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    The Kind Of Customer We Want

    , | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I pull in to a local fast food drive-thru.)

    Clerk: *through the speaker* “Hello and thanks for choosing [Company]. What will it be today?”

    Me: *I’ve already decided, so I give my order with no hesitation* “I’ll have [order] with a [drink].”

    Clerk: *playfully with a sassy tone* “All right! A man who knows what he wants.”

    (We finish the order process. I pull around and wait my turn, several cars deep, before I finally get to the window.)

    Clerk: “Hey! It’s the man who knows what he wants.”

    Me: *jokingly* “I’ve changed my mind.”

    Clerk: “Noooooooooo….”

    Comment On Scents Makes No Sense

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a server in a restaurant with an open kitchen. A customer approaches me while I am walking towards the dish pit.)

    Customer: “Hello, ma’am. I loved the food but I have a complaint.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It smells a lot.”

    Me: “What does it smell like, sir?”

    Customer: “Food.”

    (At this point I have no idea what to say.)

    Me: “Sorry, sir. Did you say it smells like food?”

    Customer: “Yes. My lady friends are complaining that their hair is going to smell like food. They just washed it.”

    Me: “Sir, you do know, it is an open kitchen restaurant…”

    Customer: “What do you mean, open kitchen? God, you’re so stupid. Of course it’s an open kitchen. You’re serving food! The people they hire these days…”

    Don’t Be Tardy With The Tardis Drink

    , | Ypsilanti, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a large chocolate shake, and can I still get burgers this late?”

    Me: “Absolutely.”

    Customer: “Great! I want the grilled onion cheddar burger, but no cheese.”

    Me: “So just the onions on the burger?”

    Customer: “Yeah, sorry to be so complicated.”

    Me: “It’s no problem, and honestly it’s not that bad. You’d be surprised at the kind of requests I get through here. Can I get anything else for you today?”

    Customer: *joking* “I’d like a large coke in a small cup to go.”

    Me: “Aw, I wish I could, but unfortunately our cups don’t have Time Lord technology, so they aren’t bigger on the inside.”

    Talking At-At Cross Purposes

    | Austin, TX, USA | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a chain Italian restaurant. I am often asked questions about the menu, but every now and then a customer asks a question that catches me off guard.)

    Customer #1: “No, it’s definitely an AT-AT!”

    Customer #2: “No, it’s an AT-LT!”

    Customer #1: “Ask our waiter. I bet you his tip.”

    (By this point, I have been overhearing this conversation, and the nerd inside me is intrigued by Star Wars trivia.)

    Me: “Can I help you guys with something?”

    Customer #1: “Yeah, my boyfriend here thinks that the robot in star wars that walks on two legs with the little dogs is called the AT-LT. Please tell him it’s an AT-AT?”

    Me: “Actually, I’m sorry but both of you are incorrect; the vehicle you’re thinking of is the AT-ST, which is premiered in the Battle for Hoth, the ice planet, but is actually featured in the Battle of Endor. In fact, that’s what Chewbacca uses to blow the blast doors open for Han Solo and Princess Leia. And the dogs are called Ewoks and they’re native to Endor.”

    Customer #1: “Oh… thanks.”

    (I ended up walking away and since they each bet $20, I actually earned $40. That’s the first time my nerd knowledge actually gained me that much money. May the Force be with you!)

    Making A Fuss Over Small Fry

    , | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a fast food restaurant. We currently have a seafood special that comes with fries and a biscuit.)

    Customer: “Do you have one that comes without fries and a biscuit?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Customer: “How much would that be?”

    (I give her the price, plus tax.)

    Customer: “Okay, I’ll take that. How much does a drink cost?”

    Me: “A dollar.”

    Customer: “So I’ll take that and a drink.”

    (I ring up her order, making sure that she wants it without the fries and biscuit, to which she says yes. I assemble her order and give it to her. She’s not even away from the counter when she starts complaining.)

    Customer: “This is all I get?”

    Me: “Yes, you get eight pieces.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I paid five dollars for this?”

    (Her total was five dollars and change because of the one dollar drink.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. That’s how it comes.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous.”

    (At this point she spots my manager, who comes over to assist.)

    Customer: “It’s ridiculous that I just paid five dollars for this little bit of food!”

    Manager: “Can I see your receipt? The food was $3.99 and the drink was a dollar, plus tax.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, that’s still ridiculous.”

    Manager: “Would you like the fries and a biscuit?”

    Customer: “Yes, I think I would like that.”

    (At this point, I open my mouth, ready to interject that she specifically asked for no fries and no biscuit, just the eight pieces of seafood. But I don’t.)

    Manager: “If you give me one more dollar, you can get the fries and biscuit.”

    (She hands over the dollar and my manager tells me to serve the fries and biscuit. Once I’m finished, I give it to her.)

    Customer: “Thank you! God, that was ridiculous!”

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