That’s A Talented Cow

, | Elmira, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I’ll have a ham and cheese sub.”

Me: “What kind of cheese would you like?”

Customer: “Bologna.”

Floats and Brimstone

, | Minnesota, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes sir?”

Customer: “I need a new root beer float; the ice cream in this one is melting.”

Me: “Well, I can get you a new one, but it’s a hot day so the same thing will eventually happen.”

Customer: “I asked for a root beer float! Not root beer soup!”

Me: “I can’t control the weather sir, but I’ll see what I can do.”

(I get him a new float, but by the time I get it out to him, it’s starting to melt.)

Customer: “This one’s melting too!”

Me: “It’s still hot out–but it will taste the same, I promise.”

Customer: “Promise me something else too.”

Me: “Okay?”

Customer: “Go to hell!”

Me: “It appears we’re both already there, sir. That’s why your ice cream is melting.”

Guerilla Marketing At Its Finest

| Waterloo, Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Come here! I’m going to bite your nipples off!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Aww…I’m sorry. Listen, come by my office and I’ll give you a free massage.” *gives me his business card*

Normal Time Vs. Customer Time

| Portsmouth, UK | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Hello sir, can I help?”

Customer: “I want the 20 piece bargain bucket.”

Me: “Well, there will be a five minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the counter again.)

Customer: “Where the f*** is my food?! I have been waiting half an hour!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We have only been open five minutes there is no way you have been waiting thirty minutes.”

In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy

, | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?”

Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”

Caller: “I mean it! NO feta on the one side! GOD HELP YOU IF THERE IS FETA!”

Me: “Okay, no feta on one side!”

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