November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Cereal Alcoholic

| Manitoba, Canada | Uncategorized

(It is 9 AM. I am serving a mother and her young son.)

Me: “Can I get you anything to drink while you’re looking at the menus?”

Mom: “What’s in a Roy Rogers?”

Me: “Grenadine and coke.”

Son: “I want that!”

Mom: “No, you can’t have coke for breakfast!” *to me* “Can you make it with sprite instead?”

Sadly Just Small-Fry

, | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’d like some of your free Wi-fries.”

Me: “Um, excuse me?”

Customer: “I heard on your commercial that you were offering free Wi-fries.”

Me: “Oh, you must have misunderstood. It means we offer free wireless internet here, not free fries.”

Customer: “Oh man, I was looking forward to trying a new kind of fry.”

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

, | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

(I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

Employee: “Right away, sir!”

Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

Neither Conspiracy Nor Coincidence Nor Concept Of Time

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “[Restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, what time do you stop serving breakfast?”

Me: “10:30.”

Customer: “Okay, and what time does lunch start?”

Me: “10:30.”

Customer: “Well, that works out nicely, doesn’t it?”

Thinking Outside The Box

| Hahira, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. Can I help you?”

Caller: “I just picked up an order from you and it is completely wrong. It should not be so difficult to get an order right.”

Me: “I’m very sorry. What was the name on your ticket and I’ll see if I can fix this for you.”

(I pull the customer’s ticket and read the order to her.)

Me: “Is that what you ordered?”

Caller: “Yes, but I didn’t get it and my husband said he is very upset as well!”

Me: “What did you get ma’am?”

Caller: “Well there’s a large container of soup in here that I did not order and I haven’t even opened the Styrofoam boxes but I’m sure they’re wrong!”

Me: “Could you open the boxes and check for me?”

Caller: “Your d*** restaurant screwed up! There is no reason for me to open the boxes!”

Me: “I’m just trying to find out what happened to your order.”

Caller: “Fine!” *checks boxes* “Well the food in the boxes is right but I did not order any soup!”

Me: “Don’t worry. The soup was placed in your bag by mistake. You weren’t charged for it.”

Caller: “I’m still not happy about all this. I want to speak to a manager!”

(My manager took the phone, and listened to the woman’s story.)

Manager: “Just so I’m clear here ma’am, you’re angry because
you got free soup?”

Caller: *click*

Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 3
Not Thinking Outside The Box, Part 2
Not Thinking Outside The Box