Simple Conversations, Even Simpler Minds

| St. Augustine, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the window where you pick up your order after your number was called. All he ordered was a biscuit.)

Customer: “Biscuit?”

Cook: “Biscuit.”

Customer: *cocks head to one side* “Biscuit?”

Cook: “Biscuit.”

Customer: *cocks head to other side* “BISCUIT?”

Cook: *picks up biscuit, shows the customer each side slowly* “Bis-cuit.”

Customer: “OH! BISCUIT!” *proceeds to take plate to table*

Dysfunctional Doppelgangers

, | Cooby, Australia | Uncategorized

(An old, drunken man stumbles in to our fast food restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, how are you tonight sir?”

(He stumbles to the front counter, leans over, and stares intently at my name badge.)

Me: “Umm, can I help you?”

Drunken customer: *reads my badge* “Tahiiinaaa..”

Me: “…yes?”

Drunken customer: “That’s a really pretty name. I want your name. Sell me your name!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you my name… do you want some chicken?”

Drunken customer: “I. WANT. YOUR. NAME!”

(Suddenly, the drunken guy lunges over the counter and rips my badge off of my shirt and runs out of the store laughing.)

Me, to my manager: “I think I need a new shirt…”

Too Much Information, Part 6

| Delaware, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m cleaning up several tables at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between three customers.)

Female Customer #1: “…porn star. You can’t be shy about it! There’s not being shy if you’re just going to be a porn star, anyway.”

Female Customer #2: “Yeah! What’re you working with, anyway?”

Male Customer: *gets up and faces table, hands moving towards jeans*

Me: *abandons tasks and leaves section immediately*

Way, Way, Way Too Much Information
Way, Way Too Much Information
Way Too Much Information
TMI Redux
TMI (Too Much Information)

When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

| Southampton, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”

When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)

Always Right, Especially When It’s Mom

, | Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Coworker: “Guys! There’s a car pulled in backwards in the drive-thru. They’re backwards!”

Backwards customer: “Hi, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. We don’t have those items. Is there something else I can get you?”

Backwards customer: “No, I just want a fish sandwich and a chocolate milk shake!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, do you realize you’re at [Mexican fast food restaurant]? Would you like a taco?”

Backwards customer: “Okay, okay, we’re kidding! Alice, this is your mom and Aunt Marie!”

(I happen to be Alice. Family are the worst customers!)

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