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  • Acting His Shoe Size

    | NY, USA | Awesome Workers, Rude & Risque

    (I’m 15 and I work at my father’s sports bar. All legal except I can’t carry alcohol. I receive inappropriate comments from time to time from the intoxicated men I’m surrounded by. I am bussing a group’s table when this happens.)

    Customer: “Hey I like your shoes! Do you like mine?”

    Me: “Uh, yeah, sure. They’re nice.”

    Customer: “They’re a size twelve. You know what they say about big feet?”

    (After realizing the situation was heading this direction I tried to come up with the wittiest answer I could muster.)

    Me: “Um, big egos?”

    It’ll Be With You In Two Shakes

    , | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (Note that our milkshakes come in small and large, which are served in the small and medium soft drink cups. Our large soft drink cups have a different shape, so they can’t fit under the milkshake spinner. A customer approaches my register to order.)

    Customer: “I just love your peach milkshakes! The large just isn’t big enough though. Why don’t you have them the same sizes as your drinks?”

    (I explain about the machine.)

    Customer: “Oh. So I can’t get an extra large milkshake?”

    Me: “Well, we don’t sell that size. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Can’t you figure out how to ring one up? I just love them so much and the large is never enough!”

    (I have an idea and turn to ask my manager, who is over by the drive through. She agrees, so I come back to the customer.)

    Me: “Well, if you want to buy a small and a large shake, I can then combine them into the big cup. It’s the same size ounce-wise.”

    Customer: “Yes! Oh, yes, I would love that. Your milkshakes are just so good!”

    Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

    (He pays and I go make the milkshakes. While I am, I can hear him telling other customers how awesome our shakes are and how excited he is. My coworkers are amused at me making two shakes and then dumping them into a huge cup. When it’s done, I turn back to the customer.)

    Me: “Do you want whipped cream? I’m afraid the milkshake lid won’t fit since it’s not made for the bigger cup.”

    Customer: “Yes! And that’s okay; I’ll drink it really fast.”

    (I finish off his monster milkshake and hand it to him. He looks like a little kid who’s just met Santa.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much!”

    (He literally skipped out of the restaurant, drinking his shake.)

    A Chain Reaction

    , | TX, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names, Language & Words

    (I stop at a regional fast food chain restaurant for dinner. As I pay, I accidentally pull out a credit card for a big box chain, but realize my mistake and switch cards before swiping. The cashier talks to someone in the drive-through…)

    Cashier: “Welcome to [Big Box Chain]. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

    (I’m not sure I heard that right, but then…)

    Kitchen Worker: “Uh, [Cashier], you realize this is [Fast Food Chain] and not [Big Box Chain].”

    Me: *loud enough they can hear me in the kitchen* “It’s my fault; I took out my [Fast Food Chain] card and he…” *trail off as I realize* “…now I’m doing it.”

    This Will Become Herb And Legend

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working as a bartender in a posh Upper East Side Italian restaurant that often has long waits for tables. Customers are encouraged to order drinks and appetizers from the bar. We have just begun offering Neapolitan style pizzas as an appetizer. An older, affluent couple sits down in the bar area and proceeds to order drinks and ask about our different pizza offerings.)

    Customer: “Could you tell us a little more about your white pizza.”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It is a thin Neapolitan style pizza topped with olive oil and an herb and cheese blend.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do we look like saggy pants wearing, hip hop rap loving, people? This is an affluent, sophisticated neighborhood. Why would you even consider serving us urban cheese. Do we look like we are on welfare?”

    Customer’s Wife: *loudly* “I mean, my god, what would make you think your customers would ever pay $14 for something with urban cheese on it. I am disgusted at the thought.”

    Me: “I am terribly sorry to have caused you so much concern. I believe I may have spoken too fast and caused a misunderstanding. The pizza bianca con erbe e formaggio is a pizza without tomato sauce, instead it is made with olive oil and an HERRRB and cheese blend.”

    (They asked for a moment to think about it, and as I returned to the bar I noticed they very quietly got up and left the restaurant.)

    A New Form Of Pest Control

    , | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a popular fast food restaurant on a weekday. We are not extremely busy, but did have a fairly large drive-thru line. A man comes into the dining room and places his order wearing his work uniform. He is the only person in the dining room but he only waits about three minutes before coming to the counter to complain.)

    Customer: “I have been waiting for my order for f***** ever, and want to speak with your manager, and I want my meal for free.”

    (The manager comes over after hearing the customer.)

    Manager: “How can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for f****** ever, and I expect my food now, and I expect it for free.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry but we serve on a ‘first-come, first-serve basis’ and have a long line in the drive-thru. I can give you a discount on your order, but we can’t give it to you for free.”

    Customer: “Your corporate offices are going to hear about your s**** service and you’ll be fired.”

    (The customer storms out and I ask my manager what happened. He said this customer comes in about once a month to do this, but never wore a uniform before. It turns out the customer worked for a pest control company which our restaurant uses for routine sprays around the building. My manager calls the number on the customer’s uniform and tells them what has happened and that we’ll be using a different service from now on. A couple of days later the customer comes in again.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m very sorry for how I acted the other day. Will you call my boss and ask them if I can have my job back?”

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