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    Yellow Asparagus Will Make You Quite Green

    , | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Okay, what kind of veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “I’ll take lettuce, spinach, olives, and asparagus.”

    Me: “Uh, we don’t have asparagus.”

    (Her tone suddenly becomes very snide and she points at a bin of vegetables.)

    Customer: “Well, what do you call that then?”

    Me: “…banana peppers.”

    Customer: “So that’s not yellow asparagus?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure if we sold yellow asparagus we’d be shut down. Asparagus is green.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “Well, I’m sure a lot of people make that mistake.”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Enough To Make You Cry

    | QC, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a hotel restaurant. A group of clients have been notoriously difficult, sending back dishes more than once for small details. On a particularly busy night, a waiter walks back into the kitchen and asks about a meal.)

    Waiter: “Does this dish contain onions? The client says he’s deadly allergic.”

    (Hearing this, the chef panics and asks the waiter to bring him to the client.)

    Chef: “Sir, are you all right? Do you have any medicine for your allergy? I’ll call the ambulance right away!”

    (The client is confused and worried.)

    Client: “What? No, I don’t have medicine. Why?”

    Chef: “You told the waiter you were deadly allergic to onions. You should have mentioned it earlier. There were some in the soup.”

    Client: “…oh. I just don’t like onions.”

    Some Stupidity Is A Hard Nut To Crack

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (After serving a very difficult table, I am happy they are on dessert and leaving soon. As I go up to hand them the check:)

    Customer: *as she literally spits out the mouthful* “Oh, my God, are there nuts in here?! I can’t eat nuts! They will break my teeth!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, you ordered NUTS OVER CARAMEL ice cream.”

    Customer: “I just thought that was the name of it. Why are there nuts in it?!”

    Forced To Change Her Perspective

    | Canada | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (My family owns a family Chinese restaurant at which I work. I’m a 15-year-old Asian, but apparently I look 12-ish. This happened when a customer came in during a busy day to eat in. She had just finished eating.)

    Me: “How was your meal? Do you need anything else?”

    Customer: “Yes. Tell me, kind son. Are you forced to work here?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are you forced to work here? Like child labor?”

    Me: *respectfully I replied* “No, ma’am, I am not forced to work here. I work here because I have family values and I want to help my single mom trying to give the best for her children. I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but I am not a slave nor am I forced to work here. I hope you think about what I said and suggest giving me a tip for being so rude.”

    (She stood up, paid, and left without a word.)

    The Kind Of Customer We Want

    , | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

    Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

    Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

    Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

    (We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

    Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

    Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

    Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

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