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    Concept Of Unlimited Is Limited

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners

    (A couple come into the Italian restaurant where I work. I seat them and hand them menus. After a moment, the man waves me over.)

    Me: “Hi there. How can I help you today?”

    Husband: “I don’t see unlimited salad or breadsticks on your menu.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s a different restaurant. If you order the garlic bread, though, it comes with a lot of pieces! And our salads are very large.”

    Husband: *to his wife* “I thought you said this place was just like Olive Garden.”

    Wife: “I said it was Italian food like Olive Garden, sweetie. The menu’s not the same.”

    Husband: *looking disappointed* “What’s chicken scallop pine?”

    (I explain a few menu items, all of which he pronounces wrong, and they order. The woman kept giving me apologetic looks the whole time. Later, when I brought their food, the man was in the bathroom.)

    Wife: “Sorry for the problems earlier. He’s not that bright, but he’s so good at other things, if you know what I mean.”

    (I told her it was no problem, but I’m sure I was as red as our marinara sauce. It was really awkward serving them the rest of the meal, but she left a $20 tip.)

    Not Big On Tips And Bigots

    | VA, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (It’s my third night of waiting tables at a restaurant. The weather is really nice so we open up the patio area for seating. I seat two couples, one significantly older than the other. The women both place their purses in the middle of the aisle so that they virtually trip every server coming through the patio.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m so sorry but could you move your purses? We need to get through this area safely and I would hate to spill or drop anything on you!”

    (They both glare daggers but move their purses without a single word to me. Later on, I seat a couple next to the first table, a white woman and a black man. All goes well until I’m dropping off drinks for them and I hear this from the next table.)

    Younger Woman: “I can’t believe a girl that pretty would be with someone like HIM. Ew.”

    Older Woman: “I know. Your father and I would’ve died if you brought home that type of man.

    (They all laugh derisively. I HOPE I’m thinking the wrong thing. But when I return they are shooting dirty looks at the interracial couple, who have been nothing but model customers.)

    Me: *to the interracial couple* “Is everything all right here?”

    (I notice the lady is looking VERY upset.)

    Man: “They were looking at us funny the entire time. When I went to the car to get something I forgot, they said something about how I must’ve stolen it.”

    (I look at where he’s pointing and it’s a shiny black BMW.)

    Me: “Oh… hmm. I’ll be right back.”

    (I pop inside to explain what’s happened to my manager, and ask whether I can comp the interracial couple a free dessert taken out of my tips. My manager agrees readily.)

    Me: “Here’s a dessert on me, guys.”

    (The entire table next to me turns and GLARES. I smile sweetly and walk back inside. Of course I earned no tip from the racist table, but the humongous tip I got from the interracial couple more than made up for it.)

    Wasting Quality Time On Quality Food

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (My sister and I are in line at a popular fry and poutine joint. We are at the front of the line, but haven’t quite decided what we want yet. There is a customer behind us, so we tell her to go ahead if she knows what she wants. The following exchange ensues.)

    Cashier: “Hello. What can I get for you tonight?”

    Customer: “What is on your bacon poutine?”

    Cashier: “Um, bacon, cheese curd, and gravy.”

    Customer: “What about the pulled pork poutine?”

    Cashier: *motions to the board behind him where every menu item is listed with

    ingredients* “Pulled pork. Cheese curd. Gravy.”

    Customer: “And the Phillie cheesesteak poutine?”

    (She continued to go through all 20 menu items. Eventually the cashier just turned around and read off the board as blatantly as he could. Entire transaction time: 17 minutes.)

    To Put It Plainly

    , | IN, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am ordering a cheeseburger combo meal at a fast food place.)

    Cashier: “And what do you want on it?”

    Me: “Uh, everything except the tomatoes, onion… Wait, let me rephrase that. Just the cheese and meat.”

    Cashier: “So… plain?”

    Me: *embarrassed* “Yeah, I guess that would’ve been easier to say!”

    (Thanks for putting up with me, fast food worker!)

    Screaming Until They’re Blue In The Face

    , | AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s about 6:45 on a slow-ish night working in fast food. We’re selling a popular promotional burger which includes blue cheese. Suddenly, I see a red faced customer storming towards the door, obviously furious. As store policy, I find the nearest supervisor to deal with an obviously irate customer. I hide in the mug room to watch.)

    Supervisor: “Hi. Welcome to…”

    Customer: “ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?”

    Supervisor: “No ma’am. What seems to be—”

    Customer: *pulls half eaten blue cheese burger out of bag* “HOW DARE YOU FEED YOUR CUSTOMERS THIS! THIS BLUE CHEESE IS EXPIRED AND MOLDY!”

    (At this point I can hear laughter from the kitchen, who can hear every word.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, this is a blue cheese burger. Perhaps you were given it by mist—”

    Customer: “I KNOW WHAT A D*** BLUE CHEESE BURGER IS!”

    Supervisor: “Then you understand that it is an aged cheese, where this ‘mold’ is normal. I will happily return your money to you if you wish, however.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU LIE TO ME! I’VE EATEN BLUE CHEESE ALL MY LIFE AND I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED MOLD!”

    (My supervisor, obviously getting annoyed, gives the customer her refund.)

    Supervisor: “Here is your refund. However, if you can find me blue cheese in the local supermarket that doesn’t have or taste ‘moldy,’ I will gladly give you every cent I have in this cash register.”

    (I see the customer’s eyes gleam right before she storms out. She never does come back. )

    Supervisor: *to me* “Go write ‘customer found mold in their blue cheese’ in the complaint book.”


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