Lowest Common Denominator: Found

| Everly, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(This exchange happened between two co-workers.)

Waitress: “I need a fourth of a chicken to go, please.”

Cook: “OK, a quarter chicken it is!”


Cook: “A quarter and a fourth are the same thing.”

Waitress: “Oh…is there another word for a half?”

Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ

, | Wisconsin, USA | Uncategorized

(Our restaurant is in walking distance of an assisted living center so many of regulars are special needs adults. We get a regular group of four people who have to make their order the same way every time. The routine involves the four of them reading the menu board for about five minutes and then one of them ordering each of them a hamburger individually.)

Me: “Hey! What can I get you?”

Special Needs Adult: “I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

(An agitated customer who has been standing in line behind the group the entire time chimes in.)

Customer: “He would like four hamburgers. Can we hurry this up?”

Special Needs Adult: “No! I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

Customer: “Oh my god!”

Me: “So if I got this right you would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger?”

Special Needs Adult: “Yes, that’s right!”

Me: “You know what I think you need? A high five!”

Special Needs Adult: “You know I do!”

(I high five the guy over the counter and the other three all take a turn getting a high five.)

Customer: “This is just ridiculous!” *storms out of the store*

You Can Never Be Too Careful

| Florida, USA | Top

Young girl, maybe six: “Hi, I need a table for 4 please.”

Me: “Sure, what’s your name?”


(The mom, dad and little brother enter the restaurant while she’s screaming.)

Mom: “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Young girl: “The lady wanted to know my name!”

Mom: “Honey, that’s so she can tell you when the table is ready.”

Young girl: “Oh…”

This Land Was Made For Me Not You

, | Medford, OR, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, May I take your order?”

Customer: “Yes I’d like two bean burritos, 2 fah-jee-tuhs, grilled stuffed burritos, and a large drink.”

Me: “Fah-jee-tuh?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “You mean fajitas?”

Customer: “No, we don’t pronounce it like that! We’re in America, not Mexico!”

It’s All In The Wrist

, | Oregon, USA | Top

Me: “Okay, will that be everything for you? For here or to go?”

Customer: “Here.”

Me: “That will be $8.42.”

(The customer pulls out a $1 bill and slaps it on the table.)

Customer: “Wham!”

Me: *blank stare*

(The customer’s girlfriend starts cracking up.)

Customer: “Oh. whoops! Lets try that one again…” *pulls out a $10 bill* “Wham!”

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