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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    So This Is Why People Have Kids

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    (It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

    Little girl’s mom (LGM), to the refill guy: “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

    (LGM smacks the guy in head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

    Me: “What can I get you?”

    LGM: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

    Me, to the little girl: “Okay, what would you like?”

    (The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

    LGM, coming clean: “Just give me a Diet Pepsi. It’s for me.”

    Repeat After Me: Names Are Your Friends

    | East Lansing, MI, USA |

    Customer: “Can I get a vegetarian burrito with chicken?”

    Me: “You mean, a chicken burrito?”

    Customer: “Well, what’s in that?”

    Me: “Chicken.”

    Related:
    Instructions Are Your Friends

    A Few Beans Short Of A Latte

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I ordered the vegetable soup!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I know.”

    Customer: “I don’t see ANY vegetables in this!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s because it’s your coffee.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (She was surprisingly nice for the rest of meal and left a hefty tip.)

    You Know You’ve Had Too Much To Drink When …

    | Fairfax, VA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’ll have a margarita please.”

    (I get a margarita and serve it to the woman.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss? Can I please have another margarita? This one doesn’t have enough quatilia in it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, your drink is strong, I can guarantee it.”

    Customer: “How do you know there is enough quatilia in this?”

    Me: “Because you said “quatilia.”

    Customer: “Yeah, and?”

    Me: “It’s called ‘tequila.’”

    (Customer face turns a nice shade of crimson.)

    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3

    | Washington, DC, USA | Top

    Me: “Good evening, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I placed a carry-out order there tonight and it’s all f***ed up!!”

    Me: “Ok ma’am, I’m sure we can resolve this.”

    Customer: “This always happens here.”

    Me: “Have you placed a lot of carry-out orders with us within the past few weeks?”

    Customer: “Yes, four in the past two weeks, and they were all wrong.”

    Me: “Well were they expensive items? Such as our 20oz porterhouse or our foie gras? Or were they cheaper items such as potato skins?”

    Customer: “Both. Mostly porterhouse steaks though. And I want free food to make up for all of this, and I want it delivered.”

    Me: “Well ma’am, I’d be happy to do that.”

    Customer: “You’d better be!”

    Me: “May I have your name, and address so I can have these delivered?”

    Customer: “Amy ***. My address is ***.”

    Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Just so you know, we have never carried a porterhouse steak, or foie gras. Nor have we had potato skins in the past 5 years. By the way, we have not done carryout for 7 months. And to top it off the police will soon be heading over to that address that you so graciously gave to me; undermining a store keeper is a crime in this city. Have a nice night.”

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer


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