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    Ah, Parents…

    , | Rhode Island, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (The phone rings at around 6-ish.)

    Me: “Hello, this is D-…”

    (I hear loud crying in the background.)

    Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”

    Me: “I…er…what?”

    Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*

    Prime Rib With A Side Of Sadomasochism

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (As I serve an order of prime rib with a side of mushrooms…)

    Customer: “Ohhh, ewww!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Not really, I just don’t like mushrooms.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you ordered the mushrooms.”

    Customer: “Oh, I did. But I just don’t like mushrooms.”

    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4

    , | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (My mom and I did long shifts at the restaurant we worked at, from 10 AM to 9 PM. Around 6:30 PM we received a call from a customer.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m calling in for a complaint.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I came in this morning and ordered some food, but the guy there, he just PUNCHED me in the face!”

    Me: “Wh…you’re saying somebody working here punched you? When?”

    Customer: “It was today around noon. The man working there punched me. So can I get some free food? ‘Cause it really hurt. I mean, I could sue you guys.”

    Me, trying really hard not to laugh: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t do that. My mother and I have been working here since the restaurant opened and I assure you, neither of us have punched you in the face. Also, we only have female employees…”

    Customer: “…Oh.” *click*

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

    Sorry, Mom And Dad

    | Norcross, GA, USA |

    Regular at store: “Hey, I have a question.”

    Me: “Ok, what can I help you with.”

    Regular: “Do y’all have homeless people come in here often?”

    (Indicates couple reading news paper in the corner. I can’t see their faces.)

    Me: “Umm, no. Why?”

    Regular: “Oh, they just came in sat down like they wanted no one to see them and took your newspaper.”

    Me: “Well I can’t ask them to leave unless they are bothering you. Do you want me to ask them for the newspaper? I can since they aren’t paying cust–”

    Regular: “Oh no, I was just wondering if homeless people came in here often.”

    (I look back to the corner again and I can see their faces now.)

    Me: “Um, sir, those are my parents.”

    (He did not come back for about six months.)

    A Rose By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Mississippi, USA |

    Customer: “Do you serve boneless wings?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

    Customer: “Ok, then that’s what I’d like to order.”

    (I bring the customer her meal.)

    Customer: “Here are your boneless wings, ma’am. Enjoy.”

    Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered.”

    Me: “These are the boneless wings your ordered ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, these are chicken tenders. I want boneless wings.”

    Me: “Ma’am, boneless wings are basically chicken tenders.”

    Customer: “No, I want chicken wings with no bones!”

    Me: “Yeah…those don’t exist.”

    Related:
    A Rose By Any Other Name

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