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    Eye Can’t Believe It

    , | Annapolis, MD, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant's name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have—”

    (The customer finally makes eye contact and then stares at me for a couple of seconds.)

    Me: “Ma’am? Is everything all right?”

    Customer: “Your eyes…”

    (I typically get compliments on my blue eyes, so I just smile.)

    Me: “Thank you. What can I get for you?”

    (The customer is still transfixed on my eyes.)

    Customer: *slowly* “Are… they real?”

    Me: “Um, yes.”

    Customer: “Are they yours?”

    Me: *laughing* “No, I stole them from a corpse.”

    (I realize that she thinks I’m serious.)

    Me: “They’re my real eyes! I was born with them.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Positive.”

    Customer: *orders and quickly leaves, staring cautiously at my eyes the whole time*

    Related:
    An Eye For An Eyepatch

    In The Wrong Place At The Right Time

    | PA, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m busing tables at a small, family owned restaurant. There is another restaurant about fifteen minutes away with the same name, so we sometimes get mix ups. We are just started to slow down after a fairly busy dinner rush when I overhear the hostess talking to a customer.)

    Hostess: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I placed an order with you guys and I’m here to pick it up.”

    (The hostess checks but sees no order for her.)

    Hostess: “I’m not seeing any order under your name. Are you sure you didn’t accidentally call [other restaurant] instead?”

    Customer: “How DARE you accuse me of being that dumb? Of course I called here! You just can’t do your job right. Look in the back; I’m sure they have it!”

    (The hostess goes to the back waitress station but doesn’t find it. She decides to call the other restaurant, and, sure enough, they have her order.)

    Hostess: “Ma’am, I just called the other restaurant and they have your order. If you’d like, we can put your order in now but it won’t be done for another fifteen minutes.”

    Customer: “NO! I need my food now! Give me someone else’s. I have stuff to do!”

    Hostess: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. You can either drive fifteen minutes to the other restaurant, or you can wait fifteen minutes and get it here.”

    Customer: “Hmph, fine! I guess I’ll wait, but this is the worst service I’ve ever had!”

    (As she waits, the customer stands at the counter while tapping her her foot and staring at her watch. When her food is finally finished, she tears it out of the hostess hands and storms out.)

    Customer: “I’M NEVER COMING TO THIS S***HOLE AGAIN!”

    Next Customer: *to the hostess* “…and we’re all very thankful for that!”

    Deluded About Rude

    | Arkansas, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’ve just made a food order that costs less than $10. The customer pays with a $50 bill.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry. This is so rude.”

    Me: *laughing politely* “Don’t worry about it, sir. It’s not rude at all. I’ve had people order a sandwich for $6.50 and pay with a $100 bill. That’s rude.”

    Customer: “That is rude. That’s VERY rude. But this is rude as well!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t think it’s rude, sir.”

    (I give him his change and order number.)

    Customer: “Um, where do I get my drink?”

    (This is a very common question, as our drinks are self-serve.)

    Me: “Your cup is in that blue rack next to the Coke machine.”

    Customer: *to a random customer as he walks away* “You see? I’m so stupid I couldn’t even figure out where the cups are!”

    You Just Got Schooled

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | School

    (This happens to a coworker after having an issue with an order.)

    Customer: “That took long enough. This is why you should have gone to college!”

    Coworker: “I’m only 16.”

    Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t have dropped out, then!”

    Coworker: “I didn’t. I’m still in school.”

    Customer: “I… uh… have a nice day.” *leaves embarrassed*

    Related:
    Gettin’ Schooled, Kindergarten Style
    Pantzilla Gets Schooled

    Her Bark Is As Bad As Her Bite

    , | NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    (I usually work in the drive-thru of our store.  At least once a day, often twice, a regular customer comes through. We all recognise her car.  She has a chihuahua that sits on her lap that snaps at us whenever we reach near the car.)

    Coworker: “It’s her again. Please, will you hand out her coffee? I’m so scared of that dog!”

    (I walk to the window and hold the regular’s food out, but far enough from her car that the dog can’t get close to me.)

    Me: “Good morning!  Here’s your food, and I’ll just grab your coffee. ”

    (I hold out the coffee, again further away from her car than normal. Suddenly, the dog lunges and almost bites my hand. I accidentally drop the coffee as I jump back, away from her and the dog.)

    Customer: *to her dog* “My poor darling, my baby! Oh, are you okay? Did the mean lady scare you? Did she burn you with the hot coffee?” *to me* “If you burnt my dog, I’ll get your stupid a** fired!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry. I’ll replace your coffee right away, but just a suggestion: perhaps this wouldn’t happen if you sat your dog in the passenger’s seat?”

    Customer: “The nerve you have, thinking you know how to look after my precious little pumpkin! She’s MY dog, not yours! MUMMA KNOWS WHAT’S BEST!”

    (I quickly grab the coffee, and hold it as far away from her and the dog as I can.)

    Customer: *snatches her drink and drives off*

    Coworker: *to me* “Sorry!”

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