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  • The Place With The Dragon Menu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Does anyone have any questions regarding the menu?”

    Guest: “Yes. I see here that you have a dragon sushi roll on your menu. Now is that REAL dragon or imitation dragon?”

    (I chuckle and smile and wait maybe three seconds before I realize that this is a legitimate question. I look at her friends who are mortified and respond.)

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, that is absolutely real dragon! In fact here at [Restaurant Group] we’ve employed an entire department to make special trips to England to hunt and slay dragons. I believe the dragon we have today was killed two days ago and picked up this morning from Savannah.”

    Guest: “Well, good, because I just absolutely can’t stand imitation dragon.”

    If Only You Could Listen To Yourself

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I work on the drive-thru. It is in the winter and after we close. I pull my car up near the drive-thru window so I can run a cord out to the block heater while we close up. Most of the store lights are off, including the drive-thru menu and ‘open’ sign. Any cars that pull up after close hear an automated message: ‘thanks for your visit, but we are currently closed.’ As I’m cleaning, I can overhear the message on a headset that’s still on, but I ignore it; we usually get lots of customers showing up after close. About 20 minutes after, as we’re nearly finished, we suddenly hear banging and shouting at the window. The manager goes to the window and tries to tell her we’re closed, but she won’t have it, so he opens the window.)

    Lady: “What the f*** is going on here?! I’ve been in line 20 minutes and there’s not even anyone in this car!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for over 30 minutes now.”

    Lady: “So why is the car just sitting here?!”

    Manager: “That’s an employee’s car; we’re warming it up so it’ll be warm when we go.”

    Lady: “That’s fine, but what about my order? The car is in the way you know! Your dumb-a** employee shouldn’t park in the drive-thru.”

    Manager: “Well, I told you. We’re closed now.”

    Lady: “Well, I ordered 20 minutes ago. What happened to that?”

    (We all took off our headsets as soon as we closed, but my manager asked us if we took an order anyway.)

    Manager: “No one here talked to you, ma’am.”

    (The lady looks at me and the other guy standing behind the manager.)

    Lady: “Well, some lady took my order. She shouldn’t have done that if you’re closed”

    (At this point, we all figure out what has happened.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, the only lady that worked tonight left four hours ago. Did you actually listen to what they said to you?”

    Lady: “Yes. Well, no, not really. She answered and I placed my order. I was on the phone at the time.”

    Manager: “Well, sorry, but that was an automated message informing you that we we’re closed.”

    Lady: “…well, it should be more clear when you’re not open!”

    (She walked away before we could point out the three different signs she would have passed that have our hours listed.)

    Drive Straight Thru His Lie

    | Metairie, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays. Like, it has been every single week since the 1940s when it opened. One Sunday afternoon our restaurant owner is in the parking lot doing some work on our flower beds and someone drives up to the drive-thru speaker:)

    Customer: “Hello? HELLOOOOOOO! ANSWER ME! Son of a b****! This is OUTRAGEOUS!”

    (The restaurant owner calmly walks over to the customer in the car, and says:)

    Owner: “Hello, sir, is everything all right?”

    Customer: “NO! I JUST came through the drive-thru and paid over $30 for my meals, and I got ALL THE WAY HOME and realized that they left out my number one meal! I DEMAND that you give me my meal for free AND refund my whole order because my family is waiting on me at home and ALL OF OUR FOOD IS GOING TO BE COLD! I will not pay for this!”

    (The store owner, who loves to catch people in a lie, just kept asking more questions.)

    Owner: “So you’re telling me you were JUST here?”

    Customer: “Yes! And I got all the way home and YOU left my meal out of the bag!”

    Owner: “I see. Do you have your receipt? Or your bag with your food? I’d be happy to replace all of your meals for you if you have the receipt.”

    Customer: “NO! I left them at home with my other food! Can you get them to hurry up? I need to get back home because my family is waiting on me!”

    Owner: “So you’re sure you were JUST here? At THIS restaurant?”

    Customer: “YES! God, what is wrong with you people?! I was here like 15 minutes ago, in THIS drive-thru!”

    Owner: “Well, sir, I just wanted to let you know I know for a fact that you weren’t here 15 minutes ago getting food.”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Owner: “See, I’m the owner of this restaurant, and we’ve been closed every single Sunday since we opened. There is no one inside right now, and there hasn’t been anyone inside all day. So there’s no way you got your food here 15 minutes ago, I have your vehicle on our parking lot surveillance, and I want to kindly ask you never to come back to my establishment again!”

    (The guy then sped out of the parking lot!)

    Small Minds Can’t Do Small Print

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work for a big fast food company and occasionally we have coupons for which no one bothers to read the fine print, which says to let the order taker know of the coupon prior to ordering.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get this meal?”

    (Because I have worked for so long and know most of the prices I don’t always punch the orders in right away which comes in handy when the people don’t tell me about the coupon beforehand.)

    Me: “Okay your total is [total]. Please drive ahead.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon!”

    Me: “Sure. In the future please let me know before your order.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (Customer drives off and pulls up to my window.)

    Me: “Okay your new total is [total]; may I have the coupon, please?”

    Customer: “I don’t have it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I cannot give you a discount without the coupon.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Well, my management requires me to collect the coupons.”

    Customer: “But I can print them online as much as I want!”

    Me: “True. However I do need to collect the coupon to give you the discount.”

    Customer: “This is bull-s**t! I don’t understand why I can’t get the d*** discount!”

    (I try to explain it the concept in the simplest terms I can think of.)

    Me: “Think about it this way: Can you get into a concert without the ticket?”

    Customer: “I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING! I’M NOT SOME DUMB TEENAGER LIKE YOU DOING SOME S*** MINIMUM WAGE JOB!”

    (Clearly natural selection has stopped since people like this are still around…)

    Not Promoting Decent Behavior

    , | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am working the front at a fast food restaurant. I am ringing up two ladies (mother and daughter) up. They are regulars.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Daughter: “Hi, I have this coupon: buy one get one free breakfast sandwiches.”

    Me: “All right, which sandwiches would you like?”

    (They order two sandwiches, one more expensive than the other. I promo the more expensive one off.)

    Daughter: *to mother* “Haha, she only charged us $1.69!”

    Mother: *mockingly* “Smart employees!” *snorts*

    Me: “I did it to be nice, but I’m definitely not doing it for you again.”

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