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    Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

    , | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    (Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

    Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, tomato and onion, that’s all. And some mayo.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

    Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

    Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

    Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

    Me: “Ma’am we’re *NOT* selling them.”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

    Customer: “Umm… okay, why?”

    Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

    Just… Wow

    , | Oregon, USA |

    Customer: “I want the Cheesecake Sandwich with provolone, double meat and extra veggies.”

    Me: “The Cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone, what cheese would you like instead?”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat, you don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

    (I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.)

    Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?”

    Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off?

    Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? ***’s has it… and where are the veggies?”

    Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives or mushrooms.”

    Customer: “I can only pick ONE?”

    Me: “No… any or all of them.”

    Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?”

    Me: “… so no veggies?”

    Customer: “Are they free?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.”

    Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over*

    (After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.)

    Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like *** at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?”

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “You again!”

    (The customer makes a pissed off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.)

    Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price!¬†Refund me or I’m never coming here again!”

    Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?”

    Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying*

    (Just… wow.)

    Next Time, Less Hair, More Planning

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (My mother is a hostess in a Chinese buffet restaurant. Said restaurant only has Chinese employees. A woman with a fully stacked plate angrily approaches her.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! There’s a hair in my food! You have to give this meal to me for free!”

    (My mother looks at the woman’s plate, and what does she find? A single long blonde hair, neatly laid on top of her plate.)

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

    Introducing The Sandwich Air

    , | California, USA |

    (There is an incredibly long line in the store. A man who had recently gotten his order filled cuts to the front of the line and slams his sandwich on the counter.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you people… you don’t know how to make a sandwich! The people who worked here before knew how to make sandwiches!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “The OTHER people always SQUISHED the sandwiches.”

    (He holds up his sandwich.)

    Customer: “LOOK AT THIS! How am I supposed to fit this in my mouth?”

    Me: “Umm… wouldn’t it be just as easy if you–”

    Customer: “NO! FIX IT!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I flatten the sandwich slightly.)

    Me: “How’s that?”

    Customer: “SQUISH IT!”

    (I manage to smash the sandwich down to about a half an inch thick.)

    Me: “Better?”

    Customer: *takes the sandwich* “Well I guess you CAN learn.”

    Catastrophe Averted

    , | Trenton, ON, Canada | Top

    (I work at a fast food restaurant and was taking money. My co-worker was taking drive-thru orders right beside me.)

    Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Give me one ranch wrap. That’s all.”

    Coworker: “Would you like your wrap crispy or grill?”

    Customer: “No, I want it ranch.”

    Coworker: “Yes, but would you like the chicken crispy or grilled?”

    Customer: “RANCH!”

    Coworker: “CRISPY OR GRILLED?”

    Customer: “LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SH–oh, um, crispy…”

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