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    Captain Obvious Throws In The Towel

    | Lake Buena Vista, FL, USA |

    (I was working in the Specialty shop, which sells Mexican food, two types of sandwiches which are preassembled by chefs, and chicken strips.)

    Guest: “What’s on the turkey sandwich?”

    Me: *recites the list of ingredients, which includes cheese*

    Guest: “Can you make me one without cheese?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. These sandwiches come into the shop premade.”

    Guest: “I just want you to make me a turkey sandwich with no cheese.”

    (This went on for a bit. Finally…)

    Me: “Ma’am, we have no sandwich-making materials in this shop. It is not possible for me to give you a turkey sandwich with *any* different ingredients.”

    Guest: “Then what do you do for people who can’t have cheese?”

    (I look at the ham and salami sandwich, which does not have cheese. I look at the fryer for the chicken fingers. I look at the shells for the taco salad, which is “Build Your Own” so all ingredients, including cheese, are completely optional. I look next door at the Grill shop, which serves hamburgers and hot dogs, cheese optional. I look at the Pizza shop, which serves items such as spaghetti and tomato soup. Then, I look back at the guest.)

    Me: “I do not know.”

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    Must Be A Bunny Wabbit

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Hi, can I start you off with any drinks or appetizers?”

    Customer: “Lettuce!”

    Coworker: “…”

    Hissy Fits As Profit Centers

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (I was working the morning shift at a local sandwich shop and accidently gave the wrong order to the wrong patron. I ran outside to trade the first customer and came back in and approached the second…)

    Me: “Sorry sir, I gave your order to the wrong man. Would you like me to remake this for you?”

    Customer: “You put s**t in my sandwich! I don’t want it back!”

    Me: “Oh, no sir. I’m sorry. See I gave this to the wrong man and ran out to trade him. Like I said, I can remake this for you it will just take a minute.”

    Customer: “NO. You put s**t in my sandwich, I don’t want YOU to make me another.”

    Me: “Well okay, sir. If you meet me at my register I will be more than happy to refund your money.”

    Customer: “Listen here you little b***h, you put s**t in my f*****g sandwich! I can’t believe your manager doesn’t fire you!”

    (This whole time my manager stand there laughing, doing nothing to help.)

    Me: “What can I do to make this experience better for you? I can make a new sandwich or give you your money back.”

    Customer: “F**K YOU!”

    (He then storms away and leaves sandwich/money free. As he’s leaving I yell…)

    Me: “Thanks for breakfast!”

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    Behind Every Man Is An Embarassed Wife

    , | USA |

    (The place I work at, our dining room closes at 10pm but the drive-through stays open all night. I had just locked both the dining room doors when a man comes up and starts banging on the 1st door. We start talking through the door.)

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “You screwed up my order!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. You could go through our drive-through and they’d be happy to help you.”

    Customer: “I just came through! They’re the ones that messed it up.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry about that, if you go through again they’ll fix it for you.”

    Customer: “I don’t have my car!”

    Me: “But you said you just went through?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have my car anymore.”

    Me: “I can give you our store number. If you call, we’ll replace your order tomorrow.”

    Customer: “Just open the door!”

    Me: “I can’t sir, we’re closed.”

    (The man then walks around the store to the 2nd door and starts banging there.)

    Me: “Sir, the only way we can fix this is if you go through the drive-through or give us a call.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a phone!”

    Me: “You can save your receipt and show it to us tomorrow. We’ll replace the whole order.”

    Customer: “This is bullshit!”

    (He then enters the drive-through on foot, weaving through cars in line, gets between the drive-through window and a car waiting to order and starts banging on the glass.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry sir, I can’t open the window unless you’re in a car.”

    Customer: “I don’t have my car anymore and you messed up my order. Tell your employees to open the door.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t unlock the doors once we’re closed. That’s our policy. If you return in the morning, we’ll be glad to help.”

    Customer: “Don’t f*ck with me. I’ll call the cops on you! You can’t refuse service to me!”

    (Just then, a car pulls up behind him. The woman driving rolls down her window.)

    Woman: “Get in the f*cking car! Its not that big a deal.”

    Customer: “They won’t fix our order!”

    Woman: “Get in the f*cking car! This is f*cking embarrassing!”

    (The man gets in and the car pulls up to the window.)

    Woman: “I’m sorry. All that happened was you forgot to give us a burrito.”

    Manager: “We’ll get that for you right away.”

    (As soon as window is closed, the woman starts yelling at the man again.)

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    Miracle On Placebo Street

    | Northbrook, IL, USA |

    (I was a waiter at a 50′s style dinner in a mall restaurant where a customer asked me to turn the heat up.)

    Customer: “It’s a little cold in here. Could you turn the heat up?”

    Me: “I would love to, but the restaurant is open to the mall and we have no control over the mall temperature.”

    Customer: “Could you please just try?”

    Me: “I would love to but there is no way–”

    Customer: “I would really appreciate it if you would just try.”

    Me: “I’ll be right back and see what I can do.”

    (I then proceed to walk into the back house and munch on some onion rings. After a few minutes pass, I walk out.)

    Me: “How’s that?”

    Customer: “Much better!”

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