Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
    (3,016 thumbs up)
  • Next Time, Less Hair, More Planning

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (My mother is a hostess in a Chinese buffet restaurant. Said restaurant only has Chinese employees. A woman with a fully stacked plate angrily approaches her.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! There’s a hair in my food! You have to give this meal to me for free!”

    (My mother looks at the woman’s plate, and what does she find? A single long blonde hair, neatly laid on top of her plate.)

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

    Introducing The Sandwich Air

    , | California, USA |

    (There is an incredibly long line in the store. A man who had recently gotten his order filled cuts to the front of the line and slams his sandwich on the counter.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you people… you don’t know how to make a sandwich! The people who worked here before knew how to make sandwiches!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “The OTHER people always SQUISHED the sandwiches.”

    (He holds up his sandwich.)

    Customer: “LOOK AT THIS! How am I supposed to fit this in my mouth?”

    Me: “Umm… wouldn’t it be just as easy if you–”

    Customer: “NO! FIX IT!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I flatten the sandwich slightly.)

    Me: “How’s that?”

    Customer: “SQUISH IT!”

    (I manage to smash the sandwich down to about a half an inch thick.)

    Me: “Better?”

    Customer: *takes the sandwich* “Well I guess you CAN learn.”

    Catastrophe Averted

    , | Trenton, ON, Canada | Top

    (I work at a fast food restaurant and was taking money. My co-worker was taking drive-thru orders right beside me.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Give me one ranch wrap. That’s all.”

    Coworker: “Would you like your wrap crispy or grill?”

    Customer: “No, I want it ranch.”

    Coworker: “Yes, but would you like the chicken crispy or grilled?”

    Customer: “RANCH!”

    Coworker: “CRISPY OR GRILLED?”

    Customer: “LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SH–oh, um, crispy…”

    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

    , | Ottawa, ON, Canada |

    Me: “Hello ma’am, and welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

    Woman w/ son: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

    Woman w/ son: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

    Woman w/ son: “No, he isn’t.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

    Woman w/ son: “HOW F**KING DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D**N YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

    (I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

    Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

    (My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Woman w/ son: “Oh, shut the f**k up.”

    Related:
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

    He Does Have A Good Point

    , | Munising, MI, USA |

    (A man walks through the service door into the kitchen of the restaurant. I work the drive-thru, right next to the service door.)

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Man: “Hi, I’d like to order some food.”

    Me: “Um, I think you went in the wrong door, sir.”

    Man: “No, I didn’t. That door says ‘service’ on it.”

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to go up front to the dining room.”

    Man: “Can’t you just take my order here?”

    Me: “Um, I suppose…”

    (I take his order, make his drink, and the cooks make his food. I hand it to him.)

    Man: “Thanks! I’ll be sure to come back!”

    Me: “Can you use the main door next time?”

    Man: “Why? I got such good service through the service door!”

    (As soon as he leaves, the cooks and I burst out laughing.)

    Page 206/230First...204205206207208...Last