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    SpecifiCity, USA

    , | Connecticut, USA |

    (I work at a sandwich shop. I have conversations like this every day. Mind you, he has a line of twelve other customers behind him. Also note that Hearty Italian only describes the type of bread.)

    Customer: “I’d like a six inch hearty italian.”

    Me: *gets bread* “What would you like on that?”

    Customer: “Six inch hearty italian.”

    Me: “What would you like ON it?”

    Customer: “Hearty italian.”

    Me: “What kind of sandwich is it?”

    Customer: “Six inch.”

    Me: *heavy sigh* “Oooookay then…”

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    Fun With Language Barriers

    , | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (I worked at this little burger joint in Seattle. I’m white, but I’m bilingual. Our grill workers all spoke primarily Spanish, so I would talk to customers in English and call back orders in Spanish.)

    Old Man Customer: “Now, what is a pretty young thing like you doing speaking the Dirty Man’s Language?”

    Me: “Excuse me, sir?”

    Old Man Customer: “You should be speaking English! Its only natural, here in America!”

    Me: “It’s just fastest, sir. The language communicates more efficiently in an environment like this.”

    (I was not about to tell him that the grill workers were mostly South American immigrants, after hearing his first reaction.)

    Old Man Customer: “Have some pride in your country! SPEAK ENGLISH when you call back my order, do you understand?”

    Me, knowing full well that his order wouldn’t actually come through if I did that: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m afraid it’s procedure.”

    Old Man Customer: “I want to speak with your manager! This restaurant is just UNAMERICAN!”

    Manager, who had been working the register next to me: “Si, señor?”

    Old Man Customer: *storms out*

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    The Fine Art Of Self Grossed-Outification

    , | Pasadena, CA, USA |

    (Note: we are VERY generous in offering frozen yogurt samples in those tiny paper cups that could fit on your thumb.)

    Me: “Here you go, our six choices!” *offers samples*

    (Customer takes samples and shoves the whole thing in her mouth and sucks contents out. When done, she puts the cups back on the counter with yogurt and a LITTLE bit of saliva dripping off the sides. She scoots them in my direction.)

    Me: *stares back, thinking, are you serious?*

    Customer: *stares back at me for what seems like forever*

    Me: “There is a trashcan right below you that you could put those in.”

    Customer: “Ew, I’m not touching those! That’s your job.”

    (The customer walks away, leaving me staring at the messy glob of cups on our front counter.)

    Me: O___o

    Captain Obvious Throws In The Towel

    | Lake Buena Vista, FL, USA |

    (I was working in the Specialty shop, which sells Mexican food, two types of sandwiches which are preassembled by chefs, and chicken strips.)

    Guest: “What’s on the turkey sandwich?”

    Me: *recites the list of ingredients, which includes cheese*

    Guest: “Can you make me one without cheese?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. These sandwiches come into the shop premade.”

    Guest: “I just want you to make me a turkey sandwich with no cheese.”

    (This went on for a bit. Finally…)

    Me: “Ma’am, we have no sandwich-making materials in this shop. It is not possible for me to give you a turkey sandwich with *any* different ingredients.”

    Guest: “Then what do you do for people who can’t have cheese?”

    (I look at the ham and salami sandwich, which does not have cheese. I look at the fryer for the chicken fingers. I look at the shells for the taco salad, which is “Build Your Own” so all ingredients, including cheese, are completely optional. I look next door at the Grill shop, which serves hamburgers and hot dogs, cheese optional. I look at the Pizza shop, which serves items such as spaghetti and tomato soup. Then, I look back at the guest.)

    Me: “I do not know.”

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    Must Be A Bunny Wabbit

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Coworker: “Hi, can I start you off with any drinks or appetizers?”

    Customer: “Lettuce!”

    Coworker: “…”


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