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    Making Lemonade Out Of Lemons, Literally

    | Valencia, CA, USA |

    (Well, it was at a seafood restaurant, but it’s happened at other places. Servers from all over know about it)

    Me: “And what would you like to drink today?”

    Customer: “Five waters. We also need more sugar. And please bring a lot of lemons.”

    (I bring them extra lemons and more sugar, but it was not enough)

    Customer: “We gonna need a helluva lot more than that!”

    (Turns out they needed all of this to make LEMONADE at the table! Talk about cheap…)

    Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    Me: “So, what can I get you?”

    Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*

    Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”

    Hobo: “I want some toast!”

    Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”

    Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want…french toast.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Hobo: “I want some french toast. How much does that cost?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have french toast.”

    Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

    Me: “Um…toast?”

    Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”

    Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”

    The Surer They Are, The Stupider They Get

    , | Lagoon, UT, USA |

    (I work in a burger stand)

    Me: “Welcome, what can I get for you?”

    Lady: “I would like a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “Umm…would you just like a hamburger?”

    Lady: “No. I would like specifically a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “Are you sure? A cheeseburger is 25 cents more than a hamburger.”

    Lady: “Yes, I’m sure.”

    The Return Of Captain Obvious

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

    Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

    Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

    Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

    Captain Obvious To The Rescue
    Belaboring The Obvious

    Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

    Customer: “…okay.”

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