Piss Poor Pizza Poacher

, | Burnaby, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’m supposed to get a free pizza because you guys made it wrong last time.”

Me: “Okay, sir, can I have your address please?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “So I can look up your credit… we file them by address.”

(He gives me his address, which isn’t in the file. I try every possible means to verify his story, and am finally convinced that he’s lying.)

Me: “Did the person you dealt with last time ask for your address?”

Customer:“No, they just said I could have a free pizza.”

Me: “Did they happen to give you their name?”

Customer: “No, it was just some guy.”

(I’m the only male manager at the restaurant.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you a free pizza.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I have no record of it. I can’t just give pizza away to anybody who says we screwed up.”

Customer: “Are you calling me a liar?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Excuse me?! What is your name?”

Me: “My name is ‘guy-who’s-not-giving-you-a-free-pizza,’ what’s yours?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, haven’t you ever heard that the customer is always right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s what people say when they’re trying to rip us off.” *click*

It’s What’s For Dinner

, | Stanwood, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Coworker: Welcome to [fast food burger joint], what’s your beef?

Customer: “I ain’t got a beef, you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?”

Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?”

Customer: ¬†”Yes, I want some beef, you gonna bring it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it, you payin’?”

Customer: ¬†”Course I’m payin’, you makin’?”

Coworker: ¬†”Yes we’re makin’.”

Customer: ¬†”Good, how much?”

Coworker: ¬†”You have to order first, sir.”

Customer: “Oh yeah…”

You Know What They Say About Idle Hands…

, | Port St. Lucie, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], may I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a one of those large philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [competitor].”

Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.”

Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [competitor] does.”

Customer: “Let me talk to your manager, because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your bosses number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.”

Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.”

Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!”

Doctoring Under The Influence

| Portland, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.)

Drunken table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!”

Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!”

(They proceed to order 10 different, complex cocktail orders.)

Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.”

(Five minutes later…)

Lady at drunken table: “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!”

Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.”

Lady at drunken table: “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!”

Doctor at drunken table: “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!”

It’s Just Like Disneyland, But With Funny Accents

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(At a fairly new nice french restaurant. Chef comes to dining area to interact with the customers; he has an obvious French accent.)

Chef: “Hi ladies, how was everything?”

Customer: “The food was delicious. Where did you learn to cook?”

Chef: “Well, I was born in France and went to school there.”

Customer: “Really? Do you speak French? I mean, I know everyone in Europe speaks English, but do you know French?”

Chef: *walks away disgusted*

Page 217/250First...215216217218219...Last