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    Drive Straight Thru His Lie

    | Metairie, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays. Like, it has been every single week since the 1940s when it opened. One Sunday afternoon our restaurant owner is in the parking lot doing some work on our flower beds and someone drives up to the drive-thru speaker:)

    Customer: “Hello? HELLOOOOOOO! ANSWER ME! Son of a b****! This is OUTRAGEOUS!”

    (The restaurant owner calmly walks over to the customer in the car, and says:)

    Owner: “Hello, sir, is everything all right?”

    Customer: “NO! I JUST came through the drive-thru and paid over $30 for my meals, and I got ALL THE WAY HOME and realized that they left out my number one meal! I DEMAND that you give me my meal for free AND refund my whole order because my family is waiting on me at home and ALL OF OUR FOOD IS GOING TO BE COLD! I will not pay for this!”

    (The store owner, who loves to catch people in a lie, just kept asking more questions.)

    Owner: “So you’re telling me you were JUST here?”

    Customer: “Yes! And I got all the way home and YOU left my meal out of the bag!”

    Owner: “I see. Do you have your receipt? Or your bag with your food? I’d be happy to replace all of your meals for you if you have the receipt.”

    Customer: “NO! I left them at home with my other food! Can you get them to hurry up? I need to get back home because my family is waiting on me!”

    Owner: “So you’re sure you were JUST here? At THIS restaurant?”

    Customer: “YES! God, what is wrong with you people?! I was here like 15 minutes ago, in THIS drive-thru!”

    Owner: “Well, sir, I just wanted to let you know I know for a fact that you weren’t here 15 minutes ago getting food.”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Owner: “See, I’m the owner of this restaurant, and we’ve been closed every single Sunday since we opened. There is no one inside right now, and there hasn’t been anyone inside all day. So there’s no way you got your food here 15 minutes ago, I have your vehicle on our parking lot surveillance, and I want to kindly ask you never to come back to my establishment again!”

    (The guy then sped out of the parking lot!)

    Small Minds Can’t Do Small Print

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work for a big fast food company and occasionally we have coupons for which no one bothers to read the fine print, which says to let the order taker know of the coupon prior to ordering.)

    Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, can I get this meal?”

    (Because I have worked for so long and know most of the prices I don’t always punch the orders in right away which comes in handy when the people don’t tell me about the coupon beforehand.)

    Me: “Okay your total is [total]. Please drive ahead.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon!”

    Me: “Sure. In the future please let me know before your order.”

    Customer: “Whatever.”

    (Customer drives off and pulls up to my window.)

    Me: “Okay your new total is [total]; may I have the coupon, please?”

    Customer: “I don’t have it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry but I cannot give you a discount without the coupon.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Well, my management requires me to collect the coupons.”

    Customer: “But I can print them online as much as I want!”

    Me: “True. However I do need to collect the coupon to give you the discount.”

    Customer: “This is bull-s**t! I don’t understand why I can’t get the d*** discount!”

    (I try to explain it the concept in the simplest terms I can think of.)

    Me: “Think about it this way: Can you get into a concert without the ticket?”


    (Clearly natural selection has stopped since people like this are still around…)

    Not Promoting Decent Behavior

    , | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (I am working the front at a fast food restaurant. I am ringing up two ladies (mother and daughter) up. They are regulars.)

    Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

    Daughter: “Hi, I have this coupon: buy one get one free breakfast sandwiches.”

    Me: “All right, which sandwiches would you like?”

    (They order two sandwiches, one more expensive than the other. I promo the more expensive one off.)

    Daughter: *to mother* “Haha, she only charged us $1.69!”

    Mother: *mockingly* “Smart employees!” *snorts*

    Me: “I did it to be nice, but I’m definitely not doing it for you again.”

    Just Called To Say I Called

    | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (My coworker has been on the phone for about five minutes before handing it to me.)

    Coworker: *on the phone* “Can you hold on just one second?” *to me* “Hey, can you deal with this?”

    Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello!”

    Me: “…hello.”

    Customer: “How are you doing?”

    Me: “I’m doing well. How are you?”

    Customer: “Good, thanks for asking. So what are you up to?”

    Me: “You know, just working.”

    Customer: “Good, good.”

    Me: “Yeah, it’s kind of busy right now, so I better get back to it.”

    Customer: “Oh, don’t let me keep you. Have a good day!”

    Me: “Thanks, you too.”

    Coworker: “So was it just me or was that weird?”

    Me: “No, no, that was very weird.”

    Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose

    | London, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Religion

    (I and my girlfriend work at the same restaurant, I’m the head chef and she’s the manager. We’re both women and although we don’t hide our relationship, we don’t flaunt it either. My girlfriend has finished for the day and the owner has come in to cover her. She comes into the kitchen to say goodbye to everyone and kisses me (a very brief kiss on the lips) then leaves. Five minutes later the owner comes in to me to say a complaint has been made by a customer regarding a ‘lesbionic’ relationship.)

    Owner: “This woman’s being a right b**** about it, saying she won’t pay for her meal, it ruined her night, it’s blasphemous, and everyone’s going to Hell.”

    Me: “She’s one of those. I’ll go deal with her.”

    (I go to the customer and introduce myself as the head chef. She’s about 30, expensively dressed (her dress looks silk but the belt, collar, & cuffs are sequined), lots of jewellery, and a tattoo on her ankle of rosary beads. She’s with a man a little older that her, clean shaven, short back and sides hair cut.)

    Customer: “The food was delicious. Are you in charge? Do you know you have lesbians in your kitchen? Maybe you should tell them not everyone wants to see that sort of thing. It’s terribly upsetting and offensive to my religious beliefs.”

    (I have done my fair share of reading on the subject of homosexuality and the Bible, so I have an answer well prepared for people like her.)

    Me: “Have you read the Bible? Timothy 2:9 says ‘I want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not adorning themselves with gold or pearls or expensive clothes.’ That’s some nice jewellery you’re wearing. It also says, Leviticus 19:19 ‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.’ Your silk dress is beautiful, as are the collar and cuffs. In a different material. It also says Leviticus 19:28 ‘Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves.’ I like your rosary tattoo. It also says Leviticus 19:27 ‘Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.’ Your husband looks very smart tonight. It also says Leviticus 11:8 ‘You must not eat their meat or touch their carcasses; they are unclean for you.’ And Leviticus 11:10 ‘And all that have not fins and scales in the seas and in the rivers, of all that move in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto you.” I believe they refer to pork and shellfish. How was your ‘surf & turf?’ We only use the best pork sausages and finest lobster.”

    (The man sits there with his head bowed but the woman stares at me with pure hatred.)

    Me: “Now, I don’t know about you but it seems silly that you are willing to overlook all those sins about yourself and focus on one thing that isn’t even mentioned in the Bible. If I was as judgemental as you I would say you only kicked up a fuss to get out of paying for you meal. But that’s like stealing. I’ll send a waitress over with your bill.”

    (I went back to cooking. I could hear a couple of other customers laughing at the woman. The husband paid, leaving a big tip. I could see them outside having what looked like a pretty good argument!)

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