Always Have To Go When You Have To Go

| UK | Crazy Requests

Me: *speaking over screeching fire alarms* “We’re evacuating the building immediately… Let me show you to the fire exit.”

Customer: “Do I have time to use the toilet?”

Avoid A Shake With The Snake

| WA, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(It’s Valentine’s day and my boyfriend and I are at a restaurant. While we are waiting for a table, we go to a pet store next door where we hold a ball python. After we get seated, he gets up to go the bathroom to wash his hands. On his way, he passes a waiter that we know well.)

Waiter: “Hey, man, how’s it going?” *sticks out his hand to shake*

Boyfriend: “Sorry, man, I’d shake but I was just playing with a python.”

(It didn’t the hit him until he was in the bathroom how dirty it sounded.)

Turning Into A Boating Disaster

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(I work at a Japanese restaurant, and we do take-outs.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to order some takeout, please.”

Me: “Sure! Please take a seat and fill out our takeout menu form, sir.”

(A couple minutes later, the customer approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, ready to order?”

Customer: “Actually, no. It says here on the menu that you guys sell sushi boats for takeout?”

Me: “Yes, we certainly do.”

Customer: “Does it come with the wooden boat?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since this is a takeout order, the love boat order will be packed in a large plastic tray.”

Customer: “Oh, d***. The only reason I would ever order that is if it came with the boat!”

(The customer places his order, and says he’ll be back in 20 minutes to pick it up. He comes back 10 minutes later.)

Customer: “Is my order ready yet?”

Me: “It should be about 10 more minutes. Sorry about that. Would you like a water or hot tea to drink while you wait?”

Customer: “No! Actually, do you know where I can buy alcohol at this time?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am not of legal drinking age yet so I wouldn’t know.”

Customer: “Does that mean I get a discount on my food?”

Scrambling Up The Order

| Paris, France | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Woman: “I want an omelette: no mushrooms, no meat, no onion, no salt, no pepper, and could the eggs be scrambled?”

Waiter: “So, you want scrambled eggs with tomatoes and cheese?”

Woman: “No, I want an omelette.”

Not Your Regular Zombie Apocalypse

, | USA | April Fool's Day, Zombies

(I am nearing the end of my shift. Unfortunately the zombie apocalypse started a few hours ago and so my coworkers and I are trying to add defenses to the doors and the windows. An obnoxious regular is trying to get in.)

Regular: “I want my triple cheeseburger, d*** it!”

Me: “Sir! Please get in your car and drive home! Your family will want to see you in this time of need!”

Regular: “F*** my family! And f*** you! You lazy good-for-nothing are just using any excuse not to serve me!”

Coworker: “Sir! Get away from the door! We need to lock it and defend ourselves!”

(My coworker rolls his eyes at the situation and goes into the kitchen to make sure the doors are locked there. Just then, I notice the regular has a bite-mark on his arm.)

Me: “Sir, you’ve been bit!”

Regular: “D*** right! I hit that stupid low-life right back, though! You should–”

(The regular stops talking, a look of abrupt calm on his face. Suddenly, I realize he is turning. I try to finish locking the doors but it is too late. The regular now has a bloodthirsty look in his eyes and is about to attack me, when suddenly…)

Coworker: “Yaaaargh!”

(My coworker rushes a knife from the kitchen. He savagely attacks the zombified regular, with multiple stabs to the brain to bring him down. After the ordeal he is standing there, breathing heavily, covered in blood, staring down at the corpse.)

Me: “Well done getting the zombie.”

Coworker: *looks up in confusion* “He was a zombie?”

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