Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

| Levittown, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(One night while working a busy dinner shift, a elderly couple shows up in my section, at a table that just left. I had assumed that the hostesses were just busy and sat them immediately.)

Me: “Welcome to *****, what can I get you to drink?”

Them: “We’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes? What took you so long?”

(I knew that I had cleared the table not more than 5 minutes ago.)

Me: I’m terribly sorry, we’re awful busy. Now, what can I get you tonight?”

(They order coffee and water, with extra cream. I get their coffee as fast as possible, but have to make a second trip for the creamer. Before I can let them know I’ll be right back…)

Them: “That took forever! What’s wrong with you? It’s never taken this long before. Where’s our creamer?!”

(I calm them down enough to get away from the table and get the creamer. I am gone less than 30 seconds.)

Them: “This is the worst service I’ve ever had! I can’t believe they would hire you! This isn’t enough creamer!”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I am trying my best to satisfy your dining needs. If you don’t feel that my service is adequate, please feel free to request another waiter.”

(I walk away to take care of my other tables. Shortly thereafter, the owner calls me over.)

Owner: “What did you say to those people?”

Me: *repeat the story to him*

Owner: “Okay, who sat them?”

Me: “I don’t know. They just showed up. I thought a hostess did.”

Owner, to hostess: “Who sat that couple?”

Hostess: “They sat themselves.”

Owner, to customers: “You sat yourselves while we have a 20 minute wait?”

Customers: “Well, there was an empty table!”

Owner: “Get the f*** out of my restaurant!”

Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

May We Suggest The Covert Cauliflowers

, | Edmonton, Canada | Uncategorized

(I’m restocking a salad bar at a restaurant when a customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me? You’re running out of espionage in the Salad bar.”

Me: “….excuse me? Espionage?”

Customer: “Yes, espionage.”

(He meant spinach, since I hadn’t gotten around to restocking that.)

Eww, Fresh Food

| Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

Server: “Um… one of our tables asked me to bring this salad back.”

Cook: “What’s wrong with it? It looks fine to me.”

Server: “He complained that the lettuce was too green in his Greek salad.”

Cook: “His lettuce was too green?”

Server: “Yeah.”

Cook: “I really don’t want to know what kind of lettuce that guy’s been eating…”

(In the end, we had to call our manager in to explain to this guy that lettuce only comes one color, green.)

Fact Check Fail

, | Liberty, MO, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I want a refund. NOW!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “I came through the drive-thru about fifteen minutes ago, and you shorted me six tacos!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well?!”

Me: “We don’t have a drive-thru.”

Customer: *slinks out of the store*

Fibbing Fail
Cheapskates: FAIL
Guilt Trip: FAIL
Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

Milton Goes To The Buffet

, | Vancouver, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a cashier at a buffet restaurant. A customer walks up and is kinda twitchy. We go through the transaction and I am about to staple the receipt to the ticket…)


Me: “Uh, okay sir, I won’t staple it for you…”

(All of a sudden, the customer calms down. He smiles, and walks away, only to later approach me again.)

Customer: “Ma’am, I think there is a problem in your bathrooms.”

Me: “Okay, what is the problem?”

Customer: “Well, in the men’s bathroom the left… left… faucet has very… very… poor water pressure.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I will come in again, and if you have not fixed this problem by then, I’m afraid I’m going to have to speak with a manager.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I will let a manager know.”

Customer: “Please do so… immediately.”

Me: “Immediately.”

Customer: *smiles a creepy smile and walks away*

Related: Milton from Office Space

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