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    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2

    | Toronto, Canada | Food & Drink

    (I am serving at a very busy restaurant downtown with a very large patio. Outside the patio entrance, there is a big red stop sign that reads, “Please wait to be seated”. Two customers, in their late 20s walk past the sign and rudely ignore the hostess’ calls to stop. They sit down at a dirty table. I walk up to the table and start stacking the empty glasses from previous guests.)

    Me: “Hello—”

    Customer: “REAL NICE! We came here for a nice lunch and have to sit at a dirty table?! Unbelievable!”

    Me: “Sorry about that, folks. We’re really busy and the guests from this table just left less than a minute ago. Let me take care of that for—”

    Customer: “Is that supposed to be some kind of excuse?! How hard is your job, really?! What a joke! You’d think you people would have some kind of system to address these things!”

    Me: “Again, I’m very sorry. Normally we clean a table before the next guest is seated by our hostess, but you seem to have seated yourself so let me take care of that for—“

    Customer: “Who?! That rude little girl that yelled at us on the way in?!”

    (At this point I’m holding a stack four or five pint glasses in one hand, a billfold from the last table in the other, four menus under my arm, and trying to keep table 44′s apps and drink order in my head.)

    Me: “Ma’am, she didn’t yell at you. She plainly said, ‘Excuse me’ to try and get your attention.”

    Customer: *scoffs and YANKS the menus out from under my arm*

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s not exactly polite walk past the sign, ignore the host, and be upset that YOU sat yourself at a dirty table.”

    Customer: “Sign? What sign?!”

    Me: “The big one at the front that says, ‘Please wait to be seated.’”

    Customer: “Yeah, well what if I told you I can’t read? Huh? Then what?!”

    Me: “Well, that’s why it’s red and shaped like an octagon so you’ll associate it with ‘Stop.’”

    Customer: *smugly* “Yeah?! Well, maybe I’m color blind too!”

    Me: “Well then, sweetie, it sounds like you’re gonna have a really tough time with our menu.”

    (I walk away before she has a chance to respond. I eventually circle back to their table with two kiddie paper coloring menus and crayons. A few minutes later, they are gone but have scrawled a note on the back of the kiddie menu. This is exactly what it said:)

    Customer’s Note: “YOUR A A**HOLL WERER NEVER COMMING BACK AGAN”

    (It was also followed by a very crude scribble that a coworker and I later concluded had to be an attempt to draw male genitalia.)

    Related:
    Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves

    Moon Over My Chevy

    | Crossville, TN, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Transportation

    (I work as a waitress in a small restaurant where the owner is the cook. We see a van pull in, so the owner/cook goes to the kitchen to get things ready. However, after several minutes, no one comes inside so the owner comes back out.)

    Owner: “I guess they’re meeting someone.”

    Me: “Yeah… oh, wait. There’s a kid.”

    (I watch from behind the register as a young boy, probably 5 years old, walks in front of their van and just stands there, facing the car. I look away for a second to see if another has pulled in and when I look back I see the boy’s bare butt.)

    Me: “What is he doing? Changing clothes?”

    Owner: “No, I think he’s flashing us.”

    Me: “What?!” *I stand on my tippy toes to see more clearly* “Oh no! No!”

    Owner: “What? What’s he doing?”

    Me: “He’s PEEING on the hood of their car!”

    (Sure enough, instead of bring their kid inside to use the bathroom before they ordered food, the parents must have figured their hood was good enough. I’d hate to be their mechanic!)

    Caught With Your Hand In The Cookie Case

    , | California, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A kid who I barely know from high school comes into the store where I work.)

    Kid: “Hey, [my name], give me something free!”

    Me: “No. Did you actually want to order something?”

    Kid: “Depends. Can I at least have a discount?”

    Me: “No.”

    (The kid then proceeds to reach his hand inside the display case where the cookies are held. I notice this and shove the cookie tray against the case, causing his hand to be trapped.)

    Me: “Take your hand out of there and leave before I call the cops.”

    Kid: “But it’s stuck!”

    Me: “I don’t care. Get your hand out now!”

    (He pulls his hand out and ends up leaving with out ordering anything. Thankfully, he was never seen at our store again.)

    Some Customers Are Asking For It

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a coffee, a burger, and a muffin.”

    Me: “Okay, what size coffee would you like?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “Any cream or sugar in that?”

    Customer: “Double double.”

    Me: “And what kind of muffin would you like?”

    Customer: “Do you have to ask so many questions?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s hard when you don’t specify anything you want.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding?! I told you very clearly a coffee, a muffin, a burger!”

    Me: “Yes, but you didn’t tell me what size, how you like the coffee, what muffin, and what burger, and as you can see there are a few different—”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

    Manager: “I’m right here. If you’d like a large black coffee, a bran muffin, and a bacon cheese burger, then we don’t have to ask you any more questions.”

    Customer: “That’s not what I want at all!”

    Manager: “Then let’s answer the questions and stop complaining, shall we?”

    Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

    | Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

    Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

    Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, so plain?”

    Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

    Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

    Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

    Me: “No problem, sir.”

    Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

    Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

    Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

    Me:  ”Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

    Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

    (Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

    Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

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