(Our snack bar sell typical snack bar type stuff, like popcorn and pretzels, as well as pizzas. Two clearly foreign women come to the counter and look at the menu for a few moments.)
Me: “What can I get you tonight?”
Customer #1: “You have pizza?”
Me: “Yes, I have a cheese pizza coming out of the oven in just a minute, and a pepperoni ready right now.”
Customer #1: “You have wedgie?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer #2: “You have wedgie deluxe?”
Me: “I don’t think so.”
(I suddenly realize that they’re trying to say ‘Veggie’.)
Me: “No, we don’t. We only have cheese and pepperoni.”
Customer #1: “No wedgie toppings?”
Me: *trying very hard not to crack up laughing* “No, sorry, just cheese and pepperoni.”
(They thank me and walk away. A few moments later, they return and order the cheese pizza.)
Customer #1: “You should get wedgie. I love it.”
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Me: “Hi, how are you today?”
Customer: “Yes, I would like an oompa loompa.”
Me: “Oompa loompa?”
Customer: “Yes, one of those caramel apple oompa loompas!”
Me: “Do you mean an empinada?”
Customer: “That’s exactly what I said.”
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Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager it will go off as soon as the table is set.”
Customer: “Ok, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”
Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”
Customer: “Alright, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”
Me: *pause* “Please…just…don’t.”
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Me: “Hello sir, welcome to [fast food]. What would you like today?”
Customer: *stares wide-eyed for a few moments* “Well, aren’t you the most adorable creature I have ever seen!”
Me: “Thank you, sir. Can I interest you in our special today?”
Customer: “I could just steal you and take you home in my wallet to live in my basement! My wife doesn’t like the basement, but it can be quite homey!”
Me: “That’s nice, sir.”
Customer: “Hurry! Into my wallet before anyone else decides to steal you!”
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2,667 Thumbs Up!)
Customer: “I’ll take the southwestern burger, but absolutely no mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”
(I go back to the kitchen to let the cook know of the allergy. This means they have to clean every cooking utensil and grill that may have touched a mushroom. After stopping service for ten minutes to clean, the cook lets me know of some complications.)
Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed all allergens from the cooking area but the cook has let me know that the bun for your burger is toasted on the same toaster as the mushroom focaccia and can’t be cleaned. We can grill it on the grill for you instead?”
Customer: “That’s fine. No mushrooms. I’m allergic.”
(I return to the kitchen, and the cook is meticulously going through our ingredients to make sure no other issues arise. He finds
another.)
Me: “Ma’am, sorry to bother you again. But the salsa on your burger doesn’t list all of the ingredients so better safe than sorry; we didn’t put the salsa on the burger.”
Customer: “Why not? I want the salsa!”
Me: “But it probably has chopped mushrooms.”
Customer: “I don’t care. I’m not really allergic. I just really don’t like them.”
(The cook nearly killed me when I went back to tell him.)
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3,898 Thumbs Up!)
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