A Very Loose-Knit Family

| San Diego, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I call a man from our waiting list and begin to take him to his table.)

Customer: “Wait, I’m going to eating with my wife and daughter. How are they going to find me?”

Me: “Oh, we have your name from the list, sir. We can send them on back when they arrive.”

Customer: “How are they going to know my name?”

Me: “Your wife and daughter don’t know your name?”

Customer: “No!”

Must Have Been A Part-Time Thief

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

(A lady comes in and I hurriedly wiped the table. She eats, finishes, and was about to leave.)

Customer: “Have you seen my car keys? You must have swept it off the table when you were cleaning it when I just got here. Go check the garbage.”

(I go check the bus pans.)

Me: “No, they aren’t in the bus pans. Would they be in your purse?”

Customer: “No, you must have them. Let me go check your garbage.”

Me: “No, we can’t allow you to go through our garbage. The back of house is out of bounds.”

Customer: “Well, someone must have taken my keys. Go check the garbage again.”

(At this point, a coworker goes out to the parking lot and notices her keys still in the lock of her car door.)

Coworker: “Are these your keys?”

Customer: “Where did you find them?”

Coworker: “They were on your door…”

Customer: “Obviously, someone stole them from me and put them out there. My car could be been stolen!”

One Plate Of Hot Air, Coming Right Up

| Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like the tofu & veggie dish, but I want that with no tofu.”

Me: “Sure! We could add in chicken, or beef, or–”

Customer: “No, I don’t want that. I just don’t like tofu.”

Me: “I understand that. I don’t really care for it, myself.”

Customer: “It’s not even a veggie…Oh, and can I have no veggies in that?”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “I don’t want any veggies in that, either.”

Me: “So…you want the tofu & veggie dish with no tofu, no meat, and no veggies?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Elemental State Of Confusion

| California, USA | Top

(I had just brought a table their glasses of water before coming back to take their orders.)

Customer: “There’s something in my water! I demand a new one right away!”

(She holds up an ice cube in her hand to show me.)

Me: “Oh OK, I’ll bring you one without ice.”

Customer: “Without what?”

Me: “Ice.”

Customer: “Ice? Huh?”

Me: “Um…ice cubes.”

(She looks at me blankly.)

Me: “The little cubes of frozen water…”

Customer: “FROZEN WATER! That’s crazy…why is it in my glass?”

Me: “To keep your water cold.”

Customer: “Well, if I wanted that I would’ve ordered an iced water! Haven’t you ever been to Starbucks? That’s the way a REAL restaurant does it.”

Me: “…”

Every Valet’s Dream Come True

| Lake Tahoe, CA/NV, USA | Top

(A man pulls into the parking lot with a beautiful 1972 Rolls Royce. As a general rule, when someone comes in with a car that nice I just let them park it themselves right up front. This conversation takes place as he is leaving the restaurant.)

Customer: “I need you to pull my car around for me.”

Me: “I never took the keys from you.”

Customer: “The keys are in the ignition. Please go get my car.”

Me: “Well, if you insist…”

(I pull the car around VERY carefully.)

Customer: “That was completely unacceptable. I want you to drive around again, only this time when you start off, do a burnout!”

Page 205/254First...203204205206207...Last