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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Thou Shall Find Lovecraft Online, Ramen

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Religion, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m a waitress in a popular buffet chain restaurant. I am serving a middle aged customer who is wearing a shirt that has a picture of Cthulhu and the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a heart. Beneath it is the caption ‘we met on the internet’.)

    Me: “That’s a great shirt!”

    Woman: “Thanks. I think it says a lot about the kind of people you find on the internet.”

    Me: “How do you mean?”

    Woman: “You know, how there’s nothing but monsters online.”

    To see the t-shirt design mentioned in this story, visit the NotAlwaysRomantic Extras section, which can be found here!

    Modern Scammers Work Double Time

    , | WI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m a crew member at a fast food joint, while my uncle is the general manager at a sit down restaurant across the street. I’m working drive thru.)

    Customer: “Hi, I just came through a few minutes ago, and my burger was all wrong, plus my fries were cold.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Just come up to the window, and we’ll get it all fixed up.”

    (She pulls up, and I don’t recognize her at all. I don’t see a bag from us in her car either.)

    Customer: “I also didn’t get my soda either.”

    (Now I know she’s lying, because I’ve been in drive thru all day, and I never poured an extra soda. My manager just says screw it and give her what she wants. After I got off, I went up to my uncle’s restaurant to sit and chat. I tell him about the woman.)

    Me: “I would have noticed someone wearing fleece pants in this heat!”

    Uncle: “Uh… I’m pretty sure she came here.

    Me: “WHAT!”

    Uncle: “This lady came in. She was wearing fleece pants and a college sweatshirt. I see her looking at a menu. I speak up, and she says her salad was wrong and her wings were cold. I don’t recognize her from before. I ask for a receipt, and she doesn’t have one. I ask what kind of salad and what kind of wings. She looks at the menu for a few more minutes. I just wanted to get her out because we had big orders in the kitchen. So she got about $25 out of me.”

    Me: “You did better than me! She got $7 from us! Did you forget her soda?”

    Uncle: “YES! Yes, we did!”

    Link, Nyu, And Sephiroth Walk Into A Bar…

    , | Derby, England, UK | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (There’s an anime convention near to where I work. A bunch of them come in while I’m on the front counter. All of them are in costume.)

    Me: “Great costumes, guys! You had a good day?”

    (Link from Legend Of Zelda is the first to speak up.)

    Link: “Yeah, it’s been amazing, thanks!”

    (I spot one of their friends, a disabled girl, dressed as one of my favorite characters. I call out to her.)

    Me: “Oh, wow! It’s Nyu! You look adorable! I think you win for best costume of the day!”

    Link: “Thanks for that; no one has guessed correctly all day and she’s been pretty upset about it! I think you pretty much just made her day!”

    Me: “My pleasure!”

    (I turn to the girl.)

    Me: “No one could guess your costume, sweetie? Guess they don’t watch the cool shows, huh?”

    (The girl smiles, and begins to answer, but she’s cut off by a random customer who’s come storming over towards us.)

    Customer: “Alright, that’s enough of that! I’M here now, so you can stop catering to that [disabled slur] and show me some respect!”

    Me: “Sir! Please, there’s no need to be so harsh to another customer! If you do not tone it down a little, I will have to ask you to leave!”

    Customer: “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why the f*** should I tone it down?! SHE shouldn’t be here, and YOU should start showing me more respect, b****, or I’ll see what your manager has to say about this!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I was always taught that respect was earned, and that you must always respect others. Since you are unable to do this to me or this poor girl you have insulted, then I have no reason to show YOU any respect. Please leave.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F—”

    (He cuts himself off as he suddenly finds himself surrounded by various different anime and game heroes, all complete with replica weapons.)

    Sephiroth: “I believe the lady asked you to leave, so scram.”

    (The guy all but runs out of the store. ‘Link’ pulls out an ocarina, and plays a medley of various video game songs for me as a thank you. It makes my night!)

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    Superman, Rocky Balboa And ABBA Walk Into A Bar

    The Convergence Of Kindnesses

    | UT, USA | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Military, Top

    (I am tending to my customers’ needs, and watching the front door. A customer enters and asks for a table. I seat him and get him a cup of coffee.)

    Customer: “How far is it to Quebec?”

    Me: “I honestly have no idea, sir. But, if you don’t mind my asking, why are you heading there?”

    Customer: “Well, I have to be at work by tomorrow, and I’m sure I would have made it if the tire hadn’t come off my truck.”

    (He looks over the menu, orders, and receives his meal. As I am putting in another order on the computer, the father of the family seated at the table beside the other man approaches me.)

    Father: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes, sir? Is there something I can help you with?”

    Father: “Has the man beside us ordered yet?”

    (The customer with the car problems is clearly of East Indian descent, and I immediately fear that this other man is about to make some racist comment.)

    Me: “Is there some kind of problem, sir?”

    Father: “No, not at all. But I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind putting his dinner on our bill.”

    (I am pleasantly surprised by this, and get into the computer to add the unfortunate customer’s check to the families. The family leaves soon after. When I next check on the customer, he has finished eating.)

    Me: “Is there anything else I can do for you tonight, sir?”

    Customer: “No, I’m fine, thanks. Just the bill, if you please.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m pleased to say that the family seated beside you earlier asked to pick up your bill.”

    Customer: “Did they really?”

    Me: *smiling* “Yes.”

    Customer: *smiling* “You know, it really makes me glad to know that there are still good, kind people in the world. It gives you hope.”

    (Not having anything else to do, I take some time to sit and listen to the man, as he’s expressed a desire to tell me why he’s on his way to Quebec. After having served as a soldier for some time, he grew tired of feeling as though he were living a double life, having to keep secrets from his loved ones so as to fulfill his duties. He then decided to leave the service, receiving a dishonorable discharge and losing nearly everything he owned in the process. During his time of service, he lived in Quebec and met a young woman who befriended him and showed him that there was more to life than simply having money and material possessions. The two of them ended up in a relationship that was cut short because of his constant dedication to his duties, and she claimed that it had grown hard to trust him.)

    Customer: “So, I’m heading back to Quebec to see her. I have nothing left to lose but her, and I’m going to take up a job as a mechanic, get a place for the two of us, and ask her to marry me.”

    (At this point, I am nearly in tears.)

    Customer: “But that’s where I’m unsure. I don’t know if she’ll want to marry someone like me.”

    (We talk a bit more, and I tell him that, in the time I’ve spent listening and chatting with him, he seems like a very good person, and that giving up his pension and career in the service for this woman speaks very strongly about his character. After a while, he goes out to his truck, and returns with a coin.)

    Customer: “I told them that I didn’t care. I told them that I was tired of living a lie. They laughed in my face and gave me this. They told me to find someone who gave a s***.”

    (The customer hands me a foreign coin and smiles.)

    Customer: “So those are the words I live by: ‘Find something to give a s*** about’.”

    (As he walks to the door, he thanks me, and I wish him all the luck in the world. This night at work really emphasized two things for me: A little kindness goes a long way, and if you give a s*** about something, you won’t give up on it. Whoever you are, sir, I truly wish you the best. I hope that the woman you love sees just how much you care about her, and that the two of you can spend your lives together. And to the man who paid for his meal, I will never forget the kindness you offered to another in need.)

    A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie, Part 2

    | MO, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

    (I’m working at the cash register of a pizza place. A customer storms in and demands his pizza.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir, it seems I don’t have anything in here by that name or phone number. Are you sure you called the right store?”

    Customer: “YES! The person who took my order refused to honor this coupon, and so I hung up on them!”

    Me: “Well, sir, that’s probably why it isn’t in here. Should I place a new order?”

    Customer: “Fine! But I want it delivered to my house!”

    (The customer proceeds to place the order, as more customers are lining up and watching the spectacle. I read him the final total.)

    Customer: “That’s not the total! What is wrong with you people?! Can’t anyone do math? It says here I get two pizzas for $11.95.”

    Me: “Actually sir, it’s two pizzas for $11.95 each. Do you still want to place the order?”

    (Everyone is watching at this point. The customer throws the coupon at me.)

    Customer: “WHAT DOES THIS SAY?”

    Me: “Two pizzas for $11.95 each, no limit, expires [date].”

    (The customer’s tail is between his legs, and he’s red with embarrassment. With an entire crowd watching, he reluctantly mumbles and pays the bill.)

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    A Thick Slice Of Humble Pie

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