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  • There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

    , | NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

    (My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

    Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

    Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

    Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

    Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

    Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

    Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

    Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

    Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

    Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

    Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    (Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

    Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

    (My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

    This Customer’s Spirit Is Unsinkable

    , | Derbyshire, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Movies & TV, Top

    (I am quite well-spoken and have what many people refer to as a ‘posh’ accent.)

    Me: “Alright, so that will be £24, please!”

    Customer: “You’re far too posh to be working in a place like this!”

    Me: “Why, thank you! I do tend to hear that rather often! I’ve got to pay my way through university somehow, I suppose.”

    Customer: “Ooh yes! You sound just like that Kate Winslet!”

    Me: “Um, thank you! Have a good night!”

    (About one week passes, when the customer comes through again, this time with her entire family in tow.)

    Customer: “It’s Kate Winslet!”

    Me: “Hello again! How are you all this evening?”

    Customer: “I’d be better if you could just talk at my kids a second!”

    Me: “Okay then. I mean, what would you like me to say?”

    Customer: “They’ve been watching Titanic all week getting ready for this. Say that bit when she’s stuck on the door at the end!”

    Me: “Um… ‘I’ll never let go, Jack!’”

    Customer: *to her kids* “Ha! Didn’t I tell you she sounded just like her?!”

    Me: “Well, I’m glad you liked it. Is there anything else I can help you all with tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh, no thank you, darling. Just stay as you are. It’s so nice to be served by people that are just so happy!”

    (These customers are now regulars, who not only ask me to quote Titanic every time they come through, but also got one of my coworkers to do the ‘Gangnam Style’ dance.)

    He’s Obviously Just Wingin’ It

    | Georgia, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I serve a customer some food, specifically wings and fries. He approaches me with his meal; two of the wings are badly hidden in the fries.)

    Customer: “Hey man, you didn’t give me two wings. Cook them again!”

    Me:” I’m sure that I gave you the order just like you asked.”

    Customer: “Yo man, I told you! I have two f***ing wings missin’! How the f*** do you know that I be gettin’ all my wings?!”

    Me: “I also cook the food, sir.”

    Customer: “THAT DON’T MEAN NUTTIN!”

    Me: “I count before, during, and after food preparation. I guarantee you, you got what you ordered.”

    Customer: “NO I DIDN’T!”

    Me: “Okay, then please explain why there are chicken bones in the fries, and why you have hot sauce on your lips.”

    Customer: *flips me the bird and storms out of the store*

    Not Specifying Spices Can Spark Speculation

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I work a popular sub sandwich chain. I’m finishing up a customer’s sandwich with vegetables and condiments.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else?”

    Customer: “Yeah, some peppers.”

    (Note: the customer is very clearly pronouncing the “s” in “peppers.” We have bell peppers, pepperoncinis, and jalapeños.)

    Me: “Which kind?”

    Customer: “Peppers.”

    Me: “Which kind of peppers?”

    Customer: “PEP-PERS. PEPPERS!”

    Me: “Yes, but which kind?”

    Customer: “Freaking black peppers! Right there in the shaker! The only peppers you have!”

    Me: “Oh, pepper! I’m sorry, I thought you were talking about the veggies.”

    Customer: “Why would peppers be a vegetable?! It’s just little black flakes!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *to her companion* “Dumb b****!”

    The Proof Is In The Toppings

    | Georgia, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m working at a popular sandwich chain during a busy dinner rush. Two men, one of which is much older than the other, approach the counter. The younger man orders two footlongs while the older one hangs back, so I figure they are for the both of them. After I finish, I attempt to move on to the next customer.)

    Older Customer: “EXCUSE ME, are you just gonna f***in’ skip me?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought your order was finished. What can I get for you?”

    Older Customer: “I want two footlong clubs on white bread, double meat.”

    (I get the bread out, cut it, and realize that the kind of sandwich he requested has slipped my mind.)

    Me: “Sir, can you remind me what kind of sandwiches you wanted?”

    Older Customer: “I JUST f***in’ told you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s just been a very long day, sir. It slipped my mind. I remember you wanted double meat, though.”

    Older Customer: “I ain’t holdin’ your hand, little girl. You better remember f***in’ quick.”

    (Luckily for me, the younger man steps in, looking apologetic, and tells me.)

    Older Customer: “What’re you doin’? These monkeys need to learn better!”

    (I remain quiet and begin making the sandwiches. Note: a regular club sandwich is made with four slices turkey folded, fourslices roast beef folded, and two slices of ham laid flat. To save time, I usually take two slices of meat together and add them like that, as is the case here.)

    Older Customer: “That’s not double meat.”

    Me: “Yes it is, sir…”

    (I explain the sandwich formula to him and show the amount of meat on the bread.)

    Older Customer: “It doesn’t look like double meat to me.”

    Me: “I’ve already shown you that it is, sir.”

    Older Customer: “Double meat means double meat!”

    Me: “I gave you double meat. I’ve already explained that.”


    (Suddenly, my coworker running the register jumps in, pulls our sandwich-making reference sheet off the sneeze-guard, and shoves it in the older customer’s face.)

    Coworker: “As you can see, sir, this is the proper formula for a club. Why don’t we just make sure your sandwich has exactly double of that?”

    (My coworker grabs a piece of deli paper and, piece by piece, disassembles the sandwich while loudly counting the slices and then places them on the paper. The older customer looks very embarrassed, while everyone in line who isn’t pissed off is snickering wildly—even his young companion.)

    Older Customer: “OKAY! OKAY! I BELIEVE YOU! JUST MOVE ON!”

    Coworker: “Are you sure? I could count it again if you aren’t.”

    Older Customer: *mumbles* “D*** b****es!”

    (On the plus side, he kept completely silent for the rest of the transaction with his head down.)

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