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    A Pulled-Teeth Burger

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m a cook at a diner with an open kitchen, but because we work with a skeleton crew, I often step onto the floor to help take orders. Today I stepped in to take an order for a man who came in alone.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    (The customer doesn’t respond, and continues staring at the menu. After a few seconds, I continue.)

    Me: “Can I start you off with anything to drink today?”

    Customer: “Burger with fried onions and French fries!”

    Me: “And would you like anything to drink with that?”

    (The customer looks at me like I’m an idiot.)

    Customer: “Of course! A [Soda]!”

    (I proceed to enter and cook his order. After finishing his meal, the customer calls me over again.)

    Customer: “I’d like you to start that burger for my wife!”

    (No one had mentioned any burger to me, or the server.)

    Me: “Ummm, sure! What would she like on it?”

    (Customer stares at me again like I’m an idiot.)

    Customer: “You figure it out! You’re the d*** cook!”

    (It took me a few moments to comprehend what had just occurred. I was somehow, in my infinite capacity as a diner cook, to know what someone whom I’ve never met before wanted on their burger, and that I was at fault for not being able to do so. Utterly bewildered, I went back to the kitchen and called the server over.)

    Me: “Listen, I have no idea what’s going on, but the guy at B4 just placed a burger order for his wife, but won’t tell me what to put on it. Can you please find out?”

    (The server comes back almost ten minutes later, during which I had to take the remaining customers orders while cooking.)

    Server: “That was like pulling f****** teeth! Apparently she wants fried onions and mushrooms on it, no cheese.”

    Me: “What side?”

    (Server gets a look of horror on her face and looks over at the customer. She had forgotten to ask.)

    Server: “She wants fries. Give her fries.”

    The Brain Freeze Will Make No Difference

    | Calgary, AB, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (So I work at a college as a coffee server. I really wonder how some people made it this far. I am prepping a customers order. She turns to her friend.)

    Customer: “Do you want your double-double?”

    Friend: “No, thanks, I’m going to get an iced cappuccino.”

    Customer: “It’s below 10 out.”

    Friend: “Yeah, but I gave up caffeine for Lent, so I’m going to have an iced cap.”

    Customer: “You know there caffeine in that, right?”

    Friend: “Yes, in a HOT cappuccino. When you freeze it you kill the caffeine, so therefore it’s caffeine free. The sugar will keep me awake.”

    Comic: Starting A New Year Revolution

    , | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Comics, Food & Drink, Holidays

    Totally Free From Thought, Part 2

    , | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (We have a rewards card: one stamp with every purchase and every five purchases, you get a free doughnut.)

    Customer: *picking up a rewards card* “What are these?”

    Me: “One stamp per purchase. Every five purchases, you get a free doughnut.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, I’ll have a doughnut.”

    Me: *stamps card*

    (Customer walks away, comes back a few minutes later.)

    Customer: “I’ll have another doughnut.”

    Me: “Glad you liked the first one!” *stamps card*

    (Customer wanders off again, comes back again… and again… and again…)

    Me: “You know you’ve just spent $18 when you could have gotten the $14.95 pack?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but this way, I get a free doughnut!”

    Related:
    Totally Free From Thought

    Shaping Up To Be An Awful Night

    | MA, USA | Awesome Workers, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work in a fancy little restaurant dealing with snooty stuck-up rich people.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like the [Restaurant Name] salad, and I want the avocado slices on the left side of the salad.”

    Me: “All right, we’ll put the order in and have your salads up in a few minutes.”

    (Roughly 10 minutes go by. I grab the food from the kitchen.)

    Me: “Here are your salads.”

    Customer: “What the h***l is this! I SAID I WANTED THE AVOCADO ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SALAD!”

    (I notice that I served him his salad with the avocado on the right.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, just let me rectify this.”

    (I proceed to spin his salad around for him so now the avocado is on his left.)

    Customer: “WELL, NOW ALL I HAVE IS A BACKWARDS SALAD! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER! I’M GOING TO MAKE SURE YOU GET FIRED BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE THE MOST INCOMPETENT WAITER THERE IS THAT YOU CAN’T LISTEN TO SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS AND KNOW YOUR LEFT AND RIGHT!”

    (I walk to my manager, quickly explain the issue, and he walks over to the customer.)

    Customer: “Your employee here is an absolute disgrace! I can’t imagine why [Restaurant Owner] hired them. They don’t even know their left from right! I demand reconciliation and the cost of the rest of my meal be compensated for this vast incompetence.”

    Manager: “Well, sir, I’d like to explain a simple fact. We are not going to be comping your meal; your argument and complaint is absolutely ridiculous. The salad is on a circular plate, there are no sides to a salad. It cannot be backwards. I apologize for your problem with shapes and hope you have a wonderful night.”

    Me: “So, what would you like to order for entrees, or would you just like the bill?”

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