! I’ll have you fired and deported back to your own dirty country!”

    Me: “I’ll fetch him now for you.”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

    (Customer #1 & #2 rant excessively at him for employing foreigners who don’t speak English and disrespect Americans.)

    Manager: “Well, sorry to burst your bubble there, guys.” *gestures to me* “[My name] here is from the United Kingdom and arguably speaks better English than all of us. And she’s a valued employee so if it comes down to a choice between your custom and her working here, I’m a have to choose her over you two. Now get out of here!”

    (At this point, Customer #3, an old man with a thick southern accent, beckons me over.)

    Customer #3: “Hey, you, girlie.”

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer #3: “On behalf of the United States Of America, I just wanna apologise for the way those two morons just treated you. I been a citizen here for 78 years, an’ I ain’t never let nobody tell me howta treat people. I served alongside a British guy in a the last war and I never had a problem wi’ him. Far from it.”

    Me: “That’s so nice! Thank you!”

    Customer #3: “Woulda married him too if people like that wouldn’t make such a fuss about it.”

    A Weebly Weird Conversation

    , , | ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Musical Mayhem

    (I am waiting in line at a fast food restaurant. The couple behind me, who looks to be in their late twenties, are discussing their orders.)

    Guy: “Have you tried the bacon, mushroom and Swiss cheese burger?”

    Girl: “Yeah, it wasn’t bad, but I’m not a huge fan of mushrooms.”

    Guy: *starts singing super quietly* “Mushroom! Mushroom!”

    Girl: *also super quietly* “It’s a snake! A snaaaaaake! A snaaaaake!”

    Both: “Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger!”

    (They then go back to their conversation about various menu items, completely normal.)

    Why Nurses Should Rule The World, Part 2

    | Henderson, SC, USA | Awesome Customers, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body, Top

    (I am out to breakfast with some friends from work.)

    Me: “Excuse me, do you know if the cook uses milk to make the omelets or just eggs?”

    Waitress: “Just eggs. Are you allergic to milk?”

    Me: “No, but I am lactose intolerant and I forgot to bring my meds.”

    (We all order our food. However, after the waitress leaves, I overhear someone from the table next to us asking for a manager.)

    Another Customer: *loudly* “I want to complain about that waitress. I heard her interrogating that poor woman about her personal medical issues! I’m a doctor and I know you can’t just ask people about things like that! It’s against the law! She could sue you!”

    Me: *to the other customer* “Excuse me, before things get out of hand here, I’m the person she’s talking about. First of all, our waitress asked if I had an allergy to milk. It was a good question considering I made a point of asking if some of your foods have milk in it. If I was really allergic, the kitchen would have to take extra precautions to avoid anaphylaxis. Secondly, there’s no such law that I know of unless you’re talking about the laws in place to protect your private health information from being accessed by other people without your permission. I don’t see how those would apply in this case.”

    Another Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? What are you, some kind of lawyer, smarta**?”

    My Friend: “No, ‘doctor,’ she’s some kind of nurse.”

    (We all pulled out our hospital IDs. The “doctor” shut up after that. The manager thanked us for clearing things up and left, and our waitress gave us a free round of cheesecake with a free lactose-free muffin for me!)

    Related:
    Why Nurses Should Rule The World

    Demanding Bacon And Acting Like A Pig

    , | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working drive-thru just before close, and my dad and little sisters are waiting in the dining room for me to finish. My brother also works with me. A customer pulls up; I notice him and his friends are all drinking alcohol.)

    Customer: “Can I please have a burger with bacon?”

    Me: “Sure, that will be [price].”

    (Customer pays and drives to the last window, which I let the manager know over the headset he is drinking and may want to inform the police. As this is my last car, I go and get changed and head home. I walk past the drive-thru window and start to head to the dining room.)

    Customer: “Oi! You! I said I wanted f***ing bacon!”

    (Clearly intoxicated, he gets out of his car and JUMPS through the drive-thru window with his beer and burger, where my manager and brother try and grab him. He smashes the beer over my manager’s head and into the fry station. My dad quickly calls the police and ambulance and grabs the guy. His friends drive off leaving him there, with my dad holding him down. Meanwhile, the manager has recovered and walks over to my dad.)

    Manager: “Thanks, mate! You can have a free meal for your whole family next time you’re in here!”

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