July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

What A Kilo-Moron

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, can you tell me how big an order of breadsticks is?”

Me: “Well, a small is 6, and a large is 12.”

(The customer and his wife confer for a moment before he turns back to me.)

Customer: “We’re from the States; we don’t use the metric system. Can you convert it?”

Healthy Without The Hassle

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Would you like any soup or salad?”

Customer: “Yes, a garden salad please.”

Me: “All right, would you like any dressing?”

Customer: “Ranch. Oh, and can you make sure that the garden salad doesn’t have any vegetables?”

Me: “No vegetables?”

Customer: “Yes. No vegetables at all. No tomatoes, no lettuce, no carrots, no vegetables!”

Me: “But ma’am, if you order a no-vegetable garden salad, then all you’ll have is the dressing.”

Customer: “…garden salads are vegetable salads?”

Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4

| Missouri, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a beer and my wife will have a diet cola.”

Me: “Sir, we have over 80 beers to choose from. Did you know which one you wanted? Maybe I can make a suggestion for you.”

Customer: “Just bring me whatever you like.”

Me: *returns with beer* “Here you are, sir.”

Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! Let me speak to your manager.”

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “This little a**hole brought me a beer I didn’t ask for.”

Manager: “What did you order? I’ll go get one for you.”

Customer: “I said to bring me whatever it is he drinks.”

Manager & me: “…”

Customer: “Oh…”

Related:
Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
Be Careful What You Ask For

(Gassy) Rumblings Of Discontent

| Gonzales, LA, USA | Uncategorized

(I run an overnight shift at the store. It’s New Year’s Eve and we’ve got cars around the store when we receive a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah… I just came through your drive-thru an hour ago and bought some potato wedges.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, I got home and ate them, and now I’ve been sitting on the toilet for the past half hour because of your food.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “So I wanna know who’s responsible for this?”

Me: “Honestly, sir we cannot take responsibility for your stomach problems.”

Customer: “Well, someone’s buying me a new pack of toilet paper because I’m out, and I’ll be d***ed if it’s me.”

Me: “Sir, we cannot pay for any household products…”

Customer: “Then why’d you sell me the wedges?!”

Say What?

, | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

Cashier, to me: “Can you please help me? I have no idea what this guy is saying.

Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna cup of onions and cheese.”

Me: “Um, we don’t have that on the menu. Did you just want a side of onions?”

Customer: “NO! I want the onions… those little things.”

Me: “What do you mean? Did you want a burger with only onions?”

Customer: “NO! I want onions and cheese!”

Me: “Ok…” *I go to the back and get some onions in a cup* “Is this what you wanted?”

Customer: “No. I want a cup of onions and cheese.”

Me: “These are the only kind of onions we have here, sir.”

Customer: “No. What is this?” *picks up a milk jug*

Me: “A jug of milk…”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s what I want! What is so hard to understand what I’m saying?”

Me: “I don’t know… but those aren’t onions or cheese.”

Customer: “It’s a hamburger!”

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