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    Natural Selection In Action

    , | New Jersey, USA |

    (A man walks in and is very excited about getting a cheese steak.)

    Customer: “Let me get everything on that, but no tomatoes!”

    Me: “Don’t worry, it doesn’t come with tomatoes.”

    Customer: “Good! No tomatoes though, man. Absolutely no tomatoes! I’m allergic to tomatoes, man.”

    Me: “Not a problem.”

    Customer: “Good. Just make sure there’s no tomatoes ’cause I’m really allergic to them and I could die. If you put tomatoes on there it will kill me!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Now let me get extra ketchup.”

    Me: “…”

    Racism Rears Its Ugly Head, Gets Decapitated

    , | Charlottesville, VA, USA |

    (Working at a sandwich place across the street from my college campus. One of my Spanish professors enters, and we chat in Spanish as I make her food. Another man comes in while we’re chatting, and stares at us.)

    Customer: “What the hell? Don’t you dare coddle that job-stealing Mexican!”

    Me: “Sir, that woman is a Ph.D. I can guarantee you, she did not steal your job. Oh, and she’s from New York. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: *storms out*

    When Mood Swings Attack, Part 2

    , | Waterloo, IL, USA |

    Click here to view the comic version of this quote!

    (Backstory: A woman orders a Reuben sandwich and returns to the counter 30 minutes later with about a fourth of the sandwich eaten.)

    Woman: “I want to speak to your manager right now!”

    Crew member: “Sure, no problem.” *goes and gets manager*

    Manager: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

    Woman: “Yeah, I got this reuben at 4 pm and it’s SOGGY!”

    Manager: “Well, ma’am, you purchased it half an hour ago…”

    Woman: “Well, I want a new one!”

    Manager, hoping to get the looney out of the store: “Sure, no problem.”

    (Suddenly, the woman goes from angry to flat-out crazy.)

    Woman: “HERE’S YOUR DELICIOUS REUBEN!!!” *rubs sauce on counter and throws part of sandwich at manager*

    Manager: *dumbfounded*

    Woman: “I’m sorry…it’s not your fault.”

    Manager: “…It’s alright…”

    Woman: *thinks for a second, then throws remaining sandwich bits at manager*

    (We all laughed quite hysterically, and our manager walked around with reuben sauce on his crotch all day.)

    Related:
    When Mood Swings Attack

    How Gluttons Complain

    , | Oklahoma, USA |

    (I was a customer observing this in line, not the employee.)

    Woman Customer: “I’d like a hot fudge sundae.”

    (The worker makes a hot fudge sundae and presents it to customer.)

    Customer: *eats spoonful of sundae* “The ice cream is melting.” *eats another spoonful*

    Worker: “I’m sorry. It’s probably because there’s HOT fudge on top of it.”

    Customer: *spoonful* “The ice cream is too soft. *spoonful* I can’t eat this.” *spoonful*

    Worker: “I could try to remake it for you, or get you something else.”

    Customer, still chowing down: “This is just awful.”

    (The customer takes another spoonful–by this time about half the sundae is gone.)

    Customer: “How do you expect people to eat this *spoonful* when the ice cream is so soft? *spoonful* The ice cream should be hard!” *spoonful*

    Worker: “Would you like something else?”

    Customer: *spoonful spoonful spoonful* Don’t bother. Just throw it away. *spoonful*

    (The customer hands what little is left to the worker and stomps away indignantly, still complaining.)

    My wife, not very quietly: “What a b***h!

    Worker: *smiles at my wife*

    Size Does Matter

    , | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    (I used to work a fast food drive-thru window in which I met very strange and stupid people.)

    Me, through the drive-thru intercom: “Hi, welcome to ***, how may I help you?”

    Man, to one of his kids: “Pick something damn it! I don’t have all day for your sh*t.”

    Me: “Hey ease up, would you?”

    Man, speaking to me: “You little sh*t! You don’t know who you are messing with!”

    (The man speeds up to my window with an angry look on his face. I look at him: a 5’5″, overweight and balding guy. Then he looks at me: 6-foot, 300 pounds of muscle, bone, and a relatively small gut. His expression softens slightly.)

    Man: “…were you the one on the speaker?”

    Me: “Yeah, that was me.”

    Man: “How are you doing? It’s a great day today.”

    Me: *big smile* “How’s the kid doing?”

    Man: “Fine…you aren’t going to take my order, are you?”

    Me: “Nope. My manager has the other headset and he might’ve taken your order if you didn’t piss him off. Have a nice day.”

    (I worked at that place for 2 years and a month before I quit. I still have bad dreams about the place.)

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