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    Teaching A Righteous Dimwit Is Stressful

    , | USA | Geeks Rule, Language & Words

    (My friend and I are really big Doctor Who fans, and we are also crafty. One day, she makes me a T.A.R.D.I.S. bracelet out of duct tape. FYI: the T.A.R.D.I.S. is the Doctor’s transport and is in the shape of big, blue police box. I am working in the drive-thru when this took place.)

    Me: “Hello, that is going to be [price].”

    Customer: *hands me her money*

    Me: “Your change is [amount].”

    Customer: “What an interesting bracelet!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you. A friend of mine made it.”

    Customer: “What is it supposed to be?”

    (I’m holding my hand out so that she can take a better look at it.)

    Me: “It’s a Tardis.”

    Customer: *blank look*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “That is just terrible!”

    Me: “Huh?”

    Customer: “Using the ‘R’ word isn’t bad enough for you kids? Now you have to come up with some slang term? That is terrible!”

    Me: “The… ‘R’ word?”

    Customer: “RETARD!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the Tardis is a shop from a sci-fi show… not slang for retard.”

    Customer: “Don’t you give me any excuses, little missy. You are in a lot of trouble. Wearing something to promote calling retards retarded is despicable. I need to speak to your manager!”

    (Despite trying to explain otherwise, my manager had to give her a free coupon to keep her from calling corporate to complain. I also can’t wear the bracelet to work anymore. It sometimes sucks being a nerdy girl in a small town.)

    Not Seeing The Problem Here

    | Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (I am a server at a rather nice restaurant in the downtown area. It’s New Year’s Eve and a couple in their forties are enjoying the after-meal cocktails while waiting for the midnight fireworks.)

    Me: “How are the drinks?”

    Customer: “Great, thanks.”

    Me: “Anything else that I can get for you at the moment?”

    Customer: “I’m fine.”

    Customer’s Wife: “I’ll have another glass of wine, please.”

    Me: “No problem at all—”

    Customer: “You know, I really hate people that use that term ‘No problem.’ It’s as if to say you doing your job is an inconvenience. You should just do it.”

    Me: “My apologies, sir. It’s merely a turn of phrase. I will get your drink right away.”

    (I walk off, a little irritated, but otherwise still smiling. Some time goes by without incident and this table continues to get drinks up until close, at which point the customer approaches me as I’m doing some side work.)

    Customer: “Hey, I think I was being a bit of a jerk earlier with that whole “No problem” thing. My wife made me come over and apologize.”

    Me: “Oh, it’s fine, sir.”

    Customer: “No, really, I’m sorry about that!”

    Me: *without thinking* “It’s no problem, sir.”

    (We both realize what I’ve said and the the customer stares at me, but he bites his tongue and shakes my hand before walking away. His wife just behind him? Cracking up!)

    Waste Lots, Want Not

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink

    (This conversation takes place about 10 minutes before closing time.)

    Customer: “Why are half the bowls empty? I paid my money; I want them to be full!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am but there are some salads that can’t be kept overnight for health reasons so we discard them at the end of service. As we close in 10 minutes, we run them as low as possible to reduce wastage.”

    Customer: “That’s not good enough.”

    Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am. If you could let me know which salads in particular you would like to try, I can replace them for you.”

    Customer: “No. I want you to fill everything. I should be able to pick which ones I want to eat.”

    Me: “Just to be clear, you want me to completely fill half the bar so you can have a few servings, even though it’s all going to be thrown out in 10 minutes?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Have It X-Ray

    , | Ontario, Canada | Crazy Requests

    (I work in a fast food restaurant that opened less than a year ago. Our phone number used to belong to an outpatient X-Ray and ultrasound clinic.)

    Me: “Hello, [fast food restaurant].”

    Caller: “I’m calling the results of my X-ray.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this is [restaurant]. We don’t do X-rays here.”

    Caller: “I just need my results.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have them here.”

    Caller: “Who are you?!”

    Me: “This is [restaurant].”

    Caller: “What do you have there?”

    Me: “We are a fast food place. We sell mainly hamburgers.”

    Caller: “Well, I don’t need that! You sure don’t have my results there?”

    Me: “Very sure.”

    Caller: “Well, do you know who has them?”

    Me: “Your family doctor, maybe?”

    Caller: “Do you have their number?”

    Me: “…I’m sorry, but no, I don’t.”

    Caller: “Well, you’re no help!” *hangs up*

    Voracity Is The Mother Of Intervention

    | Ontario, Canada | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (This occurs when I’m bringing desserts and coffee to a table with two customers—one middle-aged woman and one elderly woman.)

    Me: “Here you go. Is there anything else I can get for you ladies?”

    Middle-aged Customer: “An extra fork, please.”

    Me: “I’ll get you one right away.”

    (After I return with her fork…)

    Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, but my coffee is far too strong.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “…and old. I tried some, and it’s clearly been sitting for a long time.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about the strength, although I actually made that coffee after you ordered it. I can make you another less strong one if you’d like.”

    Elderly Customer: “Yes, please.”

    (I leave, make her a new coffee at half-strength and come back to return it, at which point they’ve eaten all of their dessert.)

    Me: “Here you go.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Excuse me, but the mango cheesecake was far too sweet.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that. The cheesecake is something they make in the kitchen, but I’ll certainly let them know for you.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Could I maybe get a discount on it, or have it for free because of that?”

    Me: “Um… I can ask the chef for you, but I don’t think he’ll say yes, since you finished the whole thing.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Well, I didn’t mention this earlier, but my dinner was also too salty.”

    Me: “Again, I can let them know, and ask about a discount, but you ate the whole thing, so I doubt I’ll be allowed to reduce the price for you.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “The scallops in it were mushy, too!”

    Me: “Well, they were breaded scallops and the dish you ordered was very saucy. It’s unfortunately unavoidable that they’d get somewhat soft from the sauce. Again, I can talk to the kitchen for you, but I doubt there’ll be any result.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Hmm…” *to the elderly customer* “Did we order any appetizers?”

    Elderly Customer: “The appetizer was delicious, you said so yourself. Now stop trying to get freebies and let the poor girl go do her job. There’s other people at other tables that you’re keeping her from helping by holding her here with all your complaints.”

    Middle-aged Customer: “Fine! That’s everything. Just bring us the bill.”

    (As I leave to go to the kitchen and deliver her complaints, I hear the elderly customer berating the middle-aged one.)

    Elderly Customer: “Shame on you, a grown woman! I didn’t raise you to be a greedyguts!”

    Related:
    Necessity Is The Mother Of Intervention

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