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    Sure, We Have A Cow Out Back (Part 2)

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “Um…yes, are you guys going to put out more skim milk?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but we’re all out of white milk, both skim and 2%. All we have left is chocolate.”

    Customer: “Completely out?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we’re completely out.”

    Customer: “Oh, well. Do you think you could make some more?”

    Me: “Are you serious?!”

    Related: No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

    All That For Nothing

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to *****. Can I help you?”

    Me: “Yes please, you sell doonoo?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

    Me: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

    Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

    Me: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

    (This went on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated until…)

    Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

    Me: “Yes, yes!”

    Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

    Me: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

    Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

    Me: “Yes!!”

    (Keep in mind we had been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”

    A Pyrhhic Victory

    | Bridgewater, NJ, USA | Top

    (Earlier in the day this guy called to make a reservation, even though we were totally booked. The manager decided to take it anyway. When he got to the restaurant, he proceeded to pick his own table though I had no idea he had.)

    Me: “Okay sir, just follow me and I can bring you to your table.”

    Customer: “But I’ve been waiting for this one.”

    Me: “Well, sir, that table is still occupied however I do have an available table for you.”

    Customer: “NO! I don’t want that table. I’ve been waiting for this table for 20 minutes now! Why should I go sit at that table when I’ve been waiting for this one!”

    Me: “Okay. But just so you know. It’s going to be another 20 minutes before they pay and get up, if they decide to get up after paying. Even then you’d still have to wait for a busser to clear it and another one to reset it and right now they are backed up.”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand why I can’t have this table.”

    Me, annoyed: “And I don’t understand why you won’t sit at an open table that we have waiting for you where you can sit down and start enjoying your meal now instead of waiting another 30 minutes for THAT table to be ready for you.”

    Customer: “Attitude? Are you giving me attitude? I don’t think so buddy!”

    Me: “Weelll…”

    (At this point the other hostesses gave me a death look to shut up so I gave up. The customers at the table he was waiting for actually did decide to camp out for another hour. By that time we sat the table we were to give him. He ended up waiting an extra hour and a half to be seated.)

    Making Lemonade Out Of Lemons, Literally

    | Valencia, CA, USA |

    (Well, it was at a seafood restaurant, but it’s happened at other places. Servers from all over know about it)

    Me: “And what would you like to drink today?”

    Customer: “Five waters. We also need more sugar. And please bring a lot of lemons.”

    (I bring them extra lemons and more sugar, but it was not enough)

    Customer: “We gonna need a helluva lot more than that!”

    (Turns out they needed all of this to make LEMONADE at the table! Talk about cheap…)

    Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

    | Houston, TX, USA | Top

    Me: “So, what can I get you?”

    Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at menu*

    Me, 3 minutes later: “I’ll come ba-”

    Hobo: “I want some toast!”

    Me: “Okay, toast is all, I’ll be right back.”

    Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want…french toast.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Hobo: “I want some french toast. How much does that cost?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have french toast.”

    Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

    Me: “Um…toast?”

    Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

    *long pause*

    Me: “Warm crunchy bread, sir.”

    Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm crunchy bread!”

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