You Can Never Be Too Careful

| Florida, USA | Top

Young girl, maybe six: “Hi, I need a table for 4 please.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”


(The mom, dad and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Young girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

Young girl: “Oh…”

This Land Was Made For Me Not You

, | Medford, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like two bean burritos, 2 fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.”

Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You mean fajitas?”

Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!”

It’s All In The Wrist

, | Oregon, USA | Top

Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?”

Customer: “Here.”

Me: “That will be $8.42.”

(The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.)

Customer: “Wham!”

Me: *blank stare*

(The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.)

Customer: “Oh. whoops! Lets try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!”

Watch For Grease Stains In The Concord

, | Rohnert Park, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, this is **** Pizza. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a medium cheese pizza and a 2-liter of Sierra Mist, please.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $**.**. Would you like to come pick it up or have us deliver it?”

Customer: “Delivery, please. My address is…” *lists a house in Philadelphia* “Would you be able to get it here in about thirty minutes?

Me: “Uh, sir, we’re in California, and we don’t deliver to Philadelphia. Especially not in thirty minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, well, on your website it said you deliver in thirty minutes or less.”

Me: “Yes, locally. Not to Philadelphia.”

Customer: “Oh, well. Uh, thanks anyways.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

So Much For Buying American

| Austin, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Server: “That will come with potatoes,cottage cheese or fruit.”

Customer: “What kind of fruit do you have?”

Server: “We have grapes, oranges, bananas, pears or pineapple.”

Customer: “Is your pineapple local?”

Server: “Yes, sir. It is from the pineapple farm in Dallas.”

Customer: *makes a sour face* “I’ll have the oranges…”

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