Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 10

| USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a small-to-medium size restaurant, where the owner is usually in and works alongside us. He and I are standing by the counter when the phone rings and I’m close enough to overhear the call:)

Owner: “Hello, this is [Restaurant]. How can I-”

Caller: “This is an OUTRAGE!!”

Owner: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Caller: “You got my food order all wrong! I demand to speak with the manager!”

Owner: “I happen to be the owner, ma’am.”

Caller: “…”

Owner: “Ma’am?”

Caller: “Oh. I, uh… I didn’t know the owner would actually be in.”

Owner: “Well, yes, I happen to be in today so—”

Caller: “No, I mean… I never actually ordered anything.”

Owner: *confused* “I don’t—”

Caller: “You see, I was gonna yell at the manager and hope to get a free meal by saying that I knew the owner, but…”

Owner: “… Do I know you?”

Caller: “No…”

Owner: “…”

Caller: “This is awkward.”

Owner: “Yeah, it is. Please never call back. I don’t particularly do well with customers who try to harass me or my employees, or lie in order for you to get a free meal. Have a nice day.”

(I was still somewhat surprised by her honesty, even if it was due to her total realization that it wouldn’t have worked!)

Related:
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 9
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 8
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 7

Not So (Do)Nuts About Burgers

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a burger place, next to a coffee and doughnut shop. Occasionally we get people in drive-thru that get the places mixed up, but both drive-thrus are close to each other, A customer walks in, past three big pictures of hamburgers, and the restaurant name is posted several times.)

Customer: *looking at the menu* “Can I get an iced capp, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have those.”

Customer: “Oh. The machine’s broken?”

Me: “No. We’ve never had them.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. I had one last week.”

Me: “No. None of the [Restaurant] have ever had them.”

Customer: *looks around* “Oh. This isn’t [Donut Shop]. You should have told me.”

Me: “I assumed with the pictures of hamburgers all over, and lack of donuts you knew where you where.”

Customer: *looks around again, and leaves embarrassed*

Enough Bong For Your Buck

, | Selkirk, MB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

(I am working in the drive-thru section of our store. My coworker is taking the order as the customer is at the speaker box.)

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [Restaurant]. [Coworker] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a glass of bong water!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Haha, just give me a cup of water.”

Coworker: “Okay… anything else?”

Customer: “Nope.”

Coworker: “Okay, please drive to the window.”

(At the window…)

Coworker: *gives customer the cup of water*

(The customer drives into the parking lot.)

Coworker: *to me* “That guy had a bong right on his lap. He and his buddies in the car are seriously about to go do drugs in the parking lot.”

Me: “I’m astounded at how stupid they are. Let’s call the police.”

(We called the police, and they came within a few minutes. They searched the car and drove the impaired guys home. We don’t know any details about how they were charged. When my coworker was taking out the garbage, he overheard the guy complaining because he would have to go get more drugs now.)

Tipped In Your Favor

| FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids

(I’m in a restaurant when a 20-something girl comes up to the waitress taking my order.)

Patron: “Excuse me.”

Waitress: “Is there a problem?”

Patron: “No, I just wanted to forewarn you that my grandmother is going to give you a hard time and probably complain about everything. I know that it’s frustrating dealing with those kinds of customers but she’s old and set in her ways which I know is no excuse, but please just take it with a grain of salt. And here:” *the girl hands the waitress two 20s* “because I know she probably won’t tip very well and you’ll need some incentive not to bludgeon her with a hot poker.”

The Milk Of Human Weirdness

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(I work in a small-town at one of the three restaurants that the residents have to choose from, so we get a lot of regulars. One regular in particular comes on a near daily basis and has always seemed generally friendly and polite, if not a little bit strange. Nevertheless, he knows all the employees there very well and often chats with us while he’s in the store. One day he decides to have story time.)

Customer: “Oh, yes, it’s been rather lonely ever since my wife died.”

Me: “Oh! I’m so sorry for your loss!”

Customer: “Yeah, I miss her a lot. She was a very kind, accommodating woman. Shortly after she had our daughter she began breastfeeding her, so I asked her if I could breastfeed off of her for sexual pleasure.”

(I was very thrown-off by this and really disturbed. The only people in the store were me and this regular along with another coworker of mine who was out back smoking. That meant I didn’t even have anyone to distract me or change the topic of conversation as I was too shocked into silence to do so myself. He continued to ramble on, unaware of my horror.)

Customer: “It was completely consensual. We both found it very satisfying. And long after our daughter got older, my wife, God bless her, kept lactating because I was breastfeeding off of her so much. She kept producing milk until the day she died.”

Me: “That’s… really, uh…”

Customer: “She was a rather large woman, bless her heart.”

(My coworker had come back in and saw that I was red in the face and was slightly confused by my look of obvious discomfort, considering I was serving a regular who we all liked and knew well. She decided to listen in to see what was up.)

Customer: “I know this isn’t something you’d typically say in public or anything, but I figure we know each other well enough.”

Me: “Um… ”

(My coworker seemed to know that he must’ve said something to freak me out and quickly jumped in.)

Coworker: “Hey, if you want I can finish his sandwich so you can go do that… thing.”

(I practically sprinted into the back room. Later, I explained to my co-worker what he had said and she was as horrified as I was. The icing on the cake is that I get to see him nearly every single day. Every. Single. Day.)

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