It’s About To Get Crazy Horse Up In Here

, | OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

(I am on break and heading towards the restroom, when a customer asks me to take his order. Seeing that it’s busy, and assuming that the customer has been waiting for some time, I step up to the spare till that the managers all share. All of my on-duty coworkers are either Hispanic or African American.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Number four, medium, with an iced tea to drink. I’m glad you finally came out of the kitchen. I thought I’d never get to order.”

Me: “I’m sorry again about your wait. We’ve been a little understaffed all day.”

Customer: “So, that must be why you were doing the Mexican’s work.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The kitchen, the kitchen! I guess all these n****** who can’t take an order right needed someone back there who speaks English to fix everything. They need to hire more white folks like you to work here.”

Me: “Sir, I would appreciate it if you refrain from making such offensive remarks.”

Customer: “Aw, c’mon. No need to cater to them. Just between us, you think whites are the best race, right?”

Me: “Just between us?”

(I beckon the customer closer, then speak loudly enough for the entire restaurant to hear.)

Me: “If you spout any more of this racist bull-s***, I will not hesitate to kick you out.”

Customer: “But you’re white!”

Me: “Not that it matters, but I’m half Native-American.”

Customer: “You don’t look it. If that’s true, what’s your ‘Injun’ name?”

Me: “In my tribe, I am called ‘Ejects-Bigoted-A**-hole-From-Premises’. Now kindly get the f*** out.”

Think Small

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the pay window at a fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “Why did they ask me small, medium, or large?”

Me: “For the size of your combo.”

Customer: “That is too complicated for drive-thru.”

Must Have Got Their Brains From The Dollar Store

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am a customer standing in line at a very large fast-food chain. Two scruffy-looking males in their early twenties get in line behind me, and are looking up at the menu. I detect the odor of marijuana coming from their direction.)

Customer #1: *to his friend* “Why are there no prices on the menu?”

Customer #2: “Uh… what do you mean?”

Customer #1: “Dude, under the dollar menu, there are no prices! How stupid! How are we supposed to know how much things are?”

(I turn around just enough to see the confused expressions on both their faces. A few seconds pass, and his friend finally realizes.)

Customer #2: “Oh… dude! Those are all one dollar, because they’re on the dollar menu!”

Customer #1: “Oh… OH!”

Breast Not To Correct Them

| QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the drive-thru.)

Customer: “I’d like to have three boxes of chicken legs, white.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “What, don’t tell me you’re out already?! These chicken legs can’t be brown, okay? They have to be white!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s no such thing as white chicken legs. It’s always brown meat.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me, girl! I know what I eat. I. WANT. WHITE CHICKEN LEGS!”

Me: “Okay, okay, let me see if we have some.”

(I order up three servings of chicken breast, and meet the customer at the drive-thru window with the food.)

Customer: “This better be my white chicken legs!”

Me: “You can check if you want, ma’am. If it’s not to your liking, we can always switch.”

(The client checks inside the three boxes, and smiles triumphantly.)

Customer: “I knew you had some! They always tell me they don’t, but the others always lie. I like you. I’ll come back again!”

Fractional Intelligence, Part 2

, | Jasper, IN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

(I work at the drive-thru.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I would like a 16 piece family meal with two thirds of it fish.”

Me: I’m sorry, ma’am; did you want 10 or 11 fish?”

Customer: “What do mean?”

Me: “Two thirds isn’t a proper fraction to use. It will give you between 10-11 pieces. So how many pieces would you like?”

Customer: “I don’t see how you get those numbers. Just give me 12 fish. Is that a fraction you can figure out?”

Me: “Yes, one 16 piece, 3/4 fish the rest chicken. Is there anything else for you today?”

Customer: “I don’t see the difference between 3/4 and 2/3, but okay.”

Related:
Fractional Intelligence

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