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    Accenting The Listening Problem

    , | WA, USA | Bizarre, Language & Words

    (I’m working in the drive-thru and taking orders. Note: I have no accent and I’m frequently complimented on how clearly I speak in the drive-thru.)

    Me: “Hi would you like to try our new sandwich?”

    Customer: “ENGLISH!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Oh, you do speak English.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’ve been speaking English this entire time.”

    Customer: “I thought you were speaking another language.”

    No Longer Power-Mad Over Those With Power

    , | TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

    (At the fast food place where I work we’re constantly getting customers complaining about the prices of our food, mostly when it’s only women working the counter. Though we tell them they can call the number provided to complain to our main branch, they never do. This day, however, corporate representatives, including the owner of the store, was at our restaurant for a routine inspection.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe how high this stuff is! This is ridiculous!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we have no control over the prices.”

    Customer: “It’s still f***ed up! You need to lower the prices!”

    Manager: “Sir, I have no control the price of the food. However, if you have a problem with it, you can go talk to the man in the tie right over there. He’s the one that sets the prices.”

    (The man looks at the owner and turns back, red-faced. He takes his food and leaves the store, not even glancing back in the direction of the owner.)

    Manager: “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

    (He’s never complained about the prices since.)

    The Place With The Dragon Menu

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Does anyone have any questions regarding the menu?”

    Guest: “Yes. I see here that you have a dragon sushi roll on your menu. Now is that REAL dragon or imitation dragon?”

    (I chuckle and smile and wait maybe three seconds before I realize that this is a legitimate question. I look at her friends who are mortified and respond.)

    Me: “Oh, no, ma’am, that is absolutely real dragon! In fact here at [Restaurant Group] we’ve employed an entire department to make special trips to England to hunt and slay dragons. I believe the dragon we have today was killed two days ago and picked up this morning from Savannah.”

    Guest: “Well, good, because I just absolutely can’t stand imitation dragon.”

    If Only You Could Listen To Yourself

    | ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I work on the drive-thru. It is in the winter and after we close. I pull my car up near the drive-thru window so I can run a cord out to the block heater while we close up. Most of the store lights are off, including the drive-thru menu and ‘open’ sign. Any cars that pull up after close hear an automated message: ‘thanks for your visit, but we are currently closed.’ As I’m cleaning, I can overhear the message on a headset that’s still on, but I ignore it; we usually get lots of customers showing up after close. About 20 minutes after, as we’re nearly finished, we suddenly hear banging and shouting at the window. The manager goes to the window and tries to tell her we’re closed, but she won’t have it, so he opens the window.)

    Lady: “What the f*** is going on here?! I’ve been in line 20 minutes and there’s not even anyone in this car!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, we’ve been closed for over 30 minutes now.”

    Lady: “So why is the car just sitting here?!”

    Manager: “That’s an employee’s car; we’re warming it up so it’ll be warm when we go.”

    Lady: “That’s fine, but what about my order? The car is in the way you know! Your dumb-a** employee shouldn’t park in the drive-thru.”

    Manager: “Well, I told you. We’re closed now.”

    Lady: “Well, I ordered 20 minutes ago. What happened to that?”

    (We all took off our headsets as soon as we closed, but my manager asked us if we took an order anyway.)

    Manager: “No one here talked to you, ma’am.”

    (The lady looks at me and the other guy standing behind the manager.)

    Lady: “Well, some lady took my order. She shouldn’t have done that if you’re closed”

    (At this point, we all figure out what has happened.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, the only lady that worked tonight left four hours ago. Did you actually listen to what they said to you?”

    Lady: “Yes. Well, no, not really. She answered and I placed my order. I was on the phone at the time.”

    Manager: “Well, sorry, but that was an automated message informing you that we we’re closed.”

    Lady: “…well, it should be more clear when you’re not open!”

    (She walked away before we could point out the three different signs she would have passed that have our hours listed.)

    Drive Straight Thru His Lie

    | Metairie, LA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I work at a restaurant that is always closed on Sundays. Like, it has been every single week since the 1940s when it opened. One Sunday afternoon our restaurant owner is in the parking lot doing some work on our flower beds and someone drives up to the drive-thru speaker:)

    Customer: “Hello? HELLOOOOOOO! ANSWER ME! Son of a b****! This is OUTRAGEOUS!”

    (The restaurant owner calmly walks over to the customer in the car, and says:)

    Owner: “Hello, sir, is everything all right?”

    Customer: “NO! I JUST came through the drive-thru and paid over $30 for my meals, and I got ALL THE WAY HOME and realized that they left out my number one meal! I DEMAND that you give me my meal for free AND refund my whole order because my family is waiting on me at home and ALL OF OUR FOOD IS GOING TO BE COLD! I will not pay for this!”

    (The store owner, who loves to catch people in a lie, just kept asking more questions.)

    Owner: “So you’re telling me you were JUST here?”

    Customer: “Yes! And I got all the way home and YOU left my meal out of the bag!”

    Owner: “I see. Do you have your receipt? Or your bag with your food? I’d be happy to replace all of your meals for you if you have the receipt.”

    Customer: “NO! I left them at home with my other food! Can you get them to hurry up? I need to get back home because my family is waiting on me!”

    Owner: “So you’re sure you were JUST here? At THIS restaurant?”

    Customer: “YES! God, what is wrong with you people?! I was here like 15 minutes ago, in THIS drive-thru!”

    Owner: “Well, sir, I just wanted to let you know I know for a fact that you weren’t here 15 minutes ago getting food.”

    Customer: “…what?”

    Owner: “See, I’m the owner of this restaurant, and we’ve been closed every single Sunday since we opened. There is no one inside right now, and there hasn’t been anyone inside all day. So there’s no way you got your food here 15 minutes ago, I have your vehicle on our parking lot surveillance, and I want to kindly ask you never to come back to my establishment again!”

    (The guy then sped out of the parking lot!)

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