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    Can’t Imagine Why You Can’t Use Imaginary Coupons

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I greet a table of ten. In the middle of introducing myself this happens:)

    Customer: “I have a coupon.”

    Me: “Okay, hang on to it. It is applied at the end.”

    Customer: “Hang onto it? I don’t have it with me. Is that a problem?”

    Me: “So, you want to use a coupon that you don’t have with you?”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you have coupons if you won’t accept them.”

    Me: “…”

    Waiting For The Bad Customer That Never Comes

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Time

    (I’m getting food at a rather well-known fast-food joint that specializes in American-Chinese cuisine. I’ve just finished placing a large order.)

    Cashier: “The [dish] is out right now. Would you like something else, or would you like to wait? It’ll be about 10 minutes to make another batch.”

    Me: “I’m fine with waiting. Thank you.”

    Cashier: “Okay, that’ll be [total]. Can I have your name so I can call you when it’s all ready?”

    (I give her my name, pay, and take a step back to wait. About three minutes pass and I notice her walking out to me with a cup.)

    Cashier: “Sir, I’m sorry it’s taking so long. Would you like a complimentary drink?”

    Me: “Uh… sure, I guess. It’s really no problem though. Only 10 minutes, right?”

    Cashier: “Thank you for being so understanding!”

    (She hands me the cup and goes back to serving other customers. Another three minutes pass and I notice one of her coworkers is waving me over to the counter.)

    Coworker: “We’re really sorry for the wait, sir. Would you like a complimentary order of egg rolls for your trouble?”

    Me: “Thank you for the offer, but no. Seriously, I’m really fine with the wait. It’s no problem.”

    Coworker: “Okay, then. Just let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.”

    (I step back from the counter and wait a few more minutes until the cashier calls my name.)

    Cashier: “Here you are, sir! I’m so sorry for the delay, I tossed in a few orders of egg rolls and rangoon because it took so long.”

    Me: “Really, that’s very nice, but you didn’t have to do that. You were up-front with the wait time and it took almost exactly what you told me. You really don’t owe me any free food or even the drink.”

    (Suddenly it all clicks.)

    Me: “People still freak out when they have to wait even after you tell them how long it’s going to be, don’t they?”

    Cashier: “You have no idea. Have a great day!”

    Fire Sale Fail

    , | Stettler, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

    (We have a small electrical fire at our fast food restaurant. My fellow coworkers and I have just checked the building to make sure all the customers are out. Most of my coworkers have inhaled smoke and are being checked out by EMT’s. I’m standing near the doors to keep customers out.)

    Customer: “I ordered $40 worth of food. Why are you standing outside?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, we’ve had a small electrical fire…”

    (The building is clearly filled with smoke, visible through the windows that surround the restaurant.)

    Customer: “Well, is my chicken ready? Someone can just go get it. I’ve already paid.”

    Me: “You want someone to go into a burning building in order to get your chicken?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    (Before I could respond my supervisor comes back from being checked out.)

    Supervisor: “Ma’am, even if someone did get your chicken, it wouldn’t be safe to eat. It was in the warming tray right below where the smoke came pouring out of the roof.”

    Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I’M A PAYING CUSTOMER AND I WANT MY CHICKEN!”

    (I walk away and leave my supervisor to deal with the customer. Shortly after I see the supervisor run back in the building and come out with the customers refund. The customer rips the money out of her hand and storms off, nearly hitting an employee in the parking lot with her car.)

    Supervisor: “I just refunded her $60 and told her she could have fresh chicken in the morning.”

    Me: “Just so you know, she ripped you off. Her order only came to $42.50.”

    Supervisor: “S***.”

    (Thankfully, the damage was mostly in the electrical work and the restaurant was opened the next morning.)

    Wrapped Your Hair Up In A Bun

    | MN, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners

    (I work at a burger place that is known for their burgers but also for their frozen custard. A lady comes in with her husband who both seem to be in their late 30s. They order three separate orders: one order for her meal, which was just a burger and fries; another order of his meal that consisted of just a grilled sandwich; and the last order of two large blended frozen custard that both had some sort of candies mixed in. I’m doing my round of asking every customer how their nights are and how’s the food when I get to this customer.)

    Me: “Hello! How are you two doing tonight?”

    Customer: “We are actually not doing okay! My husband found a hair in his sandwich!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry about that. Let me get you a new one of those!”

    Customer: “While you’re at it, get me your manager over here right now! This is unacceptable!”

    (I grab the sandwich to show the kitchen crew and to remake the sandwich and notice that the hair is blonde and all of us that are working are brunettes. I grab my manager to go talk to her and mention that I found blonde hair in it. All the while the husband still hasn’t said anything, which is odd considering it is his sandwich. I’m bringing out the remake of his sandwich and hear the rest of the argument between the blonde lady and my manager.)

    Manager: “Was there anything wrong with your meal, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, no.”

    Manager: “Then, I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot refund you for your meal. There was nothing wrong with it, especially considering you ate most of it. I also cannot refund you for either of your large desserts. Just because you leave a fifth of both your desserts un-eaten and claim that they tasted horrible and that’s why you didn’t finish it doesn’t mean you would get a refund. I wouldn’t have even taken another bite if it was as horrible as you described. I’m only allowed to refund the sandwich, even when I have a staff full of only brunettes.”

    (As the blonde lady was about to say something, her husband speaks up.)

    Husband: “No. I know what you’re thinking. We are leaving.”

    (Her husband drags her out of the restaurant, taking his sandwich and leaving behind the refund.)

    Husband: “That was ridiculous and a waste of time just so you could save a couple of bucks. I don’t know why you couldn’t have just used your burger and just let me eat mine in peace.”

    Half Agreeing To Half And Half

    | Seaside, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (I am joining my family for dinner when I overhear this exchange between my mother and our waiter:)

    Mom: “Can I have a cappuccino?”

    Waiter: “I am sorry, We do not have any.”

    Mom: “Do you have any green tea?”

    Waiter: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Mom: “Can I have that with vanilla?”

    Waiter: “We do not have any vanilla.”

    Mom: “Nothing vanilla.”

    Waiter: “Vanilla vodka.”

    Mom: “Peppermint? Gingerbread?”

    Waiter: “We do not have any flavorings.”

    Mom: “Any [Flavored Creamers]?”

    Waiter: “We have half and half.”

    Mom: “See, I did not want half and half.”

    (My father breaks his silence and speaks up and says to the waiter.)

    Dad: “Just say yes to whatever she says and bring her half and half.”

    Mom: “That works for me.”

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