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    Takes A Long Time To Close The Matter

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (I am a waitress. Around seven pm, a couple is sat at one of the two booths in my section. Since our very busy weekend ‘rush’ usually starts around five pm, I knew they would have waited almost an hour to have been seated.)

    Me: “What can I get you to drink?”

    Customer: “We will have a single glass of wine each, and entrees.”

    Me: “Absolutely. Is it a special occasion tonight?”

    Customer: “We are a married couple, and this is the first time in six months we’ve seen each other.”

    Me: “Oh, my!”

    (They were very low-demand, and after they finished the entrees, they lingered over a shared dessert and a pair of coffees. And lingered. And LINGERED.  Around 9:15 pm…)

    Customer: “Can we please have the check?”

    Me: *thinking ‘finally!’* “Absolutely!”

    (The average table turnaround time in our restaurant is 45 minutes. They have already been here over two hours, and since they are taking up one of our four existing smoking tables, my section is still steadily busy well past 9 pm. They don’t put down any form of payment, however. The check folder just lingers in the same spot at the end of their table for hours. By 11:30 pm there are no other customers in the place aside from a few at the central bar. The other closing waitress and I have already cleaned and restocked all the tables in the restaurant, and closed two of the four sections. Our manager sends the other waitress home, so it is me, the bartender, and two line cooks left.)

    Me: *making a show of closing down for the evening* “Here, let me refilled your decaf coffees, and just so you know we close at midnight.”

    (I try to stay nice, as they seem like a very nice couple, and they gave me the impression that they knew they’d taken up the table far longer than normal customers and would tip me accordingly. Normally, on a Saturday night, that table would’ve turned over at least half a dozen times or more, and be easily worth some $50 in tips. The folder still remains in the same place on their table. When midnight comes…)

    Customer: “Just to let you know that the restaurant is now closed.”

    (The last of the bar patrons is gone by 12:15 am. Chairs are on top of tables in every section except mine, because it ‘wasn’t our policy’ to do something as impolite as putting chairs on the tables if customers are still in a section. Our manager cruises by their table to remind them once more than we are closed. I vacuum the far sections of the restaurant. 12:45 am rolls around and they are still there, check still untouched. We have now been closed for 45 minutes, and they had now been there nearly six hours. I go back and talk to my manager.)

    Me: “All the other sections are closed and cleaned, the side stations are broken down and cleaned, and I just need this long-seated couple to pay so I can go home!”

    Manager: “Unfortunately, company policy means we can’t ask them to pay up, so go put the last of the chairs up, and finish your vacuuming, starting with their section. ”

    (The minute I click the vacuum on in the smoking section (nearly an hour after we’d closed!) the couple jump in their seats and then started complaining.)

    Customer: “How rude! Why haven’t you told us you were closing?! We demand to talk to the manager!”

    (I walk back to get our manager, who rolls his eyes at the list of complaints I deliver to him.)

    Manager: “Six months apart and the first thing they do is spend six hours here?”

    (He walked back out to the section with me and politely listened to the couple rant away, then took their check and knocked the price off of their dessert and wines (worth about $20 all together) before running their credit card. Eyes flashing, and still complaining about how rude the ending to the night had been and saying that they wouldn’t return, the couple left in a huff – finally! – just past 1 am, more than an hour after we had been closed. Needless to say, they only left me $4 on a check that had originally been around $50. My manager assured me that I wasn’t in any kind of trouble, and sent me home for the night once I’d finished vacuuming.)

    The Offer Is Sub-Standard

    , | BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (The sandwich shop I work in is only a block down the main street from a fairly rowdy nightclub. To alleviate problems we close two hours before the club does but we are often there long past closing to finish the cleanup. It is quite common for drunk people to bang on the door when it is well past closing and try to convince us to make them something. This particular night a group of four young men stumble past and one starts hollering through the locked glass door.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, can you make me a sub?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

    Drunk Guy: “C’mon! It’ll just take a sec. Hey, you can just pocket the money and no one will ever know!”

    Me: “Yeah, I don’t think so. Even if I wasn’t honest, we have security cameras.”

    Drunk Guy: “Oh, c’mon. It’s just a sub. Please?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed and all the food is put away.”

    (By this point his friends are trying to drag him along but I can see that it’s become a rather inebriated point of pride for him to convince me.)

    Drunk Guy: “Hey, I know. Tell ya what. I’ll sleep with you if you make me a sub!”

    (I make a really obvious show of looking him up and down.)

    Me: “And what’s in it for me?”

    (He just stood there looking dumbfounded as his friends all cracked up laughing, one of them actually falling over because he was laughing so hard. Shortly thereafter they dragged him off, still in shock.)

    Some Things Sadly Never Chang(e)

    | CO, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I was also dining at this restaurant and overhear this conversation. Keep in mind the server is Asian, but speaks perfect English with no accent and the customer is a man, ordering everything for his family of four.)

    Customer: *orders eight different sushi rolls* “We’re in a BIG hurry. We need to order and eat fast!”

    Server: “I understand, but sushi takes a long time to prepare as it’s made fresh after you order it. Most people are here for more than an hour. If you’re in a hurry, sushi is probably not the best choice for you.”

    Customer: “Just put the d*** order in and hurry it up.”

    (After the customers get their food and eat more than half it, he asks for the server’s manager.)

    Customer: “I want to complain. We’ve been here for 45 minutes and we’re just now eating. We told him we were in a hurry and he said it was no problem and we’d be done within half an hour and now we’re late. I’m not going to pay for this.”

    Manager: “I’m so sorry, sir. Sushi takes a long time to create.”

    Customer: “Well, Chang here said…”

    Server: “Chang?! My name is Steve!”

    (At this point another customer at a nearby table talked to the manager and told him that she heard what the server said and that he had told them it would be more than an hour. The manager told them to either pay up or he’d call the cops. They ended up paying, but complained loudly the whole time while using many other racially insensitive names.)

    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 3

    , | OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

    Me: *answering the phone* “Hello! Thank you for calling [Restaurant]! Would you like to hear about our specials?”

    Customer: “Don’t try to sell me anything. I’ll tell you what I want.”

    Me: “All right, sir. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking at your menu here… You got the six-piece nuggets?”

    Me: “Um… sir? You are aware that this is a pizza restaurant, right? We don’t have nuggets.”

    Customer: “WHAT THE F***?!”

    (I can hear the customer step away from the phone for a moment, but can still hear him ranting and raving even though I can’t make out what he’s saying.)

    Me: “Sir? Hello?”

    Customer: “—AND TWO OF THEM IN YOUR A**-HOLE!”

    Me: “You have a nice night, sir.” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2
    Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
    Giving A Pizza My Mind

    Customer Service Is Over(reaction)

    | State College, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    (In the restaurant I work in we’re allowed to talk back to the customer if they’re being out of line. We’re open late, so a large portion of our customers are well past drunk. This occurs on an otherwise slow Sunday night.)

    Me: “Hi, what can i get for you?”

    Customer: “I want some chicken tenders and some fries. Do you have something like that?”

    Me: “Sure, you can get the combo platter for [price], unless you want a side of sauce. Then it’ll be a bit more.”

    Customer: *heavy sigh* “How much is a side of sauce in this f****** dump?”

    Me: *instantly irritated because I’ve been nice so far* “Excuse me? Did you just call my store a f****** dump?”

    Customer: *stares blankly at me*

    Me: “You can leave now.”

    Customer: “Why? I was just kidding.”

    Me: “It didn’t sound like you were kidding when you insulted my place of business. It also wasn’t even remotely funny, so I don’t know how you could consider that kidding.”

    Customer: “But I was just kidding. I really want the food.”

    Me: “So you want to insult me, and then have me smile and serve you? No. It’s not gonna happen. You and your friends can leave any time now.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I don’t appreciate your attitude, and I don’t want to serve you. Did I call you f****** ugly?”

    Customer’s Friend: “That’s uncalled for!”

    Me: “Why? I was just kidding. That makes everything better, doesn’t it?”

    (They ended up leaving, looking confused as to why I was upset. The other customers were laughing at them as they left. I told the owner of the store about it the next day. He just laughed.)

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