October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

They Fit The Bill

| Detroit, MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a new waitress at a sports bar. Today is my first day with a full section, and it got taken over by a party of about 45 people, who pulled tables from other sections into mine, so I’m handling 20 more people than I’d planned on. They are all loud, rude, and demanding. I bring them their checks, which I split individually, per their request.)

Customer #1: “Actually could you put her fries on my check? I told her I’d pay for hers!”

(The woman he’s pointing to ordered a combo, so it’s odd that he’d offer to pay for just fries.)

Me: “Sir, she ordered a combo. Did you mean someone else?”

Customer #1: “Nope! Put her fries from the combo on my bill, and the pretzel bites I ordered on HIS bill!” *he points to a random man across the table*

Me: “Er… sir, I can’t really split the cost of fries from a combo to be the same amount of a single order of fries, they’re different prices and our computers can’t do th—”

Customer #2: “Oh, enough! You’ve been so slow! You can handle this task! Now my lemonade, my wife is picking up. That table over there, I’m picking up all of their food EXCEPT two of the drinks.”

(By this time, I have 45 people requesting ridiculous and borderline impossible split checks. My manager gets called over, and she doesn’t quite understand the problem, and orders me to split the checks “correctly” for the customers. I get so overwhelmed at the computer that I start welling up tears. Suddenly, a stranger comes up with a few $100 bills.)

Stranger: “They’re a**-holes. I’ve been there. You’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’m paying for their tab. I’ll tell your manager. Keep the change.”

(The 45 customers leave and loudly remark about what a bad waitress I am, but I ignore them and count out my 50% tip on such a huge bill!)

The Name Is A Sticking Point

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I’m a waiter at a local pizza place and am currently on the phone with a customer that is placing an order. They’ve ordered a special which enables them to get their choice of either breadsticks or cheese sticks.)

Me: “All right, sir, would you like the breadsticks or cheese sticks with your pizza?”

Customer: *after much thought* “”Hmm, you guys used to have these breadsticks that had cheese on them. Could I get those instead?”

Me: “Sir? Do you mean the cheese sticks?”

Customer: “No, no. The breadsticks with cheese!”

Me: *clicking the cheese sticks button* “Oh yeah, the breadsticks with cheese! I can do that for you!”

Customer: “Thank you! You have no idea how many other [Store]s don’t know what I’m talking about!”

A Very Scrambled Shortbus

| IL, USA | Awesome Workers, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m the a**-hole in this story. After drinking far too much, a bunch of buddies and I go to this breakfast place. I don’t really want to go, but my buddies insist, so I am barely awake when the waitress comes up to us.)

Waitress: “All right, fellas, what can I get for you?”

(My friends order, then she gets to me.)

Waitress: “And for you?”

Me: “Hmm?”

Waitress: “Food? Mouth? Yours. You know. Restaurant stuff.”

Me: “Oh! Right, sorry. Eggs and bacon, please.”

Waitress: “How you want those eggs, hon?”

Me: “Orange juice.”

Waitress: “Oh… ‘shortbus.’ Your name’s ‘shortbus’ now. I’ll be back with your Orange Juice Eggs.”

Me: “Oh, god! No! Scrambled! I meant scrambled!”

Done With You

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work as a server, attending to a husband and wife. From the get-go, I get the sense that the wife is looking for something to be mad about. The husband, meanwhile, was quite affable and desperately trying to make up for his wife’s grouchiness by being extra pleasant. Taking their order, she is very specific about how she wants her salad, which is fine, and I take great pains to ensure it come out from the kitchen correctly. When I deliver their meals, the husband starts chowing down, but the wife spends a good five minutes inspecting her dish. Finally, after ostensibly finding nothing wrong with her meal, she sighs heavily and eats her meal. Since she looks so unhappy, I check up a few more times than usual, just to cover my own butt.)

Me: “Is everything to your liking?”

Husband: “Oh, yes. I really enjoyed the food.”

(The wife didn’t say much of anything, choosing instead to mutter under her breath. Finally, I notice that their plates are empty, so I go to pre-bus their table. The husband sheepishly thanks me for an excellent meal. Now, her plate is completely empty; no sauce to lick up, nothing. I go to take it away, when…)

Customer: “HEY! Why are you taking that away?! Did I say I was done?!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am! I assumed as much because the plate is completely empty.”

Customer: *looks at her own plate* “…Oh, I guess I WAS done!”

If Life Can’t Give You Lemons…

, | Monument, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a lemonade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we do not have lemonade.”

Customer: “Do you have diet lemonade?”

Me: “…”

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