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    Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

    | Louisville, KY, USA | Top

    (I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)

    Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”

    Me: “They are 10 inch pizzas, sir.”

    Husband: “Well how big is 10 inches?

    (And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)

    Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about 10 inches, dear.”

    (I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    With Great Pizza Comes Great Responsibility

    , | Louisiana, USA |

    (A hospital calls to order pizza.)

    Manager: “Thank you for calling *****, would you like to try the Superhero Special?”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Manager: “It’s an extra large, three topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”

    Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”

    Manager: *laughs* “Only if its delivered to the psych ward, ma’am!”

    Playing Along

    , | Portland, OR, USA | Top

    Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

    Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”

    Me: “Errr…no.”

    Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”

    Me: “Oh! Yes.”

    Customer: “Really?”

    Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

    God Complex

    | Florida, USA |

    (I hostess at an upscale restaurant in a very nice part of town. I get a call like this about once a night on weekends, which are super busy.)

    Customer: “Can I get a reservation for four at 7 tonight for Dr. xxx?”

    Me: “I’m very sorry sir, we’re booked solid from 6 to 10. I can get you a reservation for tomorrow night if you’re interested.”

    Customer: “But I’m a doctor.”

    If A Is Equal To B …

    | Colorado, USA |

    (Mexican restaurant; the pico de gallo salsa is the same as mild)

    Lady: “I’ll have the pico de gallo and the mild.”

    Me: “Oh, well, they’re the same thing.”

    Lady: “…But I want both.”

    Me: “O…K…” *scoops pico de gallo* “…there’s the pico, and…” *adds another scoop* “…there’s the mild.”

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