The Scenic Route Always Whets The Appetite

| Dallas, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(This lady called to place a to-go order. She gave me a phone number with an odd area code, but I didn’t think much of it until this part of the conversation…)

Me: *on the phone* “All right, your total comes to $47.92 and it should be ready in 15 minutes. You know this is the store at **** and **** in front of the mall, right?”

Caller: “What? I’ve never heard of those street names. How do I get there?”

Me: “Well, if you can tell me the closest intersection to you, I can give you directions…”

Caller: “I’m at **** and ****.”

Me: “…ma’am, what city are you in?”

Caller: “…Little Rock…”

Me: “Arkansas?!”

Caller: “What other state would I be in?”

Me: “We’re in Texas. I’m thinking you’re going to want to order from a location closer to you.”

Caller: “I don’t know. Where in Texas are you, exactly?”

Fast Times At Fry Cook High

, | Ontario, Canada | Top

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God… like.. could we talk to the cook?”

Me: “… what?”

Teenage girl #2: “Yeah. Could you go get him?”

Me: “Why?”

Teenage girl #1: “He’s hot.”

Me: “Alright, then.”

(The cook then comes out to talk with them.)

Cook: “Yes?”

Teenage girl #2: “Like… what’re you doing after work?”

Cook: “Going home to see my one month old son and girlfriend.”

Teenage girl #1: “Oh my God, you have a son!? That’s so gross. You’re so young!”

Cook: “This is why you use condoms, kids. Stay in school!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

Chivalry Isn’t Dead, But Your Sex Life Is

, | Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

(I’ve just come in from putting out some trash and notice a woman a few meters behind me, so I decide to wait and hold the door open.)

Female customer: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Me: “I’m holding the door op–”

Female customer: “No, you’re being sexist! That’s what you are!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Female customer: “You think that just because I’m a woman I can’t open a door for myself? I’ll have you know that I have been opening doors all my life.”

Me: “I don’t doubt that, ma’am. I was just trying to be polite.”

Female customer: “Pig! I am never going to eat here again!”

(She storms off as my manager, who is also a woman, walks by.)

Manager: “God, that girl needs to get laid!”

Eternal Persistence Is The Price Of Coffee Or Tea

| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, can I get some coffee?”

Me: “Sure, decaf or regular?”

Customer: ¬†”Oh! Sugar too, please!”

Me: “Not a problem. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “None of that sweet and low stuff. Real sugar!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh, and milk, too!”

Me: “Absolutely. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “But not skim, or whole, or 2%. You got any half and half?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Good!”

Me: “Right. Coffee with sugar and half and half. Do you want decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Make sure there’s not too much milk. Gotta be a bit strong.”

Me: “Right. Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh, and lots of sugar! I like it sweet… but not too much milk!”

Me: “Decaf or regular?”

Customer: “Oh, bring out some extra sugar, would you? Just in case.”

Me: *gives up* “Okay, one decaf coffee, half and half, extra sugar?”

Customer: “No, REGULAR! Geez, I swear… people just don’t pay attention anymore!”

Don’t Burn Your Bridges Or We’ll Burn Your Pizza

, | Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [pizza place], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a pickup for Smith.”

Me: “That name doesn’t show up in our system… what phone number did you place it under?”

Customer: *gives phone number*

Me: “That’s the number for our competitor.”

Customer: “Yes, I know… but the last time I went there, the service was so bad I told them I would never come back, and I don’t want them to know I’m ordering again. So, I thought maybe you guys could go pick it up for me?”

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