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  • This Round He Lost (In Translation), Part 4
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    Wish You Could Just Hide In A Wardrobe

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

    (I’m a hostess at a restaurant. I am getting a customer’s information for a reservation later that night.)

    Me: “Can I get your last name?”

    Customer: “Aslan.”

    Me: “Oh! Like the lion from Narnia!”

    Customer: “Yes!” *laughs hysterically”

    (Later that night the customer comes for her reservation. I have already left for the day and there is a new hostess on for night shift.)

    Customer: *approaches host stand and ROARS at the hostess*

    Hostess: “Uhm… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Like the lion!?”

    Hostess: “… Right.”

    A Culling Of A Cullen

    | WI, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Love/Romance

    (I work as a waitress at a sit down restaurant near the mall. We’re slowing down for the night and the place is pretty empty. I’m in the middle of cleaning off my table when I overhear this conversation happening between some teens in the corner booth.)

    Teen Girl: *to Teen Boy #2* “It’s not the size that matters, but what you do with it.”

    Teen Boy #1: “Yeah, it’s all about the motion of the ocean!”

    Ditzy Teen Girl: “It’s all in the sparkle.”

    Teen Boy #2: “Wha— I’m not Edward f****** Cullen!”

    (I barely made it back to the kitchen before laughing.)

    Their Service’s Days Are Numbered

    | CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Themed Giveaway

    (The restaurant I work at has a rewards program that is linked to the customer’s phone number. Occasionally, they receive text messages about various promotions.)

    Customer: “I haven’t received any text messages lately for the rewards program. I used to get them all the time.”

    Me: “That’s weird! I wonder what happened? Would you like us to double check that you’re still in the system?”

    Customer: “I guess I should give you my new number.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem.”

    Customer: “It’s just weird. I got the texts just fine on my old number, but then I got a new phone number and now I don’t get any.”

    Me: “Wait. You created a rewards program membership under your old phone number, you didn’t let us know you got a new phone number until now, and you’re upset because you can’t figure out why you weren’t receiving the promos?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: ” … I imagine updating your phone number will help.”

    Allow Me To (Mind)Read You The Menu

    | Solon, OH, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    (It’s a very busy night, and I am currently waiting on five tables. My current customer is an older male.)

    Me: “Sir, what can I get for you tonight?”

    Customer: “Oh, you know.”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Oh, you know what I want.”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

    (The customer looks at his son for help.)

    Son: “Dad, you have to tell her what you want to eat.”

    Customer: “She KNOWS what I want.”

    Son: “Just order some food Dad. She isn’t a mind reader.”

    Customer: “Steak.”

    Me: “What kind, sir? We have sirloin, filet, t-bone—”

    Customer: “Oh, you know.”

    (This proceeds for about five minutes, selecting his steak, the temperature, and sides. Finally I get to the son, who has been deciphering the conversation.)

    Me: “And for you, sir?”

    Son: “… I forgot.”

    Platinum Member, Bronze Behavior

    , | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a concession stand/food court inside a casino. At this casino, we have player cards with different levels depending on the amount of money a customer spends. A regular with the highest level (platinum) card comes at least twice a week to the Asian stand. Every time we see her the conversation is the same.)

    Customer: *very rudely* “I want a chicken fried rice, no carrots or peas, no egg, no bean sprouts, no oil, no salt, with broccoli fried extra soft, to go.”

    (She orders this exact thing every time.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am. That will be [total]. Thank you, and do you have your card for discount?”

    (I swipe her player card for a discount, she pays cash, and then waits for her order. Her order comes up fresh from the wok, and I check the order EXTREMELY well to make sure that everything is in order. The customer is waiting at the counter tapping her foot impatiently. I give her the box and wish her a good day. 10 minutes pass before she comes back, red faced and angry. She’s maybe taken one bite from her food.)

    Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! I ordered a chicken fried rice, no carrots or peas, no egg, no bean sprouts, no oil, no salt, with broccoli fried EXTRA soft, to go! I want to speak with [Manager] immediately!”

    (The order WAS exactly how she ordered it. That’s why we always check the order for her.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Let me grab [Manager] and we’ll make you a new one right away!”

    Customer: *smiling smugly* “Thank you, sweetie.”

    (The manager comes out and has a quiet discussion with the upset platinum customer.)

    Customer: “My food was old, and cold, and you put things in the rice that I didn’t order. Everything was just wrong!”

    Manager: “Perhaps you would care to fill out a comment card, and I will take care of the issue.”

    (Meanwhile, I am in the back talking with our chef about the customer. Our chef is obviously a little upset that the customer can do this so consistently because she’s a platinum member, so we cannot turn away her service. We agree that nothing is wrong with the food and throw it in the microwave to warm it up. I go back out and hand the food to the customer, who is handing the comment card to my manager.)

    Me: “I’m so, so sorry that happened. Here. Look it over to make sure it’s right this time.”

    (She looks it over and nods.)

    Customer: *still smug* “This is exactly how I wanted it, honey. Thank you for making another one!”

    (My manager waits a few moments to make sure the customer is well on her way before throwing the comment card in the trash.)

    Manager: “She comes in here every week and does that!”


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