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    Just Grit Your Teeth And Smile

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: *looking over a menu* “Anything on your menu can be made vegan, right?”

    Me: “Well, most of it. Actually if it can be there will be a capital V next to the name.”

    Customer: “So the grits are vegan?”

    Me: “No, but they can be made vegetarian.”

    Customer: “I’ll have the grits.”

    Me: “They’re vegetarian, not vegan.”

    Customer: “You’ve had the grits for awhile?”

    Me: “Yes and they’re not vegan.”

    Customer: “I’d like the grits.”

    Me: *sighs*

    Need To Reroute This Transaction

    , | Hokes Bluff, AL, USA | Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I hear my coworker, who is somewhat new, reading our entire list of drinks off to a customer over the speaker. I go over to see what is going on, and hear this.)

    Customer: “I want a ‘route 44!’”

    Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, and what would you like to drink?”

    Customer: “A ‘route 44!’”

    Coworker: “What kind? We have—” *reads off drinks again*

    Customer: *angry* “A ‘ROUTE 44!’”

    Coworker: *to me* “I don’t know what to do. She’s just not getting it.”

    Me: *to Coworker* “They need you over there. I’ll take over here.” *to Customer* “Hi ma’am, what can I get you to drink with your order?”

    Customer: “Oh, my god. I WANT A ‘ROUTE 44!’”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, but a route 44 what?”

    Customer: *screaming* “A ROUTE 44 LARGE! I WANT A ROUTE 44 LARGE!”

    Me: “Ma’am, route 44 is a size. What would you like to drink?”

    Customer: *pauses, mutters something to another person in the car* “I want a route 44 Coke…”

    Your Biggest Bugbear

    , | Danvers, MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    (It is my last week working as a waiter at a nice restaurant/bar before heading off to college. Late Friday afternoon, eight men in suits and ties come in for food and drinks. A couple minutes after serving their cocktails, one of them calls me to the table, stands up, and starts shouting.)

    Customer: “What’s the meaning of this? There’s a bug in my drink!”

    Me: “I’m so sorry sir. I’ve never seen that happen before.”

    (For the next five minutes he rants and raves. I apologize every time he’ll let me get a word in, but he won’t let up. He’s apparently trying to impress his companions, but they’re all rolling their eyes in embarrassment at his hysterics. Finally, he reaches the end of his tantrum.)

    Customer: “You should be fired for serving a drink with a bug in it. It’s completely unacceptable. Take this back and bring me another one. Get me another one, right now!”

    Me: “Certainly, sir. Of course.”

    Me: *turns to leave, hesitates, turns back to the customer* “To make sure I’ve got this right, sir, is that another bug or another drink you would like?”

    Customer: “…”

    Companions: *burst out laughing*

    (The customer turns red. He never said another word. The group left me a nice tip.)

    The Sweet Taste Of Karma

    | Milford, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (I am a hostess at a restaurant. There is a regular who comes in with a woman, and the two of them seem to be in their 70s, although the woman seems more like his sister or caregiver than his wife. The man walks with a cane, and is constantly hitting on every woman he sees in the restaurant, to the point where a few of the servers get a little creeped out. On this day, the man has been hitting on everyone like normal, and right before he walks out, he stops at a jar of candy we have at the host stand near a sign that says, ‘guess how many candies and win!’)

    Old Woman: “Those aren’t for eating, they’re for guessing.”

    Old Man: *to me* “What do I get if I win?”

    Me: “You win the jar of candy.”

    Old Man: “Can I win the person who put the candy IN the jar instead?” *winks*

    Me: “… Well, if you really want to, sure.”

    Old Man: *gives me a huge, creepy grin*

    Me: “That would be our manager. [Male Manager's Name].”

    Old Man: *drops smile completely* “Oh. Never mind.” *leaves*

    Some Customers Are Ice Cold

    | WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Transportation

    (I’m a delivery driver. Within my first week I’ve had people treat me poorly. One very blizzard-y Saturday I deliver to a young lady. Her driveway is a hill and very icy. My car won’t make it up. She finally hears me and comes out. I make the journey up the hill and slip and fall.)

    Customer: “I apologize for not salting my driveway.”

    Me: “No problem. Just sign the receipt here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a pen. Could you grab one from your car?”

    (I go to get it, climb up the driveway, and slip and fall again. She signs it, with no tip or apology. I get back to my car to realize I forgot her soda. As much as I wanted to just drive back to the store, I knew I had to get her that soda. I climb up the driveway one last time, slipping and falling again. She answers the door all surprised but then sees the soda.)

    Customer: “Oh yeah, thanks.”

    (She grabbed it and shut the door in my face.)


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