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    A Diminishing Set Of Returns

    , | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I am working the drive-thru pretty late at night. A man that seems to be in his mid-20’s pulls up.)

    Customer: “I’d like to order [Item].”

    Me: “Sure, would you like a drink with that?”

    Customer: “A Coke.”

    (He deliberately mispronounces it so it sounds like something a lot ruder and snickers.)

    Me: “Ah, sure. What size?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What size do YOU think it is? What size suits me?”

    (At this point I’m fed up with his poor attempt at innuendo.)

    Me: “Well, sir, we don’t have an extra small, but I can give you a small. Please drive through.”

    (He shut up pretty quickly, and didn’t even speak to me for the rest of the transaction. I served him a few times after that and he was always very quiet!)

    Going Whacko Over A Taco

    , | Florence, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I am working in the drive-thru, when a customer who is always missing food pulls up to the window.)

    Me: “Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “Can I have some sauce, too?”

    Me: “Yeah, no problem.”

    (That’s when I recognized him. I repeat his order and make sure there is absolutely nothing wrong and he agrees with me. I quadruple check the bag and show all the employee’s so everyone knows he got all his food. I even take a picture. He comes back in five minutes later.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, is there a problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I didn’t get my taco.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the taco was in the bag when I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not in there now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but when I handed you the food it was in there.”

    Customer: “Well, where is it then? Cause it’s not in there.”

    (He proceeds to show me the bag.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you must have taken it out because it was in there when I handed it to you.”

    Customer: “Okay. Okay. I’ve seen you walking around, man. I’ll find you.”

    (He really just threatened me. Like, wow. So I show him the picture.)

    Customer: “…That’s not my food.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, it was. I just took it a couple minutes ago right before I gave you your food.”

    Customer: *silence*

    Me: “Now do you want to threaten me again, or do you want to leave?”

    (He left.)

    Muffins Are Sweeter Than Bagels

    , | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant but I’m currently on register covering a break. An older lady, probably in her 60s or 70s, comes in and sets her purse on the counter. Our egg muffin sandwiches come with ham, egg, and cheese.)

    Me: “Good morning! What can I get for ya?”

    Customer: “Good morning. I need an egg muffin… on a bagel… with bacon.”

    (Since some customers like more than one type of meat on their sandwich I’ve gotten similar request before. Wanting to see if this is the case, I try to clarify:)

    Me: “Okay, so you’d like a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel? Do you want ham and bacon on the sandwich or do you want to substitute the bacon for ham?”

    Customer: *shaking her head* “No, no, no. I need an egg muffin… with bacon… on a bagel.”

    Me: “So you want bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel?”

    Customer: *smiling sadly at me* “No that’s not what I want. See, this is why I came inside to order. No one can get my order right in the drive-thru.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just confused. If you just tell me what you want on the sandwich I’ll ring it up for you and make sure you get it exactly how you want.”

    Customer: “I just want an egg muffin on a bagel with bacon.”

    (At this point I turn toward the giant menu board behind me and find the BEC Bagel on the menu I point to it looking back at the customer.)

    Me: “This is a bagel with bacon, egg, and cheese can you tell me what about this sandwich you’d like to change and I will modify it for you.”

    (Customer looks at the menu for the first time since entering the restaurant, seeing where I’m pointing she looks a little surprised.)

    Customer: “Oh… Oh, I see… I thought you had to… Um, I guess I’ll have that.”

    Me: “No problem, ma’am. Will there be anything else this morning?”

    Customer: “Yes, could I also have a coffee with cream and sugar but can I have the packets?”

    Me: “Of course! Your total will be [total].”

    (As the lady fishes out her money, I turn to pour her coffee and get her cream and sugar packets. When I turn back around her money is sitting on the counter, she has gotten her food, and is putting the bag of food in her purse. I pay her out and give her her change then proceed to hand her her coffee and packets.)

    Customer: *gestures at the packets* “Oh, could you put those in for me?”

    Me: “So, you want a coffee with cream and sugar on the side but you want me to put the cream and sugar in for you?”

    Customer: *looking confused* “No… No. I meant…”

    (She begins looking around for something and her eyes come to rest on the food bag still sticking out for her purse. Realizing she wanted me to put the packets in the bag I begin to ask for her to hand me the bag but before I do she scoops up the packets and haphazardly tries to shove them in the food bag some of them falling out into her purse in the process. She then goes to pick up her coffee and leaves, muttering a thanks.)

    Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

    (I turn to my boss, the store manager, who was behind me the whole time assembling orders.)

    Me: “Hey [Boss], could I have an egg muffin with bacon on a bagel?”

    Boss: “Sure! And what about some coffee with some cream and sugar on the side but put in?!”

    Worse Than An Animal

    | Dublin, Ireland | Bad Behavior, Bigotry

    (I used work at a restaurant in a small town. It is the evening shift and a woman eating alone keeps giving me trouble.)

    Woman: “This order is not right.”

    Me: “All right, I’ll just take this and bring you out the correct one.”

    Woman: “No, I demand I get this meal and the correct one for free!”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

    (She begins complaining to me every chance she got for the rest of the night. She then starts complaining about the black family eating at the table next to her.)

    Woman: “I refuse to eat next to those… animals. Their smell is appalling. They probably came to the restaurant to rob it!”

    (The racist remarks go on for a few minutes until two boys about 12 years old stand up from their table.)

    Boy#1: “Why don’t you stop being a racist cow!”

    Boy#2: “Yeah, at least those ‘animals’ know how to behave in a restaurant!”

    (The woman threw her plate on the ground stormed out of the restaurant. Everyone started applauding. The black family paid for the boys’ meal and I brought them out free ice cream.)

    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 4

    | AB, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (A lady orders a blueberry pineapple margarita and I bring it out. A little while later I notice her giving it to her husband and not drinking it.)

    Me: “Is everything okay with the margarita?”

    Lady: “Oh, yes. I am just allergic to pineapples but wanted to try it.”

    Me: “Are you okay?”

    Lady: “Oh yeah, it will just turn my face red.” *laughs* “It is already.”

    (Sure enough her face developed a rash. She ordered and paid for a drink she knew she was allergic to!)

    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 3
    Allergic To Common Sense, Part 2
    Allergic To Common Sense

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