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    Caught With Your Hand In The Cookie Case

    , | California, USA | Criminal/Illegal

    (A kid who I barely know from high school comes into the store where I work.)

    Kid: “Hey, [my name], give me something free!”

    Me: “No. Did you actually want to order something?”

    Kid: “Depends. Can I at least have a discount?”

    Me: “No.”

    (The kid then proceeds to reach his hand inside the display case where the cookies are held. I notice this and shove the cookie tray against the case, causing his hand to be trapped.)

    Me: “Take your hand out of there and leave before I call the cops.”

    Kid: “But it’s stuck!”

    Me: “I don’t care. Get your hand out now!”

    (He pulls his hand out and ends up leaving with out ordering anything. Thankfully, he was never seen at our store again.)

    Some Customers Are Asking For It

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a coffee, a burger, and a muffin.”

    Me: “Okay, what size coffee would you like?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “Any cream or sugar in that?”

    Customer: “Double double.”

    Me: “And what kind of muffin would you like?”

    Customer: “Do you have to ask so many questions?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, it’s hard when you don’t specify anything you want.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding?! I told you very clearly a coffee, a muffin, a burger!”

    Me: “Yes, but you didn’t tell me what size, how you like the coffee, what muffin, and what burger, and as you can see there are a few different—”

    Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

    Manager: “I’m right here. If you’d like a large black coffee, a bran muffin, and a bacon cheese burger, then we don’t have to ask you any more questions.”

    Customer: “That’s not what I want at all!”

    Manager: “Then let’s answer the questions and stop complaining, shall we?”

    Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

    | Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

    Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

    Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, so plain?”

    Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

    Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

    Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

    Me: “No problem, sir.”

    Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

    Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

    Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

    Me:  ”Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

    Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

    (Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

    Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 8

    | Somerville, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

    Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    (At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for the her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

    Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “How the h*** can it be over 6 dollars? It’s on sale!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

    Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

    Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

    (Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

    Related:
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
    Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

    Lost In No Translation, Part 4

    | British Columbia, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    (I live in a small town where a cruise ship visits in the summer. Mind you, this is BC, Canada, so English is the main language spoken here, rather than French canadians in Quebec. Note that our entire conversation is in English.)

    Customer: “Hi! May I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem!”

    Customer: “Do people speak French here?”

    Me: “Well, some people might, but it’s more of a second language here.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? Well, I think you’re speaking it very well, because I can understand you!”

    Me: *dumbfounded*

    (At this point, the customer’s husband steps in.)

    Customer’s Husband: “She’s not speaking French, honey.”

    Customer: “…Oh.” *walks away*

    Related:
    Lost In No Translation, Part 3
    Lost In No Translation, Part 2
    Lost In No Translation

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