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    Paging Homeland Security To The Wine Cellar

    | Oregon |

    Me: “May I get something for you ladies to drink?”

    Lady 1: “Um, yes. (to Lady 2) What are you having, dear?”

    Lady 2: “I’ll have the white zinfandel.”

    Lady 1: “Oh yes, I’ll have the infidel, too. Last night I had the marlo!”

    When They Ask Why, It’s Time To Run

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    Me: “Would you like regular ice or ice made from coffee?”

    Customer: “What is ice made from coffee?”

    Me: “It’s … ice … made from … coffee.”

    Customer: *stare*

    Me: “Frozen coffee?”

    Customer: “Um… Why?”

    Me: “Regular ice then. I’ll have that out in just a moment.”

    There Once Was a Man From Nantucket …

    | Nantucket Island, MA |

    (I worked at this local market as a kid during the summers on Nantucket. Here are some questions the tourists asked.)

    Random Customer #1: “Where is the beach?” (We’re on an island???)

    Random Customer #2: “Where’s main street?” (The store was on main street.)

    Random Customer #3: “When did Nantucket become a part of the United States?” (The same time as the rest of Massachusetts. It’s not the 51st state, people.)

    Random Customer #4: “What is that one – O-RAY-oh?” (We serve ice cream; Oreo is one of our flavors).

    Welcome to People’s Pizza, Comrade

    , | USA | Top

    Old man: “Well, I’d like 3 slices, all meat and a Coke.”

    Me: “Is Pepsi okay? We don’t serve Coke anymore.”

    Old man: “WHAT?!?!?!?!? YOU DON’T SERVE COKE? ANYMORE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”

    Me: “Well, we used to sell both brands. It was just far too expensive to keep both stocked when most people aren’t devastated by not having Coke.”

    Old man: “THAT’S ABSURD! WHO DOESN’T SELL COKE! THAT’S INSANITY!”

    Me: (at this point, I’m egging him on and holding back laughter) “Well…you can go next door. The convenience store probably sells Coke, but I can’t guarantee it.”

    Old man: “That’s what I’ll do! You won’t get my $0.75!”

    Me: “Umm…okay. I’ll have your pizza in just a minute.”

    His wife: “Don’t mind him. He’s crazy.”

    Old man: “Shut it! What kind of a day and age is it when you don’t sell Coke? It’s just plain un-American.”

    Me: “…you know Coke cans are red. Like communism. ”

    Source

    “Blurgh!?” Is Right

    , | USA | Top

    Customer in an ice cream shop: “Wait, your mint ice cream is white?”

    Me: “That’s right. We don’t use artificial colors in our ice cream.”

    Customer: “So shouldn’t your Orange Cream ice cream be green, since oranges are green?”

    Me: “Blurgh!?”

    Source

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