Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living, Part 2

, | Denver, CO, USA | Top

(Everyone I work with knows I’m gay. A customer has just paid for her order.)

Customer: “Stop staring at my boobs!”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “You heard me!”

Me: “Lady, I was just counting the money you gave me.”

Customer: “No, you were staring at my boobs and pretending to count the money. Let me talk to your manager right now! I’m going to get you fired!”

(Before I can say anything, one of my male coworkers comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest.)

Coworker: “I’m the manager. Are you bothering my boyfriend?”

Customer: *takes her food and leaves*

Coworker’s girlfriend, to me: “Hey, wanna come over tonight?”

Related:
Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

The Only Thing Toasted Is His Mind

, | Commerce Township, MI, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I don’t want my sandwich toasted.”

Me: “No problem, sir. We actually don’t have a toaster here, so you don’t have to worry.”

Customer: “OH YES YOU DO! The last sandwich I got was toasted!”

Me: “Um. Are you sure it was from this store?”

Customer: “Yes. It was from this exact store, and it was toasted so bad I almost couldn’t eat it.”

Me: “I’m not sure how that’s possible, sir. We honestly don’t have a toaster, and we never have.”

Customer: “Oh, so now I don’t know what toasted bread looks like?”

Me: “I–”

Customer: “The top of my bread was brown. And do you know what makes bread brown?”

Me: “The crust?”

Customer: “A TOASTER!”

(Seriously, no toaster. Ever. At all.)

Jonesin’ For Some Pepperoni

, | British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(An older lady called in to comment about the sauce of one of our most popular pizzas.)

Customer: “It’s as though you people put crack in it!”

Me: *laughs* “It is pretty good…”

Customer: “So, do you?”

Me: “Do we… what?”

Customer: “Put crack in it.”

Me: “…are you asking if we put cocaine in our pizza sauce?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “No. I’m pretty sure they stopped putting drugs like that into food and medicine by the 1940s.”

Customer: “Oh. Really? Because it would explain a lot. I just can’t stop eating this pizza!”

Unlimited Food, Limited Intelligence

| Delaware, USA | Uncategorized

(I’ve just served the customers their unlimited salad bowl…)

Customer: “Well, where’s my salad?”

Me: “The bowl on the table is for everyone to share. That’s why I brought everyone their own salad plates.”

Customer: “Yes, but where is my bowl of salad? Don’t I get my own?”

Me: “Well, it’s supposed to be served family style where everyone eats from the same bowl.”

Customer: “So, they are trying to cheat me out of my salad.”

Me: “Well, it’s an unlimited salad bowl so you get unlimited free refills.”

Customer: *turns to his wife* “See, that’s where they get you. There’s always a catch…”

Me: “Just let me know if you need more salad…”

With Thought, Care And Testosterone

| Rockaway Beach, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Female Conference Attendee: “Where’s the cook? This food is amazing, and I want to give my regards to the cook.”

Me: “That’s great to hear – if you wait a moment, I’ll get him out of the back.”

(I return with the cook.)

Me: “This is ****, and he is our head cook.”

Attendee: *looking behind the head cook* “No, seriously – where’s the cook? I need to talk with her.”

Cook: “Ma’am, I am the cook. How can I help you?”

Attendee: *looking askance* “You are NOT the cook. You cannot BE the cook. The food here is so wonderful, so full of love – it MUST be cooked by a woman.”

Cook: “All right, you caught us. The real cook has her day off today. We’ll thank her when she gets back tomorrow.”

Attendee: “Yes, you will.” *muttering as she walks away* “Men who cook…sheesh.”

Page 217/256First...215216217218219...Last