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    Came To Within An Inch Of Getting It Right

    , | PA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (After working late shifts at the local discount retailer, I pull into a fast-food drive thru.)

    Drive Thru Worker: “Welcome to [Restaurant], may I take your order?”

    Me: “Hi, I’d like a six-inch nugget please.”

    (There are a couple seconds of silence, and then I hear the speaker turn on and I hear some laughter and giggles in the background.)

    Drive Thru Worker: *barely able to speak without giggling* “Uh… Could you repeat your order?”

    Me: “I’d like a six-inch nug— OH MY GOD! No! I want a SIX-PIECE nugget!”

    (I complete my order and pull around to see the worker and two of his coworkers red-faced and trying to contain their laughter. In the mean time, I’m no better; my face was red with embarrassment. I pay and get my food, and I couldn’t have gotten out of that queue fast enough! I guess I subconsciously wanted to go to the sub shop that night.)

    Hot On The Scent For Trouble

    | USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Top

    (I have a service dog and request a booth so he can sit or lie underneath without being in anyone’s way. He wears a bright red vest with the proper identification of his use and I also carry an ID card proving his certifications for use. That also means there is a little bit of a wait unless we make reservations to let them know about the dog and table requests. This happens when waiting for a table.)

    Customer: “I didn’t know this was one of those dog friendly places.”

    Waitress: “It’s not.”

    Customer: “Well you’d better tell that girl over there she needs to put her dog in the car. Wait, you’re not allowed to sass customers are you? Don’t worry. I’ll tell her.” *to me* “Hey, you. B**** with the dog!”

    (I’m thinking he sees someone else waiting for a table with their dog but when I look over I see him waving a cane at me.)

    Me: “Me?”

    Customer: “Yeah. I’m talking to you. Didn’t you hear? You’re not allowed to bring your f****** dog here. You young people think the rules don’t apply to you! Well, let me tell you, sweetie, the rules apply to everyone!”

    Me: “He’s a medical dog which makes him allowed everywhere your cane is allowed. So why don’t you turn around and take your self-righteous a** back to your seat and keep your nose out of business you have no right to be in?”

    Customer: “You respect your elders, missy! I fought a war for you to be able to take that beast in this fine establishment!”

    Me: “I give respect where respect is deserved. You may have fought a war back then but I need this dog because I fought a war so you can keep your freedoms. And as for my beast, he’s better mannered than you are. At least he knows how to act in public.”

    (The customer paled before scurrying back to his seat and the other people in the restaurant applauded me. We were given a booth as far away as the man as possible right away and the manager brought out food and water for my dog as well.)

    A New Form Of Reverse Psychology

    , | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working the drive thru and we were about to close. I see a car full of high-schoolers pull up to the window and the whole car is backwards. I go see what’s going on.)

    Customer: “I bet you haven’t seen a car drive backwards through your drive thru before!”

    Me: “No, sure haven’t!”

    Customer: “So this means we get free food then right? For being original?”

    Me: “Um, no. Nice try.”

    Customer: “Okay. Had to try.” *drives off in reverse*

    Listen For Those Nuggets Of Information

    , | UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I take orders in the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi, can I take your order, please?”

    Customer: “Can I have a large chicken nugget meal, please?”

    Me: “Sure, what drink?”

    Customer: “LARGE. CHICKEN. NUGGET. MEAL.”

    Me: “Yeah. What drink?”

    (The customer rolls their eyes and sighs before making some comment to the passenger about ‘kids these days.’)

    Customer: “Chicken—”

    Me: “Yes. I heard you say large chicken nugget meal the first time. I asked you what drink?”

    Customer: *laughs* “Oh. Coke!”

    Me: “Any dips?”

    Customer: “COKE!”

    Something Fishy Going On Here

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in a sandwich shop. It is just my boss and me in the shop when a customer comes in.)

    Me: “Hi! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Hi. Could I please have a medium tuna sandwich, please?”

    Me: “Tuna fish? All right.”

    Customer: “Wait, it’s tuna FISH?”

    (Thinking she thought I meant simply slabs of fish, I explained what our product was.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t mean just pieces of fish. It’s tuna salad – albacore tuna fish mixed with mayonnaise and celery.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but it’s still fish, and I hate fish. Why don’t you sub shops just have tuna? Why is it always tuna fish everywhere I go?”

    (My boss had to make the woman’s sandwich, because I couldn’t fathom what was going on.)


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