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As Basil Fawlty Would Say: “We’re All Out Of Waldorfs”

, , , , | Right | April 15, 2024

I am a hostess and busser, and I very quickly learned that I am not cut out to deal with customers.

Customer: “Waldorf salad.”

I stand there patiently for an actual question. He’s staring back at me like I’m a dumba**.

Customer: “Wall-dawrfff-sal-ud.” 

He’s speaking very slowly like I’m the idiot in this conversation.

Me: “Yes, Waldorf salad.” 

Customer: *Continuing to stare at me* “Waldorf salad.” 

Me: “Fettuccine Alfredo.”

I walk away, and the customer’s shoulders sink and he leaves. My manager is staring at me. 

Manager: “I think that was a spy saying their code phrase to the wrong person.”

That Final Statement Wasn’t Cents-less

, , , , , , , | Right | April 14, 2024

It’s my last night as a delivery driver. The order is $12.98, and the customer hands me $13.

Customer: *Laughing* “Keep the change.”

I rummage through my change pouch, take out two pennies, and toss them back.

Me: “If I wanted your two cents, I would have asked you a f****** question.” 

I walked away. That was my final delivery ever and well worth it.

You’ve Got No Nice For Me, I’ve Got No Nice For You

, , , , | Friendly | CREDIT: b*st*rd_vampire | April 13, 2024

I was having lunch at this restaurant last Sunday with my friend. All the other tables were occupied. Two girls appeared, but since it was packed and there were no empty tables or vacant seats, they just stood there awkwardly, looking around, waiting for some people to get up and leave.

Me: “We’re almost finished. You can have our table after we leave.”

But instead of being thankful, they just threw me a dirty look and rolled their eyes as if I were trying to flirt with them. My face went red, and I didn’t know what to say. I was just trying to be nice. It wasn’t as if I was trying to initiate small talk with them or something. Then, my embarrassment turned to anger. The least they could do was just nod their heads.

Then, I heard one of them speak to the other.

Girl #1: “Maybe we should just go to another restaurant.”

Girl #2: “No, this is the only Chinese restaurant near our place. And that guy—” *points at me with her lips in a not-so-subtle way* “—is almost done.”

Fine. I raised my hand and called a waitress over.

Me: “We would like to have a few more drinks, please.”

She brought them out a few minutes later. My friend was trying so hard to stifle his laughter that I swear he broke a rib or two as we VERY slowly ate the rest of our meal. The rude girls left quickly soon after.

If A Customer Request Seems That Ridiculous, Think Twice

, , , , | Working | April 11, 2024

I am discussing some menu alterations with a kitchen worker when I see one of our new waitstaff walking out into the restaurant with an odd-looking drink. I call out to him.

Me: “Hey! [New Hire]! What… is that?”

New Hire: “Oh! Soapy water. I don’t know why the guy ordered it, but I guess he likes to wash his hands at the table or something?”

Me: “Are you sure he didn’t ask for… soda water?”

A few moments of cogs turning…

New Hire: “Yeah, that makes more sense.”

Hopefully, the customer enjoyed his soda water more than some washing-up liquid in a glass.

Linda Of-Fred

, , , , | Right | April 10, 2024

I work as a shift lead at a local restaurant with a drive-thru. There’s been some concern about credit card fraud recently, so management has asked us to check IDs if something seems like it might be amiss, but they’re also not particularly strict since the restaurant is rather small.

Mostly, we ask if the back has “See ID” in place of a signature or if the card name doesn’t fit the customer’s gender; in the latter case, management is all right with assuming the customer is the holder’s spouse, sibling, etc., as we get a lot of orders for families. It’s worth noting that, to my knowledge, this has not yet caused problems.

One evening, a middle-aged woman pulls up to the window to pay with a masculine name on the card. I’m changing the names here, so we’ll go with “Fred”.

Me: “All right, could I ask for some ID?”

The woman immediately flips from pleasant to hostile.

Customer: “You’re really gonna make me do this?”

Me: “Er, yes, please? Management has asked us to check for security reasons.”

She eventually hands over an ID, still glaring daggers at me. I glance over it and am met with her face over the words, “Fred [Matching Last Name].” Same face, same name. The rest isn’t my business. I run the payment, give her back the cards, and politely let her know her order will be up shortly. Apparently, though, additional information is warranted at high volume. 

Customer: “MY NAME IS LINDA!”

I get how that could be awkward on the receiving end, but I really don’t care what you call yourself. I want to do my job and go home. With any luck, I’ll never see you again anyway.